Day 55 Question 55:

What is love to you?  Can you tell me about love?

I want to tell someone I love them and mean it with every bit and piece of my being.  Yes I sometimes live in a fairytale some might say but it is my fairytale.  I want a love that is accompanied by a soundtrack…songs that define all of the love I share with the person that feels like all of the comfort of home.  I may not ever experience this kind of love and that is ok because I still find my life so completely delightful.  I have been blessed with this gift of enjoying the journey of life and being able to see what true beauty is.  Whether spending time with myself or with someone else, I know I will spend a majority of the remainder of my days in this life very very happy.

I sometimes get visions in my head…almost like personal life screenplays.  The media has probably turned me into a sap and made me believe in a kind of love that maybe is quite possibly non-existent.  I don’t want to give up that hope.  I have romance oozing from me that is aching to get out but I don’t want to waste it on the wrong person.  I know I never will do that.  The right person will feel my love with absolutely no words.  My love can be felt with a look or a soft touch or a creation I have come up with in any kind of form.

I have probably answered this question at one time or another in a blog entry one day past.  I feel though that when I find a source of inspiration and get that itch to talk about something I cannot ignore it.  I must scratch the itch.  At this moment I feel this sense of romance in me and these thoughts of all of the wonderful things that will come to me in days, weeks, months and years ahead.  Love is simple with so many different complexities.  Love has no set definition because it is something different for everyone.  Love is something you don’t just share with people.  Love is this sense of wholeness and this depth within yourself…this ability to feel alive when you experience the presence of something (whether it be another person, a painting, a movie, a song, a book, a landscape…I could go on and on).

I know I sometimes go on these strange tangents.  As a lot of you know I recently took a Transcendental Meditation course.  It may sound so cliché but it has truly changed my life.  Through this process I have tapped into this part of myself that has been hidden so far deep within myself and I am now feeling everything that for so long I ached for.  For more years than I can even remember I lived this life of self-loathing, self-doubt/questioning and I was always overpowered by anxiety.  Waking up and trekking through every single day seemed beyond difficult.  I would wake up in the morning and sit and think about my day and all I would wait for was the end so that I could go back to sleep.  I would think about all of the things I had to get through and the only thing I looked forward to was getting back into my bed and hiding away from the world.  I was missing everything in life and although it saddens me to think about I believe it happened to bring me to this place I am at now.

I was sent a link one day (by the last guy I dated which is kind of odd to think about now) and the link contained a video of David Lynch talking about Consciousness and Creativity.  David Lynch is a HUGE supporter of Transcendental Meditation.  David Lynch is a very famous screenwriter (Mullholland Drive, The Elephant Man, Dune).  I watched another video just today of him discussing how this meditation has changed his life.  As I sat there listening to his words and his discussion of his experiences in relation to Transcendental Meditation, I shook my head in complete agreement with his thoughts and his descriptions.  Everything he talked about I have been experiencing.  Getting in touch with this deep consciousness, you learn to discover a new way to love.  Love is everywhere around you and the more you experience things (especially those things that get you really excited-for me it is writing and art and documentaries and meeting new people) the more you fall in love every single day.  Love does not need to be this thing we keep secluded and only save for one person.  There are so many forms of love in the world and this love aches to be shared amongst each other.

It is easy to see the chaos and the destruction in the world.  It is easy to see society plummeting into this very scary place where people hate, kill, rape and torture.  It doesn’t have to be like this.  EVERYONE has love within themselves, it just needs to be brought out.  People may call me a dreamer by even writing those words down but I love my optimism and my ability to see that people are made up of good even if it is masked with evil.  I know people have faults (I have/had plenty of them).  I use my words to express to people what I see because what I see and what I say (vocally) are not always comparable.  I know a lot of people would think I am unrealistic with my thought processes and my belief in love and peace and bliss and enlightenment but if you are reading this and have gotten this far then I believe that you have seen a hint of all of these things in yourself.  I use my words for people to look within themselves.  Why choose hatred over love?  What benefit comes from hatred?  I know you won’t love everyone that crosses your path (trust me I know this first hand) but (and this is going to be a statement I have not always practiced what I am about to preach) it is unfair to judge someone and make assumptions about their character based on the superficial level of what you know.  Everyone has their own story and has walked a different path in life and that is the beautiful part of it all.  This is where love comes in.  I am not saying you have to embrace these people and force them to be a part of your life but why not embrace your willingness to see life through their lenses.  It is impossible to know why another person acts as they do but it is possible to accept them for all of their quirks and hope they are able to better their life each and everyday.

I don’t want to give up hope anymore…even when I find times in my life when I am destined to fall.  I have been hurt in the past by various experiences and I don’t want those things to take ownership over me.  I know who I am and I believe the love that I spoke of in the very first line of this entry will come to me at a time when I am completely ready.  I have so much more to keep learning and this form of love will find me when my entire being is ready for it…I believe I will draw it in and when I have it is a love I will have forever.  Real love never ends.  People can debate me until they drive themselves mad but I have never written a truer statement.  Whether it be family love, the love of friendship, the love of art/music/travel, or the most romantic love imaginable…if it is real it will never ever end.