It's a New Day…

Day 149 Question 149:

What is something you find really “weird”?

Ok I must clobber a specific topic….ONLINE DATING!!  Ok I am 33 years old and I live in a place that is overtaken by tourists.  I don’t drink so the bar scene is not where I hang out.  I work 2 jobs and I do meet people randomly here and there but as far as dating goes…yes, I have gone to the online world.  In a way I figure it might be a little easier because it gives me a chance to express myself in writing (which I feel most comfortable) and things can go at a pace that both parties feel comfortable with.  Ha Ha, if only it was that easy.  I am sure there are many women on dating sites that leave a lot to be desired…I am just speaking from a woman’s point of view and personal experience…I am AMAZED and SHOCKED at the things that men will say to women…and some of these men are in their late 30’s and even forties.

Maybe I am just naïve and maybe online dating is just a sexual playground for most people.  I just don’t understand why so many people lie and I don’t understand how men can seriously start a conversation talking about “getting down”.  I kid you not, I received one email that said: DTF?  Yes, that was all it said.  If any of you are oblivious to what this charming expression means….it means DOWN TO FUCK????  It took off at the same time that all of those Jersey Shore idiots became popular….the time that women idolized these toolbags with fake tans and hair that should be illegal.  Apparently for some reason there are women where stuff like that works…I am not that woman.  Ok, so I have decided to share the content of my profile as well as some of the responses I have received.  I admit that my profile is a little bit long winded, but that is me and I am not going to be fake or dumb myself down in order to get a date.  I am open to suggestions of anything I should maybe change or delete….I mainly wanted to give my readers a laugh with some of the responses I received.  I have received emails from men into their 50’s that have asked to be my “sugardaddy” and I even had one send me a link to a diamond ring through Zales and said he believed that one day it could be mine….this is someone I had NEVER met.

Ok here is the About Me section of my profile:

Yes I can be a serious person and love in depth conversations but I absolutely love to laugh until I have tears streaming down my face. Every moment in life is an opportunity and I see that more and more all of the time. I am the type of person that does everything better to make my life situation as positive as possible. I don’t drink and I have found that a lot of people are weirded out by that (I didn’t have a problem-I just chose one day to cut it out of my life). I am always having moments of clarity and hope to reach ennlightenment. I read a lot and never want the learning process to end. The world has so much to offer and I want to take in an much as I possibly can. I am unsure of the type of person I could end up with…it is one of those things I believe will just be a natural progression. I do however know that I can no longer allow myself to be molded in order to be the person someone else wants me to be and I do not want to change someone in order for them to fit my life situation. That is not the way that real love works. I have a lot to share and would love to share tons of experiences with someone. Sometimes people will tell me to just relax and not take life so seriously. I am not an uptight person. I am actually quite a free-spirit but I do love the beauty life has to offer and what is the harm in wanting to learn from the perspectives of others. I will ask a lot of questions. If you don’t ask questions you will never know…

I am a beautiful person and would love to meet someone that just makes me smile, laugh and intrigues me. I believe dating, relationships and love should not be complicated. They should actually be very easy if it is real and genuine.

If you have read this far (which I know many havent because I get a lot of emails being asked what I do–really???) then I leave you with some idea of who I am. I do not have a set of rules or guidelines but with these questions/statements you will get a better idea of me:

1) I would much rather talk to you on the phone or in person than have a relationship via text (I believe we have lost personal contact amongst each other because of technology-and yes I am just as guilty).

2) Are you willing to do any of these things: take a yoga class with me, check out thrift stores, go zipling at Broadway, check out cultural places (there is a buddhist monestary in NMB I would love to check out), spend summer days on the beach, etc?

3) I absolutely love to laugh

4) Do you constantly believe that girls are drama queens? I can be intense from time to time but because I have emotions and am passionate this does not mean I am a drama queen. If this is the way you view most women we will probably not be the right fit.

5) I don’t understand why people don’t put effort in when it comes to meeting/getting to know someone. It is exciting to get to know new people. People surprise me (in a good way) all of the time. If you aren’t interested it’s not big deal. And if you say you are going to call then call or follow through with what you have said-first off it is polite and secondly, I am a big girl and can handle it if you don’t want to call. I just prefer the truth—it eliminates a lot of mind games.

6) It is not always easy but I try to focus strictly on the NOW! This is all there is. The past and the future are an illusion and there is nothing we can do to change either, so I find it important to simply be in the now. Enjoy the moment for what it is. It is amazing how much inner peace you can experience by doing this.

And if we don’t meet or don’t click I reccommend anyone that reads my profile to read the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle-this is probably the most phenomenal book I have ever read in my life-absolutely life changing.

“Will it bring me happiness?” That simple question can be a powerful tool in helping us skillfully conduct all areas of our lives. It puts a new slant on things. Approaching our daily decisions and choices with this question in mind shifts the focus from what we are denying ourselves to what we are seeking—ultimate happiness.'”~Dalai Lama

Pictured below are some of the responses I have received from men….yes their pictures are there…I am sure no one on here knows them…and if they do they should slap them (hahahaha).  Feedback would definitely be wonderful.  I am by no means desperate for a date but I am wondering where the good ones hide out…anyone have that answer????

