It's a New Day…

Day 299 Question 299:

If you could ask God one question, what would it be?

I went to Google and typed in thought provoking questions to search and the first question that slapped me right in the face was this one.  If I could ask God one question, what would it be?  So many people would say, “You don’t believe in God so that is not a valid question to even pose.”  I never said I didn’t believe in God…I have said I don’t know complete truth about what I have learned in regards to God but I do believe God is what I want him to be.  God is an important entity in my life.  God is nothing simple….at least that is what I choose to believe.

I guess if I were to ask God a question it would be: Why do people’s convictions differ so greatly?  There is so much I don’t understand or know about this world and so many times I catch myself wondering why I fall into a category so different from the masses.  So many people have this solid and sure belief in God and the story of the Bible and I have so many questions (well, I also don’t know much about the context of the Bible).  I guess to explain my question, I am curious why I have doubts and questions and wonders about what God is and about the ultimate truth and why other people believe whole-heartedly without question.  If God does “exist” in the sense that many people portray him, I would want to know why I have a difficult time believing the story of the Bible and believing in his existence and his purpose.

Being able to ask God only one question would be an almost impossible task.  If I were to ask him more than one question, that would prove my belief in him….isn’t the thought just so strange?  I guess I just want to know the purpose of our differences….is there a purpose?  Are we so different because we are all supposed to learn…to be challenged???

As I sit here I keep thinking about people I know and even those I don’t know.  I do find religion to sometimes be an uncomfortable topic to discuss because of my not knowing what I really think or believe.  I do, however, want to know how some people just know??  For my friends that are reading right here right now….if you believe in God…why do you believe?  What makes you so sure?  I do not ask in any demeaning manner…I ask to learn how people develop such convictions.  Was there something that happened to you that made you just know that his existence is real?  I have now answered 299 questions and I just want to ask those that read this one question that is constantly lingering in my mind.  Well, actually there are different questions lingering in my mind.  Because of my being unsure and having doubts about God and the Bible, do you look down upon me?  What does that make you feel about me?  Do you feel that one day I will come around and accept God into my life?  Does it bother you that I may never accept God the same way you do…or maybe not at all?  Do you believe that it is these religious differences that have caused such mass chaos and violence in the world?

I am always thinking about where we have come from and why we are here.  I study creation and I study evolution and I never feel an absolute connection to either because all I truly know is the Now!  I love the ideas of both but without the experience I am unsure.  My curiosity gets the best of me sometimes and I am always itching to hear other people’s thought process….sometimes I laugh on the inside of how angry I am able to make people because of all of my questioning.  I don’t enjoy people’s anger but I find amusement that those that call themselves devout Christians can get so upset at others that may think and feel differently(actions like that seem very UN-Christian like to me).  I strive to do good in this world and treat people well because there are no other options….I guess I am just asking how others just know how it all began and believe in this entity that they have not had personal experience with (or have they?).  I am open to hear anyone and I am always intrigued by my experiences.  I have found that it is my senses that give me the answers more than my thoughts….I go with what feels natural in the moment.  There is possibility that one day I may believe in God….at least in the sense that the majority believes in him but there is also the possibility that I may never see God in that light and choose to make him what I believe he was/is.  Is that wrong?  Am I going to Hell because of this?  I would really love some dialogue here and some words of wisdom if anyone has any to share.  I do not ask anything out of disrespect….my mind is this continual cycle and if I don’t ever ask the questions I will never have an understanding of others.

Day 298 Question 298:

Will Prejudice, Discrimination and Stereotypes ever end?

I live in the now….well at least I try to as much as possible.  Do you ever daydream about what life will be like in 30-40 years or even further beyond that???  Do you ever wonder what you will be like when you are old?  I feel like I am going to be the Betty White of my older years (what an icon she is).  I have watched old crotchety ladies at my pool over the summer piss and moan about every little thing and gossip about everyone in the neighborhood and I have vowed that no matter how many years pass I will never act that way.

