Day 175 Question 175:
What makes you uncomfortable? Why? What do you do about it?
There are random things in life that make me uncomfortable. I can’t stand to be around 2 friends when they argue because I never know how to respond and I don’t want either one to think I am taking sides. I guess what it comes down to is that I am really uncomfortable with confrontation in pretty much all ways. I admit that I am a people pleaser (for the most part). The thought of hurting people’s feelings will bother me and linger on and on and on….yes even with people I may not know very well. I am just not one of those people that can say anything and everything that I am thinking. I am actually uncomfortable around people like that. I am always trying to take other people’s feelings into consideration so when I am around people that just say anything they are thinking with no regard to other’s feelings, I just feel very awkward and uncomfortable.
I believe that I need to work on being more aggressive and confrontational in a positive and productive way. I don’t think I have quite been able to express myself the way that I would like because I still hold onto some internal worry. For the majority of my life I have had anxiety and worry and I have really focused a lot of attention on ridding myself of these things….focusing on stepping out of my comfort zone. For some unknown reason I have worried about losing people in my life so I never wanted to “overstep any boundaries”. I have lost a lot of people throughout life due to various circumstances and I have realized that some of those losses did break my heart while others were losses that I needed. I am coming to realize that there will be people that just aren’t the right fit for my life and there is nothing wrong with that. Life is about acceptance of who we are. I used to beat myself up and tear myself apart because of having the anxiety that I do and having the nervousness that I do but now I accept that as a part of me. I no longer see it as a negative. I know my strengths and I know how much I care about others…even people I don’t know well. I want the best for people and even if they have treated me shitty, I hope that they are able to find a path that is more constructive than destructive.