Day 148 Question 148:

Is compromise a good or bad thing?

Compromise is one of those things that can be both good and bad.  It is obviously something that is completely circumstantial.  According to an online dictionary, the following is a definition of compromise:

com·pro·mise/ˈkämprəˌmīz/

Noun:

An agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.

Verb:

Settle a dispute by mutual concession.

Synonyms:

noun.  agreement – accommodation – settlement – conciliation

verb.  come to terms

So, I met a guy this past weekend….unsure if it will go anywhere or not….not going to stress about it either way.  We ended up going down to the beach and we talked for about 2+ hours.  We discussed past dating situations and just where we were at in life.  I stated my views on relationships and the changes I have made in my life.  I admitted that in the past I would compromise myself, my beliefs, my wants and my needs to meet the needs of the person I was dating.  I have decided (very firmly) I would no longer do that.  In my opinion, that just makes for an unhealthy and (for the most part) dishonest relationship.  In truth, there was no agreements or concessions being made, I was giving up myself to please someone else.

I believe strongly in compromise in certain situations.  For a relationship (of any form) to be successful compromise is a must.  It is guaranteed that at some point two people are either not going to agree about something or are not want to do the same thing and the solution is to meet at middle ground…TO COMPROMISE.  This can be tricky though.  How much does one bend?  How often should one compromise?  If there is the need for constant compromise, is the relationship really healthy?

We all have wants and needs for a reason.  We all think and act as we do for a reason.  I love being exposed to different ideas and different points of views and there have been many times that I have changed my actions and my viewpoints because of this.  I, however, feel inside of me that there are certain things I am unable to compromise on…no matter how much someone may try to persuade me or twist my arm.  I have also been in the situation where I have compromised and felt so completely guilty for doing that.  For example, I worked for a nonprofit organization that focused on positive youth development.  We recruited over 200 students from 6-12^th grade and these students did various community service projects and were part of different teen outreach classes.  The students were always coming into our office to visit with the staff.  The staff was made up of only 3 women (myself being 1 of them).  The two other women were natives of the town and were first cousins.  They were devout Christians (which I had great respect for).  The two of them were constantly bringing religion into the organization which went against the rules of the grants that we were working under and on more than one occasion I heard one of the staff members say to the students that “gay people had something wrong with them.”  She was more or less implying that homosexuality was a sickness.  I respect people for having their viewpoints and have strong beliefs but IN MY OPINION, this crossed a HUGE line.  I spoke up and expressed my concerns but my concerns were swept under the rug.  I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I was desperately needed a job and I loved working with the kids but I was working in an environment in which I did not agree with the way things were being done at all.  I felt that the actions of the staff members (and even a few of the board members) were extremely inappropriate.  I compromised my beliefs in order to keep a job.  I felt guilty about this for a very long time.  I felt like I was giving up a big part of myself to collect a paycheck…I needed that paycheck though in order to pay my bills and have a roof over my head.  There was a very big divide between these two staff members and myself and the more time went by the bigger the divide became.  The grant that I was working under was not renewed because of the downfall of the economy.  The money was just not there.  It sucked to be out of a job and I hated to collect unemployment but it was a HUGE sigh of relief.  Compromising oneself can bring so much stress to a person both mentally and physically.  I needed out and although the circumstances were not the best, my wish came true.

Compromise can be one of those tricky things.  It requires a great deal of balance and what I believe to be a great deal of knowing oneself.  Throughout life we are constantly learning who we are and it is so important to expose ourselves to as much as possible.  It is the things outside of ourselves that help us understand what we believe in and why.  I believe that the more we know ourselves, the more we are able to decide what things we will compromise on and what things we won’t.

Day 147 Question 147:

How have you changed over time?

Ok, so as a lot of you know, I went on a date on Saturday.  The guy lives about an hour and a half away from me so he drove up and we went to the beach and then went out for sushi.  We went back to my condo and ended up just talking for hours.  It was really nice.  I am unsure of what will come of it.  I don’t want to stress about it or psyche myself out.  Having a man in my life isn’t a requirement.  If it happens it happens and it would be a bonus…not a need.  Thinking in this way is a HUGE change I made in my life.  I have changed in so many ways.  I have grown and I have found myself.  I used to be the girl that was desperate to have a man in her life because being in a relationship is the end all be all.  I settled for men that did not at all compliment my life…in fact they didn’t treat me well at all.  I wanted that companionship and that feeling of being wanted but my relationships were unhealthy and come the end of the day I was just being used in some form of another.  I believe some men were able to sense my insecurity so it was easy for them to take advantage.  I don’t blame them for that…I mean some of them are douchebags but it wasn’t them that needed to change…it was ME!  It took me a loooong time (into my 30’s) to finally get my head on straight.