I will admit that I have been guilty of being prejudice and stereotyping people.  I think at some point we all have.  Last night I had the most horrific dreams and it was this weird reminder to me of what the world is like outside of what I know.  I had dreams of visiting third world countries and women being brutally beaten and raped.  I witnessed a young girl being tied up and whipped over and over again.  I told you they were brutal.  My family was visiting with me and I remember my mother standing somewhere and she was holding her camera and this group of men started swarming her.  I pushed them away from her and told them they would come nowhere near my mother.  I woke up terrified and saddened to know that things like this in other parts of the world are not uncommon.  Women in other countries are discriminated against so badly….they are treated like prey….animals to be hunted.  This is the reason that I am always fighting for women’s rights.  In the United States women have come so far and will continue to climb the ladder and that is amazing but this world is not made up of just this country.  We, as people, no matter where we live should always fight for each other….being a woman I want to be the voice for other women that may be too afraid or too broken.  My dad is an amazing man with strong convictions and brilliance…he doesn’t speak without educating himself first.  I admire that about him.  We are from completely different generations though and there is a lot we don’t understand about each other.  He has grown sick of the “victim” mentality that he is hearing about women….he believes women have gained equality.  I understand what he is saying because in this country women have thrived and have stepped up to the plate to make sure their voices are heard.  For me, it is not viewing women as victims but instead helping those that need to be helped whether it be in this country or anywhere around the world.  All of us women are sisters and women are still looked at in many places as second-rate citizens and lesser of people in general (even in the United States).  I don’t strive to bring down men…I strive to lift the women that need a helping hand.  I want to teach the young girl the importance of loving yourself.  Women are sensitive, beautiful creatures and I want to meet and teach so many of them.

I kind of went off the beaten path….it was my dream that derailed me from my original thoughts.  I can’t help but think about how much I have been blessed with in this life and how little some other people have.  It is 2012 and prejudice, racism, discrimination and stereotypes are still in full swing….you may choose not to believe it but it is absolutely true.  We all became witness to this in this most recent election.  Obama was voted in because he is black and if he would have lost it would have been because he was black.  Romney is just a stuck up rich white guy that wants to make the rich richer and the poor poorer.  It is a no win situation no matter how you look at it because someone is going to make assumptions, judge or stereotype.  Just because we don’t have slaves in our homes doesn’t mean that slavery and racism doesn’t exist.  Modern day slavery is still in full effect all over the world and it is way more violent than most people could even imagine.

In my time in this life I do not see there ever being an end to racism/discrimination/prejudice or anything of the sort.  Unfortunately, I believe that it is a natural cycle in life…it is the lessons that are meant to be learned that many choose not to learn.  I do not understand how men in countries such as Vietnam or Singapore can brutally rape a young girl (as young as age 11) and not feel inside of them how wrong that is and how damaging that is to a person.  In their culture men are dominant figures and this way of life is natural…as saddening and sickening as that is.  I may question what is right and wrong day in and day out but there is no question that violence such as this is wrong….human life is the most valuable thing on this earth and to degrade and abuse someone in a manner that will change them forever is horrific.  When I woke from my dream this morning I started thinking about how I have always had a desire to visit third world countries and speak with the educate the women (and learn from them as well) but I have so much fear for my own safety.  I, as a visitor, would be terrified for my own safety and all I could think about was the mental torture that women experience every day in not knowing what kind of violence that day could bring. I can’t help but wonder what these women think every day and whether they even know that they are important and they are valuable as not only women but as human beings.  Do these women accept their fate to be beaten and tortured by men because of the many years that it has taken place?  Do these women think it is ok to have their bodies objectified by men and used over and over again every day?  Do these women know what love really is and what it feels like?  It truly breaks my heart to think about women that have and may never experience the love of family and the opportunity to be told of their beauty and their intelligence.  It saddens me to know that some women have never and may never understand that the life they live is not normal and they do not deserve to be treated is brutal and exploitive ways.

This entry took such a different direction than I originally anticipated.  I felt it to be important to discuss though because it was so fresh on my mind.  I love being a woman.  I do not love the way my body looks but I know that it is my body and my temple.  I love knowing that I have a voice and I do not need to live in fear if I want it to be heard.  I have passion to use my voice for all of the women that may be too afraid or may not understand that they deserve to be treated as equals.  I am willing to step all over years of tradition if it means that less women are beaten and killed every year.  I may question a lot but I do not question the rights and opportunities that women deserve.

Day 297 Question 297:

What is a belief that you have that many others do not share?

