Day 229 Question 229:

What have you read recently that inspired you/gave you hope?

It is easy to get bogged down in negativity when day in and day out the media is throwing out stories that just make you want to crawl into the fetal position and just cry or scream at the top of your lungs in unforgiving anger.  I remind myself over and over again that the media does this intentionally because these are the stories that sell….these are the stories that grab the viewer’s attention.  After this reminder to self I usually go on a hunt…I go on an Internet hunt to find stories happening all over the world that will give me that inspiration I need….that reminder that as much bad as there is in the world, there is still SO much good.

I wanted to include a news story so I can revisit this entry when I feel defeated or feel like I am losing hope.  I love to stay on top of these news stories as much as my time will allow…because the world is so much more than just my little bubble and sometimes I need a big reminder of that.

Father and son hailed as heroes in Louisiana after rescuing more than 100 neighbors left stranded in their homes by Isaac

A father-son duo has saved dozens of lives in their small town after plucking neighbours and their pets from flooded homes ravaged by Tropical Storm Isaac.

Jesse Shaffer, 25, and his 53-year-old father, also named Jesse, scooped more than 120 people to safety using their fishing boat on the flooded streets of Braithwaite, Louisiana, where water topped a levee on Wednesday after Isaac lumbered towards the coastal town.

Their heroic efforts came after Isaac smashed into the Gulf Coast with winds of up to 80 mph on Tuesday night, rattling towns, swamping thousands of homes and businesses, leaving 730,000 people without power – and terrifying residents on the seventh anniversary of Hurricane Katrina.

Day 228 Question 228:

What are some quotes or reminder worth reviewing every day?

There will be times in life for each and every one of us when we feel completely defeated.  There are people that will try to bring us down to make themselves feel better.  There will be times when we fail at something and we will have no drive or desire to start over again.  These things happen to even the best of us.  These are the things that make us all human…they are commonalities that we all share.  If we are lucky, we have people in our lives that will take our arm and help pull us back to our feel again.  It can be very easy to fall into a sinking hole but it seems absolutely impossible to drag yourself back out.  Trust me though (even if you don’t know me), it is possible….it will take work and a lot of emotional struggle and anguish but the end result makes the struggle so very worth it.  It may be so easy to say (and very hard to believe) but it is the hardships and the struggles that give us that greater appreciation of life and those around us.  Without pain we would not be able to understand truly how special love is.  Some people may think that my thoughts and my words are fluff but I write this stuff down to remind myself how lucky I am…even in the worst of times.  I have experienced (many more times than just once) the feeling of the walls closing in on me and I have even (in the past) wondered what the point of living really was.  Suicide has never been an option because I do fear the unknown but it is something that I do understand….when you sink so far down you lose complete hope and desire to even keep trying.  You feel as if you come two steps ahead to be kicked 20 steps back…it sometimes seems like a curse.  I truly believe though that all of those people with mental struggles are the geniuses of the world.  I believe it is the overwhelming amount of thoughts that bogs them down and even may scare them.  It has definitely scared me before.  I have been one of the lucky ones that has learned how to handle my thoughts and my emotions (it took a very long time and was a strenuous and sometimes scary process).  I have moments when I feel like I have fallen back but I remind myself that my feelings and my emotions are what they are….there is nothing wrong with what I am feeling.  Once I learned to accept all of my emotions and my thoughts, life became a lot easier….I experienced everything in greater depth.  Trust me when I say the journey was not always easy but it has become so well worth it.

 I know everyone in life sometimes needs reminders and sometimes needs a pick me up.  I want to offer my hand (whether it be in the physical form or simply in the virtual form) to anyone who needs it…whether it be to just hold or whether you need to be lifted.  I have had people in my life that have helped me during times of mental desperation and it is my time to now give back.  I do not have life figured out (because I believe it is not meant to be figured out) but I believe love and kindness and compassion and empathy are a significant part of my journey.  I wanted to leave everyone with some words of encouragement to help them through anything and everything they may need.

Day 227 Question 227:

What is one choice you know your future self will thank you for?

I try my hardest to stay in the present moment.  Life is happening NOW….not in the past or the future but NOW!!!  With that being said though, because it has been such a habit my whole life, I tend to always be focused on the future….the way is going to happen next, or what do I need to get done.  Doing that has its pluses and minuses….it does keep me on top of my game but it always steals from the current moment.  Being aware of this though has allowed me to become a lot more present…to absorb what is going on in this very moment and to appreciate the breath in my lungs and my surroundings right here right now.