I have thought long and hard about where my life was and where it is now and honestly, I am thankful for the place I am in now.  I finally feel healthy both mentally and physically.  For so long I was living to please others and I didn’t have a voice of my own.  I always just kind of sat in the background and let everyone else run the show.  I had this warped idea of what life was supposed to be like and I was always jealous and bitter because nothing seemed to be going right for me.  All of my girl friends had boyfriends and everyone else had better jobs and everyone else had better bodies.  I was constantly attending my own pity party.  It took a long, bumpy road and a whole lot of jumping outside of my comfort zone to realize that I am in control of everything in my life.  I had no right to bitch about things that I could change.   I was very overweight and I had no real right to be upset about it because it was me that got me to that place…no one else.  I could blame to fast food restaurants or chocolate distributors but they aren’t the one’s shoving the junk food down my mouth.  I was the one that chose to be completely lazy.  I finally could not take it anymore.  I could not take the self-loathing and the self-blaming and I KNEW that I needed to make changes.  I started to read…A LOT.  I read stories of others journeys and I read self-help books on the issues I was dealing with.  I researched and I asked questions.  I made myself change because I knew this was the only way I was going to be healthy.  I knew I didn’t want to look back in 40+ years and know that I lived majority of my life unhappy…unhappy over things that I could have changed.

For so long I knew I wanted to work in the human services field.  I wanted to fight for women’s/human rights and I wanted to be part of a positive change.  I remember one day I was feeling down and I realized that I had no business helping others if I was such a mess on the inside all of the time.  How do I preach to others something that I don’t practice myself.  How do I tell young girls to love themselves and not worry about their bodies or the way they look when I was tearing myself up every single day.  Pretty hypocritical I think.

I can’t give anyone an exact date of when this change occurred within me.  Honestly, I think it was just a build up from different events in my life that put me over the edge.  I am thankful that I am the person that chose the direction of change to better myself as opposed to digging the hole deeper (unfortunately a lot of people choose the latter).  I saw a counselor for a while and she had a lot of insight.  She stressed that my body was not WHO I am and that is 100% truth but I also knew that I needed to get weight off (for me and me only) if I wanted to be physically healthier and mentally healthier.  I wanted to be an example that young girls looked up to….I wanted to be a model of health.  To this day I still have about 30 more lbs. I want to lose but I have come so far that I don’t stress over that last 30 (I have lost close to 70lbs now-I was about 250lbs).  I don’t have the “perfect” body and I am ok with that because now I feel more comfortable in my clothing and I am able to move with greater ease because I am holding onto a lot less weight.  My body functions so much better.  I am like a well-oiled machine.  I want to teach girls that it is not about having the body of a supermodel and it is not a requirement to be skinny to find a boyfriend….it is all about being healthy….practicing healthy habits.  I couldn’t have taught this to young girls before (well I could have but I would have been a hypocrite) if I was not practicing what I was preaching.

For anyone it could be easy to allow your problems to swallow you up.  It could be very easy to give up and just throw in the towel.  Apparently for me, I had something deep within that I dug out that didn’t allow this to be an option.  I knew the potential that I had and I was no longer going to waste it.  The past was the past and there was no going back and changing anything and the future hadn’t happened yet.  They were/are both illusions.  I had the NOW and I was going to take advantage of it.  I stopped dating guys that I knew were completely wrong with me.  I actually stopped dating all together for a while so I could find myself even more….and yes I had moments of wishing I had someone to snuggle with or just be with…but for majority of this time I have fallen more and more in love with my journey in life.  I have learned who I am and for the first time (probably in my entire life) I have loved the person I have become….I love who I know I will be.  I have become less wishy washy and have taken a stand on my beliefs and I have stopped allowing everyone to make all of my decisions and form all of my thoughts.  I still have a hard time when I know people don’t like me or get upset at me but it has become a lot easier to accept because I have learned that in life, no matter who you are, there will be at least one person that doesn’t like you.  I changed my life for me.  I wanted to love me.  I wanted the happiness that I have always talked about and now that I knew happiness is a journey and not a destination my mind is so much more at ease…I am at a greater peace.

I could go on and on in this entry because this is stuff that I love to talk about.  I love the idea of change as well as the act of change….for the better of course.  I look at my life and visualize where I was 10 years ago and where I am now and it is as if I am not at all the same person.  As strange as it sounds, the person 10 years ago seems like someone else completely.  I don’t dislike that person because she taught be an obscene amount in life but it is me, right here, right now, that I love because I am finally practicing a healthy lifestyle as opposed to just wanting and thinking about it.

Day 146 Question 146:

What motivates you in life?

~Beauty motivates me

~Positive people motivate me

~The low man on the totem pole rising to the top motivates me

~Change-Seeing it in every form motivates me

~Knowledge of the world…knowing there is so much outside of my own little world motivates me

~Love motivates me

~Hate motivates me

~Strangers motivate me

~Good deeds done with no hidden motives motivate me

~Elderly people with great stories of love, strength and courage motivate me

~Children growing and learning motivate me

Day 145 Question 145:

What is dating like in 2012?

I have a date today.  This is the first date I have been on in I don’t even know how long.  I admit I am nervous.  Dating is just so weird to me and dating this day and age…especially at the age of 33 just bites.  I seem to meet guys that want to talk about or perform (yes I said perform) sex within the first hour of meeting me or I meet the guy with as much personality as a doorknob.  This is an online person…living in a tourist town it is almost impossible to meet someone.  I have talked to this guy a few times on the phone and the conversations have been quite stimulating so fingers crossed that it goes well.  I will keep you updated ;0)

I thought for pure amusement I would find some dating disaster stories online that would make me feel a little better about my past tragic dating scenarios with hopes that this one doesn’t end up as one of them.  I hope you are able to get a good giggle.  :0)

MY DATE WITH DEBBIE DOWNER

I met a woman on-line, we chatted a bit, soon to move on to the phone. On one phone call she started to describe the new family puppy. How it was difficult to train, modifications of the backyard, no-help from the kids…etc… you know the story.