It truly saddened me to see how ugly people of this country became because of this election.  We had two candidates that were so different but both had strengths and instead of coming together as a team they divided the country even further apart.   I can’t lie, I am scared to think about what the future may bring.  I do not say this because Obama has been re-elected (it wouldn’t have matter who was elected).  I say this because in my opinion we are growing into a nation of angry people and I fear that war will one day break out amongst our own people.  I think happiness is no longer the goal in life….our politicians are showing the American people that the only thing that matters is getting ahead and doing whatever it takes (even if it means slandering the other guy) to get there.  I am glad I do not have children and really do not want children because I would not want them to have to witness a society like this.  I feel lucky to have strong convictions and to be able to fight societal norms….some people cannot though.  I will always hold onto the beauty of the world because I know it is there and I know the potential that people have….goodness is in everyone (yes, I truly believe that) but some people have been able to tap into it.

I realize that our country is in a state of financial chaos and it has potential to get even worse.  It is really scary to think about but it is not the only thing to think about.  I can’t help but come back to the idea of how we need to bring our people back together as a united nation.  I always grew up being told that we are the most dominant country in the world but as an adult I am having a hard time believing that.  What makes us so dominant?  To me that is strictly a matter of opinion.  If I were to express what I think would make a dominant country it would be a country where the people valued each other and worked together as opposed to against each other…where the people heard ideas and instead of spewing anger and hatred they worked to compromise.  I realize doing this is not always easy and it takes a lot of endless hard work but isn’t that what our country is SUPPOSED to be about….shouldn’t we represent people that work hard in all aspects whether it be in the workforce or in the home??  We are a country that has a divorce rate over 50%….that to me does not represent working hard.

Please don’t take this all the wrong way….I do not take my country for granted.  I just can’t dismiss my emotions.  I am a very sensitive person that just wants “everyone to get along” but I realize that is more or less unrealistic.  In my mind it seems so simple but I guess I live in a different world…..now you know why I always say I was born in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I spend majority of my life being angry and now I have no desire to hold onto any anger.  I will always “fight” for what I believe in and I will befriend the underdog but I will also do my best to compromise with opposing viewpoints.  I don’t understand why people need to make the issues so ugly.  I see us as a nation with all of these resources but we are too selfish to share.  We have millions and millions of people with brilliant ideas but only focus on a mere few.  I guess I am just a person that strives for change because the way things are being done now are just not working.  It is a very strange feelings to be surrounded by the masses but still feel very alone because my thoughts differ from the majority.  I guess what I have is what many would call a pipe dream….the thought it nice but it will never be reality.  That may be so but it will never change the way I wish the world really was.  I know we need differences in order to learn and appreciate but to me there is no value in anger and violence (and every other negative feeling/act).  I will never let go of my ideals of peace and compassion.  I will never let go of my longing for people to continually educate themselves and refrain from anger and instead act out of empathy.  I will never let go of my knowing that the world is beautiful and has great potential.

Day 296 Question 296:

Who do you admire?

Today is Election Day in the great country of the United States.  I use the word great kind of loosely here.  I will not disclose whether I voted or not because that is my personal business.  I do hope that this country does take a step in the right direction regardless.  While relaxing watching the boob-tube last night there was one slander ad after another and I just grew sick to my stomach.  I will not say I am not proud to be an American because I feel lucky to live in a country with so many advancements and so many opportunities but the mindset has really disgusted me.  We are a country that is supposed to be united and we could not possibly further divided.  We have not been able to find any compromise to continually advance but still hold onto family values and the importance of the American individual.  It seems like it is always one or the other and money has made our country so ugly.  I guess sometimes I just want to be noticed as an individual as opposed to just a number among the masses…I want to believe that the government is not made up of a bunch of corrupt liars….but I believe it is too late for that.

So, after all of that political jibber jabber you may ask who I admire and for years now I have always looked to the words of the Dalai Lama to bring me back to my place of belief and natural state of being.  The Eastern philosophies that he practices are beautiful and so peaceful and it is his way of life that I admire.  He focuses not on the material or the superficial but instead on the soul of the individual.  He focuses on peace over war and believes solely in happiness and compassion.  It may sound silly to many but I truly believe that if all (or at least the majority) people were to take time in their day to meditate or rest and clear their mind and allow it to just work naturally that we would see a much more calm, peaceful world.  I practice Transcendental Meditation daily and the state of calm that I have experienced is overwhelming just due to this state of mind and body rest.  I wanted to share some excerpts for people to check out and hopefully think about.  I admire the Dalai Lama because of his selflessness and his ability to be an icon and a mentor without even trying to or wanting to.  He is a man of peace that has a vision of world beauty and his modesty is enchanting.  I never would want to force anyone to believe anything because I believe we must go with what feels natural to us….I just would suggest (if open to the idea) for people to read The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama.  This book has changed my life and allowed me to see the world in a different light…it has helped me ease my angst and my stress and focus on the love and compassion that is most important.

