It's a New Day…

Day 59 Question 59:

What is something you have done that you are really proud of?

I have just been overly tired this week.  I think my body is still adjusting to the time change and my hormones are just raging inside of me so my body is desiring rest when I have a chance.  Mentally I feel good..still trucking away with the millions of ideas and thoughts that ache to come out of me in different forms.  Although tired, I am still pushing myself at the gym and taking the little porkchops (the girls I take care of/nanny) for walks everyday.  The scale has been taunting me by showing larger numbers but I truly feel that I must be weighing heavier because of the working out.  There is NO WAY I could have gained weight with all that I have been doing and the healthier eating.  I AM NOT GOING TO STRESS AND OBSESS!!!!

Yesterday, I was going through old emails and pictures on my zip drives ad I came across a lot of pictures of when I worked for a local nonprofit.  I was the Education Manager for a Youth Service organization.  This organization recruited students grade 6-12 and they would volunteer in the community by doing different projects and they would earn community service hours which in turn could help them on their journey to college.  The organization had close to 200 members.  My job was to teach Teen Outreach Program classes.  These classes included subjects such as self-esteem/self-image, goal setting, STD education, Pregnancy Prevention, career/college readiness.  I covered a lot of important topics that students needed to become accustomed to in order to ready them for their future.  There were only 3 employees of the organization while I was there and I will admit that I did not enjoy working with my coworkers.  We were NEVER on the same page and I always felt like there was a strong racial and cultural divide (they were both southern born and raised black women-they were also first cousins, and I am a white woman from the north).  They focused strongly on religion (although they never practiced what they preached) and this was not the method I chose to use in order to bring awareness and education to my students.  This is insignificant though…I loved my job (even through the stress and sometimes the backlash I received from some of my students).  I loved being able to create lessons and I loved being able to talk to youth about the ever-changing world around us.  I desire to talk to youth all of the time just to see where our future is headed and to see what their take on the world is nowadays.  It is exciting (and sometimes scary) to see how much we have progressed or regressed.

In April 2010 I organized, planned and implemented a Youth Summit for students grades 6-12 in my county.  This was part of my job description because I worked under a grant that required the planning of a large community project.  This youth summit took place at a local church which had a large community meeting area as well as classrooms. 130+ students from all local middle and high schools were chosen to attend (students chose randomly-the goal was to have a very diverse crowd).  This event took many months of planning and I recruited students from all schools (2 from each) to form a committee that would be a part of the planning process.  The summit was a 12 hour day for students that included break-out sessions/workshops.  I brought in a guest speaker named Azeem, who was absolutely wonderful!  He had such a strong, positive message for the students-he focused on not following the crowd and influencing the students to be their own individual.  His message was really powerful but his humor kept the students involved and interested (check out the video below of his improve comedy).  He even did a breakout session called “For the Boys” in which he discussed what it truly means to be a man…it does not mean making money and getting women.  Other breakout sessions included: Etiquette, Team-Building (students had to interact with other students from other schools on various projects), Goal-Setting, Career-Building, and Pregnancy Prevention/STD Education.  The theme of the Summit was: Colors of the Future: No Limits No Lines.  The students that I recruited decided that since the main objective was educating youth about diversity that they would use the theme and compare it to a box of crayons.  All colors are different but all are beautiful—there are no limits and no lines.  In the main meeting room where ALL students gathered at the beginning and the end of the day we did what we called a “Mini-Epcot”.  In this room students could participate in a wide variety of activities including a scavenger hunt that would require them to meet and interact with students they did not know as well as learning about different cultures around the world.  This room was amazing because it was filled with youth of different ages, genders, colors, cultures, sexual orientations, etc. and all of them were being brought together.  Students were able to play different board games and challenge each other mentally (Check out some pictures below).

There were far too many highlights to say that one in particular was my favorite but there was one that definitely does stand out.  For the closing of the summit, one of my students (a young Mexican girl) brought in her mother and church group to do a traditional Mexican dance.  These people wore traditional Mexican attire and before performing the student that brought the group in described what the dance meant and all of the people who were involved.  She stood up there talking to a group of 150+ people and it was obvious that she was nervous but I don’t know if I have come across too many people that are as proud of their culture as she is.  The dance was beautiful and a sight that I wish so many people would have been able to experience.  It was the perfect ending to one of the best days of my life.  I was a huge part of this entire process.  I planned from beginning to end and I don’t think I could have asked for a better outcome.  Three local newspapers actually did feature articles and 2 news stations ran the story for 2 days (talk about nerve-racking to have to do a television interview).  This was a letter featured in one of the local newspapers:

On March 5, Service Over Self, a youth organization of Georgetown County whose mission is “ethics of service” held its annual Youth Summit Day.

Students from all of Georgetown County’s intermediate and high schools, Lowcountry Day School, the Georgetown Marine Institute, Howard Adult and Community Education Center, as well as students who are home schooled, participated   in a day of “Diversity.”

This was one of the largest youth summits ever held by Service Over Self. An undertaking this large requires a lot of preparation, time and volunteers to have a successful event.

The Youth Summit was held at St. Paul’s Waccamaw United Methodist Church in the Litchfield Beach area. A special thanks goes  to St. Paul’s.

The board of directors would like to thank the volunteers who gave of their time, energy and commitment for the entire day, the students who attended and the staff of Service Over Self for a job well done.

