It's a New Day…

Day 178 Question 178:

Why do people take power to such extremes?

I have a really hard time seeing power in a positive manner.  It seems that whenever people hold power (not all but a lot) they end up abusing that power.  Last night I was working at the restaurant and a coworker found out some very bad news.  I must give you a little back story.  My coworker (and also very good friend) is from Guatemala.  He has now been in the states for about 5 years.  His intention was to live here for 2-3 years and save as much money as possible and go back to Guatemala and start his own coffee business.  Back in Guatemala he left 3 children, a wife, a mother and many brothers and sisters.  He speaks with them daily but has not been in their physical presence in almost 5 years.  Because family is so important in that area, everyone lived together in one large house.  His family would be considered quite wealthy in their country.  Last night he got a call (I am not sure who from) and the next thing I knew he was crying hysterically.  He took off his apron and said very little but said that he needed to fly back to Guatemala as soon as possible and that something very bad happened.  The only thing that he said was that his home was broken into.  He didn’t give details but our manager broke into tears as well saying that the two had been talking and the drug cartels in Mexico were really bad and he feared that these drug lords broke into his home and hurt or potentially killed his family or some family members.  My heart absolutely sank at the thought of this.  I do not know if this is what happened but regardless, my Guatemalan friend was extremely upset and something happened that obviously turned his entire world upside down.  Before he left the restaurant I hugged him tight while h sobbed and told him to call me anytime.  I was heart-broken but I know I was nowhere near as heart-broken as he was.

So, upon reading my story, you may wonder why I chose the question that I did.  Well yesterday (before any of this happened) I was reading different news articles and I stumbled upon an article of a man that shackled his wife up daily and abused her for over 10 years.  This woman had disfigured feet because her husband crushed them because he wanted her to never escape.  I read other articles of political figures and their happenings in the world and all that kept rushing through my head is how sick it is how people act because they believe they hold such power.  I know power has a very open meaning…but it is something that has become abused more and more.  If my friend’s family was harmed by the drug cartel, it is very obvious that there was a leader that instigated the break-in and attack….as they have been all over Mexico.  I can’t wrap my brain around how someone could hold such power that they are able to convince others to abuse, rape and murder people.  I can’t wrap my brain around why a man would believe that he holds power over his wife and finds it ok to treat her like an animal (worse than an animal…because animals don’t deserve any abuse either).

Power is abused day in and day out.  Is money the main source of this power abuse?  Do these people (again, not all) believe they are better than others? Were these people picked on as children and youth so now they are abusing power and feel entitled because they are bitter?  Do some of these people have absolutely no conscience?  There was a news story that was all over every station recently and it showed a police officer kicking a young woman in the head as she sat on a curb handcuffed.  The young woman was intoxicated and had been removed from a bar for her behavior and in the video you can see the woman swat at the officer’s legs with hers but there is absolutely no reason this man should have kicked this woman in the head.  First off, she was handcuffed and secondly she was under the influence.  After he kicks her, he goes upon his business and shows not one ounce of remorse.  I believe he thought he held a certain kind of power because he is (was) a police officer and that sickens me immensely.  In my opinion, titles do not make anyone better or more powerful.  At the end of the day, people are still people.  If we must hold onto this term of power, then why not use it in a positive way?  Is that even possible?

http://www.cnn.com/video/?%2Fvideo%2Fus%2F2012%2F07%2F11%2Fdnt-woman-hostage-for-decade.wsaz#/video/us/2012/07/11/dnt-woman-hostage-for-decade.wsaz

Check out link above

Day 177 Question 177:

Do any dating rules really apply?  What are some that you strongly believe in/strongly disagree with?