The first meeting was at Chili’s, common area in between locations. I met her at the bar (her choice). She was 20-minutes late. When she arrived I was kinda shocked by her lack of weight. Very thin, too thin, odd.  She sat down and for the next 45-50 minutes she wined about how bad her life was and the same horrible dog story I had previously endured on the phone the day prior.

I was hoping that the building would possibly burst into flames. It didn’t happen, I was sad.

As we exited the building, walking to the parking lot she placed her hand on my shoulder and told me that I was a good listener, and conversstionalist. But there was NO SPARK.  I was hoping that I could knock over a Pharmacy on the way home for the anti-depressants that I now needed.  I never had a worse time in my life.

But, In turn, telling this story to some friends, my new girlfriend (Jean) who was sympathetic, and able to tell another internet dating story to me as well. We are now very happy, and get along amazingly, we will be married sometime next year,

So the bad turns into good.

This date from hell story was submitted by:  Peter from Western MA

Not What The Doctor Prescribed

Very shortly after my divorce in 1992, I received a “spam” message in my inbox that I actually responded to. Believe it or not, I hadn’t even heard of online dating before. This ad claimed I could meet the woman of my dreams on their site, so I was intrigued.

The next thing you know, I had ponied up however much they charged and began looking through the pictures of women they had listed.

To be honest, this was not exactly the most well-traveled site on the ‘net. Who knew there was a Match.com out there? So inevitably, I found exactly one woman who seemed interesting to me–a brown-eyed blondie with a friendly smile.

I emailed her, probably with something lame like “You seem nice. Maybe we could get along. Would you like to talk?”. Remember, this was Day One for me in the online dating world.

Call it “beginner’s luck, but she wrote back. Crazy, huh?

Well, one thing led to another, and there we were sitting across the table from one another at dinner. The fact that I shouldn’t have been paying for dinners here has long since been duly noted and is sort of beside the point, so please overlook that for now and read on.

Midway through dinner, she starts talking about her medical problems.

Never talk about your medical problems on a first date. I don’t care if you’ve known the person for ten years, let alone ten minutes.

Between bites of whatever I was eating, she was bragging about how she had chronic kidney stone issues and how tough she was for being able to pass them without even flinching nowadays.

Unfortunately, she took my casual attempt to divert the discussion as disbelief.

“You don’t believe I get kidney stones? Here…look…”

Already having started digging in her purse, she soon produced a small medicine vial.

I thought to myself, “This chick has to be kidding. I believe her, already. She doesn’t have to prove her case by showing me her prescription.”

I should have been so lucky.

Pressing down and twisting the child-proof cap, the bottle opened and the contents were soon poured into her hand.

“See, look at this…it has to be at least the size of a pea, right?”

With a freshly French-manicured thumb and forefinger, she produced the largest unit from an impressive collection of similar objects she was holding.

Yes. It was the largest kidney stone she had ever passed.

This woman collected her kidney stones. And she took them with her everywhere, apparently.

I don’t remember what I said or did, really. But I do remember there was a second date, believe it or not.

Not A Strip Mall, Sweetie Not long after the “kidney stone chick”, I met another woman from the same site. She was a Hispanic cutie with perfect skin and a booty that would have made Sir Mix-A-Lot slam on the brakes. She said “sweetie” a lot.

I hadn’t learned the part about not taking women to expensive dinners on first dates yet, so there were at one of the nicer sushi joints in San Antonio.

She was terrific. She was intelligent and loved to laugh. Above and beyond that, she was a great flirt. Clearly she was digging me.

We had ordered two glasses of red wine, and conversation turned to what she did for a living.

“So you said you were ‘self-employed’. What exactly do you do?”, I asked.

While she answered, I took a sip of Merlot. And it was right then that I discovered that all those slapstick “spit takes” you see on old-school comedy sketches are rooted in factual reality.

It took all I had in reserve not to spew grape juice all over everything.

“I run a chain of strip clubs, Sweetie.”, she had announced matter-of-factly.

Sitting before me was a decidedly classy woman, who I had picked up from a decent home in a nice neighborhood.

“You mean, like a strip mall…right…with the nail salons, a tanning place and a chinese restaurant.”

“No, silly! LOL! I mean like…you know…strip clubs. The kind with girls.”

Now if you know my style at all by now, you already realize the date was as good as over.

Yet, it was like a train wreck. I couldn’t look away.

And I asked the inevitable question.

“Yes, well…my ex ran the day-to-day operations and I pretty much handled the books. But he let the ‘interview process’ go a little too far too often, and I couldn’t trust him anymore. I got the business in the divorce settlement.”

It was then, I told her the truth.

“I’ve never been to one of those places in my life, and I see no reason to start now.”

Uh oh.

I may has well have lit a roman candle. That chick practically attacked me as soon as we left the restaurant. I tried to handle things as best as I knew how at the time, but let’s just say she wasn’t a happy camper.