I look back on moments like these and although not everything always ran smoothly (that is life), I feel truly lucky to have these experiences in life.  It shows me the kind of person that I am and I am able to feel proud of my accomplishments and my overall morals and values.  I love being a part of projects that serve the greater good.  This was an opportunity that I was so lucky to have had even though I was unable to stay with the organization due to budget cuts.  It drove me to find more of my passions and my meaning in life.  I have attached some pictures as well as the improv video of the guest speaker.  I wish I had more stuff to show but unfortunately a lot was left with the organization when I left.  I hope you enjoy what I am able to share.  :0)

Day 58 Question 58:

What are some of your favorite songs?

Music is everything.  In just a matter of seconds your mood can change entirely by listening to a song.  I don’t tend to steer toward any type of music.  I am more the type of person that enjoys the lyrics of a song and the vocalist.  A lot of people want to strangle me because I detest Johnny Cash.  I just can’t get past the sound of his voice.  His lyrics may be amazing and he may have incredible stories to tell but there is nothing about the sound of his voice that is appealing to me.  I love a voice that draws me in.  I can’t explain how it draws me in, it just does.  I thought I would open up my world of music and share some of my favorites.  A lot of these songs bring me back to different parts of my life and bring me back to the story that has brought me to where I am now.  If you choose to check these songs out I ask that you listen to the lyrics and feel the music…see if anything is relatable to you.  :0)  What are some of your favs???

<br>

Day 57 Question 57:

How do you want to be remembered after you die?  What do you want to be remembered for?

Good afternoon Blogosphere!  I was undecided about a question today because over the last few days the creative juices haven’t been flowing in full force.  I have days like that and I look at those days as opportunities to rest and recharge.  I believe it is my mind and body giving me a hint to slow down.

I decided on this question because last night at the gym I was reading an article about a young woman that would go visit people in nursing homes.  In one such nursing home there were a group of old men that were labeled as being stubborn and unfriendly.  Instead of running away from these this young woman decided to break through the walls and befriend these men.  She came to find out really quickly that these men were not stubborn nor unfriendly…they were lonely.  They had no one left in their lives and in the nursing home no one took the time to spend with them other than giving them their medicines and necessary hygiene and medical treatments.  These men were actually quite lively and full of all kinds of jokes (the dirtier the better).  This young woman became especially close with one of the men in particular and she spent a great deal of time talking to him outside of the group.  He shared stories of his past and gave advice when he felt needed.  At the end of one conversation he posed the question to the young woman of how she would want to be remembered after her final days.

I started thinking about this question in depth as a trekked along on the elliptical (I am telling you…I get this insane enlightenment when I read these articles while coasting along on the elliptical-it must be all of the endorphins bouncing around).  My first initial thought was that other’s opinions of me are not the most important but then I realized that that was not the angle I wanted to look from.  There are many people’s opinions that matter to me.  I am sure I will pass a great deal after my parents do but I still would want to think that I did everything in this life to make them as proud as possible…even after they are gone.

If I had my choice of how people viewed me it would be as a compassionate and empathetic person.  I would hope that people would realize that I made mistakes in life but my comebacks always blew them out of the water.  After I pass I hope that the people that choose to remember me and reflect on my life see that kindness was always what I strived for and spending my life learning to constantly better myself in all of the ways I thought possible.  I want to be known as the dreamer….the person that believed that peace was really possible in humanity.  I want to be remembered for making people laugh and making them always feel warm and welcome when they were in my presence.

For as long as I have known, my life has been this continual seeking of knowledge.  I decided to share this blog with the world to allow people to either meet a complete stranger and learn about her life or for those that know me to get a better idea of who I really am.  I wanted to be able to look back on this blog 5, 10, 15, 20, etc. years down the road and be able to revisit my life.  I wanted to be able to remember the old me in as much detail as I could.  I hope that the people that mean the most to me in life always have fond memories of me.  There will always be those memories of sadness, hurt, betrayal, etc. but I hope the good will always outweigh the bad.  I believe the people that truly know me will be able to say that I am the person that always tried to do the right thing (even if sometimes that didn’t work out).  I hope people remember that I would do for others so much quicker than I would do for myself because that is where my comfort lies.  Just the other day I was talking to my manager at the restaurant (we are very close friends) and he was telling me that he was going to be financially struggling for a couple of weeks in April because he will not be getting paid for one of his jobs (he is also a teacher at a private school).  My first initial instinct was trying to figure out a way to help him.  I wanted to offer up my tips to him for those two weeks so he would not have to struggle.  I knew that might hurt me a little bit but I would still be just fine and I would feel 100x more comfortable knowing he was not living in a constant state of worry.  It bothers me when those that I am close with feel sadness, pain or worry.  I want to do everything I can to take those feelings away from that person.  This is what I want to be known for when I pass from this life.  I want to be known as the kind person that would do anything I could to comfort someone or to make them smile.  I want to be known as the explorer of life and the girl that may have had a lot of fears but was always going one step further to conquer them.  I want to be known as the woman that sought out so many different people in life to hear their stories and to learn about life outside of my own.