 I have written about this topic before.  I am FULL of opinions when it comes to this topic.  Am I am expert?  Absolutely not…but then again who really is????  About 4-5 years ago I became absolutely obsessed with reading articles on relationships and the do’s and don’ts of dating.  I read every rule there was to read and let me tell you…the list was far from short.  Through this experience I realized that a majority of these rules were geared toward women.  So, in this post, I will admit that it is swayed more in the direction of women.  Men (from my personal experiences) seem to be more casual when it comes to dating.  Us women tend to think and analyze and evaluate almost everything (again, not all…a lot though).  For a while there I was a dating fool.  I would meet guys out or online and I would go on multiple dates a week….nothing stuck.  Most of the time I was contemplating all of the dating rules in my head and making sure I was doing this or not doing that, that I HAD to have been coming off like a nervous wreck.  It took me until recently (probably within this past year) to realize that a majority of the dating rules are complete SHIT!!!  All they do is try to mold people and these rules cannot possibly be suited to fit everyone.  I once went on a date with this guy and we grabbed appetizers and a couple of beers (this was obviously when I used to drink).  We had great conversation and spent more hours together than I expected.  We didn’t kiss at the end of the night but there was that awkward linger and it was obvious we were unsure what the other was feeling or thinking.  Shortly after I got home I got a text from the guy and he told me what a great time he had and looked forward to seeing me again.  I did not hear a word from him after this….well not for another 6 weeks that is.  Randomly he sends me a text asking me if I wanted to meet him for dinner then watch some football game.  I told him yes.  I texted him shortly after and asked him where he wanted to watch the football game.  Let me back up for a minute…on our first date I explained to him that I was a planner for the most part.  I told him that I did like spontaneity but I did try to plan only because my work and school schedule can be quite busy.  So anyhow, after I asked him where we he wanted to watch the football game he sent me a text saying, “I think we should forget this.  If you can’t even be spontaneous once then this will never work.  We are going to dinner at a sports bar/restaurant.  Where do you think we would have been watching the game?”  I was dumbfounded.  I asked one simple question….and mind you I had never been to the place we planned on having dinner so I did not know that it was a sports bar/restaurant.  I wrote him back and said, “I think you are right, this would never work.  You did not contact me for 6 weeks but I am the ass in this situation.  I didn’t know that the place was a sports bar/restaurant….excuse me for asking one simple question.  I now know what type of person you would be in a relationship and because you didn’t contact me for 6 weeks it is obvious that everything is done on your time frame.  Sorry, but I don’t work that way.”  He wrote back and told me I was right and I could feel that his tail went straight between his legs.  I was pissed.  Maybe I do need to work on being more spontaneous, but what a lot of men seem to not understand is that women want to look nice for a man (no I am not saying hours worth of primping).  When you want us to pick up and just go in that moment (when we are home unshowered, lounging in our pajamas and looking quite horrid) we are usually taken off guard.  It is not that we don’t want to hang out…we just need a little bit of notice…but the problem is…when we say we aren’t ready then we are pinned as high maintenance or dramatic or what have you.

I am the type of woman that will be very honest about who I am…especially in a dating/relationship scenario.  I don’t lay all of the cards out on the table up front but I will get there eventually if I feel that the relationship is leading somewhere.  I do this so the person knows who I am and they can choose whether they accept it or not.  I have come up with dating rules for myself (and I do think that they could be beneficial for other women).  These are rules that have come into fruition over time because of past mistakes and experiences…I have done stupid things myself and I have watched other women do things that should make them want to crawl under a table in embarrassment.  These rules allow me to keep my dignity but also allow room for compromise.  Alright here we go…

Diane’s Rules For Dating:

1)       DO NOT SLEEP WITH ANYONE ON DATE #1-Yes, there have been rare occasions where a relationship has happened after sleeping with someone right away….but let’s face it…the chances are almost nill.  Let’s leave some mystery ;0)

2)      DO NOT FISH FOR COMPLIMENTS-When you make comments about how fat you are or how worthless you are, it is sooooooo obvious what you are doing.  All that it says to someone is that you are insecure and really negative….whether it be in person, via email or via Facebook.  This is annoying to EVERYONE!!!!

3)      DO NOT TALK ABOUT SEX AND SEXUAL STUFF RIGHT UP FRONT-This will read that you are an easy lay and EVERYONE can smell the desperation oozing off of you.  If you feel the need to do this in order to get attention from a man then you may want to reevaluate what you think of yourself.