“The purpose of our existence is to seek happiness.  It seems like common sense, and Western thinkers from Aristotle to William James have agreed with this idea.  But isn’t a life based on seeking personal happiness by nature self-centered, even self-indulgent?  Not necessarily.  In fact, survey after survey has shown that it is unhappy people who tend to be most self-focused and are often socially withdrawn, brooding, and event antagonistic.  Happy people, in contrast, are generally found to be more sociable, flexible, and creative and are able to tolerate life’s daily frustrations more easily than unhappy people, and, most important, they are found to be more loving and forgiving then unhappy people.  Researchers have devised some interesting experiments demonstrating that happy people exhibit a certain quality of openness, a willingness to reach out and help others.”

“Underlying all the Dalai Lama’s methods there is a set of basic beliefs that act as a substrate for all his actions: a belief in the fundamental gentleness and goodness of all human beings, a belief in the value of compassion, a belief in a policy of kindness, and a sense of commonality among all living creatures.” – Howard C. Cutler, M.D.

“I believe that the proper utilization of time is this: if you can, serve other people, other sentient beings.  If not, at least refrain from harming them.  I think that is the whole basis of my philosophy.  So, let us reflect on what is truly of value in life, what gives meaning to our lives, and set our priorities on the basis of that.  The purpose of our life needs to be positive.  We weren’t born with the purpose of causing trouble, harming others.  For our life to be of value, I think we must develop basic good human qualities – warmth, kindness, compassion.  Then our life becomes meaningful and more peaceful – happier.” – The Dalai Lama

“In discussing an approach to bringing about positive changes within oneself, learning is only the first step.  There are other factors as well: conviction, determination, action, and effort.  So the next step is developing conviction.  Learning and education are important because they help one develop conviction of the need to change and help increase one’s commitment.  This conviction to change then develops into determination.  Next, one transforms determination into action – the strong determination to change enables one to make a sustained effort to implement the actual changes.  This final factor of effort is critical.” – The Dalai Lama

Day 295 Question 295:

 What would you pay to do? What passions are worthy of your time, energy, and financial resources?

 If money came in an endless supply I would undoubtedly step far outside of my comfort zone and travel the world.  I would want to see beautiful, exotic places but the soul inside of me wants to visit the poverty-stricken places of the world that are in desperate need of attention.  I want to spend time with the children and women of the world and ask them question after question so I would be able to see the world through different lenses.  I have lived this life with having so much when people in other places have so very little.  I don’t need a bunch of material items.  If I could pay for anything it would be the travel fees to bring me to all of these places that have peaked my interest (Vietnam, India, Singapore, Bangladesh).  I would want to use my money to buy school supplies and give children (especially female children) the opportunity to attend school and see the power that knowledge can really have.  I would want to sit in classrooms and homes and teach people as much as I could but also ask the same in return.  I would want to share my ideas of peace and equality (even if they may not by accepted by other cultures).

 I don’t take everything that I have for granted.  I work hard, I study hard and I do like to buy nice things here and there.  I have just grown sick of the superficial ways of this place that I live in.  In a heartbeat I would rather do for someone else before doing for myself (this would be why I have been in debt more than once).  I have a hard time with the attitudes of the society that I live in because it just seems so self-involved.  This looming election only strengthens this belief of mine.  We have grown to be a society that focuses on “ME ME ME”.  I guess I am just kind of holding onto a foul mood today that I need to rid myself of.

 I used to be a party girl.  I used to be the girl that would never stay home and I was outgoing and loud and constantly meeting and talking to new people all of the time.  That person has long disappeared and I have become the complete opposite.  I like the place that I am at now in life but it is quite secluded.  To be honest, there are very few people I relate to because I so badly want to dive much deeper than surface level and the people I have met do not.  Sometimes people think I take life too seriously and who knows maybe I do.  I can’t help but want to learn and discuss everything that I possibly can.  I am still finding more of myself every day and it is the acceptance of self that seems to take time….the acceptance of how life turns out (even when we hope for different expectations).