I truly hope that in this lifetime I have been able to inspire people…if not just one person.  I hope my words have opened doors for people and have allowed them to see a beauty within themselves that may have gotten shuffle in the chaos called life.  I am not looking for grand recognition, I just want to help in life where I can.  I have struggled in different areas and I know what it is like to have self-esteem issues and to be overpowered by the media and if I can do anything to help young and old women alike (people actually) see what power they hold within themselves (and this power has nothing to do with their outer appearance) then I believe I will have truly lived.  I want to be able to spread the word in different ways to let people know that the world does not have to be this ugly place that is made up of hatred and continual arguments.  I want to leave this world being known for wanting to spread love, peace, happiness and all of those other aspects that make this world what it really is and should be.  Anger, hatred and violence should not be options and maybe I am a dreamer but I will never change the hope that I carry within myself.  I will never give up hope!

Day 56 Question 56:

What is your style like?

I was flipping through old picture albums and looking at pictures online from years past and started to think about what kind of “girl” I am.  What is my style?  I guess I am a gal that likes to push the envelope…not in an extreme sense but I am always changing my styles.

I live for aviator sunglasses because I think they give any look that bit of an edge.  My hair has been about 500 different colors, lengths and styles and I love it.  I do not fear change at all when it comes to my hair.  A lot of girls get terrified of even cutting 2 inches off of their hair but I am the type that decides to cut 7 inches off my long locks and streak it bright pink.  I am not punk.  I am not Emo.  I am not hippie.  I really have no idea how to classify myself.  I just like what I like.

I admit to being drawn to more of a “hippie” style.  I love long flowing dresses that look handmade and accessories (purses, bracelets, necklaces) that have more of an earthy vibe to them.  In the same though I love the very vintage, pin-up look.  I own about 10 pairs of high heels and never wear them…I love the way they look but hate the way they feel so if I wear them I rock them for about 10 minutes then it is all about switching to flats.  That works for me though because I am 5’8 to begin with so when I put on heels (especially 4” and higher) I am pretty much a giant and I don’t like that.  I don’t want to tower over someone I am on a date with…I might as well carry him in my pocket if I am going to do that.  :0)

My style is more or less designed around my mood which is always changing.  I have a curvy body and do wear some things that are form fitting to show off my waist (which I love) but I have always felt the most comfortable in really pretty, flowy clothing.  Clothing that suits being outside but still feels feminine and delicate.

I believe my personality (more or less) reflects a sense of ease with a touch (ok more than a touch) of silliness.  I love the buy silly things that people can try on and wear to make the situation at hand way more fun.  I work at a Thai restaurant and I am constantly bringing in silly glasses for people to wear.  I (just yesterday) bought fake mustaches—because let’s face it there is nothing funnier than fake mustaches.

I have been feeling kind of nauseous today (I am hoping it is not a stomach bug going around—yuck) so I decided instead of writing a whole bunch to answer this question I would post a bunch of different pictures of myself to reflect my style and to allow my readers to get a better idea of who I am.  Diane in all forms.  :0)  Hope you enjoy!

Day 55 Question 55:

What is love to you?  Can you tell me about love?

I want to tell someone I love them and mean it with every bit and piece of my being.  Yes I sometimes live in a fairytale some might say but it is my fairytale.  I want a love that is accompanied by a soundtrack…songs that define all of the love I share with the person that feels like all of the comfort of home.  I may not ever experience this kind of love and that is ok because I still find my life so completely delightful.  I have been blessed with this gift of enjoying the journey of life and being able to see what true beauty is.  Whether spending time with myself or with someone else, I know I will spend a majority of the remainder of my days in this life very very happy.

I sometimes get visions in my head…almost like personal life screenplays.  The media has probably turned me into a sap and made me believe in a kind of love that maybe is quite possibly non-existent.  I don’t want to give up that hope.  I have romance oozing from me that is aching to get out but I don’t want to waste it on the wrong person.  I know I never will do that.  The right person will feel my love with absolutely no words.  My love can be felt with a look or a soft touch or a creation I have come up with in any kind of form.

I have probably answered this question at one time or another in a blog entry one day past.  I feel though that when I find a source of inspiration and get that itch to talk about something I cannot ignore it.  I must scratch the itch.  At this moment I feel this sense of romance in me and these thoughts of all of the wonderful things that will come to me in days, weeks, months and years ahead.  Love is simple with so many different complexities.  Love has no set definition because it is something different for everyone.  Love is something you don’t just share with people.  Love is this sense of wholeness and this depth within yourself…this ability to feel alive when you experience the presence of something (whether it be another person, a painting, a movie, a song, a book, a landscape…I could go on and on).

I know I sometimes go on these strange tangents.  As a lot of you know I recently took a Transcendental Meditation course.  It may sound so cliché but it has truly changed my life.  Through this process I have tapped into this part of myself that has been hidden so far deep within myself and I am now feeling everything that for so long I ached for.  For more years than I can even remember I lived this life of self-loathing, self-doubt/questioning and I was always overpowered by anxiety.  Waking up and trekking through every single day seemed beyond difficult.  I would wake up in the morning and sit and think about my day and all I would wait for was the end so that I could go back to sleep.  I would think about all of the things I had to get through and the only thing I looked forward to was getting back into my bed and hiding away from the world.  I was missing everything in life and although it saddens me to think about I believe it happened to bring me to this place I am at now.

I was sent a link one day (by the last guy I dated which is kind of odd to think about now) and the link contained a video of David Lynch talking about Consciousness and Creativity.  David Lynch is a HUGE supporter of Transcendental Meditation.  David Lynch is a very famous screenwriter (Mullholland Drive, The Elephant Man, Dune).  I watched another video just today of him discussing how this meditation has changed his life.  As I sat there listening to his words and his discussion of his experiences in relation to Transcendental Meditation, I shook my head in complete agreement with his thoughts and his descriptions.  Everything he talked about I have been experiencing.  Getting in touch with this deep consciousness, you learn to discover a new way to love.  Love is everywhere around you and the more you experience things (especially those things that get you really excited-for me it is writing and art and documentaries and meeting new people) the more you fall in love every single day.  Love does not need to be this thing we keep secluded and only save for one person.  There are so many forms of love in the world and this love aches to be shared amongst each other.

