Day 52 Question 52:
Why do people cheat?
Hmmmm why do people cheat? I thought this would be a question to ponder and see where my thoughts take me. I really have no solid answer and I believe no one really does to this question. I have never ever cheated on anyone while in a relationship BUT I have to admit that I have (knowingly) been the girl that a guy has cheated on his girlfriend with. Either way, both situations are wrong. It was easier for me to be the other girl because the few times that it has happened, I have not known the #1 woman (but in a couple of cases I have). I guess deep down I felt like the guy was more at fault than I was so I just dove in…yes yes I know that is stupid thinking. I have never cheated on anyone in a relationship because mainly I don’t get involved with someone (like truly commit myself to someone) unless I am really feeling passionate about being with them. I don’t cheat because I have no desire to…the person I am with at the time is able to fulfill what I am looking for. Secondly, I AM THE WORST LIAR IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!! I truly believe that everything I am thinking shows directly through my facial expressions. I may be exaggerating but there are times that I feel so strongly that I am completely conveying everything I am thinking on my face. For example, there is a girl I work with that never ever shuts up and never ever ever stops complaining. She has an excuse for everything. I am not a confrontational person so I just listen to her as she babbles on. While she talks though all I can think is that my facial expression is just saying, “Shut the f**k up Whiney McWhinerson!” She keeps blabbering though so it must not be as bad as I think. Ha ha. I may be able to tell little white lies like anyone else but I am not comfortable with them at all and cheating is waaaayyyyy bigger than a little while lie.
The days of stupid mistakes of being the other woman or being a part of a triangle of deception are long over for this girl. So, why do people cheat? A lot of people would say/suggest that men are unable to be monogamous. The idea of being with only one woman physically for the rest of their lives terrifies them and eventually they just crack under pressure (watch the video below). I have no idea whether this is true or not because I do not have a penis to think with…ok I admit that was a low blow. Ha Ha just having a little fun here. I tend to veer away from the idea of marriage because monogamy is becoming an ideal of the past and I do not like the thought of that. We look at the statistics of the divorce rate in the United States and the percentages of the number of people splitting up due to infidelity and we find that the numbers are astronomical. So again, why do people cheat?
It could be easy to spout off at the mouth and accuse men of being the main culprits of cheating but nowadays this would not be the truth. Women have fallen into the category of cheaters just as much. I believe people cheat because they rush into relationships and they have yet to find themselves. They “think” they know who they are and what they want and they then get involved with another person and realize that they are clueless about their needs and wants. I believe people get tangled in the web of attraction and the initial excitement of a new relationship and they believe that what they have is real but then when they find themselves months and years down the road they realize that they have compromised a lot of themselves on behalf of this other person. I believe resentment could also be a big factor when it comes to cheating. After enough time it could become easier and easier to blame the other person for stripping away your identity so what is the best way to get back at them??? Yes, I think you know where I am going with this.
I have absolutely no solid answers as to why people cheat. I, myself, have such a strong value for love that I believe that if it is true and absolutely genuine love (which again I believe is rare) that cheating would not be an option. If the need to wander were to occur, I believe a respectful person would end the relationship before venturing out and riding the next train that comes along. We live in a society that has seen this immense change when it comes to relationships and the whole concept of “dating”. Men no longer “court” women and technology has become the main form of communication between people. I have said it many times before and I will say it again, human contact is diminishing every single day due to the increase in technology. I believe there are a lot of factors that could influence someone to cheat. “Peer pressure” alone could drive someone into the bed of a stranger.
I have to laugh because just recently an old “friend” contacted me. We met about a year and a half ago and more or less had a fling. It was short-lived but we stayed in contact through email. We always just kept it short and sweet and he always spouted about how he loved being with me (in the physical sense) and I was so fun and just what he needed and wanted in that department (pat on the back to me-haha). He ended up meeting another girl and they have now been in a relationship for over a year now. He sent me an email just days ago asking me to come visit him and also asked for some pretty explicit things to happen between the two of us (yes I am trying to keep this PG rated). He told me that he cared about his girlfriend and they did a lot together but she was unable to fulfill him in that way and he mainly was with her because it was comfortable. I thought to myself, “Wow, I would hate to be that girl.” I then thought to myself, “Maybe I have been that girl and never knew it.” How awful would it be to find out that your significant other told someone/people that they were with you only because it was comfortable? It is frightening to think about the number of people that cheat and feel absolutely no regrets of remorse about it. Again, I am far from perfect but I can’t wrap my brain around the idea of someone cheating and thinking it is just fine…like they are deserving of the opportunity to cheat…life has dealt them a bad hand so that is their reward to themselves.
By no means am I validating cheating, but I do believe it takes some people longer than others to mature and to prioritize and balance their lives. In our late teens, early 20’s, we are all still working on getting our lives in order and let’s face it..most of us don’t know our heads from our asses. We may think we have it all together but we don’t. If we get involved in relationships at these early stages in life I think we start to realize pretty quickly that there are so many other options out there. I have heard plenty of young guys state how great it is to play the field but still have a woman to come home to at night. It’s a young person’s clueless mentality. It’s a selfish mentality. I think it takes a lot of growing and learning to finally get rid of the “It’s all about me mentality.” It took me almost 30 years to get out of it and I still to this day need to remind myself of it. I think we are accustomed to getting what we want when we want and in truth that is not natural or right.
As you can see I have absolutely no solid answers to this questions. These are just my jumbled thoughts as to why I think people may cheat. I hate to even ask the question (because it does make me lose more hope) to people whether or not they have cheated because I know the number of yes answers would be higher than I would be prepared for. Is it true, once a cheater always a cheater? To my readers, I would really love your input on this subject. I would love some words to give me encouragement and hope but I also want the brutal, honest truth! Have you ever cheated? What was your reasoning at the time? Would you cheat again? Have you ever been cheated on?