Day 129 Question 129:

Does the American Dream still exist? What does it consist of?

There was a day awhile back that I started thinking about the American Dream.  I think I heard the expression used in passing and being the philosopher that I am, I started wondering whether there is the possibility of there really being an American Dream.  Because of love to go into full blown nerd mode I of course started researching what the American Dream is known to be.  I found various definitions but it was this that seemed to mesh them all into one and have the closest similarities in them all:

The term “American Dream” is used in a number of ways, but essentially the American Dream is an idea which suggests that all people can succeed through hard work, and that all people have the potential to live happy, successful lives. Many people have expanded upon or refined the definition of the American Dream, and this concept has also been subject to a fair amount of criticism. Many people believe that the structure of American society belies the idealistic goal of the American Dream, pointing to examples of inequality rooted in class, race, and ethnic origin which suggest that the American Dream is not attainable for all.

Like so many other things I believe that the American Dream is something that must be defined individually and not for the whole.  I believe in life we all strive for success but we all define success so differently.  For me success does not equal money.  Success is having dreams and working hard to try to achieve them.  Success is having way more happy days than sad or miserable ones.  When we think about the American Dream we can put a very generic definition on it that a lot of people would automatically think of: growing up, going to college, obtaining a good job, getting married, having 2.5 children, and living in a house with a white picket fence with a tire swing in the front yard….ok maybe I exaggerated a little bit there ;0)  The American Dream has been thought of for so many years as living this perfect life when in truth perfection is something that cannot exist for everyone as a whole because people see perfection so differently.  If people desire to have all of those things that I mentioned above and they are able to achieve them then in my opinion they have achieved THEIR American Dream.  I, on the other hand, do not desire those things.  I dream of being a strong part of a women’s right organization and making a big dent in the world to try to make a difference in women’s lives.  I desire to have my voice heard and my words printed on paper, binded in a book cover and sitting on shelves for people to read.  My American Dream is to create art in various forms, to meet as many people as I possibly can and to continually face my fears….my American Dream is to prove to myself that I can do ANYTHING I truly want….no matter how hard it may seem.

What I have noticed (again just in my experience) is that the United States has become a very money/material driven country.  It could be very easy for someone to equate success with money which in turn could allow them to believe that they are living the America Dream.  I, personally, do not believe that money and material items will ever equate to living a dream because they are things that can be taken from you in the blink of an eye.  They are things that bring you momentary happiness…I would find it hard to believe anyone experiences lifelong happiness brought on strictly by material items…..remember, this is STRICTLY my opinion.

I found an interesting article that I wanted to share that I felt summarized any points.  I will not say whether I agree with any or all of it.  I just wanted to share.  My American Dream is for everyone to experience more happiness than sadness and more love than pain in the years that they have on this earth.  It is cheesy and just that simple.

What is the American Dream to you?

What is the American Dream?: Dueling dualities in the American tradition

By Gus Speth

Throughout our history, there have been alternative, competing visions of the “good life” in America. The story of how these competing visions played out in our history is prologue to an important question: What is the American Dream and what is its future?

The issue came up in the early Republic, offspring of the ambiguity in Jefferson’s declaration that we have an unalienable right to “the pursuit of happiness.” Darrin McMahon in his admirable book, Happiness: A History, will be our guide here. McMahon locates the origins of the “right to happiness” in the Enlightenment. “Does not everyone have a right to happiness?’ asked …  the entry on that subject in the French encyclopedia edited by Denis Diderot. Judged by the standards of the preceding millennium and a half, the question was extraordinary: a right to happiness? And yet it was posed rhetorically, in full confidence of the nodding assent of enlightened minds.” It was in 1776, the year of the Declaration of Independence, that Jeremy Bentham would write his famous principle of utility: “It is the greatest happiness of the greatest number that is the measure of right and wrong.”

Thus, when Thomas Jefferson drafted the Declaration in June of that memorable year, the words “the pursuit of happiness” came naturally to him, and the language sailed through the debates of June and July without dissent. McMahon believes this lack of controversy stemmed in part from the fact that the “pursuit of happiness” phrase brought together ambiguously two very different notions: the idea from John Locke and Jeremy Bentham that happiness was the pursuit of personal pleasure and the older Stoic idea that happiness derived from active devotion to the public good and from civic virtue, which have little to do with personal pleasure.

“The ‘pursuit of happiness,’” McMahon writes, “was launched in different, and potentially conflicting, directions from the start, with private pleasure and public welfare coexisting in the same phrase. For Jefferson, so quintessentially in this respect a man of the Enlightenment, the coexistence was not a problem.” But Jefferson’s formula almost immediately lost its double meaning in practice, McMahon notes, and the right of citizens to pursue their personal interests and joy won out. This victory was confirmed by waves of
immigrants to America’s shores, for whom America was truly the land of opportunity. “To pursue happiness in such a land was quite rightly to pursue prosperity, to pursue pleasure, to pursue wealth.”

It is in this jettisoning of the civic virtue concept of happiness in favor of the self-gratification side that McMahon finds the link between the pursuit of happiness and the rise of American capitalism in the nineteenth and twentieth centuries. Happiness, he writes, “continued to entice with attractive force, providing a justification for work and sacrifice, a basis for meaning and hope that only loomed larger on the horizon of Western democracies.” “If economic growth was now a secular religion,” McMahon observes, “the pursuit of happiness remained its central creed, with greater opportunities than ever before to pursue pleasure in comfort and things.” Max Weber saw this transformation first hand. “Material goods,” he observed in The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism, “have gained an increasing and finally an inexorable power over the lives of men as at no previous period in history.”

The story of the pursuit of happiness in America is thus a story of its close alliance with capitalism and consumerism. But in recent years, many researchers have begun to see this relationship as one of misplaced allegiance. Has the pursuit of happiness through growth in material abundance and possessions actually brought Americans happiness? That is a question more for science than for philosophy, and the good news is that social scientists have in fact recently turned abundantly to the subject. A new field, positive psychology, the study of happiness and subjective well-being, has been invented, and there is now even a professional Journal of Happiness Studies.

Imagine, if you will, two very different alternatives for affluent societies. In one, economic growth, prosperity and affluence bring steadily increasing human happiness, well-being and satisfaction. In a second, prosperity and happiness are not correlated, and, indeed, prosperity, beyond a certain point, is associated with the growth of important social pathologies. Which scenario provides a closer fit to reality?

What the social scientists in this new field are telling us is of fundamental importance. Two of the leaders in the field, Ed Diener and Martin Seligman, carried out a review of the now-voluminous literature on well-being in their 2004 article, “Beyond Money: Toward an Economy of Well-Being.” In what follows, I will draw upon this article and other research.