It is easy to see the chaos and the destruction in the world.  It is easy to see society plummeting into this very scary place where people hate, kill, rape and torture.  It doesn’t have to be like this.  EVERYONE has love within themselves, it just needs to be brought out.  People may call me a dreamer by even writing those words down but I love my optimism and my ability to see that people are made up of good even if it is masked with evil.  I know people have faults (I have/had plenty of them).  I use my words to express to people what I see because what I see and what I say (vocally) are not always comparable.  I know a lot of people would think I am unrealistic with my thought processes and my belief in love and peace and bliss and enlightenment but if you are reading this and have gotten this far then I believe that you have seen a hint of all of these things in yourself.  I use my words for people to look within themselves.  Why choose hatred over love?  What benefit comes from hatred?  I know you won’t love everyone that crosses your path (trust me I know this first hand) but (and this is going to be a statement I have not always practiced what I am about to preach) it is unfair to judge someone and make assumptions about their character based on the superficial level of what you know.  Everyone has their own story and has walked a different path in life and that is the beautiful part of it all.  This is where love comes in.  I am not saying you have to embrace these people and force them to be a part of your life but why not embrace your willingness to see life through their lenses.  It is impossible to know why another person acts as they do but it is possible to accept them for all of their quirks and hope they are able to better their life each and everyday.

I don’t want to give up hope anymore…even when I find times in my life when I am destined to fall.  I have been hurt in the past by various experiences and I don’t want those things to take ownership over me.  I know who I am and I believe the love that I spoke of in the very first line of this entry will come to me at a time when I am completely ready.  I have so much more to keep learning and this form of love will find me when my entire being is ready for it…I believe I will draw it in and when I have it is a love I will have forever.  Real love never ends.  People can debate me until they drive themselves mad but I have never written a truer statement.  Whether it be family love, the love of friendship, the love of art/music/travel, or the most romantic love imaginable…if it is real it will never ever end.

Day 54 Question 54:

What do you want to put out into the Universe today?

Today I am going to keep my words short and sweet.  I need a nap after a long morning of running around and driving in the car.  I have decided to put some of my favorite Youtube videos into the Universe to allow people to see the things I love.  I hope some of the videos inspire and others provide lots of laughter. Hope you enjoy.  :0)

I rarely post more than one entry a day but last night I was at the gym and I read this article and I couldn’t belive how much truth there was to it and how relatable it was so I wanted to share.  I give complete credit to the author Ms. Lora Ciocan

The Meaning of Being Lonely and Feeling Lonely

by Lora Ciocan

We hear frequently nowadays: “I am so lonely!” or “Nobody really understands me!” What is the meaning of that? Why do we feel lonely? When do we feel lonely? And what is the difference between being and feeling lonely?

I will write from my own experience, from what I have been through in my process of heeling. I have always been a pretty lonely person. The only way to protect myself I have ever known was when I was closing into myself and when I was lonely completely. No friends, very little communication with family and no boyfriend. I was absolutely convinced that I don’t need anybody, that I can do it by myself without any help. Years passed by and nothing happened or at least it did not happen as I expected. I am sure that many people are in this situation.

And one day an idea just flashed into my head and that is that you cannot do anything alone because you are not alone in the Universe. You are a part of Something, of Something bigger than you. And you are influenced by everything and everything influences you. And that was the moment in my life where I realized that whether I change my way of thinking and heel myself or move on as my old self. Both ways nobody cares, it is my choice, but I am the only one who will lose.

What really means to feel lonely? What is actually loneliness? And when we perceive it as a blessing and when we perceive it as a curse? It is when we are disconnected from the Source, the Universe or the bigger power that is behind us. Some other people call it the super conscious mind or your higher self. Some religious call it God. It is called in many ways. I choose to call it the Universe or the Source. The Source of energy and inspiration for all of us. Because we all, without exception, have access to it.

Once I started to study ways of changing my life, I started to understand that we are extensions of the Universe because we are made from the same material: energy and we have the same powers. And if we choose to still stay connected during our lives we can live better and if we choose not to stay connected it is fine also. But we will struggle almost all the time. It is always about what you choose for yourself, what you believe you are able to, what you trust it will work for you, what you think about. Whatever you choose it is fine for the Universe. It will not force you nor to accept the flow nor to struggle. You can choose it but you also will live with the consequences of your choice.

As I accept I am part of an infinite Source of energy and creation, that I am the kid of the Universe, I also accept and trust that the Universe will take care of me. The parents probably understand better this concept. I am not a parent myself but it must be the same feeling, the same connection that the parents have for their children who are an extension of theirs. It is exactly the same with the flow of life: it will guide you, protect you, feed you and inspire you for whatever it is that you choose to have or be if you allow it into your life. The flow needs your approval; it waits for your permission to act in your life. It respects your privacy and choice. Isn’t that an amazing concept? It will never do anything if you do not become aware of it and send it your acceptance. But we are not usually aware that we just need to make a choice, to have a decision in order to start changing our lives. It will not happen from nowhere. Nobody will decide for us nor the Universe. There will never be anything or anybody outside of us who knows better than we do.