When I got home, she had already e-mailed me the buck-naked pics from her “Adult Friendfinder” profile (which was my first introduction to that particular reality). “This is what you missed out on. GOOD LUCK!!!” was the only line accompanying the pics.

Day 144 Question 144:

What questions do you have for the general public?  What topics/questions would you like others insights/opinions on?

Well I learned yesterday that some people are very sensitive to certain subjects…rightfully so.  I wanted to allow my readers to know that the questions I answer are usually posed to me or I find somewhere in my random daily passings.  I choose to answer these questions so I am able to think and see what my point of view really is.  I do sometimes stumble and fumble my words though because although I love expressing myself in the written word, without hearing vocals inflicted with emotion, I am unable to get my point across clearly.  I am a very sensitive person that aims at not offending people.  Some may find this a weakness.  I am opinionated yes but I try to word things in a manner in which people understand that I exude more love than prejudices or assumptions about people.  I LOVE that people share their points of view with me and yes sometimes I feel like I am having a finger waved in my face being told that I am wrong but sometimes I need that to keep my eyes open to other points of view.  Yesterday many people made very valid points about the topic of equality between men and women that I had really not taken into account.  I cannot let time pass without my readers know that there comments are appreciated….even when I am a Sensitive Sally ;0)

Last night I ended up with one of those headaches that worsens as time passes.  I was laying in bed just trying to get comfortable and (like I do a lot) I started to think about myself as a person.  I started to think about life and what is important.  I watched a documentary called The Life Experience and I recommend EVERYONE check it out because it is one of those things that opens your eyes to so many things you have (or most likely never have) experienced.  It is a truly beautiful piece of work.

So here are my questions….there are no right or wrong answers obviously….I just would really like the point of view of others to see where others come from (and if asked, I can explain in greater detail why I am asking these questions in particular).  I am sure I will probably answer these questions in future blogs because they are all ideas to think about but for now I really want to hear from others….from my friends and family and from fellow bloggers from around the world.  I want to be a student in a classroom full of diversity and different traditions.

1)      I am a non-confrontational person, even when someone is rude to me or gets aggressive with me.  Is this a sign of weakness/do you see it as a weakness?

2)      What is something that is universal to ALL human beings?

3)      Which emotion is stronger, love or hate?  Why?

4)      Honestly, are you prejudice in any way?  Would you be willing to explain?

5)      As a person, what is your greatest strength?  Your greatest weakness?

6)      Having answered the last question….is your weakness really a weakness or something that society has pegged as a weakness?

7)      Are the politics of today’s society helping or hurting us?

8)      Have you ever felt threatened on any scale?  How did you handle it?

9)      What do you think today’s society is lacking?

10)  Does everyone in this world have a purpose?  If so, do we ever find out what the purpose is?

If you need more description or more explanation of the questions, please feel free to ask.  If you have any specific questions for me please throw them in my direction.  I am the type of person that needs to be challenged in order to reach a deeper level of life.  For so long I lived on a superficial and one day I changed it all.  I have dug deeper and deeper every single day to learn and to teach myself about a world that is so much bigger than me.  I have sought out beauty and culture and relationships with people both near and far.  I thank you very kindly for sharing your thoughts with me and sharing your kindness and insights.

Day 143 Question 143:

Are men and women equal?  Why or why not?

I guess this question would all depend on who you ask.  Some may say yes but in their heads be thinking about how a woman’s place is meant to be in the home cooking and cleaning while wrangling a bunch of children.  Other’s may say that we live in a society where women are starting to overpower men.  It is an unanswerable question really because it is really based on opinions and places you go.

Now, with this being my blog and knowing that I am chock full of thoughts and opinions you know I am going to throw mine out there.  I got a good laugh last night.  I was working at the restaurant and this couple came in that are regulars.  I am pretty much the one that always waits on them.  I would guess them to be in their early 60’s and they are beyond nice.  We were pretty slow and the man was asking me a bunch of questions about my jobs and my education and I told him that I wanted to work for an organization that focused on women’s rights.  He laughed and asked me if I was going to join the Tea Party next.  He told me that he knew a bunch of other better subjects I should get my degree in.  He wasn’t being offensive and I didn’t think much of it but I did know that he really did think that the whole idea of women’s rights was silly.  Him and my dad would be great friends.  I do not believe men and women are equal because we still live in a world where a lot of men believe that are dominant to women (before you overreact…I said a lot…not all).  With this kind of mentality, women are always going to be considered second-rate citizens in the world.  Trust me, there is nothing that grates my skin more than a victim mentality.  I am not at all implying that women are victims….I believe if we fight hard enough we are able to have anything we want.  I just believe that as a society we have not completely evolved in order to see the genders as equal.