 My passion is to travel and to meet people so different from myself and to learn from these people anything they are willing to teach me.  I want to not just learn the traditions and customs of other groups of people…I want to experience them first-hand.  I want to get out of my bubble and expose myself to others hardships so I can get a better grip on my own.  I am constantly worrying about what others think about me and losing friends and why I have lost them and to other people in other places these things would be so insignificant.  To other people their only goal for every single day is survival.

Day 294 Question 294:

What is it about you that other people would change if they could?

Do you ever wonder what you do that people wish you didn’t….you know those quirky habits that you have that get under people’s skin.  As most know I am a born worry-wart.  Unfortunately I am always thinking about how I am perceived.  If I were to make a guess I think it would be my indecisiveness that would probably drive people up the wall as well as my inability to communicate as easily as I would like.  I am not a confrontational person and there are times I think people push me to try to get me to be confrontational.  I don’t think certain people do it in a negative was as much as they try to get me to use my voice.  I can express myself in words on paper so easily but through vocal expression (in my personal world) I sometimes stumble over what I want to say.  My thoughts and my words seem to get all mixed up and sometimes I think (actually I know) it reads all over my face.  I could easily give a speech to an audience that filled a stadium if the subject matter were something of great interest to me but to express my feelings sometimes feels almost impossible.  Because of this I think that I can sometimes be portrayed as cold or maybe to some even stuck up…..to some I may even be a doormat.

I obviously don’t know exactly what people would change about me.  Most people I know use tact and don’t point out all of the things that they view as negative.  I am more liberal than conservative and I believe in peace over war in any and all occasions.  I tend to have what people would call a “hippie” mentality and to many that is not realistic.  My dad has even told me that my ideals are not realistic for the world we live in but I just can’t accept anger and violence as an answer.  I believe that people need to focus more on the calm and the peaceful way of life because the strategies that we as a society are currently using are just not working.  I believe in the words of Jimi Hendrix: When the Power of Love Overcomes the Love of Power the World Will Know Peace.  I am not sure if I have ever believed in a statement more than this one.  I think this mentality can sometimes drive because crazy.  I think this mentality leads people to believe I am uneducated and live in a “dream” world when in truth I study every day.  My way of life and way of thinking does not line up with the average person and the societal norms.  People have tried to mold me all of my life because they believe my way of thinking will only bring me pain.  Pain is inevitable in the society we live in but how we handle that pain is our own individual choice.  I have learned that holding onto resentment and anger serves no purpose.  I love the way that my mind works and that I will always try to see the good in every situation. I love that I don’t know need to know the answers to everything and that I constantly have a child-like curiosity.

I chose this question because sometimes I wonder what others think about me and sometimes I know what they think about me.  Their views do not dictate my life though because this is my body and my soul.  I know what I feel and for a very long time I was listening to everyone else’s voices instead of my own.  I am not confrontational and I do stumble over my words and I am ok with that.  It may drive me crazy in the moment but it is a part of me….it is a built in charm of mine.

Day 293 Question 293:

If you were to write a novel what would it be about?

I want to write a story of great tragedy and of pain and heartbreak.  Writing a love story with a happy ending would be too easy.  I feel that if I were to write a story I would want to use up any pent up emotions that I have let fester….the emotions that I never let escape the surface.  Happy endings are not always a reality.  I would want to write my own story in the exact opposite way of how things turned out.  I would want to scream out all of my anger and say all of the things that I never let escape from my mouth.  I would be the girl that I really have never been….and the girl I doubt I will ever be.  I am unsure of where the story would go but I do know that it would not be your typical boy meets girl, they fall in love and live happily ever after kind of story.  My novel would be filled with overwhelming emotion and rage and it would be a story that everyone could relate to on some level or another.  With that being said…maybe I should get started :0)

Day 292 Question 292:

What makes you different/unique?

I can’t help but think that I was meant to be born in the Eastern World at a completely different time.  I connect so much more with Eastern philosophies more than anything else and I always wonder why that is.  I struggle to accept and understand Western culture even if I am a part of it and partake in all of its advances.  I sometimes wonder why I fear the things that I do and why my anxiety sometimes gets the best of me?  I wonder why I always feel like an outsider amongst the masses.  This is not a pity part for myself….it is the curiosity of my mind.  I admire and adore people but truly relate to very few….as I am sure a lot do not relate to me.  I believe that this is my challenge in life sometimes…to find those things that make me most nervous and face them.