The overall concept that is gaining acceptance among researchers is “subjective well being,” i.e., a person’s own opinion of his or her well being. Subjects in surveys are frequently asked, on a scale of one to 10, how satisfied are you with your life? Most well-being surveys today ask individuals how happy or satisfied they are with their lives in general, how satisfied they are in particular contexts (e.g., work, marriage), or how much they trust others, and so on.

A good place to begin is with the studies that compare levels of happiness and life satisfaction among nations at different stages of economic development. They find that the citizens of wealthier countries do report higher levels of life satisfaction, although the correlation is rather poor and is even poorer when factors such as quality of government are statistically controlled. Moreover, this positive relationship between national well-being and national per capita income virtually disappears when one looks only at countries with GDP per capita over $10,000 per year. In short, once a country achieves a moderate level of income, further growth does not significantly improve perceived well-being.

Diener and Seligman report that peoples with the highest well-being are not those in the richest countries but those who live where political institutions are effective and human rights protected, where corruption is low, and mutual trust high.

Even more challenging to the idea that well-being increases with higher incomes is extensive time series data showing that throughout almost the entire post-World War II period, as incomes skyrocketed in the United States and other advanced economies, reported life satisfaction and happiness levels stagnated or even declined slightly.

But that is not all. Diener and Seligman note that, “Even more disparity [between income and well-being] shows up when ill-being measures are considered. For instance, depression rates have increased 10-fold over the same 50-year period, and rates of anxiety are also rising … [T]he average American child in the 1980s reported greater anxiety than the average child receiving psychiatric treatment in the 1950s. There is [also] a decreasing level of social connectedness in society, as evidenced by declining levels of trust in other people and in governmental institutions.” Numerous studies also stress that nothing is more devastating to well-being than losing one’s job and unemployment.

Instead of income, Diener and Seligman stress the importance of personal relationships to happiness: “The quality of people’s social relationships is crucial to their well-being. People need supportive, positive relationships and social belonging to sustain well-being … [T]he need to belong, to have close and long-term social relationships, is a fundamental human need … People need social bonds in committed relationships, not simply interactions with strangers, to experience well-being.”

In short, what the social scientists are telling us is that as of today, in Ed Diener’s words, “materialism is toxic for happiness.” Whether t

he pursuit of happiness through evermore possessions succeeded earlier in our history, it no longer does.

Norton Garfinkle traces another dueling duality in the American tradition, one reflected in the title of his helpful book, The American Dream vs. the Gospel of Wealth. Although the phrase “the American Dream” entered the language thanks to James Truslow Adams and his 1931 book, The Epic of America, Garfinkle argues that the force of the concept, if not the phrase, derives from President Lincoln.  ”More than any other president,” Garfinkle believes, “Lincoln is the father of the American Dream that all Americans should have the opportunity through hard work to build a comfortable middle class life. For Lincoln, liberty meant above all the right of individuals to the fruits of their own labor, seen as a path to prosperity. ‘To [secure] to each laborer the whole product of his labor, or as nearly as possible,’ he wrote, ‘is a most worthy object of any good government.’”

“The universal promise of opportunity,” Garfinkle writes, “was for Lincoln the philosophical core of America: it was the essence of the American system. ‘Without the Constitution and the Union,’ he wrote, ‘we could not have attained … our great prosperity.’ But the Constitution and the Union were not the ‘primary cause’ of America, Lincoln believed. ‘There is something,’ he continued, ‘back of these, entwining itself more closely about the human heart … This is the just and generous and prosperous system which opens the way to all, gives hope to all, and consequent energy and progress and improvement of condition to all.’ This was, for Lincoln, the American Dream, the raison d’être of America, and the unique contribution of America to world history.”

Although Garfinkle does not bring it out, I believe James Truslow Adams’ vision of the American Dream is at least as compelling as that of Lincoln. Adams used the phrase, “the American dream,” to refer, not to getting rich or even especially to a secure, middle class lifestyle, though that was part of it, but primarily to something finer and more important: “It is not a dream of motor cars and high wages merely, but a dream of a social order in which each man and each woman shall be able to attain to the fullest stature of which they are innately capable, and be recognized by others for what they are, regardless of the fortuitous circumstances of birth or position.” That American Dream is well worth carrying with us into the future.

The competing vision, the Gospel of Wealth, found its origins in the Gilded Age. In his 1889 book, The Gospel of Wealth, Andrew Carnegie espoused a widely held philosophy that drew on Social Darwinism and, though less crudely expressed, has many adherents today. To Carnegie, the depressed conditions of late 19th century American workers and the limited opportunities they faced were prices to be paid for the abundance economic progress made possible. Carnegie was brutally honest in his views: “The price which society pays for the law of competition, like the price it pays for cheap comforts and luxuries, is also great; but the advantages of this law are also greater still than its cost — for it is to this law that we owe our wonderful material development, which brings improved conditions in its train. But, whether the law be benign or not, … it is here, we cannot evade it; no substitutes for it have been found; and while the law may be sometimes hard for the individual, it is best for the race, because it insures the survival of the fittest in every department. We accept and welcome, therefore, as conditions to which we must accommodate ourselves, great inequality of environment; the concentration of business, industrial and commercial, in the hands of a few; and the law of competition between these, as being not only beneficial, but essential to the future progress of the race. Having accepted these, it follows that there must be great scope for the exercise of special ability in the merchant and in the manufacturer who has to conduct affairs upon a great scale. That this talent for organization and management is rare among men is proved by the fact that it invariably secures enormous rewards for its possessor.”

Garfinkle recounts the many ways Carnegie’s Gospel stood Lincoln’s vision on its head: “Whereas in Lincoln’s America, the underlying principle of economic life was widely shared equality of opportunity, based on the ideals set forth in the Declaration of Independence, in Carnegie’s America the watchword was inequality and the concentration of wealth and resource in the hands of the few. Whereas in Lincoln’s America, government was to take an active role in clearing the path for ordinary people to get ahead, in Carnegie’s America, the government was to step aside and let the laws of economics run their course. Whereas in Lincoln’s America, the laborer had a right to the fruits of his labor, in Carnegie’s America the fruits went disproportionately to the business owner and investor as the fittest. Whereas in Lincoln’s America, the desire was to help all Americans fulfill the dream of the self-made man, in Carnegie’s America, it was the rare exception, the man of unusual talent that was to be supported.”

Since the Reagan Revolution, of course, the Gospel of Wealth has returned with a vengeance. Income and wealth have been reconcentrated in the hands of the few at levels not seen since 1928, American wages have flatlined for several decades, the once-proud American middle class is fading fast, and government action to improve the prospects of average Americans is widely disparaged. Indeed, government has pursued policies leading to the dramatic decline in both union membership and good American jobs. In a sample of its 20 peer OECD countries, the United States today has the lowest social mobility, the greatest income inequality, and the most poverty.