I wrote a quick email last night to the last guy I was dating and simply said: We met one year ago today.  It is amazing how much life can change in such a short amount of time.  I am not looking to hear back from him or crave to have him back in my life.  I just realized that the me in this moment is so different from the me just one year ago.  I know the future me will continue to be thankful for all of the big changes that have been made in this little bit of time.  What changes you may ask?  Well just one year ago I was wallowing in my own self-pity.  I was self-destructive and in a depressive state day in and day out.  I functioned in life and I put on the mask for everyone (so they would think everything was peachy keen).  I dated this guy for a couple of months and I fell hard and I fell fast.  I do not want to speak ill of him.  There was a lot that we shared that I appreciate more than anyone could even imagine.  He is a big part of my motivation to change.  I learned after our whirlwind whatever you want to call it ended, that I was so very unhappy with who I was.  I never had a voice.  I never stood up for myself.  I never thought that I deserved the very best.  I sacrificed my wants and needs to try to meet the wants and needs of someone else.  We tried to maintain a friendship but as usual, that did not pan out.  While in that state of trying, he sent me a link to a speech made my David Lynch about Transcendental Meditation.  After viewing this 10 minute dialogue, my life completely change.  My drive and my focus changed and I was over and done with the miserable life I was living.  From that day forward I was filling my mind with new knowledge and new concepts.  I was finding out who I was and what I loved and what I despised.  I started meditating twice a day and have found a peace that I have been longing for since before I can even remember.  The annoyances that would once linger in every part of my being for days on end now disappear in a blink of an eye (like drawing a line in the sand and the ocean water washing it away).  I am now able to see that life is full of choices and the way that we act and react in situations are part of those choices.  There is no benefit to depression or anger or irritation….they are useless feelings.  Yes, I still experience all of those things (because I am human) but I choose not to hold onto them…I know that they only taint my mind and body.

No, I cannot predict the future but a part of me strongly believes that my future self will thank me for all of these positive changes I have made in my life.  My future self will thank me for documenting my thoughts for 365 so I can always go back and see what my thoughts were in the moment and where they are now.  My future self will thank me for cutting alcohol out of my life and focusing on a much healthier lifestyle.  My future self will thank me for stepping outside of my comfort zones and for no longer standing on the sidelines.  My future self will thank me for realizing that happiness is a journey, not a destination.  My future self will thank me for finding me…I mean really finding who I am, what I want, who I love and what is important to me.  My future self will thank me for no longer settling…in life and in relationships.  These are just a few things I believe my future self will thank me for.

Right here, right now I am in love with my life.  I sit here in hopes that the people around me can and do love life the same way that I do…even through all of the trials and tribulations.  This moment is my life.  This moment is your life.  This moment is all that is happening so embrace it, use it, and learn from it.  Call me a dreamer if you must but I truly believe I will look back one day and smile because I know I stopped being and actually started living.  I gave up doubting and started believing in myself.  My future self will look back and smile with a tear forming in her eye knowing that the me right here, right now chose to love.

Day 226 Question 226:

What are some of the most important things in your life?

We all have those moments in life when we sit back and reflect on what is important to us.  Being a woman full of emotions I do this quite often.  There are so many things that hold such great importance in my life.  I try all of the time to better myself (what I believe to be better) as much as I possibly can.  I am the only person that knows the true and honest form of me….I know what I feel and what I think and I know what areas need improvement.  What is important to me is giving back wherever and whenever I can….whether it be big or small.  I remember watching an episode of Friends a few years back and there was a debate whether or not there was really the possibility of a selfless good deed and they came to the conclusion that there was not.  When we perform a good deed, even if we want it to be about the other person/people, it is inevitable we are going to feel good inside for what we have done.  Doing good deeds for others gives us the feeling of being alive and serving a purpose…we are able to see life outside of ourselves by doing this.  Whether or not there is or is not the possibility of a selfless good deed…a good deed is a good deed.  In life I feel the most inspired and the most alive when I am able to make others smile or help others in time of need (especially when they don’t ask for help).  I feel like I am serving my purpose in this world when I tell people all of the good things about themselves and lift their spirits when they are down.  I believe EVERYONE in life needs and deserves kind words every single day….this unfortunately does not happen for a lot of people.  I know what it feels like to receive a genuine compliment or kind words from a friend, family member or even stranger and I want others to be able to feel what I feel…I want people to experience the same feeling of appreciation and love.  I sometimes fumble in life and I have no idea how to deal with certain people (especially those with strong, loud personalities).  I am learning though.  I have a difficult time accepting myself sometimes…accepting my thoughts and my feelings because I hate the idea of offending people and hurting people.  Just yesterday (and the day before) I had a minor spat with a fellow blogger and it bothered me…I spoke my peace but I hated the idea of being harsh…my words were in a moment.  I accept what that moment was and it was what I felt then but right here right now, after reflection, I know that I am not built to be angry or spiteful or rude.  I know that I do not want to be thought of as that kind of person and I know that taking ownership for my actions and saying I am sorry is sometimes necessary (as hard as it can be sometimes).  I admit to having a very difficult time accepting that some people will not like me and that some people are very different from myself (in the way they vocalize themselves and in their opinions).  This is that avenue in my life in which I need to figure out a way to be proactive instead of reactive in these situations.