I have always said that I am a different person on the outside than I am on the inside.  Many have asked why and all I can really say is that it is all I really know.  On the outside there is not a lot of depth (at least not very often).  I am silly and quirky and portray myself as carefree and confident and usually outgoing.  Some people may even question my intelligence because the sarcasm and quick wit are what I use to amuse others.  I use sarcasm and a defense mechanism (well sometimes it is fun) and I am guarded around those that I feel insecure around (even if I hardly know them).  On the inside I am asking question after question that will probably never leave my lips.  I am studying what is going on around me.  Life is this grand mystery and I just keep diving into the depths of knowledge.  I know I will never really find any solid answers because I never truly believe in anything but I love hearing the stories along the way.  I want to know why other people do as they do and what makes them really tick.  I want to ask them about the things that fascinate me about them but also the things that annoy me.  I don’t like to share this part of me with many people (in person that is) because it is so personal and it is the part of me that I don’t want people to take for granted.  This person filled with passion and wonder is the part of me that is the most real and the most natural but it is also the person that can sometimes feel uncomfortable and nervous.  On the outside is false confidence and on the inside is the little girl wanting to ask a bunch of questions but is unsure of what to say because she doesn’t want to offend anyone.  I have become hung up on being so “politically correct” and worrisome of offending people that the dialogue in my head is never the same as the vocal dialogue spilling out of my mouth.  The reason I rarely share this side of myself with people is because once they become aware of these hang-ups it becomes a vicious cycle.  They start to wonder whether or not I am being genuine or whether or not I am putting on a front then I start to worry about how I am portraying myself.  I see a ton of scenarios play out in my head in just mere minutes.  I am genuine regardless.  I do not spout off lies and act “fake”…I just rarely show much vulnerability.  The vulnerability is there just sitting at the surface…I just can’t allow it to come out for just anyone.  It is rare that I feel a sense of complete comfort with anyone, which I realize is my own anxiety and insecurity.

I am currently pursuing my Masters Degree in Counseling and have decided to not pursue counseling itself but instead hopefully fall into the field of Human Services.  I want to get my hands dirty and work with youth and girls/youth/women and help them through hard times in their lives.  I want to work for an organization that gives back to the community and helps people rebuild their lives when needed.  I have seen counselors at different times in my life and some have been very beneficial.  It is always nice to talk to a stranger that can only be unbiased because he/she doesn’t know you and doesn’t know your life.  I have found though that so many counselors do their job straight out of the book (because they have to) and I don’t want those restrictions in my life.  If I am going to try to help someone I don’t want to be told what I can and cannot say and constantly walk on eggshells in fear that I am going to cross some “invisible line.”  I don’t want to mold people and tell them that their thoughts are right or wrong.  This life is already filled with too many limitations and I would want to be as genuine and honest as I could with someone and hopefully receive the same in return.  I have learned since getting older how much I am molded and how many of those molds I have had to break through because I realized they were shaped by other people and other ideals that were not my own.

I have spoken of soulmates at different times throughout this blog and I return here thinking that there are these people that wander into your life and seem to hang out on the same playing field as you.  As soon as you start to speak and interact you feel a connection…you feel that the guard does not even need to go up because somehow that person seems to get inside of your head.  This does not have to be a romantic link and I have always felt that soulmates do not have to fall in love (at least not on a romantic level).  It is my way of thinking that makes me unique and one of a kind.  Regardless of what society is screaming in my ear I choose to believe what feels natural to me….I hold onto what I believe God is not what church and the Bible tells me.  I believe in love my own way that brings me comfort not added stress.  I am aware of how easily we can be molded and I have to take the time to evaluate what I am feeling as opposed to what I am hearing.  I have found in a lot of cases those two things rarely coincide.  I have dove deep into my consciousness to find out more and more about myself.  My expression on the outside is minimal in comparison to my expression on the inside and my truths come out far more clearly in the written word than in vocal dialogue.  I don’t believe that anything has a solid answer so therefore the world is my canvas and I can paint the journey any way I choose and believe what feels right to me.  I truly believe that knowledge is the key to growth.  I may question truths but I still believe that it is important that we expose ourselves to as much as we can so we learn more about who we are as people…what we are naturally drawn to.  I am an artist and a wanderer in this life…..I am continually writing my own story and I cannot help but resist societal pressure.  If I want to make my life a fairytale then I will build my life in a way that will allow that to happen….but my fairytale does not need to mimic those in the books.  I think about the kid in class that constantly asks the teacher “when I am going to use this in life?” and the number of times the teacher blows off the question or scolds the child assuming he/she is being mouthy or just lazy (not wanting to do the work).  I never understood why teachers never answered that question with enthusiasm….it is a full-blown opportunity to show the kids even more of what is out in the world….an opportunity to possibly make them fall in love and find something that peaks their interest.  The basics are important (Math, Science, English, etc.) but I really do wish schools focused more on self-development and (for lack of better word) wonder.  I could easily spend 8 hours a day with kids of all ages and allow them to find their passions and their creative genius.  I would ask them the questions that were not asked to me so they had that opportunity to express themselves.  Teaching does not need to be one command after another and the hammering in of numbers and words…..the idea is there but the strategy is a little off (at least in my opinion).  I guess sometimes I do live in this world of fairies and unicorns and people might think my ideas are unrealistic and that is ok but I admit that I love this world I have molded for myself.  I love spending my days smiling a lot more than frowning and living to embrace the world as my own….allowing myself the child-like wonder and the opportunity to create in any form I choose.  I love the way my brain works and the way I am open to change (even as hard as it may be sometimes).