4)      BE YOURSELF CONFIDENTLY-People (whether it is someone you are interested in or just people in general) are not going to like you for whatever reason.  These people should not change who you are.  The person you fall in love with (I mean really and truly love you) should love and embrace you because of your uniqueness.  They will know you have flaws (just like they have flaws) and they will see them as imperfectly perfect and help you to change yourself if that is what you want but not use those flaws against you.  If someone wants to change you then you ARE with the wrong person and so are they!

5)      IF YOU ARE DATING SOMEONE THAT CHEATED ON SOMEONE TO BE WITH YOU THEN THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE IT IS NOT GOING TO WORK IN THE LONG RUN-I only say this because there is a very good chance that in the back of your mind you will always be thinking, “Well he did cheat on someone else to be with me, how do I know he won’t cheat on me to be with someone else?”  If you are starting a relationship with this many questions and this many doubts, then it probably isn’t going to get better.

6)      DON’T SETTLE-There is not a specific timeline in life that says when you need to get married and have babies.  When you are single, people are going to tell you over and over again that you are too picky.  BE PICKY!!!!!  It is YOU in the relationship and you have wants and needs.  No, I do not recommend basing everything on looks but attraction is important and you know that.  What YOU want is just as important as what everyone else wants.  Listen to what your heart is telling you….not what society is telling you!!!!

7)      IF YOU DON’T LOVE YOURSELF, YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO LOVE SOMEONE ELSE-Yes it is that simple!!!  If you question this then you probably do not love yourself…start working on that because you totally should love yourself a ridiculous amount!!!!  Seriously, what makes anyone better than YOU???

I don’t have many rules for myself.  I believe relationships, no matter what kind they are, should just form and progress naturally.  I am still single at age 33 and I am totally fine with that.  I am fine with it because I KNOW being in a relationship will not define me.  It could potentially be an added bonus to my life but it is not going to complete me.  The only thing that will complete me is living in a manner that feels right to me and only me.  For myself, I am unsure if I would be able to be with only one person for the rest of my life so I do not want to burden myself with searching and hoping for something that may not be something I truly want….searching for something to complete me when I already have all of the tools myself….the only person that complete me is me.  It took a long time for everything to make sense.  If there is someone that is meant to be in my life then it will happen at the right time.  There really is no point stressing over something…in my opinion that ruins it from being completely natural.  No relationship should be forced and we should not simply settle due to momentary loneliness.  I know what I want and what I need…if someone comes along and compliments my life then that is wonderful…if I have only myself for this life that is wonderful as well.  There is no purpose in wallowing in loneliness and self-pity…those things are choices….I choose to embrace opportunities that arise everyday.  I believe this is the healthiest way to live.  I have people in my life that I love right now….there is no reason for me to feel sorry for myself because I do not have a boyfriend or a husband.  I am not alone even in the slightest.  Other people are…they have no family…no friends….no one…and some of these people don’t have a complaint in the world.  I refuse to let my ego get the best of me. :0)

Day 176 Question 176:

Does the media, both print and broadcast, report fairly? Does it ever cross the line between reporting the news and creating the news?

 The media has become this crazy tool or entity or whatever you may call it in society.  I just started a new semester in Grad school and the class I am taking is called Research and Methodology.  For our final project we have to pick a topic and thoroughly research it….so, of course, I went to the handy dandy media tool called the Internet to browse some topics.  The golden lightbulb went off and I realized I could kill two birds with one stone and also find an array of topics for blog questions…Genius right????