In the village where my grandparents were raised me it was said: trust in God because He knows better than you what suits you best. Here is how I understand this concept: for sure God or the Universe or the Source knows better how to get you to what you want and when it is the best time to deliver it to you. But He will not decide for what you want, He will not make the decision for you. The sad thing is that I know a person in their 80’s who lived a long life and he did not understand anything about the meaning of life. “That is God’s plan with me. He wanted me to be like this, to get born poor and to die poor. I did everything what the Bible said and went to church regularly and I did everything right. That must be God’s plan for me.”

In the state of the awareness that I have now, I know that God do not want anybody to be in a certain way that is why you can choose for you life, either to create either to destroy. Both ways are accepted by Him. What I know for sure is that He is not giving you anything that you are not ASKING for, anything that you are not sure of. Because when you ask something, means you have decided for it and give the Universe permission to deliver it to you. Now, when it will be delivered, in what conditions and by what means is the extended divine decision of yours that you cannot control any longer. That is the Universe’s domain. You cannot rush him or influence him. You have done your job, now it is time to let the Universe to do his. Be patient and wait. Prepare yourself to be shocked by what it could be delivered to you because the Universe is always generous. It just waits for your permission and your instructions to manifest.

So, we ARE alone when, for example, we are alone at home. When it is nobody else there. I personally, when somebody asks me:” Are you alone?” I replace it with “I am with myself.” It is such a great shift of energy.

And the saddest part is when we FEEL alone even when we are living with our partners and our children. We feel in this way because, again, we are disconnected from the Source. When you feel alone in the Universe it means that something is not at his place that you are away from the flow. And you can change it if you decide to think and feel differently. Anyone has access to the Source’s creating ideas not only the geniuses, as we like to call them. The difference between some of us and geniuses is that they have learned to connect themselves much easier to the Source and most important to trust that whatever they desire will happen to them. It is just a matter of time and the material manifestation is the last one that exists.

So: Decision, Trust and Patience. If we all take the time to lean managing these qualities, we have become in control with our own lives for good. That is where the magic and the miracles actually start to move into action.

Day 53 Question 53:

What are some of your favorite things?

So last night I was at my gym trekking away like an insane woman on the elliptical (I did an hour on level 7- 5 ½ miles).  I felt this amazing feeling of empowerment and overall goodness surge through my body.  Since starting the Transcendental Meditation practice I have felt beyond amazing.  I would truly recommend this practice to anyone.  I have felt this overall calmness in my body and as silly as it sounds, while I was on the elliptical last night I started to feel emotional because I felt for the first time (probably ever) that I have found my happiness and I realized that this happiness would be continual throughout my life.  When I get on the elliptical I will usually get in the zone and get a tons of articles I printed from online (usually inspirational articles) and turn on my tunes and let the music soak into my head.  Last night I felt like the hour passed by so quickly and I could have continued if I didn’t have things to take care of at home.  I burned about 850 calories in a workout that felt simple.  I could have never said that before.  I would have bitched the entire time in my head (and maybe some out loud) about how hard it was and how tired I was and blah blah blah.  I didn’t feel any of that.  I felt this surge of power that made me feel invincible (cheesy maybe but true).  I felt completely in control of my life and it felt amazing.

In these moments at the gym I will reflect on a lot of different things.  I will absorb the articles that I am reading and I will reflect on the books or the films that I have dove into recently.  I have read over and over again articles and books on “The Secret”…how the power of our thought processes can bring us what we want.  I completely believe that our thoughts manifest a lot of things for us.  I have changed my way of thinking and my mindset so drastically and I believe it has overall changed my life for the better….more than for the better.  When I gave up the self-hatred and self-loathing I felt doors open with such ease for me.  I felt goodness come to me so naturally.  I felt like I was surrounded by positivity as opposed to being dragged down by negativity.  Days felt easy and extremely enjoyable as opposed to painful and dreadful.  Fears have started to escape me.  I chose to address this question today because I believe we constantly need to remind ourselves of the great things that we have in life.  We need to remind ourselves of the things that we are blessed with and that we love.  We tend to get caught up with the chaos and it has become to easy for us to whine and complain about everything that is wrong and we miss all of the wonderful things that are in front of us day in and day out.  We need reminders sometimes so we can see all of our favorite things that keep us smiling and give us that feeling of excitement deep within.  Our favorite things can be something so simple and so small but they hold this immense specialness in our lives.  I offer these words to everyone to take this opportunity to think about what your favorite things are.  To think about why you may be letting your sadness, anger, depression, etc. overtake you.  There are very few things in life that come easy and even discovering your happiness is not always an easy task but it is (in my opinion) the most well worth one that you will ever accomplish.  So I have decided to personally reflect on the things that bring happiness to me in my life and hopefully you will be able to do the same for yourself because you deserve it.  I send you all of my love because I believe what you send out comes back to you tenfold (remember that ;0)

Some of my favorite things:

1)      Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens-JUST KIDDING-I couldn’t help myself ;0)

2)      Watching something very inspiring-If you have not watched it yet please go below and check out Kony 2012.  There will always be people that will find fault in other people’s actions and question it but this video truly inspired me because this man is taking a stand and he is fighting until he can fight no more.  Take the 29 minutes and some odd seconds to watch it-I promise you it will be well worth it and when you are finished take the time to think about what inspires you.  What would you fight for?