Day 291 Question 291:

If you choose not to vote, does that mean you should not be able to voice your opinions regarding politics?

I am not going to lie.  This is my forum to no lie in.  I am contemplating whether or not to vote when this election day comes along.  I have been barked at by many being told that it is my civic duty and if I don’t vote then I have no say in government.  Do I really have a say now?  And regardless of what other people think, if I want to voice my opinion I am going to do it. If I am have the ability to speak then I am most certainly going to do it because I don’t have a barcode on my body.  The government may try to control me but regardless I am a human being.  I think the United States government has become a complete disgrace….harsh but true.  This ongoing election has proved that government is no longer about the people.  We have two candidates that have pointed fingers at each other and told us nothing about what they are going to do to get this country to a better place.  Mitt Romney is a businessman and could turn our economy around and Barack Obama is soooo charismatic.  They are both assholes in my book.  Once the debates began I knew then and there that I stood correct in saying that the well-being of the American people had been completely lost.   This election is simply a fight for power and a status quo.

Be yourself.  Be yourself.  Be yourself.  I can’t tell you how many times I hear these words being thrown out into the atmosphere.  Everyone says it but then we have this huge entity telling us how we have to act and react and how we are Un-American if we don’t CHOOSE to vote.  Jerry Garcia said it perfectly, “Choosing the Lesser of the Two Evils is Still Choosing Evil.”  Excuse me if I find myself very unimpressed with the choices that the American people are being given.  I am sure some people will say that I am what is wrong with this country but I would beg to differ.  Out of the billions of people in this country, we are given 2 choices….REALLY????  I do understand that we need to get our economy back on its feet but listening to everyone harp on social media and in the news about what is “really” important just makes politics and government even less appealing to me.  I am a humanitarian.  I believe that the well-being of the person comes first and that our country should be the model of family and unity.  I believe we should strive for equal rights for ALL!!!  I can’t pin myself to one party because I don’t agree with everything each individual party represents.  I hate the ugliness that comes with choosing a side….we see innocent Muslims killed just for being Muslim because of what happened on 9/11.  The political debates and this entire election has been so ugly and I am so ready for it to be over with.  I am ready for the finger pointing and the bashing to be over with….it goes against everything I believe.  It is no secret that children are like sponges.  They watch adults and mimic our behaviors.  Here were have these two figures that should represent respect, dignity, honor and they should be the mentors of this country and here they stand insulting and degrading each other.  We want to teach our children to share and to work together to solve problems but here are these two grown men that are acting like baboons throwing their feces at each other.  I am sorry if I just can’t get on board with all of this.  I am beyond grateful for all that I have and I am proud to be a native of this country because great things have been done here and there is such a rich history but it saddens me to see the direction that we are headed.  It frightens me to think about how much uglier the next election will be.  We have become a country that is progressively dividing further and further apart every single day and I can’t help but wonder what this country will look like in 20-30 years.

I understand that people will not agree with me and I expect some lashings here.  I don’t want to give up hope and lose faith in humanity.  The United States is a country that has opportunity after opportunity.  We have more than other countries could even fathom and I don’t want to see us turn into a country that takes all of that for granted.  This is again why I have to educate myself on what is going on in other countries….simply so I can remember what life is really about.  We need money to survive as a country but I think family and human interactions are far more important.  We need to teach love of each other over the love and need of power.