There are millions of things in life that hold so much importance to me.  Life is this beautiful journey of not only self-discovery but of life-discovery.  It is beyond amazing to be able to learn from others and to watch others in their path of life.  Some of those paths I would like to follow in their footsteps while others make me want to steer another direction.  As many of you know, I am not a religious person.  I question a great deal when it comes to the truths of God and the Bible and Christianity as a whole.  I love to explore all of the religions and enjoy the here and now as much as I possibly can.  With that being said, I have a friend (and he does not know this), that has very strong faith.  He attends church regularly and he participates in several church/youth related activities.  Through so much of my doubts, I have been tempted to ask him to educate me…to show me the world through his eyes (as far as religion and his belief system goes).  Yesterday kind of slapped me in the face and I realized that even though I have my doubts and even though I may still have my doubts afterwards, I really want to learn where others come from and how/why they believe as they do.  I have based a lot of my beliefs on only pieces instead of the whole (well as much of the whole as I could learn in my lifetime).  The reason I have chosen this person to potentially ask is because of the way I have heard him speak.  He has strong convictions yes but that is not the reason.  I have heard him speak and his words seem to inspire.  He never tells people he is right…he just speaks with so much belief and with such ease.  It does not feel intimidating at all….it actually feels very inspiring to be around.  He poses a lot of questions and that is what I like…I love being challenged.

Last night I realized I was addressing a lot of negative topics and it was time to turn it around and focus on the positive.  The issues are important whether past or present but I also know for myself that I need to focus on the beauty in order to keep my balance.  I need to remember that the media sensationalizes the bad more than the good because that is what draws in the crowd and where the money is (sad but true).  I know it is important to remember that as much information as I try to seek there will always be more….I may never have a solid answer in this lifetime but that does not mean I should close myself off to only one point of view.  I started this blog to learn more about myself….to find out my strengths and my weaknesses and both of those I have certainly found on this writing journey.  I am continually amazed at the words that form from my fingertips with such ease…the thoughts that swarm my mind that I did not even know were there.  What is so very important to me is finding balance in my life.  I want to enjoy the journey and find those things, those thoughts and those feelings that come so very natural to me.  Moments in life may feel uncomfortable but that is a part of it all….it is the polar opposites that we need in order to find out who we are and where we stand in this life.  It took me a long time to realize that.  I don’t know who will read this but to a specific person that I spoke of yesterday I wanted to send out an apology.  Our views may not match but I was “speaking” in a reactive manner and that is not who I am.  I closed my mind to your point and view and made an immediate assumption.  I am learning my lesson in life that everyone is different due to experience and acceptance of that can be one of the hardest things in the world to do.  I guess I can be more hard-headed than I realized.

Day 225 Question 225:

Do some people REALLY think they know it all?  Really think they are better than others?