A third historical duality in envisioning America is that between an American lifestyle that revolves around consumption and one that embraces plain and simple living. In her important book, The Consumers’ Republic, Lizabeth Cohen traces the rise of mass consumption in America to policies adopted after World War II: “Americans after World War II saw their nation as the model for the world of a society committed to mass consumption and what were assumed to be its far-reaching benefits. Mass consumption did not only deliver wonderful things for purchase — the televisions, air conditioners, and computers that have transformed American life over the last half century. It also dictated the most central dimensions of postwar society, including the political economy (the way public policy and the mass consumption economy mutually reinforced each other), as well as the political culture (how political practice and American values, attitudes, and behaviors tied to mass consumption became intertwined).”

However, Cohen also documents that, whatever its blessings, American consumerism has had profound and unintended consequences on broader issues of social justice and democracy. She notes that “the Consumers’ Republic did not unfold quite as policymakers intended … the Consumers’ Republic’s dependence on unregulated private markets wove inequalities deep into the fabric of prosperity, thereby allowing, intentionally or not, the search for profits and the exigencies of the market to prevail over higher goals. Often the outcome dramatically diverged from the stated objective to use mass markets to create a more egalitarian and democratic American society … [T]he deeply entrenched convictions prevailing in the Consumers’ Republic that a dynamic, private, mass consumption marketplace could float all boats and that a growing economy made reslicing the economic pie unnecessary predisposed Americans against more redistributive actions …

“Most ironic perhaps, the confidence that a prospering mass consumption economy could foster democracy would over time contribute to a decline in t

he most traditional, and one could argue most critical, form of political participation — voting — as more commercialized political salesmanship replaced rank-and-file mobilization through parties.”

The creation of the Consumers’ Republic represented the triumph of one vision of American life and purpose. But there has been a competing vision, what historian David Shi calls the tradition of “plain living and high thinking,” a tradition that began with the Puritans and the Quakers. In his book, The Simple Life, Shi sees in American history a “perpetual tension … between the ideal of enlightened self-restraint and the allure of unfettered prosperity. From colonial days, the mythic image of America as a spiritual commonwealth and a republic of virtue has survived alongside the more tantalizing view of the nation as an engine of economic opportunities, a festival of unfettered individualism, and a cornucopia of consumer delights.”

“The concept [of the simple life] arrived with the first settlers, and it has remained an enduring — and elusive — ideal … Its primary attributes include a hostility toward luxury and a suspicion of riches, a reverence for nature and a preference for rural over urban ways of life and work, a desire for personal self-reliance through frugality and diligence, a nostalgia for the past, a commitment to conscientious rather than conspicuous consumption, a privileging of contemplation and creativity, an aesthetic preference for the plain and functional, and a sense of both religious and ecological responsibility for the just uses of the world’s resources.”

In the end, these three dueling dualities in the American tradition — competing over the meaning of happiness, the path to prosperity, the centrality of consumerism — tell much the same story: the vision of an America where the pursuit of happiness is sought in the growth of civic virtue and in devotion to the public good, where the American dream is steadily realized as the average American achieves his or her human potential and the benefits of economic activity are widely shared, and where the virtues of simple living, self-reliance and reverence for nature predominate, that vision has not prevailed and has instead been overpowered by the rise of commercialism, consumerism, and a particularly ruthless variety of winner-take-all capitalism.

These American traditions may not have prevailed to date, but they are not dead. They await us, and indeed they are today being awakened across this great land. New ways of living and working, sharing and caring are emerging across America. They beckon us with a new American Dream, one rebuilt from the best of the old, drawing on the best of who we were and are and can be.

There is an America beyond despair, and it is fueling these developments. Ask a parent, ask yourself, what America would you like for your grandchildren and their children, and the odds are good that in the reply, the outpouring of hope, a new America unfolds.

Day 128 Question 128:

What do you admit to being ignorant about?

For a long time I was unsure whether or not the phrase “Ignorance is Bliss” was really true.  I wasn’t sure if I believed it or whether the words were just complete fluff.  How can ignorance possibly be bliss.  It finally dawned on me one day…like being struck in the head with an anvil…that ignorance absolutely is bliss.  How many ignorant people have you encountered in your life that will admit that they are ignorant….that can admit that they are ignorant and are happy about being ignorant.  I am sure very few are.  Therefore they are living in a state of bliss unaware of their ignorance…happy with their way of thinking and their actions in life.  Ignorance is a wide open concept though….it is almost one of those things that can only be defined by each individual person.  I, personally, see ignorance as people that openly hurt people and having no remorse or people that choose to stop learning…especially this day and age.  Ignorance is choosing to close yourself into a box and not let in any other points of views and opinions other than your own.  We sometimes choose to be ignorant to avoid pain and heartache though…which can be understandable.  Many people choose not to watch the news because they are tired of hearing about all of the awful things in the world…violence, murders, war, etc….this could be considered happily ignorant.  People choose not to see the bad…and I can understand that.  Either way you look at it, yes ignorance is bliss.

Have I ever been ignorant?  Of course I have.  Everyone has at some time in their life.  It is one of those things though that you tend not to see until afterwards….hindsight is 20/20 right????  I believe we learn very early on as children the concept of manipulation.  Some people become masters of manipulation well into their adult years.  Manipulation and ignorance go hand in hand if you were to ask me.  Trust me, I am not pointing fingers just outward….I have pointed my fingers right in my own direction.  I have manipulated several times throughout my life and that is nothing to be proud of but I am an honest woman and I promised you I would spill all of my beans in this blog.  I have been ignorant far too many times than I would like to admit.  I have treated people poorly that I know didn’t deserve it.  I have knowingly taken advantage of people and there is nothing right about that.  I have known what the right thing to do was and still chose a different direction.  Yes I have been ignorant.  I would like to think that I have come leaps and bounds and have made a lot more wise and beneficial decisions in these past couple of years….hell in these last few months.  I believe I am not quite so ignorant nowadays….at least I don’t think so….maybe that is why I feel so blissful (wink wink).

I started this entry with something in particular in mind.  I chose this topic because today I realized I have been ignorant about something.  For school we are working through a chapter in my case studies book that focuses on counseling individuals with disabilities/special needs.  I have no problem in the world with people that have disabilities/special needs….it is not their fault for whatever “problems” they may have.  My ignorance came from being able to see them as (for lack of a better word) complete people.  In a heartbeat I would speak to someone or have a conversation/spend time with someone that was disabled or had special needs but in the back of my mind and in my heart I would have a sense of sorrow.  I would feel that it was unfair that this person does not have a “normal” life.  This is an ignorant way of thinking because these people might LOVE life.  They may not even see their disability and they may live in a manner that exceeds my expectations.  I hang my head in saying that in many cases I would look at these people with pity because it seemed to me that they were dealt and unfair hand.  I do realize that some people’s handicaps and disabilities are worse than others but I am uneducated when it comes to knowing what people experience when they have certain disabilities and handicaps.  I instead chose to believe that they must be unhappy and always feel at a disadvantage.  I detest when people have a victim mentality and here I have been for so long making these people victims when they are not even making themselves victims.