I stumbled upon this topic and I was intrigued.  The media has fascinated me for quite some time now.  It has become this thing (and this is a bold statement I know) that I believe has potentially brainwashed us as human beings.  George Orwell in the classic 1984 always spoke about Big Brother watching us and I believe at this current time Big Brother is the media.  We have two major new stations, Fox News and CNN, and from the perspectives of Democrats Fox News is far right-winged but out of the mouths of Republicans, CNN veers far to the left.  Is there really a possibility for fair, unbiased reporting???  I think not.  No matter how unbiased someone tries to be they are going to convey their emotions through their body language and tone of voice.  Some reporters will blatantly tell the people where they stand on the issues.  For example, Nancy Grace spent a year if not more reporting on the Casey Anthony case.  From the very beginning she had Casey Anthony pegged as a murderer.  She showed the public how disgusting she found her to be.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe Casey Anthony murdered her child (and if it wasn’t by her hands…she surely was a part of the plot) but Nancy Grace surely didn’t not report in an unbiased manner.  Most media stations did not.  The same goes for the Trayvon Martin case.  Most media stations pegged George Zimmerman as a murderer before any details about the incident even surfaced.  Again, I have my opinions but I was not present in either situation to know what really happened.  I will admit that the media swayed me.  Is it there job to do this?  If you think about it, isn’t that kind of twisted?  In my opinion, there is really no way to report the news in a completely unbiased way….at least not in a way that is going to keep the viewer interested.  I mean, if you turned on the TV and a broadcaster sat there completely dead pan speaking in a monotone voice reporting two sides to every story, what are the chances that you would sit there and watch?  I am guessing slim to none.

I do believe that as technology has boomed and time has passed that media has worsened.  That is strictly my opinion though.  We have become a nation that thrives on entertainment and even the news is becoming a source of entertainment.  Maybe I am just a Debbie Downer but I would rather news be informative as opposed to entertaining…not implying it needs to be boring but seriously, what impact does Justin Bieber’s wardrobe have on the world and why do journalists/media specialists believe this is worthy of front page news???  Don’t get me wrong…I admit that I do not always practice what I preach.  By no means at all am I perfect.  I will totally get sucked into celebrity gossip and stories that hold no relevance to my life (i.e. prodigy babies, or animal tricks).  I am just answering the question at hand.  I am just wondering how far media is going to go to catch the attention of its viewers.

I am the type of person that will question everything…not necessarily out loud though.  I have this insane curiosity about why people do as they do and why things work the way they do.  I am always wondering how the world works as a whole and sometimes I think of some off the wall things.  I sometimes think we are all just living in a dream.  I have even wondered if we are just a figment of someone’s imagination.  I don’t have the answers to anything because I find it impossible to have solid answers….even with theories and graphs and data and charts.  I have a hard time believing anything to be 100% truth so of course I cannot believe that the media is ever going to provide us with unbiased news and information.  We have become a country that is absolutely money hungry.  We will put whatever we want out there if it sells….it doesn’t matter if it is not true or if it is completely sexist or prejudice.  We have women reporters nowadays that wear low cut shirts showing off extreme cleavage or skirts that hang far above the knee.  You don’t think that was planned?  Don’t get me wrong, I am not an extremist when it comes to fashion and how I believe women should dress.  I just believe that a woman in journalism should portray herself professionally…not show off her goods in order to get higher ratings.  I realize though that the news station itself is largely responsible for that….I just have to question what message that is sending to young girls.

The media has become the thing that makes the world go around every single day.  Media has started controlling the population and that will continue far after my years on this planet.  I don’t believe there really is a way to make media completely unbiased but I do believe we have choices when it comes to what we are allowing the public to be exposed to.  We hear about the rates of teen pregnancy sky rocketing every year but we choose to have Jersey Shore running on a  constant loop almost everyday….and if you haven’t tuned in…these people sleep with multiple people (that they don’t know) almost daily.  Why are we sensationalizing bad behavior?  I don’t believe the government should control and censor television but there are lines that people can draw.  I guess I have just become completely astounded by the power that money can have over people.  Family values and humanity just don’t hold the same value these days because so many people are chasing after the good old American dollar.

My goal is never to be negative….although this post may not prove that at all.  I guess I just have to remind myself of certain things in order to keep striving to hold onto my family values and to hold onto what is important to me.  Media can be extremely influential and I am constantly questioning to truth in anything I am exposed to.  The idea of stories being fabricated in the media just seems so disgraceful and wrong…is money really worth more than morals?

