Day 227 Question 227:
What is one choice you know your future self will thank you for?
I try my hardest to stay in the present moment. Life is happening NOW….not in the past or the future but NOW!!! With that being said though, because it has been such a habit my whole life, I tend to always be focused on the future….the way is going to happen next, or what do I need to get done. Doing that has its pluses and minuses….it does keep me on top of my game but it always steals from the current moment. Being aware of this though has allowed me to become a lot more present…to absorb what is going on in this very moment and to appreciate the breath in my lungs and my surroundings right here right now.
I wrote a quick email last night to the last guy I was dating and simply said: We met one year ago today. It is amazing how much life can change in such a short amount of time. I am not looking to hear back from him or crave to have him back in my life. I just realized that the me in this moment is so different from the me just one year ago. I know the future me will continue to be thankful for all of the big changes that have been made in this little bit of time. What changes you may ask? Well just one year ago I was wallowing in my own self-pity. I was self-destructive and in a depressive state day in and day out. I functioned in life and I put on the mask for everyone (so they would think everything was peachy keen). I dated this guy for a couple of months and I fell hard and I fell fast. I do not want to speak ill of him. There was a lot that we shared that I appreciate more than anyone could even imagine. He is a big part of my motivation to change. I learned after our whirlwind whatever you want to call it ended, that I was so very unhappy with who I was. I never had a voice. I never stood up for myself. I never thought that I deserved the very best. I sacrificed my wants and needs to try to meet the wants and needs of someone else. We tried to maintain a friendship but as usual, that did not pan out. While in that state of trying, he sent me a link to a speech made my David Lynch about Transcendental Meditation. After viewing this 10 minute dialogue, my life completely change. My drive and my focus changed and I was over and done with the miserable life I was living. From that day forward I was filling my mind with new knowledge and new concepts. I was finding out who I was and what I loved and what I despised. I started meditating twice a day and have found a peace that I have been longing for since before I can even remember. The annoyances that would once linger in every part of my being for days on end now disappear in a blink of an eye (like drawing a line in the sand and the ocean water washing it away). I am now able to see that life is full of choices and the way that we act and react in situations are part of those choices. There is no benefit to depression or anger or irritation….they are useless feelings. Yes, I still experience all of those things (because I am human) but I choose not to hold onto them…I know that they only taint my mind and body.
No, I cannot predict the future but a part of me strongly believes that my future self will thank me for all of these positive changes I have made in my life. My future self will thank me for documenting my thoughts for 365 so I can always go back and see what my thoughts were in the moment and where they are now. My future self will thank me for cutting alcohol out of my life and focusing on a much healthier lifestyle. My future self will thank me for stepping outside of my comfort zones and for no longer standing on the sidelines. My future self will thank me for realizing that happiness is a journey, not a destination. My future self will thank me for finding me…I mean really finding who I am, what I want, who I love and what is important to me. My future self will thank me for no longer settling…in life and in relationships. These are just a few things I believe my future self will thank me for.
Right here, right now I am in love with my life. I sit here in hopes that the people around me can and do love life the same way that I do…even through all of the trials and tribulations. This moment is my life. This moment is your life. This moment is all that is happening so embrace it, use it, and learn from it. Call me a dreamer if you must but I truly believe I will look back one day and smile because I know I stopped being and actually started living. I gave up doubting and started believing in myself. My future self will look back and smile with a tear forming in her eye knowing that the me right here, right now chose to love.