I don’t know…maybe I really am one of those “feminists” that my dad always pokes fun at…I pretty much hate labels though.  I would like to think I am not annoying though in picking out every little tiny detail of “rights” and “wrongs”.  For example, if a friend of mine (a male friend) called me a bitch…I may get upset but I am not going to fly off the handle about how disrespectful that term is to women.  I believe this country has become ridiculous when it comes to always being “politically correct” and honestly, sometimes I can be a bitch.  I guess I just see so many women day in and day out that have this potential for greatness….these women that can be leaders and entrepeneurs and activists….and they can even be wives and mothers but instead they just chase after men with money.  They want someone to take care of them.  I see talent wasted and I hate that.  I know it is their choice and if that is what they want then that is their business…I just hate seeing anyone waste major potential.  I hate when anyone acts like their stereotype.  Women play a large role in us not being equals at this point in life.  Don’t get me wrong, we have come sooooo far and I love to see that….but we aren’t quite to where we should be (at least in my opinion).  We have not seen a woman president….we see very few female political leaders in fact.  I once saw a news broadcast and a male commentator was asked why he believed that there has never been a female president and his response was, “Besides the PMS and mood swings?”  Women are emotional creatures (well a lot…not all) and I guess I just don’t see why that is a downfall.  Yes, it can be in some situations but it can also be very advantageous.  Emotions can equal analysis.

I guess because I am a woman it comes so easily to have this natural pride in my gender.  I want the best for all other females in the world because I see women as being so powerful and so beautiful.  I don’t want to go on a rant about all of the horrible things that have held us back in society.  We have come too far to focus on the past….the era of the 1950’s housewife is over (yes I know this statement is going to get lost in translation and I am going to get clobbered0…this is 2012 and we are part of a world in which BOTH men and women have been extremely successful and have taken the lead when it comes to family and professional lives.  I hope to see women keep thriving…especially those women in other countries where they are looked at as basically nothing.  I hope our world starts seeing the advantages of both genders and we are able to see a shift from male domination in certain fields to equality between the sexes.

Day 142 Question 142:

What do you need to vent about?

I find it funny that so many women get shit for going after the “bad boy” when I was just told by a guy, “we couldn’t be together because you are too nice and I am a rough guy.”  Ugh, sometimes I think my life is a movie…the number of times I say to myself, “Really???” in a day is sometimes far too many to count.  The conversation continued and he told me that he is just emotionally spent and he is just going to have sex right now.  That was followed up by, “I am a relationship guy though.”  I told him it really sounded like it.  This is the reason the whole dating game is nothing but a joke to me.  People say what they want but when they have it right in front of them they will haul ass in the other direction as fast as possible.

I guess today has just been one of those days where I have felt like I have heard the dumbest of the dumb things.  We all have choices in life and we have the choice to better our lives all of the time but some people just choose to either sit stagnant or just make up excuse after excuse and do stupid action after stupid action.  I stay positive as often as possible but sometimes I just want to shake certain people and tell them to snap out of it.  I know it is not my life…it is theirs….but our worlds collide so therefore I have an opinion.  I mean come on…I have an opinion about everything ;0).  Apparently I just have that face or that voice that makes people want to spill all of their shit to me.  People that hardly know me will even just unleash the entire saga of their lives within the first 10 minutes of meeting me. I really try to stay positive as much as humanly possible and even when I feel irritation or annoyance I just keep it to myself and let it pass.  I don’t see any point in telling people how I feel about them in the moment if it is not going to be beneficial.  I did feel the need to vent though….and I felt like this was the perfect venue.  I am sure I am sounding hypocritical by saying I focusing on being positive but I am going on a bitchfest…hahahaha.  Everyone has those moments and those days though and I am entitled to mine every once in a while.

I guess lately I have just encountered so many people in different settings that have exuded constant negativity and have bitched and moaned about things (that I see) that are completely controllable.  Hearing this negativity wears on a person after a while.  I want to be a support system for someone but if they are going to do absolutely nothing to fix their situation or change then I just have to gracefully bow out.  It becomes far too frustrating for me.  The guy I mentioned above has complete control over his situation and he could meet a nice girl and have a good life (and mind you he has a young child) but instead he has decided to be a total douchebag and just sleep around….yet will still bitch about how women think they are so perfect and how women are the enemy.  Well, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that with an attitude like that then no you will not have a successful relationship….if you put negativity out there expect it to come back to you tenfold.  It is once again that entire victim mentality…people allow their pasts to control them and in the meantime everyone around them has to suffer because they must constantly hear about how awful life is and how life is so unfair and how no one is honest or can’t be trusted.  CHANGE YOUR SITUATION AND YOUR MINDSET….IT REALLY IS THAT EASY!!!!  I have come to realize though that people thrive on drama and no matter how much encouragement or positive words they receive from people they are still going to make excuses and feel sorry for themselves.  It really is quite sad.

I feel guilty about venting.  I find it counterproductive.  Focusing on the positive is always my goal.  I guess I just had felt overwhelmed and needed to get these thoughts and feelings out of my system so I could move forward.  I apologize to those reading for being negative and having to listen to my rant.  I really shouldn’t even be whining about any of this because by no means am I perfect and I have made plenty of mistakes in my life.  I guess I just needed a moment to unleash.  I am just the type of person that has a hard time letting people go or not listening to people…but sometimes when everything is so negative all of the time I feel overwhelmed and I am not confrontational so it will build up.  To my readers I thank you for reading this complete bitch fest that I guess was much needed.  From here on…positive thoughts and reflective opinions.  So much love!!!

Day 141 Question 141:

What is a random act of kindness that you have recently been exposed to?