Day 175 Question 175:

What makes you uncomfortable?  Why?  What do you do about it?

There are random things in life that make me uncomfortable.  I can’t stand to be around 2 friends when they argue because I never know how to respond and I don’t want either one to think I am taking sides.  I guess what it comes down to is that I am really uncomfortable with confrontation in pretty much all ways.  I admit that I am a people pleaser (for the most part).  The thought of hurting people’s feelings will bother me and linger on and on and on….yes even with people I may not know very well.  I am just not one of those people that can say anything and everything that I am thinking.  I am actually uncomfortable around people like that.  I am always trying to take other people’s feelings into consideration so when I am around people that just say anything they are thinking with no regard to other’s feelings, I just feel very awkward and uncomfortable.

I believe that I need to work on being more aggressive and confrontational in a positive and productive way.  I don’t think I have quite been able to express myself the way that I would like because I still hold onto some internal worry.  For the majority of my life I have had anxiety and worry and I have really focused a lot of attention on ridding myself of these things….focusing on stepping out of my comfort zone.  For some unknown reason I have worried about losing people in my life so I never wanted to “overstep any boundaries”.  I have lost a lot of people throughout life due to various circumstances and I have realized that some of those losses did break my heart while others were losses that I needed.  I am coming to realize that there will be people that just aren’t the right fit for my life and there is nothing wrong with that.  Life is about acceptance of who we are.  I used to beat myself up and tear myself apart because of having the anxiety that I do and having the nervousness that I do but now I accept that as a part of me.  I no longer see it as a negative.  I know my strengths and I know how much I care about others…even people I don’t know well.  I want the best for people and even if they have treated me shitty, I hope that they are able to find a path that is more constructive than destructive.

Day 174 Question 174:

Who is your favorite artist(s)?

Art is something that has mesmerized me.  I have fell in love with so many forms of art throughout my life.  I never have real significant meanings for why I fall in love with what I do.  I just feel a natural art to certain types of styles.  I think what we are drawn to shows us a little bit more of who we are as people.  For me, I am drawn to vintage styles and styles that portray a sense of punk rock.  I absolutely love street art.  I find the entire concept so intriguing and so beautiful.  I recently discovered the works of mystery street artist Banksy and I fell in love immediately…so much so that I bought a couple of books and ordered a couple of prints.  My favorite artist to this day though is Andy Warhol.  I don’t know a lot about him as a person but I plan on doing my research.  I just love his funky style and how he expresses himself with such bright colors.  I remember being in an art class in college and first being exposed to his pieces and I loved his original style….it felt like my own kind of style.  I have a little bit of punk rock hidden inside of me…hahaha.  I love art because it helps define you.  You are able to learn so much more about your own style and what you are naturally drawn to.  I think that speaks volumes.

Below I have included some of Warhol’s pieces that I really like in hopes that you enjoy them to.  To my fellow readers I am hoping you answer this same question so you can expose me to more artists and help me learn a little bit more about you.  Who’s work do you like and why???

http://www.warhol.org/collection/

Day 173 Question 173:

How have you experienced diversity throughout your life?

I grew up very sheltered.  I saw very little in my younger years.  I am not upset about this.  That is what happens when you come from a small town of only 7,000 people.  I wouldn’t trade my childhood for anything.  I lived in the All-American neighborhood and was lucky enough to live in a place where we could run around our streets from morning to night without the worry of being snatched up.  I had friends everywhere I looked that lived on my street and on neighboring streets.  We would ride our bikes for hours (if only I had that same kind of motivation and energy now..haha).  I was protected by my parents because they knew very little outside of the small town we came from.  My parents are smart people (especially my dad because he follows politics and national/international events) but they have never really lived outside of this small place we called home for a majority of their lives.  So, they taught me what they knew and they always wanted to protect me from hardships and from getting hurt.  I appreciate this now that I am older but it drove me crazy while growing up.