I am kind of blank today.  I am unsure of what to write about.  The weekend has closed and I am back to the weekday grind.  It was a nice weekend spent with family and friends.  There is something that is lingering on my mind I guess.  So, a few days ago I wrote a blog entry about how I believe our justice system is unfair and I spoke of a young man that was sentenced to 3 years in prison for kidnapping and beating his girlfriend.  I also spoke about how I felt it to be unfair that celebrities don’t seem to have to serve the same sentences that the “Average Joe” does.  I, personally, believe that I try my best to explain myself when I write and I TRY my very hardest not to write in anger or write with terrible judgment.  I constantly admit that I am far from perfect.  I had a response to this entry and to be honest, I felt like the woman’s response was just ugly.  She basically told me that I had an issue with forgiveness and who was I to judge.  I respect her opinion but I guess what throws me for a loop in many situations, is the way that people will handle certain situations.  This is a woman that has a blog dedicated to the words of God and she is “religious” and it has been very obvious that she does not like my views on the world (this is not the first time she has states her dislike of my OPINION).  I just sit here and shake my head because this is a woman that does not know me and instead of asking me more specific questions in a kind manner, she decided to just tell me what she thought about me in an accusing and judgmental manner.  This blog is called IN MY OPINION and is strictly based on my own life experiences and thoughts.  Not once have I said I am indefinitely right.  My opinions and views are continually changing and I am continually amazed how people can just throw out judgmental words without asking questions or finding out more information.  This woman did ask questions but her tone was very obviously sour….she was “speaking” to me in a manner like I was lesser of a person than her….like I was stupid for thinking the way that I do.  People like that are part of the reason I steer away from church and religion.  This woman is OBVIOUSLY very unaccepting of views outside of her own.  I absolutely do not agree with everyone in the world and yes I think some people are absolutely ridiculous, but I choose to keep those thoughts to myself because I see no point in telling someone that they are “wrong”.  It is not my place.  Some people have no idea that their tone and their delivery can be hurtful.  I believe I have spoken with kindness throughout majority of this blog but I have always spoken with honesty.  Honestly, a part of me wanted to go tell this woman to go fuck herself….but that would not put me one above her…if anything it would do the opposite.

As majority of you know, I work at a restaurant part-time.  The service industry can leave a lot to be desired sometimes.  There is nothing that grates my nerves more than someone that speaks down to me like I am lesser of a person or barks orders at me.  I so desperately want to wear a t-shirt that says: I AM YOUR SERVER…NOT YOUR SERVANT!!!  I am amazed at how many people will attack others verbally without even knowing them.  I am amazed how easy it is for some people to be blatantly rude.  If people were to just change their tone, there may be a lot less hostility in this world….but apparently I am just living in a dream world.  I need to spend a little more time meditating because I don’t like to have negativity hanging over me and the manner in which this random stranger came at me but sunk under my skin.  I understand that people are not going to like me or agree with me throughout life but I guess in my 33 years I have grown sick of people being verbal bullies to others.  No one on this earth is better than anyone else!  I spent the majority of my teen years and 20’s sweeping everyone’s comments under the rug and not ever addressing them.  Well now that I am in my 30’s I feel that I need to speak my peace…hence the blog.  Over and over again I will say that I am far from perfect and I can contradict myself and my thoughts can be all over the place but I treat people with kindness and respect every single day.  I don’t believe in bullying people or disrespecting them or calling them out on their “flaws” or “faults” for my own personal satisfaction and amusement.  I don’t sit at home patting myself on the back and stroking my own ego after making someone feel bad with my harsh words.  I don’t believe in telling people that they are wrong because I don’t believe in the concepts of wrong or right.  People experience life through their own eyes and their own senses…who am I to tell someone that they are wrong?  And who should be telling me I am right or wrong?    The words I put in this blog are strictly my opinion….my feelings in a moment of time.  I apologize for writing today in a state of annoyance….there have been so many changes going on in my life and stepping out of my comfort zone can sometimes come with unease.  I do not like being confrontational or “in your face” but my thoughts and opinions are just as important as the next persons and life is not meant for everyone to be in complete agreement.  I will respect those around me in hopes that they will do the same favor for me.

Day 224 Question 224:

What is one of your favorite/most inspirational poems?

Phenomenal Woman

Day 223 Question 223:

What would I do if I were ten times bolder?

1)      Travel the world

2)      Skydive

3)      Drive race cars

Day 222 Question 222:

Are we a world that is facing better or worse?

I have had many fits of anger in my life.  Some have been anger toward family members and friends.  Others have been fits of anger toward coworkers.  Some have been simply been anger toward momentary circumstances.  Not once during any of these angry moments did physical harm, shooting, stabbing or killing someone enter my mind.  It seems like lately that not a day goes by that we don’t hear about killings happening somewhere in the country.  Just today, at least 8 people were shot outside of the Empire State Building and the alleged cause is a dispute between coworkers.  How do people carry so much anger and hatred in themselves that they are able to take the lives of others?  Human life (in my opinion) is the most precious thing on earth and to just rip it away from someone just seems so animalistic to me.