3)      Phone conversations with my sister when we spend the majority of the time laughing until we have tears coming down our faces.  The laughter is usually at the expense of our parents (haha-we love them so dearly though)

4)      Endless hours of conversation with people about the things that you think are important.  Feeling that compatibility with people because you know they can relate.

5)      Laying in bed with someone you care about and having them run the tips of their fingers slowly up and down your back.  It is an intimate thing that feels so amazing and I believe it connects two people on a deeper level.

6)      Red Velvet Cake-ENOUGH SAID!

7)      Finishing a hard workout and having the complete and absolute feeling of accomplishment!

8)      Watching children and falling in love with their curiosity and wonder.

9)      Driving with your favorite music blasting with the windows down on a beautiful fall day.

10)  Spending an entire day at the beach with a group of friends….playing in the waves like a little kid and sunbathing with your girl friends while gossiping about boys ;0)

11)  Cuddling up with my Snuggie in my recliner in my bedroom with a good book.

12)  Cheering someone up with just your words or with a hug.

13)  Giving people (even strangers) random (but genuine) compliments.

14)  Finding a spot that you like to go by yourself and call it your own-YOUR NICHE!!

15)  Conquering fears-One of my fears revolves around driving long distances (anxiety issues) and I plan on making a road trip in the next 3-4 weeks by myself and I am going to venture to a new place just to explore (I do not want to disclose my location until I get there because I need and want to prove to myself that I can do it).

16)  Meeting new people that you immediately feel comfortable with that grab your interest.

17)  Watching a sitcom (Modern Family) and laughing so hard that it hurts.

18)  A newly cleaned car (it almost beats a newly cleaned house—but not quite).

19)  Bike rides through my neighborhood along the fitness trail.

20)  Listening to music that I absolutely love (My 2 favorite songs are Waste by Phish and Missing You (Acoustic) by Incubus)

21)  Having someone pay you an unexpected compliment when you are having a crappy day

I could list a million more things that give me the warm fuzzies but I didn’t want to go on for too long.  I wanted to give my readers the opportunity to think about those things in their lives that makes it all worth it.  As everyone knows I absolutely love to write-it is probably my most favorite thing in the world (I chose not to list the obvious) because it sets me free and it makes me feel alive.  When I sit down to write I hold nothing back and my soul is poured out without one ounce of regret.  I am being completely true to form of my complete written genius at that very moment-I am being 100% me!  How could you not love that???

As I said I believe what we send out in the Universe does come back to us (and it usually comes back to us in double the size).  I want to take this moment to send out my love to all of my readers (even if I do not know some of you if only in the cyber sense).  I want to send you thoughts of happiness and luck and I hope you are able to embrace your beauty and all of the wonderful things about yourself.  I hope you are able to overcome any struggles you may have and find your bliss and your inner peace.  I hope you find the love you deserve (in whatever form that may be).  I hope you are able to take this message and not roll your eyes or see it as only cheesy but take it as an opportunity to pay it forward.  If we all paid it forward, what do you believe the world could be like?

Day 52 Question 52:

Why do people cheat?

Hmmmm why do people cheat?  I thought this would be a question to ponder and see where my thoughts take me.  I really have no solid answer and I believe no one really does to this question.  I have never ever cheated on anyone while in a relationship BUT I have to admit that I have (knowingly) been the girl that a guy has cheated on his girlfriend with.  Either way, both situations are wrong.  It was easier for me to be the other girl because the few times that it has happened, I have not known the #1 woman (but in a couple of cases I have).  I guess deep down I felt like the guy was more at fault than I was so I just dove in…yes yes I know that is stupid thinking.  I have never cheated on anyone in a relationship because mainly I don’t get involved with someone (like truly commit myself to someone) unless I am really feeling passionate about being with them.  I don’t cheat because I have no desire to…the person I am with at the time is able to fulfill what I am looking for.  Secondly, I AM THE WORST LIAR IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!  I truly believe that everything I am thinking shows directly through my facial expressions.  I may be exaggerating but there are times that I feel so strongly that I am completely conveying everything I am thinking on my face.  For example, there is a girl I work with that never ever shuts up and never ever ever stops complaining.  She has an excuse for everything.  I am not a confrontational person so I just listen to her as she babbles on.  While she talks though all I can think is that my facial expression is just saying, “Shut the f**k up Whiney McWhinerson!”  She keeps blabbering though so it must not be as bad as I think.  Ha ha.  I may be able to tell little white lies like anyone else but I am not comfortable with them at all and cheating is waaaayyyyy bigger than a little while lie.

The days of stupid mistakes of being the other woman or being a part of a triangle of deception are long over for this girl.  So, why do people cheat?  A lot of people would say/suggest that men are unable to be monogamous.  The idea of being with only one woman physically for the rest of their lives terrifies them and eventually they just crack under pressure (watch the video below).  I have no idea whether this is true or not because I do not have a penis to think with…ok I admit that was a low blow.  Ha Ha just having a little fun here.  I tend to veer away from the idea of marriage because monogamy is becoming an ideal of the past and I do not like the thought of that.  We look at the statistics of the divorce rate in the United States and the percentages of the number of people splitting up due to infidelity and we find that the numbers are astronomical. So again, why do people cheat?