My parents moved down to Myrtle Beach in 2001 and I remained in NY.  I came to visit for about 3 weeks and after that I was sold.  I decided it was my time to move and to start fresh somewhere else…so why not cross the Mason Dixon line into the deep south and check out an entire different kind of living.  Ten years later I still experience culture shock.  Diversity is one of those things in which so many people think it only has to do with race or culture.  Diversity is SO much more than that.  Diversity is something that is occurring in every moment of everyday.  Diversity is our differences….the things/qualities/aspects that make us unique individuals.  No two people are exactly alike.  It took me a long time to learn and experience true diversity.  It was something that was happening around me all of my life and I had been taking it for granted instead of embracing it.

When I moved down to the South I found pieces of diversity that I absolutely loved.  I loved the southern hospitality and the southern manners (yes ma’am, no sir).  I loved the value that family held here (not that they don’t exist up north…you just find it to be different when you move from one area to another).  I struggled (and still do) with certain things as well.  The pace is much slower down here than what I had ever been used to.  For a very long time I viewed this as a negative thing and just pointed fingers and claimed everyone was just lazy.  In some cases people were lazy but in others, people were just trying to savor the moment.  I have learned a great deal from people and why they do as they do by asking questions.  I am a HUGE fan of Eckhart Tolle and The Power of Now is in my top 3 of favorite books and the entire premise is based on embracing the moment and living in the now.  How could I be criticizing people for doing that…I guess it was because it was something I was never used to.  I was (and I am still working on it) always going and going and going and I was focusing on the future and what needed to be done that I was missing out on enjoying the present moment.  I see diversity in who I was and who I am now because I am no longer the same.  I think differently and my beliefs have changed.

The whole concept of diversity is exciting to me.  There is so much to learn and to see and to embrace.  It used to drive me crazy to work at different places that would supposedly focus on diversity and having a diverse staff and when asked what makes the staff diverse I would hear, “Well we have whites, blacks, and Hispanics.”  I just shook my head and walked the other way.  A staff could be made up entirely of all white women and still be one of the most diverse staffs you could come by.  Every person has a story and every person has had different experiences.  We all learn differently and view the world differently….isn’t that what true diversity is?  It is the ability to bring our difference together and use them for good as opposed to evil.  Unfortunately our differences do stem a lot of evil in this world….people are still hung up on the difference in skin colors, religions and genders (as well as much more).  Diversity (in my opinion) is something to embrace.  Since moving to the south (to a MUCH bigger area) I have been exposed to people and places I never thought I would.  I grew up in a middle class family and since I have moved I have worked with teenage mothers and done home visits in houses that should have been condemned.  I have met folks from all over the country (hell all over the world) that have traveled to the beach to either vacation or to make it their residence.  Can you imagine what there is to learn from these people?

Day 172 Question 172:

What inspires you?

I have come back to this question many times.  Maybe I am cheating by answering the same question more than once but oh well…the answer is never the same.  The answer could go on for days and weeks and months and lifetimes.

There are days when I feel insanely inspired by almost everything around me.  I can be inspired by taking candid shots of the little girls that I nanny for.  I can be inspired by listening to other people’s conversations (yes I guess you would call that eavesdropping).  I can be inspired by the lyrics of a song. I constantly have this creative energy running through my veins.  I want to write about everything that inspires me if I possibly can.  I love to design collages and find quotes that tug at my soul.

Last night I watched a great documentary called Exit Through the Gift Shop.  It showed the lives and creativity of street artists.  The documentary was made (with the help of others) by a very secret street artist named Banksy.  Some people would look at him (along with a bunch of other street artists) that just go around defacing buildings but that is not at all the intention.  These street artists have an amazing gift and they choose to share it within constantly being in the spotlight.  It is not about the money for them but instead about the art and the message it sounds out to the public.  That is great inspiration for me.  I think it would be the most amazing thing to have a trademark of your own stamped in different areas all over the world.  The street artist has their own way of doing things and does not conform to societal rules.  Of course, if you know me in any sense, you know how appealing that is to me.  I find it unbelievably inspirational when someone goes against the rules of society (peacefully of course) to express their own individuality.  I believe that is the sole purpose of the street artist…no 2 people are the same.  They have not sat in numerous art classes and have not been told what art is or isn’t.  Art is what they want it to be.