I will always be a person that will feel the beauty that surrounds me.  I will love the moments of goodness that I am able to witness and appreciate people for their kindness but the reality of the world is that it is becoming a very violent and angry place….too violent and angry.  I was home with my roommate last night and he had a documentary on about “gangster” rappers and everything discussed was about gangs and killing one another.  Too many people live in areas (and grow up to believe) where taking another life is the way of the world….murder has become a normal thing.  If someone were to speak offensive words about you or someone you know, gunfire may be the answer to “solve the problem”.  How did we get to that place?

I hate writing about negative issues in the world but they are issues that must be faced if we want to see any changes.  I feel like the world/government has used the same tactics to make changes in the world and all we have witnessed is problems getting worse.  Violence will NEVER solve anything…I don’t care what anyone says.  It is simply going to piss more people off and teach others to make the wrong decisions.  I don’t know if we are too deep in the hole to come back out but I truly believe we need to start focusing more on family and relationships and the value of the individual.  I believe we have so much anger and so much violence because people are unable to express themselves and people are not hearing of their value.  No, I do not believe in stroking people’s egos but I do believe in reassuring people of all of their goodness and their values (we all need that sometimes).  We need to teach people of ALL ages about compassion and doing for others and steering away from a self-centered way of life.  People can call me naïve if they wish but obviously the ways we are trying to solve the problems of the world now are not working.  Our government has become nothing but a competition of egos….a real government should be made up of the most selfless people in the nation (at least in my opinion).  Elections have become nothing more than popularity contests (not for all but for far too many).

In my life experiences, I have found that people that have encouraged me have made a much bigger (and positive) impact on my life than those that decided for me and barked out orders and commands.  Life has become this competition for power status and regardless of anyone’s title, we are all still human beings….we are all equals.  I have worked with young children and youth and it could be very easy to just shake them and tell them how to think and how to act but where would that ever get me?  It would only cause resentment from both parties and the loss of individuality on the part of the youth.  In life I want to teach people (young and old) but I also want them to draw their own conclusions from those teachings.  I believe that government takes away individuality so very much….it takes away the voices of the people that make up this great nation.  Through all of the violence and criminal acts that are occurring in the world, there is still so much potential for greatness.  As strange as it sounds, I think of the words of Martin Luther King a lot and I admire his selfless courage…he saw so much potential in this great nation and he used his voice to support unity instead of division.  Our government is dividing us and as a country called the UNITED States, we should not be fighting and hating each other…at least that is what I think.  I do understand that even if there were only 2 people in the world that there would be an argument at some point or another BUT I see no good coming out of two presidential nominees pointing fingers at each other and speaking nothing but negatively about each other’s beliefs systems.  What kind of role models are these “leaders” being to our young people.  It truly sickens me to my core.  We can fight for what we believe in but the fighting does not need to include ugly words,  hatred or violence.  The fight can be proactive instead of reactive.

I think about the evolution of humans so much and what life was like before my time.  I asked a lot of questions of those that are older than me to get an idea.  From the knowledge I have gained, we have evolved in so many areas (technology, media, etc) but has far as humanity, it seems that there has been this drastic decline.  I just wonder why the decline happened at such a rapid pace?  I know there are probably a million reasons but it seems like overnight we have become a nation of self-centered, entitled people.  I fear that if we don’t start taking ownership and making changes that the problems we have now will look minor in comparison to what they will be like 10 years from now.

Day 221 Question 221:

Is our justice system fair?

Yesterday there was a headline news story about a young man that was sentenced to three years in prison for beating and kidnapping his girlfriend…as well as threatening her.  This young man was due to be a high school senior and had a very promising career as a potential professional basketball player.  In the courtroom when the judge revealed his sentence, the young many collapsed and his family members (and even his ex-girlfriend) went into hysterics.  Some of his teachers and coaches were fighting for him to just receive probation and his ex-girlfriend told the judge that she wanted nothing more to do with him but she believed he needed help but jail was not going to be the place that he was going to get it.  She may be right by saying this but in all honesty I felt no sympathy for this young man.  Surveillance cameras in this ex-girlfriend’s apartment lobby show the girl on the floor and him kicking her in the head repeatedly and dragging her around by her hair.  For several days the girl received extremely threatening voicemails and text messages.  I, whole-heartedly, believe that if someone harms another individual that they better be prepared to pay the price.  I believe this young man does need counseling for his obvious anger issues but he is also an adult and justice needs to be served.