It could be easy to spout off at the mouth and accuse men of being the main culprits of cheating but nowadays this would not be the truth.  Women have fallen into the category of cheaters just as much.  I believe people cheat because they rush into relationships and they have yet to find themselves.  They “think” they know who they are and what they want and they then get involved with another person and realize that they are clueless about their needs and wants.  I believe people get tangled in the web of attraction and the initial excitement of a new relationship and they believe that what they have is real but then when they find themselves months and years down the road they realize that they have compromised a lot of themselves on behalf of this other person.  I believe resentment could also be a big factor when it comes to cheating.  After enough time it could become easier and easier to blame the other person for stripping away your identity so what is the best way to get back at them???  Yes, I think you know where I am going with this.

I have absolutely no solid answers as to why people cheat.  I, myself, have such a strong value for love that I believe that if it is true and absolutely genuine love (which again I believe is rare) that cheating would not be an option.  If the need to wander were to occur, I believe a respectful person would end the relationship before venturing out and riding the next train that comes along.  We live in a society that has seen this immense change when it comes to relationships and the whole concept of “dating”.  Men no longer “court” women and technology has become the main form of communication between people.  I have said it many times before and I will say it again, human contact is diminishing every single day due to the increase in technology.  I believe there are a lot of factors that could influence someone to cheat.  “Peer pressure” alone could drive someone into the bed of a stranger.

I have to laugh because just recently an old “friend” contacted me.  We met about a year and a half ago and more or less had a fling.  It was short-lived but we stayed in contact through email.  We always just kept it short and sweet and he always spouted about how he loved being with me (in the physical sense) and I was so fun and just what he needed and wanted in that department (pat on the back to me-haha).  He ended up meeting another girl and they have now been in a relationship for over a year now.  He sent me an email just days ago asking me to come visit him and also asked for some pretty explicit things to happen between the two of us (yes I am trying to keep this PG rated).  He told me that he cared about his girlfriend and they did a lot together but she was unable to fulfill him in that way and he mainly was with her because it was comfortable.  I thought to myself, “Wow, I would hate to be that girl.”  I then thought to myself, “Maybe I have been that girl and never knew it.”  How awful would it be to find out that your significant other told someone/people that they were with you only because it was comfortable?  It is frightening to think about the number of people that cheat and feel absolutely no regrets of remorse about it.  Again, I am far from perfect but I can’t wrap my brain around the idea of someone cheating and thinking it is just fine…like they are deserving of the opportunity to cheat…life has dealt them a bad hand so that is their reward to themselves.

By no means am I validating cheating, but I do believe it takes some people longer than others to mature and to prioritize and balance their lives.  In our late teens, early 20’s, we are all still working on getting our lives in order and let’s face it..most of us don’t know our heads from our asses.  We may think we have it all together but we don’t.  If we get involved in relationships at these early stages in life I think we start to realize pretty quickly that there are so many other options out there.  I have heard plenty of young guys state how great it is to play the field but still have a woman to come home to at night.  It’s a young person’s clueless mentality.  It’s a selfish mentality.  I think it takes a lot of growing and learning to finally get rid of the “It’s all about me mentality.”  It took me almost 30 years to get out of it and I still to this day need to remind myself of it.  I think we are accustomed to getting what we want when we want and in truth that is not natural or right.

As you can see I have absolutely no solid answers to this questions.  These are just my jumbled thoughts as to why I think people may cheat.  I hate to even ask the question (because it does make me lose more hope) to people whether or not they have cheated because I know the number of yes answers would be higher than I would be prepared for.  Is it true, once a cheater always a cheater?  To my readers, I would really love your input on this subject.  I would love some words to give me encouragement and hope but I also want the brutal, honest truth!  Have you ever cheated?  What was your reasoning at the time?  Would you cheat again?  Have you ever been cheated on?

Day 51 Question 51:

Have you set goals for yourself?  What are some of your goals?

I know I have gone on rants in past blog entries about focusing on the now and being in the moment.  I believe that majority of time I do follow this (sometimes I let my mind get the best of me and I will think about 5 bazillion things I need to get done) but this does not mean I do not set goals for myself.  I set goals for myself to challenge myself and to push myself just that much farther.  I am the type of person that will almost always reach a goal if I go into it with full force.  I reflect a lot on my life and how far I have come and in a strange way it feels like at the age of 33 my life is really beginning.  I am getting a true grasp on happiness and my search for knowledge keeps increasing every day.  I am conquering my fears and saying to hell with letting them control me anymore.  Year 33 seems to be the year of self improvement in as many ways as possible.  I believe I have improved myself a good deal for the last few years but I am now officially taking the bull by the horns.  I am taking my life back.  I am in control of my choices, my physical self and my emotions (as wacky as they may be some days).

So the answer to my question would be absolutely, 100% yes.  I have a lot of goals in mind.  I do not want to put end dates on all of them.  Sometimes the pressure makes me crack.  I set goals and work through them in small pieces.  I find that when you set a goal and you go into it with full force trying to reach it too quickly that you usually just end up falling on your face.  I like to set a general timeline of when I would like to reach my goals and the closer I am to achieving the goal I will get more specific with dates.