I found the full documentary on youtube.  Now, I warn you, there is a story to go along with this documentary and it does take a twist.  The documentary in itself is inspirational but I started to feel my creative urges come through when I was exposed to the art.  I included some pieces of Banksy below as well as other random street art.  I hope you enjoy :0)

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Day 171 Question 171:

Is it possible for people to be completely unbiased?

My original intention for this blog entry was to write about this nation’s education system.  I started thinking about teachers and what is currently being taught in schools.  I started thinking about schools teaching kids about creationism and evolution and I started to wonder whether a teacher would be able to teach these subjects in a COMPLETELY unbiased way.  I then started wondering if there were any subjects that someone could teach about or even just talk about and be completely unbiased.  I really think it is impossible.  With everything it is natural for us to have an opinion and if we have an opinion then we are going to be biased in some way or another.  I am always trying to look at all sides of the coin but with everything I tend to lean more one way than another so if I talk about something or debate about something, I am going to be biased.

I believe that if you follow any sort of political party, religion or are male of female…you are going to be biased in some way or another.  This does not equate into being a negative thing.  I believe it is very difficult to just state the facts without throwing in some sort of opinionated commentary…even in scholastic journals I have seen this.  People choose to research certain subjects because it is what interests them.  Yes, it is beneficial for the knowledge of the whole but they are biased to that particular subject.  They have an interest in that subject more than many others.  Honestly (and this might sound like a bold statement), I think each and every one of us think our way is the right way…whether it be in the way we are thinking or the way we go about things.  We may come to realize later that it wasn’t, but in the moment we do believe this to be the truth.  I admit to being a complete stubborn ass and think that I am right when I feel very passionately about a subject (education, gay marriage, etc.).  In my head I believe I am right and sometimes (as ignorant as it may be) I can’t believe that people can think otherwise.  I am biased to my way of thinking because of the way I was raised and what I have been exposed to throughout all of my years.  Being completely unbiased seems completely impossible due to all of the influences in our lives.  There is never just one solid answer…or is there?  Maybe I am just biased to think that way.  I guess I am just always have something floating through my head and I am always thinking about how different people really area.  Some people believe so much in science and these are the definitive answers in life while others (like myself) question EVERYTHING.  I can’t stop asking why.  I love it but it gets pretty mentally draining sometimes.  My opinions are never based on scientific evidence but instead I base them on what my mind and body tell me are truth.  I go by what I FEEL is truth as opposed to what people tell me is truth.  I am one body, one mind and one soul and I do not believe that it is right or fair for anyone to tell me how I am supposed to think or feel.  I will come to a conclusion but I have to come to that conclusion on my own…that is just me though.

I guess I would love for someone to introduce me to something in which there is the potential for being completely unbiased.  I guess I could (maybe) be unbiased if I knew absolutely nothing about a subject or circumstance.  I don’t know though.  I always used to say that seeing a counselor was great because that person would be completely unbiased because they do not know me.  Is that true though?  They still have their own opinions and their own background experiences that have shaped them as people.  Regardless or knowing me for 5 minutes or 5 years they are still going to be biased in some way or another.  Again, I am not saying this is a bad thing….just questioning the true possibility of anything being completely, 100% unbiased.  You know I would love to hear your thoughts as I always do.  Sometimes, I am exposed to different points of views and my feelings completely change…and I feel lucky for that because I think that is something that is very important in life…change and evolution of thought.

Day 170 Question 170:

Should pornography be banned?  Should there be limitations/restrictions?

So I flipped through a bunch of documentaries last night trying to figure out what I wanted to watch.  I had many to choose from but I wasn’t in the mood for anything with too serious of a tone or anything that was going to emotionally exhaust me.  I came across a documentary called Adult Entertainment Disrobing an American Idol…YEP THIS WAS THE ONE!!!  Within the first 3 minutes of the documentary, I was absolutely floored to find out the revenue that the porn industry makes in only one year.  We are talking about billions of dollars.  The porn industry financially exceeds major sports entertainment by an insane amount.  This documentary was (surprisingly) extremely interesting.