The question at hand though is whether our justice system is the “dominant” country is fair.  Without question, it is not.  Chris Brown beat Rihanna quite severely and he got away with a slap on the wrist and some hours of community service.  Community service should not be considered a punishment….community service is something that EVERYONE should strive to do in order to better their communities, their states and their countries.  So, why did Chris Brown get a slap on the hand but this young man was sentenced to 3 years?  Well, I think it is obvious….being a celebrity makes many people untouchable.  Khloe Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan are prime examples of this.  Every time you turn on the television or open your laptop there is a new story about some sort of trouble Lindsay Lohan has gotten herself into….but have we seen her serve any jail time (other than maybe a few measly hours…being released because of “overcrowding”).  Why does the celebrity get released for overcrowding but the average citizen doesn’t???

I have been on a lot of political and governmental rants lately.  That is usually not my deal but the more and more I educate myself the more and more I realize how corrupt our government and judicial system has become (not that it ever started off perfect).  I have read of incidents where a woman kills her husband/boyfriend in self-defense because he had been beating her viciously for many years and she is sentenced to life in prison for 1^st degree murder but Michael Vick who brutally killed several dogs out of enjoyment of watching dog fights gets 2 years (if he even served that) and is released on “good behavior” and is now back to making millions of dollars playing for the NFL.  I understand that animals and people are not the same but where is the justice in either of these situations?  I am getting really tired of seeing people getting rewarded for bad behaviors.  I am not saying that people don’t make mistakes…but there is limitations when it comes to the severity of the mistakes.  Training dogs to fight and kill each other is not an “oops” moment…he found enjoyment in it.  He is an adult that knew better but still chose to do it.  People may say I am harsh but even the thought of Michael Vick makes me sick to my stomach because of his actions and the thought of the court-system that gave him such a minimal sentence and the NFL for giving him a brand new contract gives me more of a feeling of hopelessness when it comes to thinking about the justice in this country….apparently right and wrong really doesn’t exist.

I guess I have a hard time understanding the motives of “powerful” people.  I guess I just have a hard time understanding people that are unable to take ownership for their wrongdoings.  I guess I have a hard time understanding how people can blame everyone and everything else but themselves on the problems they have and the decisions they make.  I guess I don’t understand how we have a “justice” system decides on what acts deserve what punishment.  A person that illegally downloads a movie(s) can serve up to 20 years in prison but a person that is charged with 1^st or second degree murder/rape/child molestation can be free within 5 years.  Susan Smith strapped her two beautiful children into the back of her car and rolled it into a river.  She was sentenced to life in prison.  The crazy thing about that sentencing is that life=25 years….she may not be granted parole BUT there is potential that this woman that murdered two innocent children could be walking the streets by the time she is in her mid 50’s.  I don’t understand how life in prison=25 years….that seems contradictory.  Our judicial system is no longer about justice but instead has become only about power.  Sadly it has become a “pissing contest”.

Top recruit collapses in court after receiving three-year prison sentence

Instead of sifting through scholarship offers, selecting a school and launching his college basketball career as he originally planned, an Ohio high school standout will have to put his dreams on hold.

Tony Farmer, an 18-year-old senior at Garfield Heights High School, received a three-year prison sentence on Tuesday as a result of pleading guilty to kidnapping, felonious assault and other crimes.

The 6-foot-7 forward had been hoping to receive probation after teachers, coaches and family members testified on his behalf. When he learned he’d be going to prison as the judge read his sentence, he crumpled into the arms of a sheriff’s deputy and collapsed to the ground in anguish.

In an odd twist, among those in the gallery sobbing in reaction to the judge’s decision was the victim herself, Farmer’s ex-girlfriend Andrea Lane. Even though the two remain separated since Farmer attacked Lane last April after she didn’t want to reconcile their  relationship, Lane had previously asked Judge Pamela Barker not to put Farmer in prison.

“I know he was a good person,” she said, according to the Cleveland Plain Dealer. “I hope he still is.”

The entire courtroom scene is depressing and painfully hard to watch because Farmer had such a bright future prior to this incident. Before video cameras caught his altercation with Lane on tape last April in the lobby and parking lot of her apartment complex, Farmer was a consensus top 100 prospect who had drawn interest from the likes of Ohio State, Xavier, Dayton and Michigan State.