I love to see random people just perform these acts of kindness and goodness.  I watched a documentary called Beyond Belief last night and it was focused on two women that befriended each other because their husbands were on one of the planes that crashed into the Twin Towers on that dreaded day of September 11, 2001.  These two women were raising money for Afghanistan widows.  The beauty of this documentary and of these two women is that they chose to spread love instead of hate.  September 11, 2001 has to be one of the worst days in history.  I cannot reflect on that day without getting choked up.  I am from the state of NY and that day it was as if everything stopped.  I was in college at the time and classes were canceled for the day and phone lined were completely jammed with everyone calling their loved ones.  That day could make it easy to immediately feel a sense of hatred…an understandable and almost validated hatred.  Muslin extremists took it upon themselves to take the lives of thousands of human beings young and old.  These two women knew that although they experienced a deep, emotional pain from losing their husbands, that hatred was not the answer.  None of the terrorists that were on those planes actually resides in Afghanistan…they trained there.  They learned about the women of Afghanistan and learned the horrific conditions under which they were living.  They learned about the fear that these women lived under and how terrifying their lives could be on a daily basis.  These are women that lived so minimally under conditions that no human being should live under.  In this documentary these two women visited Afghanistan and during this visit they realized how important it was to help support these women.  They knew that they could raise money for people in the United States but they also realized that we are all human beings in this world and these women needed their help.  By giving these women just $28, they would be able to send their children to school for a year.  They didn’t want to just give these widows money and leave….they showed they different trades and life skills so these women could make money and be able to feed and clothe their children.  One woman told her story and she had lost 7 of her sons to starvation because she was unable to provide for her family after her husband was killed.

Given the choice between violence and love these two women chose love.  It would be easy for these women to hate all people of Afghanistan but they knew that was the wrong choice.  They could not hate all for the actions of only a few.  They knew the pain and anguish of losing someone they loved and their journey showed them a life outside of their own.  I felt such a strong wave of emotions when watching this documentary because 9/11 was such a horrific, emotional day.  Every time I see or hear anything about that day, I feel like shallowness in my chest and tears immediately form in my eyes.  Innocent people were lost.  It would be easy to be angry and hateful but there are innocent people all over the world that are tortured or killed or have their loved ones ripped from them in mere moments.  I never want to choose hate because some people made some really bad decisions…I cannot blame all for the choices of some…it is just not a fair thing to do.  Watching these women living in Afghanistan living in conditions that seem so unreal, made me have a MUCH greater appreciation for everything I have.  These women wanted the two American women to stay in contact with them after they left and asked them to send pictures of their homes, and work places and children.  One of the women broke down and told them how she did not want to send those these because it just seemed so unfair that she had so much and they had so little.  The women from Afghanistan told her to not feel bad for what she had…she deserved those things because of the goodness in her heart.  These women reached out and there were so many lessons to be learned.  As human beings, we make a lot of assumptions and judgments and it is in times like these that we learn how wrong we can sometimes be.

I have to admit that for a very long time I had been very ignorant of so many things that were going on in the world.  I was closed off in my little bubble and it was as if nothing else really existed.  At some point, for some reason I was drawn to wanting to know about life outside of me.  I exposed myself to reality and I realized that this reality was not always a pretty picture.  My heart ached when I started to learn about what was going on in the big world outside of me.  I started to change because something inside of me was pulling me to learn as much as possible (and I admit to still being uneducated and ignorant to some things) and to try to do my part…even if it is something really small…even if it is just these words on this screen right now bringing awareness to the people that read them.

I know I tend to say the same things over and over again but so desperately inside of me I want this world to start believing and practicing love more than hate.  I don’t have the answers or the solutions to the world’s problems but it absolutely breaks me that violence and murder have become a solution.  Parents are torn away from their children and loved ones are senselessly killed and the pain and anguish can be unbearable.  That is just not fair and not right.  Violence, war and crime should never have become a normal part of life ANYWHERE.  I believe that this is the same way these two American women were thinking when they decided to take on this mission of helping widows in Afghanistan.  No matter where someone comes from, no one deserves to have someone they love taken away by violence or murder.  We, as people, are better than that…whether some people believe it or not we really are.  Violence and hatred are learned…I choose to show love and teach love in hopes that the people around me will focus on those things…even through the hardest of times.  Hatred has become too easy.  I ask of you, my friends (all friends…whether in person or virtual) to please choose love over hate.  Walk away instead of choosing anger.  Ask questions before assuming.  Think about your life and reflect on those individuals living in severe poverty and fear every single day and ask yourself how bad your life really is.  These are the answers I do have and deep down in the core of my being, I believe if more people did these simple things we would see changes….they may be small and they may be slow but changes are changes no matter how you look at it.

About the organization these two women formed:

Beyond the 11th is a non-profit organization that provides support to widows in Afghanistan who have been afflicted by war, terrorism & oppression.

Founded by two American women whose husbands were killed on September 11th, our mission is to reach beyond differences of culture and geography to embrace the most essential of connections: humanity.