Today, just by reading a short chapter in my school book, I had a bright light shining right in my face.  I was so ignorant when it came to knowing anything about individuals with disabilities/handicaps.  Before I would have written the words disabled individuals but by reading what I did, I realized that when you describe someone in that manner it is as if you are giving them a title that is the main thing about them…they are only there disability/handicap.  There could not be anything farther from the truth.  I should know better and today I got a wake up call….which I am thankful for.  There is a young girl that goes to my gym (I would guess her to be 18 or 19) that is wheelchair bound (I believe she has cerebral palsy).  This girl rocks out at the gym at least 4 days a week and to watch her get around is awesome…pulling herself on and off of pieces of equipment.  She has this great energy and this great rapport with the staff and members at the gym.  This girl is so much more than her handicap.  She just happens to have something different than most people…and I am sure she does not want it talked about in every conversation she has…I mean would you want someone to constantly be bringing up your “faults” all of the time???  I have had body image issues for years upon years…it is the last thing I want to talk about.  It is all the same and it was this school unit that needed to give me that big realization slap in the face.

I believe ignorance is inevitable.  It is one of those things that I hope people eventually come to grips with and change when necessary.  Ignorance may be blissful to the individual but it can be really damaging to the majority.  I may be completely off base when it comes to really understanding what ignorance…but honestly I don’t really understand the definitions of many things.  There are too many things that cannot be defined to a population….they must be defined individually.  I believe ignorance is one of those things.  My question to my readers (because I want to know and to learn from you) is: what is ignorance in your eyes?  Are you ignorant or have you been throughout your life?  Have you changed due to these ignorances?

I wanted to take this opportunity (which I try to as often as possible) to say thank you again to my readers.  I am unsure if many of you are aware but you have been my mentors and my teachers since I have begun on this journey.  You have given me strength and given me drive to push myself farther than I ever thought possible.  You have opened up your hearts and your “virtual homes” to teach me about a world outside of just my own….you have taught me a lot about this big beautiful world.  I cannot thank you enough.

Day 127 Question 127:

What is something(s) that many people don’t know about you?

I hope that one day someone can say I am the best thing that ever happened to them.  I just watched this movie called A Little Bit of Heaven starring Kate Hudson.  This girl right here was a big ball baby….I am talking about huge crocodile tears and a super attractive oozing nose.  It really was an amazing movie and it was one that hit home a lot.  I love those moves that make you feel so much…not just think but actually feel.

The premise of this movie is a young woman (Kate Hudson) is diagnosed with colon cancer (stage 4) and we watch her journey through her illness and there is this beautiful dialogue of all of the relationships she has with people in her life.  I, of course, started to think about my life and all of the people in it.  I am very blessed for the people I have in my life and there are some that are so special and I hope to hold onto until my last dying breath.  I do wish that my family was bigger and closer like other people’s families so I could have more people to know and more people to love.  That is just one of those things that happens in life…my country is spread around the country and many of us do not know each other.

In the movie, Kate Hudson’s character falls in love while she is dying.  She says to the man that he is the best thing that has ever happened to her.  I couldn’t help but think that if the day were to come where someone were to come into my life that they would feel the same about me.  I did feel a twinge of sadness and loneliness because when it comes to men and dating and relationships and the whole nine…it just seems to be the same thing repeated over and over again.  I keep meeting the same guy that puts in no effort or has nothing interesting to say.  I meet the guy that never makes me feel like I am enough.  In this aspect of my life I gave up.  I put forth my efforts into different areas of life because I started to feel like maybe this was an area that really wasn’t supposed to be significant in my life.  Don’t get me wrong…I love my life.  I love how driven I am.  I love my family and I love my friends.  I love that I push myself to the limit in so many ways.  I love that I have dreams and goals and I try to achieve them as opposed to just talk to them.  I love that I never want to stop learning.  I love that I care about people so deeply and want their lives to be happy because in turn that makes me happy.  I love that by writing those words that tears swelled up in my eyes because I knew I meant what I wrote.  I do sometimes slip into fairytale mode and wish someone would see beyond the mask that I sometimes hide behind.  I am guarded only in this area and I wish someone would take the time to chip away the layers and see the beautiful woman that lives behind this mask.  Maybe I want to much and maybe I overthink it but is it wrong to want someone that aches to hear your next word?  Is it wrong to want someone that I could talk to nonstop for hours and hours and hours?  Is it wrong to want to feel like someone’s everything (in a matter of speaking of course)?  I have never felt these things and I have ran far away from people because my instincts have told me that they would never be able to provide these things to me.  I don’t want to compromise what my heart truly wants.  So, even though I have these moments every once in a great while when I wish I had that person to share my life with, I would rather be alone than spend it with someone that I never felt like I could be my complete and true self with.

I wasn’t sure what direction I was going to go when I started typing.  I guess it’s just one of those things when the thoughts came rushing in and they just came right off of the tips of my fingers.  In this movie the relationships that this young girl has with people are so meaningful and you are able to learn about how different they all are but how they are all so very important.  Those are the best relationships in the world.  While watching the movie and seeing the scenes between her and her mother (Kate Hudson and Kathy Bates) I, of course thought about the relationship I have with my mom and how that relationship is probably my favorite out of all.  We can drive each other crazy but we love each other more than anything in the world and my mother is the person that makes me feel alive…she has always let me know that everything is going to be ok no matter what.  I took her and my dad out for dinner about 2 weeks ago to celebrate my dad’s birthday and Mother’s Day.  While we sat at the table my mother was talking about all of her friends that she sees at cards or has over to the house and I asked her who her best friend was and without expecting it at all she said, “You!”  We both laughed a lot but in my heart I knew she meant it.  I have a sister that is also very close to both of us and my mother would take a bullet for her in a minute if needed…I just think my mom protects me because it is just me.  I think a part of her feels that need to protect me because I don’t have a husband or a family and she doesn’t want me to feel pain all by myself.  She wants to be that person there for me because she knows I don’t have anyone else to fall back on.  She definitely doesn’t choose me over my sister…she just knows the deep emotion that I experience and she knows that it isn’t always easy to experience that all alone.  My mom has saved my life…she will continue to save my life until the end of time.  When we left the restaurant that night I put my arm around her (which is always cute because I am 5’8 and she is 4’11) and we walked through the parking lot just joking around and being silly.  There will be times that I do that but my mom will pull away a little bit because I think sometimes she thinks that affection like that makes me feel uncomfortable.  I am not always able to say what I want to my mom but she knows that I love her so very much and even through all of the struggles and all of the chaos that I brought into her life at different times that I am beyond thankful for everything she has ever done for me, ever taught me and ever given to me (not material-wise).  I may sometimes struggle with saying I am sorry or admitting I am wrong but she knows when I am…she doesn’t need the words.  Our relationship goes so far beyond the words we could speak.