The punishment he received from Barker is just yet severe. Unless Barker reduces Farmer’s sentence when she reviews it in 180 days, his hopes of playing major college basketball are likely now over.

Day 220 Question 220:

What do you find to be unfair?  What are you doing to change it?

I don’t like to linger on negativity.  I believe what you put out there comes right back to you.  With that being said, there are still things in this world that seem very wrong and unfair.  I guess unfair probably isn’t the best word to use.  I just wrote a Facebook status and said “With all of the challenges I have given myself and the changes I have made, this is shaping up to be the best year of my life!”  I say this with great truth because I am no longer looking through blinders…I am seeing a much bigger picture.

The world is an amazingly beauty place but unfortunately there are a lot of ugly things occurring day in and day out.  I guess there are times when I have asked, “How did we ever get to this place?”  How have we become a world where children are trained to be soldiers at the ripe age of 5 or 6?  How has murder become such a norm in society?  Why did we have so many unfit parents?  I did not experience life 50+ years ago but from the stories I hear, everything seemed so different.  We have advanced so drastically and in ways these changes have been phenomenal and life-changing, but where did the shift happen when humanity became lost?  What I mean is, in the 1940’s and 1950’s, family seemed to be of the utmost importance.  Children were taught to respect their elders, their teachers, their peers, etc.  In my 33 years of life, I have watched government, the media, and technology change us as people….and I almost feel like people as a whole are becoming robotic…at least the young people (unfortunately, I have to include myself in that statement too…to a certain extent).  At this time in life people seem to be more vocal on the issues….I love this because we see women standing up for their rights and although we do not have full equality in this country (or in the world in general), we have people raising their voices and fighting for it.  In that aspect, I believe we have come very far as a society.  We no longer just sit down and shut up.  We stand up for our beliefs, our morals and our values.  With that said though, we have grown to be angry and have used reactive strategies to make changes as opposed to proactive strategies.  Like I always say, I do not have all of the answers, and the world will never be exactly how I wish it to be.  I do not have a genie lamp to rub to make all of my wishes come true.  I just see great potential that is being wasted in the human race because we are being controlled in almost every aspect of our lives.  We tell people that they all have the same rights but women are still not being paid equally in jobs and gays are still unable to be wed in many states.  We have politicians making statements about women having abortions in situations of legitimate rape.  Legitimate rape????  REALLY????  These are the clowns that are controlling our lives and deciding how we can use our health care, whether or not we can get married, what the legal sentences are for specific crimes.  I believe over the years our political system has failed us because it has become no longer about the people but instead about ME ME ME!!!  One person’s beliefs determines how the majority will function in day to day life.  My dad always says it is the democrats that are making it that way but in truth, it is not a specific party that is doing that.

These are just my opinions in this moment.  We are coming upon an election so very shortly and I will be casting my vote.  I need to continually do more research on the candidates and the issues, indefinitely….but I will admit it is hard for me in general to support government at all.  I believe that every country needs some sort of control so there is not mass chaos but when is enough enough???  Freedom is strictly a concept but nothing we have really ever experienced in full….once someone decides for us, we have pieces of our freedom taken away.

So, here I am doing all of this “bitching” and people may ask, what I am doing to make changes.  Honestly, I have done a lot.  I have not moved mountains but I have fought for what I believe in.  I write every day to express my opinions, in hopes that people will not take on my point of view but at least consider love over hate….to become more self-aware and be proactive instead of reactive.  I changed myself drastically because I knew I was part of the problem.  I used to live a life with a lot of anger and stress and with meditation and personal expression, I no longer let those things control me.  By doing this, I truly believe that I emit positive energy which hopefully overflows to other people….I hope my words and actions can potentially drive people to better their lives.  By changing myself, I believe I have helped others….by allowing them to see that change and a better life is possible.  That is why I long to work in the human services field for as many years as my body will allow me.  I have walked into homes of teenage mothers (homes that should have been condemned) and I have left knowing that these women felt more-worthy than they had before I had even stepped in the door.  I give people hope whenever I possibly can because I believe people are truly beautiful….flaws and all.  Even the most angry, hateful person has goodness hidden somewhere inside of themselves and I believe EVERYONE deserves to be told how beautiful and unique they are.  This unfortunately does not happen the way that it should in daily life but that is what I am trying to do to make a difference in the world…even if it is small I believe that paying it forward with something small can turn into something really big!