Afghan widows are highly vulnerable and trapped in an ever-deepening cycle of extreme poverty and helplessness. Beyond the 11th funds programs that help widows gain the skills necessary to generate their own income and become self-sufficient. We strongly believe that education and empowerment are the keys to creating lasting social change.

http://www.beyondthe11th.org/

Day 140 Question 140:

What do you think life would be like if you lived during a different time? During the great depression or during the 1960’s, etc?

I am so unsure of what I want to write about today.  My mind is usually full of a million thoughts but there is not one thing in particular that is standing out more than any others at this moment.  I guess lately I have been thinking about all of the things that go on in the world outside of the little bubble that I live in.  I always make sure to educate myself and always bring my awareness to a lot of life outside of myself but there is just so much that it is impossible to learn it all.  It is impossible to truly understand it without experiencing it first-hand.

A few days ago I posted pictures of what I believed were powerful events occurring in history.  They were moments captured in time that have such a significance.  I think about what life would be like if I had experienced some of these things.  How would I react to visiting a third world country and see all of the poverty around me?  How would I react if a loved one were killed in the 9/11 attacks? Would I ever be the same after that?  What would my life be like if I had lived during a time when blacks and whites were segregated?  Would I still see people the way I see them now….all people as equals?

I am proud of the person that I have become because of my ability to want better for myself as well as for others and my constant pursuing of change to make the world a better place.  I believe I am able to see the big picture and all of its details.  I think A LOT outside of myself and try to always see things from the point of view of others.  This is why I am not confrontational.  My thoughts are usually only a feeling in a moment.  I may not like the actions or words of another person but I always try to ask myself whether or not I would be pointing out something I am or have been guilty of.  I always think about how others words can be hurtful and how much I do not enjoy my flaws and faults being pointed out.  There are people in my life that I would jump in front of a train for and take away any pain they had if I could but there are others that really do not hold significance other than knowing them.  I always try to be positive and friendly but with some people I keep contact minimal because I believe that person does not benefit my life in any way…in fact they may potentially hurt my life with negativity.  These people are few and far between though.  I am a lover of people.  I want good for people.  I want to befriend so many people and learn about their lives and where they have come from and where they are going.  I want to meet people that live a life so very different from my own and teach me their way of life.  I want to show people love and teach people how to give love….even when your mind and body are wanting you to hate.  I am one of those new generation hippies like my dad  calls me.

With all of these things that I want and the way I see the world, I do wonder what my life would be like if I grew up in a different time or if my life circumstances were much different.  I try my hardest to no longer take what is really important for granted.  I am lucky for so many things and I have so many people to thank for all of those things.  I have always believed that genetics does play a role in who we are as people but we are mainly a product of our environments.  I believe hate is learned.  I believe racism, prejudice and bigotry are learned.  I also believe respect, kindness and compassion are learned.

What would life be like if my circumstances were completely different?  I have parents that have been married for 43+ years.  I have known nothing other than having a family with two married parents.  I have several friends that have divorced parents and some will tell me about people that their mom or dad is dating and (I am not insulting it) it is so weird to me.  I understand it but I cannot at all relate to it.  I wonder if my parents had split up at some time how that would affect me  I am already pretty jaded when it comes to dating and relationships…would I be a full blow cynic if I came from a home of divorce?  I know it is nothing that I have to worry about but these are things I think about sometimes.  When I think about these things it allows me to have a greater appreciation of my life.  What if I was born and raised in a third world country where women were treated disgustingly?  To people in these situations, this is what they know so that is what is normal to them.  It blows my mind to think about what is normal to some people….not that my “normal” is the right way.  I ask a lot of questions because other people’s lives fascinate me.  If I came from a “broken” home or if I lived during a time when women were supposed to stay at home and have babies and tend to the house, would I be completely different now or would I still be the girl that wants to fight societal norms????  Obviously, there is no answer to these questions but they are definitely interesting to think about.  I love to sometimes imagine different roles I would play during different times.  I can see myself as the hippie flower child that would take part in peaceful protests and fight for world peace.  I can see myself as the sassy 1950’s pin up chick that didn’t desire to be super feminine but wanted to express herself through fun, sexy styles.  I can see myself as a great leader…a woman that fought for human rights and for women’s rights….I actually still envision this woman as the person I am becoming.  I can see myself standing on a platform in front of a mass audience voicing my opinions and the need for our people of this world to come together.

It is impossible to say what life would be like in another time.  A part of me believes that no matter what time it was, I would always be that woman that never wanted to be molded.  I think I would always be the rebellious type that would voice my opinions and fight for what I believe in.  I love children and I absolutely love to see strong, loving families.  I think mothers are some of the most beautiful people on Earth and seeing a father interacting with his children completely warms my heart…..but that lifestyle doesn’t quite fit me.  I may change at any moment because I am famous for doing that but right now…and for quite a long time…I strive to make change in the world and to quote the words of Gandhi, I want to “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

I am constantly thinking about why I am the way I am and where I have learned to believe what I do.  I have traits and qualities similar to both of my parents but I am so different from everyone in my family.  I am not upset about this.  I actually love it.  I focus on living in the here and now but I do find it fun to think about why I am who I am.  That is why I am always asking about my history…and the history of my family.  I am made up of so many environments.  I do believe in past lives and future lives and I do wonder who I once was or where I came from.  How fun life can be if you have a creative imagination! :0)