I have found in the past that I was able to set goals, be excited about them for a minute then I would just move on to something else.  I realized that I did this because I was never giving myself a reward for achieving what I originally set out to do.  I do not mean a financial reward or a materialistic reward (although sometimes I do like to treat myself).  I will look at a situation and set a goal based on the situation at hand.  I will put myself out there in order to force myself to not fail (and if I do-because failure is inevitable from time to time-I will brush myself off and move forward as opposed to linger on it).  For example, one such goal that I have is to lose the remaining 30-35lbs I have been speaking of for far too many months now.  Since late 2008, I have lost about 60lbs (give or take).  I did this through mainly adding more exercise/movement into my routines.  I did start eating better but I was far from perfect.  I am lucky enough to have 2 jobs that keep me moving pretty regularly.  It hit me yesterday (well it has been sitting on my mind for a bit now) that losing the rest of the weight should not be difficult and the reason it has not happened is because I have not put the true effort in.  I have not told myself enough times that I can and will do it.  I had been making excuses and I started to get slack.  Being a slacker is not me and I know this.

So, let me start here…I am going to share some information that in the past would make me completely cringe.  Even just talking about my weight would make me want to crawl out of my skin.  I avoided the topic completely.  I would NEVER get on the scale.  I feared going to the doctor unknowing of what they would tell me.  I loathed my body.  Now don’t get me wrong I am not in love with my body now but I am at a lot more peace with it now and I know what I am capable of.  I also know that my body is not at all who I am.  So anyhow, that was off base. I am a 33 year old female that stands 5’8 (yes I am fairly tall for a girl).  In late 2008 I weighed in at 248 lbs. (seeing this number on the scale made me want to crawl into a hole somewhere and just die).  As of March 7, 2012 I weigh 188lbs.  Sometimes that number freaks me out too but then I remember that I am 5’8 and I also look in the mirror and no longer feel completely hideous.  I wear jeans in a size 16 (loose 16-I actually should be a size 14).  Oh boy this is not easy for me to even write about but I am determined to go outside of my comfort zone and face this.  I have lost weight in the past and gained it all back and then some.  In the past I never followed a healthy diet or exercise plan.  The first time I dropped a significant amount of weight (75 lbs in 3 months) I was lucky that I did not do great harm to my body.  I was home from college for summer break and with great determination I decided I WAS going to lose weight.  I worked out every single day.  I would walk anywhere between 5-10 miles in the morning then head to the gym for about 2 hours.  At night I would rollerblade about 6 or 7 miles.  To top this off I was eating such a strict diet that I was only allowing myself about 10 grams of fat per day and about 1,000 calories.  I was so uneducated and so unaware how damaging my actions could be.  I went back to college in the fall and fell back into the routines of drinking beer and eating junk food and before I knew it the weight was back on.

I believe it took me a long time to mature in life and finally see the error of my ways.  I am ok with that though because life flows the way it is meant to.  So one of my big goals is to get the remainder of my weight off by the end of the summer (maybe by August-I want to do it healthy and progressive to make it a lifestyle and keep the weight off).  I have decided to put this in my blog to ask for encouragement and to ask my readers to continuously ask me how it is going and if I am sticking to it. By putting it out there like this I am less likely to fail or sit stagnant because I will be able to prove to myself and to others that I can do it.  I know life is not a contest and about winning but doing this drives me and gives me the motivation I need.

I laugh a lot on the inside because a few people in my life have referred to me as a hippie.  We are no longer in the 60’s and I am not sure exactly what a hippie is but I will take it with no offense at all.  I do not do things to show off or seek attention.  I do things because they seem right for my life and they make sense to me.  I want to live a long time to experience as much as I possibly can and it finally came falling down on me like a pile of bricks that I really need to start taking care of myself…not just physically but also emotionally and mentally.  So when people here that I meditate and that I am planning on doing a 30 day Vegetarian challenge (yes this is another goal and the start date is Monday March 12^th) and I love watching independent films they tend to put me in a class of what they consider weirdos or peace-loving, tree-hugging hippies.  If that is the case then so be it.  What matters to me the most is my happiness and the happiness of others.  I believe in life people need to find their niche and when they find it they should explore it in every way possible.  I am finding my niche and the exploration has made me feel more comfortable than I have in years.  Why would I not embrace this if this is what feels natural to me.  Call it what you want, that is what life is truly about.  I may not do all things up to society’s standards but I set goals that I believe will better myself which I also believe in turn could help better society as a whole.  If I exude happiness and positivity then that could lead to a sense of infectious happiness.  Tell me what harm there is in that?

I will not go on a long rant about my other goals but instead just list them so they are finally put out there (to give me something to reference back to).

Goals:

1)      Lose the remainder of my weight (30-35lbs) and fit into a size 8-10 jeans (give or take depending on the brand and cut)

2)      30 Day Vegetarian Challenge starting March 12, 2012.  If all goes well I may continue and who knows it might be a lifestyle change

3)      Work on my book continually and start looking through the process of what it takes to become published.  Have a book published within the next 5 years

4)      Travel abroad (and hopefully meet a couple of my new blog following friends in other parts of the world).

5)      Make more trips to visit family-The visits between my sister, brother-in-law and nephews have been way to few and far between

6)      Make amends with those that I need to make amends with.  Apologize if needed even if they are unwilling to accept it.

7)      Decrease my Internet/Facebook/Texting time significantly.  This one may sound silly but like many others I have become addicted and I know how unhealthy it is.  It is going to be a HUGE challenge but I (think) I am ready for it.

I have many goals in life both big and small.  I do not want to list them all because that will only make me lose focus.  These goals are the main ones that have taken center stage in my life at this very moment.  I am happy and I know by meeting these goals…or even taking the journey to meeting these goals my happiness will increase by insane amounts every day.

So tell me my fabulous readers, what are some of your goals?