I am not sure how I come off to many people.  Sometimes on the surface I think I portray this tough exterior and I use humor a lot to bring other people happiness but inside I really am a softie.  My heart and my soul is filled with so much love and romance and the aching to give my thoughts and my opinions to other people.  I have made many mistakes throughout my life that I cannot take back but in my heart I do apologize to the people that I have hurt…I have learned a lot about myself through carelessly hurting others.  I am glad that I have been able to learn from my mistakes and try to work on myself more and more all of the time as opposed to allowing the person I used to be to keep controlling my life.  I don’t even know the person I was anymore…it feels like she is far far away.  She is almost like a figment of my imagination.  I know she existed but it almost feels like she was a completely different person…there is no way that person was me.  This person right here, right now is me.  I don’t hate the person I was because without her I would not be where I am today…I would not be able to face my fears and find out how strong I really am.

Life is this journey that is constantly sending us on various paths of self-discovery.  This movie that I watched stirred all kinds of emotions in me (being hormonal may have played a part too ;0).  I knew I had to get my thoughts onto paper (virtual paper that is)…for no reason in particular…just to know that one day I can revisit them and see the person I once was and hopefully love how far I have come from even now.

Day 126 Question 126:

What do you think the world needs now?

I can’t stop thinking about the violence that goes on the world.  I can’t stop thinking about how entitlement has become such an epidemic.  I can’t stop thinking about how millions of children are not being educated and some are raised as soldiers when they are just little kids.  I can’t stop thinking about how money has controlled the entire world and relationships are slowly becoming a thing of the past.

Honestly, I think the world needs to get its priorities back in order.   I watched a documentary last night called War Child and the film showed parts of the northern and southern Sudan and it was absolutely appalling to see these young boys (ages 6-12 or 13) carrying machine guns or grenades.  These little boys were soldiers and the sad part was that they were fighting people from their own country.  They were fighting over oil and these boys equated peace and freedom to fighting and to war.  One boy spoke in his native tongue and when the words were translated he spoke of how he wanted so badly to go to school and he wanted to learn how to fly airplanes so he could get his family out of Sudan.  This is a young boy that watched his mother die in front of his own eyes and was no stranger to seeing death all around him.  Although he was raised and taught to fight, there was something inside of him that knew that it was not the right thing to be doing.  Somehow he knew that there was a world out there where people did not have to live in fear day in and day out.  This small child (maybe age 7 or 8) said that at times he wanted to kill himself.  He said there would be days that him and all of the other young soldiers we absolutely starving because they had not eaten for days.  Being surrounded by dead bodies, he said he felt the urge to eat other humans just for some sort of nourishment but he knew that he could not do it.  The entire story was deeply saddening because for me it is so unimaginable.  I cannot possibly imagine having to live in those kind of conditions and for those children that is all that they know and all they may ever know.

Everything in this blog is strictly my opinion and everything is based on my experiences and my knowledge (which may be limited).  I have so much love in my heart and I experience happiness every day because of all of the things I have been blessed with an all of the opportunities that I have but it breaks me to think about those that have absolutely nothing.  It breaks me to think about the superficial reasons we fight each other.  It breaks me to think that so many feel that the world owes them a favor and so many people are driven by money.  We live in a world where it is almost impossible to be who were are fully because no matter what there will be ridicule and a lot of people have chosen to live through anger instead of through acceptance.

There are so many things this world needs but I am starting to think that a lot of things are impossible because too many people are controlled by their ego.  Is there even such a thing as an honest politician?  I truly believe that almost any politician could be paid off if they numbers or the status were just right.  When I heard that Obama backed gay marriage, a part of me wondered whether or not he really did support gay marriage or whether he was just trying to get more votes or if he was trying to sway a certain area and win that majority of people.  Barack Obama is a biracial man but all we ever hear about is how he is the first black president.  His white identity has been completely brushed under the rug and he has used being a minority as an advantage.  Why has this world become a place of constant competition and winning and losing and why do so many people lie, cheat and steal in order to get farther along.  There is absolutely NOTHING admirable about those qualities in a person but unfortunately we are seeing more and more people becoming that way every single day.  Too many people make themselves out as victims (and yes some may be) and I wonder when that is going to end.

I am not trying to spew negativity in this blog because my goal in life will always be to try to bring happiness to others and to bring people together and teach them about opportunities to earn from each other.  I don’t understand why we have to be enemies.  I am agnostic and one of my dearest friends is Christian (that goes to church twice a week) and although our religious beliefs differ we have an amazing friendship.  We don’t let our differences control our relationship.  In fact, I would be more than willing to ask her to educate me more on Christianity.  This does not mean that I will suddenly become a Christian but I feel it is important to at least be knowledgeable as it is something that is very important to a majority of society.  I would also be more than willing to learn about other religions: Catholicism, Hinduism, Scientology, Judaism, etc.

The world is this HUGE place filled with people that are all so very different.  The world has become very angry and very selfish and I am unsure if there is any way to return back to any state of “normalcy”.  I kind of think that the hole has been dug so deep that there may not be any way out of the darkness.  With this being said though, I am not going to stop trying….even if I am just one person.  My dream is to start a revolution…a peaceful resolution in which people were to embrace each other and to learn from each other instead of fight each other and try to take what the others have.  Life doesn’t need to always be made up of facts and figures and be planned out every minute.  If I could today, I would stand on a podium in front of a mass audience, dressed normally (not dressed by stylists) and tell people how valuable they are.  I would make a speech that came from my heart and were written in my own words.  Nowadays not one politician even writes his/her own speeches….in my opinion that loses all meaning and credibility.  We need to get back to a place where we embrace our own individuality and learn that advancement and success does not come from stepping on others toes or putting down the little guy.  I want to be a revolutionary, not for fame or fortune, but for the simple fact of wanting to experience at least a little bit of time on this Earth knowing that we were not always at a state of war.  I want to see people of all races, creeds, genders, sexual orientations, embrace each other and learn from one another instead of immediately hate each other.  There is no possibility for everyone in the world to agree but there is the possibility that people are able to accept each other and move forward….in my opinion, violence and crimes are just moving backwards not forward.

I am a dreamer.  I know this and I love this.  The world is this amazing place with such great potential but unfortunately too many people are polluting it with hatred and violence and their “Me Me Me” mentality.  I may just be saying words that are only meaningful to me but I love how I feel because I will always want to bring people together and I will always detest the thought of people being driven apart by hatred (and most of the time the hatred is superficial).  I kind of went on a rant here that really never had a focus.  I just have been feeling so in touch with the world these days (even though I live in my small little corner) and I just want so many good things to happen for people (even complete strangers).  It may be tooting my own horn by saying this but I do wish more people thought the way I do….strictly because I know that anger, hatred, meanness and spitefulness will never get you to a place of success come the end of the day or the end of life.  It is something that will sit with you always and it will rot inside of you day in and day out.  Love is the ONLY answer!