If you believe I have no voice if I choose not to vote then that is your choice to think that.  This country (by what I have learned throughout my life) is based on freedom.  I will not strip you or your “rights” and I would appreciate the same in return.  I do not lose rights simply because I may choose not to vote.  I apologize but I have grown so sick of the ugliness and going to my parent’s house and listening to how much of a liar Obama is and how he is going to turn us into a communist country or getting on my FB page and reading all of the rants about how stupid mitt Romney is and how he is only out to chase the American dollar.  I am sick of being somewhere and someone will randomly spout off their political views about this election with the assumption that I am going to agree with them.  I am not the person that hates strictly based on a political point of view.  My father and I disagree on most things but I love him and have great respect for him.  We both know our boundaries and we don’t speak of certain issues out of respect for each other (well, most of the time at least).  Republicans and Democrats are turning into arch-enemies and at the rate we are going I could see a war erupting between these two parties because the anger and the resentment between the two parties just keeps getting bigger and bigger.  We are a country that is at a war of words and if we keep moving in this direction the war will be much more than just words.

So, with my opinions out there (with expectation of wrath), I have still yet to decide whether or not I will vote.  It saddens me that I even have to think about it but this is the first election where I can say I truly listened and opened my eyes to what is going on and I am so very unimpressed with that I see.  I worry about the direction my country is headed and I am afraid that we are losing humanity and the love we should be striving for.  To some I may be one of those dreamers but I cannot help how I feel.

Day 290 Question 290:

What are some of your best Halloween memories?

Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays.  I have not dressed up and partaken in the activities of this day in a couple of years but I still love it.  I listen to some people go on and on about how they won’t celebrate Halloween because of its evil spirit and it means worshipping Pagans.  I have a fascination with learning history and Halloween has this rich history and I see no harm in people celebrating as they choose.

Halloween’s origins date back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain (pronounced sow-in). The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom and northern France, celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31 they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter.

To commemorate the event, Druids built huge sacred bonfires, where the people gathered to burn crops and animals as sacrifices to the Celtic deities. During the celebration, the Celts wore costumes, typically consisting of animal heads and skins, and attempted to tell each other’s fortunes. When the celebration was over, they re-lit their hearth fires, which they had extinguished earlier that evening, from the sacred bonfire to help protect them during the coming winter.

As you can see we have taken this holiday and “Americanized” it and I would wager to guess that many people do not know much about the origin of the holiday itself…again, there really is no harm in that.  I would have a hard time believing that children under the age of 5 are using this night to worship the dead.  I love Halloween because it gives children and adults alike the opportunity to take on a character and to enjoy the season of Fall.  In my opinion, it is a Holiday (if people do not get out of hand) that brings people together and it is a night that we see so many people enjoying a night of ridding ourselves of our everyday stresses and having fun.  Maybe the origin has been lost but does that really matter if it means that people are having a good time (yes, I realize some people take it to the extreme but I speak generally here)?

I have great memories of Halloween from when I was a very little girl.  I remember my mom working at this great place that had all of these elaborate costumes and being only about 6 years old and putting on a huge flowy dress like I was a flamenco dancer.  I, of course, didn’t know what a flamenco dancer was but to a 6 year old that didn’t matter.  I got to wear this amazing dress and have my hair done up all pretty.  I was a clown one Halloween (which is ironic considering my present hatred for clowns) and a Rabbit in a Hat for another (which I thought was such a clever idea.  For several years my girl friends and I dressed up as punk rock chicks and wore the ripped jeans and spray painted our hair every color of the rainbow.  I attended a church Halloween party and my mom had doused my hair with so much hairspray that people thought it was a wig….you can imagine how fun it was to wash that out.  Even into my adult years I loved to get decked out for the Holiday.  I have attended more Halloween parties than any other Holiday.  I love the magic of Halloween and seeing everyone’s creativity come alive.  My best friends (from high school) dad was a great makeup artist and one year he did my makeup as if I were a zombie and he whited out my face and put scars up and down the cheeks then make it look at if a long nail was protruding out of my forehead and he even did makeup to make it look like I had a slit neck.

I wanted to share some great pictures just to make people smile on this fun holiday.  I hope everyone keeps it safe and has a great time…let loose and have fun….be someone else for just one night :0)