The filmmaker along with some various doctors and psychologists decided to do a blind study in which they would examine the affects porn had on people.  People in the medical field have argued that pornography can be an addiction in the same way that cocaine or heroin can be.  In this study 2 men (one single, one married) were required to view porn (video) daily, visit adult entertainment stores or strip clubs once a week and look at internet porn twice a week.  The results in just a one month time were so interesting.  Both men (after taking repeat surveys) had a decrease in their values of relationships and commitment.  Both men had a decrease in believing in the importance of fidelity.  Both men had an increase in believing that all women liked rough sex.  Both men had an increase in believing that sex between two people was not as stimulating as amongst 3 or more people.  I wish I could give more details but the documentary was just packed full of information that blew my mind.

Ok, so where do I stand on the issue?  I will admit that I have watched porn.  I am not ashamed to say that.  I have watched porn of many kinds (more than just one man and one woman).  I do not view porn regularly so therefore I do not have an addiction to it.  I do believe, like anything else (drugs, food, alcohol, tobacco), that sex and porn can be something that a person can become addicted to.  A person can become addicted to anything if they are exposed to it long enough.  People can get a rush from just about anything and after time they may not even realize that they are addicted.  Should there be laws and regulations made banning this material?  In my opinion, we already have enough things that are taking away our rights as people.  This is one area that I do not believe the government needs to step in.  Yes, this industry can be very “dirty” and there are health risks but these are people that are CHOOSING to do this and the people viewing these pornos are CHOOSING to do so.  Some porn may (in my opinion) be very graphic and extreme but there is always an audience for that.  The only regulation that needs to be enforced is one in which child pornography is made illegal.  No minor should be allowed to be in any sort of pornography whether voluntary or involuntary…and if they are then the production company should face jail time.

This is a difficult question for me to answer because this documentary had so much great information when looking at both sides of the coin.  Lawmakers are no longer viewing regulating porn as taking away 1^st amendment rights but instead viewing it as a health issue because it (potentially) can affect someone psychologically and physically.  I can’t help but think that food can have the same effect on people and we surely can’t take food away from people or force them to eat only certain foods.  I am not a prude but I am also not on the other end of the spectrum either.  I do believe that porn can have some very negative effects on people.  I do believe many relationships have suffered because of porn.  I do not believe that the huge increase in divorce rates is due to pornography.  I believe as people we need to stop blaming everyone else for our problems and look within ourselves.  This country has been all about the dollar bills and I do not see that changing anytime in my life.  I do not see the porn industry shutting down any time in my life…actually I see them pushing the envelope just that much further to make even more money.  That is their prerogative and it is MY prerogative to choose whether or not to watch it.  I do not think it is right to take something about from the majority because of the negative effects it has had on a small population.  Some people have addictive personalities and some don’t.  Some people can practice self-control and some cannot.  I, personally, do not enjoy watching pornography where a woman is being slapped and spit on and outright degraded but it is MY choice to turn it off if it were on.  Some people have some crazy fantasies that get their engines revving.  We can’t keep taking things away from people in hopes that they will resist from treating women disrespectfully or going out and raping a woman.  We have turned into a society that has suffered from MANY mental disorders.  We have seen an outrageous increase in the last 30 years of people seeking treatment for different psychological disorders.  In my opinion, the increase in technology and media has brought us to that place.  We choose this though and it is use that has to face the consequences.  Unless we want to turn into a communist nation, we cannot keep allowing the government to control our every little move.  And again, before anyone goes biting my head off about this entry, REMEMBER this is strictly my opinion…I never claimed to be right or wrong about anything.  :0)

And on a final note….HAPPY 4^TH OF JULY to my fellow Americans.  Have a wonderful and safe holiday!!!!

What subjects/topics interest you that I can form opinion questions on and write about in my upcoming entries???

What are some things (movies, books, articles, places) that have served as inspiration for your writings?