Day 125 Question 125:

Who is someone you admire/someone you don’t know but you have learned a lot from?

A while back somehow I stumbled upon some of the writings from the Dalai Lama.  I was immediately drawn to everything that he represented.  Here is this man that lives strictly believing that peace, love and compassion are the answers to all things.  I have watched various youtube videos in which he was interviewed and others in which he presented a colleges or various seminars.  Every time I see him I am amazed at how calm and peaceful he seems to be.   Have a great respect for the Dalai Lama because he has dedicated his life to reaching a state of total enlightenment.  He does not focus on the selfish way that most of the world does and he does not allow his ego to control him.  Reading pieces written by the Dalai Lama is what taught me about the ego and how we allow it to control us so negatively day in and day out and also reaching a deeper level of consciousness.  As human beings we all have this great potential but we are so limited by our egos and the stresses that control our daily lives.  The Dalai Lama taught me about choice and taught me that everything in life is a choice.  All of my actions and reactions are my choice and if I choose to react negatively then I will be the one that will also suffer the consequences of that negative reaction.  I lived with a self-pitying mindset for a verrrryyyyyy long time and one day I just realized that the only person in the way of being happy was ME!!!  I was the one choosing to hate myself and to feel sorry for myself.  I was the one that was choosing to ignore my strengths and all of the positive aspects of self.  I was the one that was choosing to let my ego control me.  I don’t know the exact day or the exact reason but one day I was just DONE with that.  I turned my life into constantly repeating positive self-talk and reminding myself of all of the wonderful things I have to offer to others but also to myself.  I saw myself as something way deeper than the superficial body of a person…I realized that I am not my body.  I realized that I was feeling like shit because I was choosing to have nothing but negative thoughts.  I was allowing myself to believe that society was this awful place and I stood no chance to be successful or beautiful.  Little did I know that I already was both of those things and I will be all the way through this life and into the next.

I wanted to share with my readers an excerpt from one of my favorite books: The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama.  I hope you might decide one day to check it out because the words in it are so powerful and I believe you will be able to love yourself so much more than you have ever been able to.  Here it is:

Excerpt of The Art of Happiness by His Holiness The Dalai Lama, Howard C. Cutler, M.D.

“I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. That is clear. Whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in this religion or that religion, we all are seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of our life is towards happiness…”

 With these words, spoken before a large audience in Arizona, the Dalai Lama cut to the heart of his message. But his claim that the purpose of life was happiness raised a question in my mind. Later, when we were alone, I asked, “Are you happy?”

 “Yes,” he said. He paused, then added, “Yes…definitely.” There was a quiet sincerity in his voice that left no doubt – a sincerity that was reflected in his expression and in his eyes.

 “But is happiness a reasonable goal for most of us?” I asked. “Is it really possible?”

 “Yes. I believe that happiness can be achieved through training the mind.”

 The concept of achieving true happiness has, in the West, always seemed ill defined, elusive, ungraspable. Even the word “happy” is derived from the Icelandic word happ, meaning luck or chance. Most of us, it seems, share this view of the mysterious nature of happiness. In those moments of joy that life brings, happiness feels like something that comes out of the blue. To my Western mind, it didn’t seem the sort of thing that one could develop, and sustain, simply by “training the mind.”

 When I raised that objection, the Dalai Lama was quick to explain. “When I say ‘training the mind,’ in this context I’m not referring to ‘mind’ merely as one’s cognitive ability or intellect. Rather, I’m using the term in the sense of the Tibetan word Sem, which has a much broader meaning, closer to ‘psyche’ or ‘spirit’; it includes intellect and feeling, heart and mind. By bringing about a certain inner discipline, we can undergo a transformation of our attitude, our entire outlook and approach to living.

 “When we speak of this inner discipline, it can of course involve many things, many methods. But generally speaking, one begins by identifying those factors which lead to happiness and those which lead to suffering. Having done this, one then sets about gradually eliminating those factors which lead to suffering and cultivating those which lead to happiness. That is the way.”

The Art of Happiness Quotes

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

― Dalai Lama XIV, The Art of Happiness

“Whether our action is wholesome or unwholesome depends on whether that action or deed arises from a disciplined or undisciplined state of mind. It is felt that a disciplined mind leads to happiness and an undisciplined mind leads to suffering, and in fact it is said that bringing about discipline within one’s mind is the essence of the Buddha’s teaching.”

― Dalai Lama XIV, The Art of Happiness

“Self satisfaction alone cannot determine if a desire or action is positive or negative. The demarcation between a positive and a negative desire or action is not whether it gives you a immediate feeling of satisfaction, but whether it ultimately results in positive or negative consequences.”

― Dalai Lama XIV, The Art of Happiness

“No matter what activity or practice we are pursuing, there isn’t anything that isn’t made easier through constant familiarity and training. Through training, we can change; we can transform ourselves. Within Buddhist practice there are various methods of trying to sustain a calm mind when some disturbing event happens. Through repeated practice of these methods we can get to the point where some disturbance may occur but the negative effects on our mind remain on the surface, like the waves that may ripple on the surface of an ocean but don’t have much effect deep down. And, although my own experience may be very little, I have found this to be true in my own small practice. So, if I receive some tragic news, at that moment I may experience some disturbance within my mind, but it goes very quickly. Or, I may become irritated and develop some anger, but again, it dissipates very quickly. There is no effect on the deeper mind. No hatred. This was achieved through gradual practice; it didn’t happen overnight.’

 Certainly not. The Dalai Lama has been engaged in training his mind since he was four years old.”

― Dalai Lama XIV, The Art of Happiness

Day 124 Question 124:

What was your WORST roommate experience like?

So while going through a list of things to possibly blog about today my friend up in NY sent me a text and said that I should write about most annoying thing a coworker does/has done.  Her followup text said, “For example, mine smells like cat piss and her favorite thing to talk about is her pets…circa 1986”.  I thought I was going to pee my pants right there.  I am definitely going to write about the topic but it totally made my brain go into overdrive and I started thinking about the worst roommate experience I ever had and I KNEW I had to clobber this topic today because let’s just say I have a lot to say and hopefully it will bring some comedy to your life as well as some thankfulness that you do not know this crazy lunatic that I am about to tell you about.

In 2007 (at least I think it was 2007), I had been living with a guy (just a friend) and he ended up getting a job in Atlanta so he was going to be moving out.  I had 2 girl friends that were actually thinking about getting a place (one’s lease was up and one wanted to move out of her mom’s house) so we decided to rent a place all together.  I was really excited.  These girls had become pretty good friends of mine and the place that we moved into was absolutely beautiful.  It was a brand new, never lived in 3 bedroom townhouse with a garage and the rent was unbeatable.  Well, the nightmare did not take long to begin.  We had discussed moving in and I rented a Uhaul (which ended up costing me the national debt) and a few guy friends of mine agreed to help move us in free of cost.  I did buy them beer and pizza as a thank you…because what guy doesn’t love beer and pizza????  So, as the day was progressing we were getting stuff moved in slowly but surely.  I was in the Uhaul with my new roommate (the horrible evil one) and her boyfriend was driving.  Out of nowhere she looked at me and said, “I hope you guys are ready for what a bitch I can be.”  BIGGEST UNDERSTATEMENT ANYONE HAS EVER MADE ABOUT THEMSELVES IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!!!  I kind of just took a deep breath, laughed it off and moved on.  I wasn’t going to get worked up about a comment that I was sure was a joke (WHICH WASN’T A JOKE AT ALL).  So the boys moved in an assload of furniture (remember this is 3 girls living together-you can only imagine the amount of crap accumulated between all of us-these guys were saints for not running in the other direction when we asked them to help).  We were on about hour 7 of moving and my roommate (again, yes the evil one) was out with her boyfriend in the Uhaul getting more stuff.  The other guys decided to take a break and just sit down and have a beer and relax for a few minutes.  I couldn’t blame them at all.  Well about 2 minutes after they sat down this girl came in and she started yelling at them to start getting more shit and they told us they would help and why were they sitting on their asses.  I stood there in disbelief and I knew I was screwed from that point on because I had signed a 1 year lease to live in this place with this crazy psychopath for a year.  When she left I apologized profusely to the guys and thankfully they didn’t tell us to go fuck ourselves and move our own stuff.

Well we got all of our stuff moved in and worked on getting organized.  This new roommate asked if she could have the master bedroom and bathroom downstairs because she had cats.  My other roommate and I weren’t picky.  We were both happy to each have rooms and we actually preferred being upstairs.  We kind of made the assumption she wanted to master bedroom and bath so she could keep her cats litter box in there.  Do you know where she kept the litter box????  IN THE DINING ROOM!!!  Yes, she kept it where we ate every single day.  She said there was no convenient place in her room for it.

As I sit here typing this I can fear the fire coming off of my fingertips from typing so fast because there is so much I could mention.  I kept my cool and because I am uncomfortable with confrontation I kept the peace and just went on with everything normally.  Her and I got along at first but it did not take long for the friction to begin.  The other roommate was so quiet and kept to herself a lot that she never really had to deal with anything.  The psycho and I though both have big personalities and it didn’t take long for these personalities to clash.  She wanted everything in the townhouse her way.  She acted like the place was hers and my other roommate and I lived under her…like we were her tenets.  Funny, but I recall all 3 of us paying the same amount of rent every month.  Excuse me, I think she may have paid $10 more per month for having the master bedroom and bath….nope not 1 cent for her disgusting cats though (which we technically weren’t supposed to have).

I finally got really tired of the cat’s litter box  being in the dining room because nothing is more disgusting than sitting there eating (or doing anything for that matter) and getting a whiff of fresh cat shit up your nose.  It was just rude and disgusting.  So, this crazy lunatic, took it upon herself to buy a $300 self-cleaning litter box.  Guess where she put it?  IN THE GUEST BATHROOM!!  Yes, the bathroom that was used regularly by us and our guests.  It had an attachment that had to be hooked onto the toilet.  There was cat litter EVERYWHERE.  ANNNNDDDDD, to top it off the cats were so scared of it at first that they refused to use it so they peed and pooped on the floor instead.  I woke up one morning and went downstairs to get water and I put my foot on the bottom step and felt something mushy underneath my foot….I bet you can guess what it was….a big pile of steaming cat poo!!!  I was ready to open the doors and let the cats just run away then take my feet and smear them all over her expensive comforter on her bed.  I refrained though.  Our psycho roommate was a nurse so a lot of the time she would work midnight shifts and sleep during the day.  She would leave her door open so the cats would come in and out and then she would yell at us for being too loud.  HELLLLOOOOO IT IS 2:00 IN THE AFTERNOON AND YOU HAVE A DOOR!!!  One morning it was about 6:00am and I was woken up suddenly by this horrific smell.  I got out of bed and opened my door and at the same moment my other roommate did the same thing.  We stood in the hallway wondering what that absolutely disgusting smell was.  We meandered through the townhouse trying to locate it and after about 45 minutes of looking around we realized that it was the self-cleaning litter box.  The thing malfunctioned in some way and the poop was in the motor.  Yes, the smell was burning cat poop.   By this point I was finished.  I took the thing out of the bathroom and set it in the garage and left her a note telling her she needed to get this situation taken care of.

This girl took being a bitch to a WHOLE different level.  Our laundry room was in the kitchen downstairs.  A lot of the time I would do my laundry and if there was something I didn’t want to dry I would hang it in there to dry since I didn’t have anywhere else to put it.  One day I went to get something out of the laundry room to find that all of my clothes that I had just hung up that morning were gone.  She took them and hung them up in my teeny tiny closet…crammed in between all of my clean dry clothes in there.  Let me remind you…she had the master bedroom with a HUGE walk in closet but she felt it necessary to move my wet clothes and put them in between my dry clothes in my closet so she was able to hang up her hospital scrubs in the laundry room.  In my mind I was plotting her demise.  This was a girl that would take inventory of every little food or drink item that she had.  There was one day when I didn’t feel well and I needed to get some liquids in me.  In one of the bottom cupboards she had a 48 pack of vitamin water.  I took one…thinking share and share alike.  Also, when I took one, there were easily 35+ more left.  That night while laying on the couch feeling like absolute shit, she turns to me in a snarky voice and says, “Did you take one of my vitamin waters, you know those are expensive.”  Seriously, she HAD to have counted them….and mind you…we lived there for a year and by the time we all moved out there were still at least 10-15 left.  She was having a cow over 1 vitamin water.  I told her I would pay her for it just so I didn’t have to listen to her anymore.

This girl had came from living with her mother where she had these 2 cats.  Upon living in our townhouse, our other roommate developed a serious allergy to the cats and on a daily basis her entire body would break out into severe hives.  She was constantly sick for a year.  Instead of bringing the cats back to her mom’s house, she told my other roommate to just take Benadryl and she would be fine.  She said she couldn’t live without her cats.  Instead she would rather have my other roommate die from an allergic reaction because she was a crazy cat lady!  I don’t hate cats by any means but this girl certainly put a bad taste in my mouth about them.

By no means am I the perfect roommate.  I can be messy from time to time and I am sure I have done things to overstep boundaries but this girl was a complete nutbag and a total bitch.  I feel sorry for the man that ends up with her because he will be marrying his mommy…not a wife.  I could go on and on for days about the craziness of this person and thankfully she moved out of the area so there is no chance of running into her.  I would love to hear any of your similar tails about roommates from hell :0)  I have my fingers crossed they were nowhere near as bad as mine.

Day 123 Question 123:

What is one of your favorite memories?

Today I was unsure of what I wanted to write about…shocking I know.  Sometimes the ideas come flying at me at about 5,000 miles per hour and sometimes I just sit waiting for something to come.  Today is one of those days I have been waiting and waiting and waiting.  I randomly started thinking about Myspace and how that whole scene went completely belly up  I then thought about the questionnaires that people use to do and share with all of their friends.  I thought it would just be fun today to answer a bunch of random questions about myself and anything else that I can think of.  I realized that all of my thoughts have been poured out into my blog but no real personal information is known about me….so I thought what the hell.  Here goes nothing…

Full Name: Diane Marie Owens

Birthdate: November 24, 1978-My mom went into labor with me on Thanksgiving night and had me the following morning.  She told my dad that they could not have turkey for Thanksgiving that year because if she went into labor that day and missed having turkey she would be pissed :0)

Marital Status: VERY MUCH SINGLE!!!!

Siblings:  I am the youngest of three girls .I have an adopted sister that will be 38 in August that I have not seen or spoken to in over 6 years (see one of the first of my blog entries if you want details) and a biological sister that will be 43 in September.

Birthplace: Malone, NY (approximately 5 miles from where the world ends…hahaha)

College: State University of New York College at Potsdam

Degree: Bachelors in English Writing in Literature with a minor in Communications.  Currently working on my Masters Degree in Psychology/Counseling Studies

Ok….now let’s get to the random questions :0)

Name one thing that you start to get tense about if you are close to running out of it: Toilet Paper—especially at the times when I know we are out of napkins and paper towels as well :0)

What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble?  I have heard Uma Thurman 3-4 times (which I don’t see at all), Lisa Kudrow and Jenna Elfman (I have heard I sound just like her).

Peppermint or Spearmint: Spearmint ALL THE WAY!!!

What is your best physical feature?  My eyes or my lips-I am OBSESSED with chapstick so my lips usually look good :0)  I am not sure if they are able to naturally produce moisture anymore though.  Ha Ha!

Favorite musician(s)/bands you’ve seen in concert? Dave Matthews Band-I have seen them 3 times and they put on an AMAZING show!

Favorite Candy: Twizzlers-My friend Pam calls it old lady candy (but she will totally gnaw on some Twizzlers herself :0)

Phrase you can’t stand to hear: My Boo..i.e. Oh I can’t wait to see My Boo tonight.  Ugh it makes me cringe.  Ha Ha.

What is something that you ended up liking that surprised you?  SUSHI-BRING IT ON!!!

I could probably answer a bazillion random questions.  Do you have any more for me?  Is there anything in particular you would like to know about me?  You know I would love to know more about you….share what you will and what you feel comfortable with.  The weekend is fast approaching….hoooorrraaaayyyy!!!!!  I hope everyone has an amazing one and I look forward to hearing more about YOU!

Day 122 Question 122:

What is a piece of advice you would offer people that you believe would be beneficial?

Yesterday was a very long and pretty insane day.  Today I am one sleepy lady but I am trucking through.  My life can be chaos some days and there are times that I know I need to slow down and I need to get more rest but honestly I am very much in love with my life.  I believe I do things as I do because it is what is natural for me.  I love being fast-paced and accomplishing a lot in a day.  It makes me feel so productive and in a way I feel like I have made a difference (even if it is just to myself).  So, having days where my body and mind feel tired don’t bother me because to me that is a sign of productivity.

Anyhoooooooo, yesterday was completely wild because down here in the crazy south (well in my area-Georgetown County, SC) we got some insane weather.  It rained for hours and there was some pretty severe flooding in a lot of areas.  I take care of two 17 month old girls during the day and yesterday I watched the rain falling outside of the windows and it was like a river was forming in the front yard.  A car drove past the house and the water was half way up the side of the car.  I have seen many feet of snow and I have lived through a hurricane but I have NEVER seen rain like this.  Honestly, it was actually really cool to see (check out the pics at the bottom of the blog…and those aren’t even the worst of the water and rain).  I promise I am getting to my point…hahaha.

After job 1 I had to venture to job 2 which is about 15 minutes south of where I nanny.  I trekked down to the restaurant and luckily the weather had calmed down and I made it there in one piece (a lot of accidents were spotted along the way).  Surprisingly the restaurant was busy (which is always good because it keeps me busy and that means more money in my pocket).  Being at the restaurant last night made me think about the question posed above.  In the restaurant business (and in a lot of different places in life) chaos is guaranteed.  A person learns very quickly when working in a restaurant that the pace is very fast, you will be dealing with some customers that are going to be assholes no matter how nice you are to them, and there is going to be confusion from time to time.  My advice to everyone (under any circumstance-whether it be working in a restaurant or just dealing with daily life) is to just accept and move forward.  I am a very happy person naturally.  I LOVE to make people laugh and smile…especially when I am working at the restaurant.  That includes both employees and customers.  I strive to make people laugh and smile because sometimes the environment can get stressful and people need that minute to just breathe….so I choose to be the one to help people rid themselves of the stress or the negativity they may be feeling at the moment.  No, I am not trying to toot my own horn.  I just believe in trying to keep the environment peaceful and happy.

I wish I could say that others did the same thing.  Unfortunately, they do not.  I have two coworkers that are CONSTANTLY negative.  Every little thing is an issue and they act like they always know what is best for the restaurant.  What they don’t realize is that their negativity kills the entire mood of the restaurant.  They don’t realize that their negativity deflects off of them and it makes EVERYONE uncomfortable.  What kills me is that the things they get so worked up, stressed out and upset about are so minor.  I understand things happen and I don’t enjoy screw ups or being treated like shit by a customer but I take my moment, cuss if I have to (behind closed doors of course) and move on.  THERE IS NO BENEFIT TO CONTINUALLY STRESSING OUT, BITCHING AND WHINING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT CANNOT BE CONTROLLED!!!  The people at the restaurant (well a majority of them) are like my family and I hate to have the entire mood change because people are acting like brats.  Honestly, their behavior is just disrespectful.  I am soooooo far from perfect and I do not have all of the answers and I without a doubt will screw up by saying or doing the wrong thing but I also see the big picture.  These two people that I am discussing live through tunnel vision and both of them only think of “ME ME ME”.  When you work in any company, in order to be successful you cannot think like that.  For example, we used to have a sushi chef (he has since left the area) that had serious anger problems.  No one could say anything to him without getting their head bit off.  If you were to get on his bad side he would take it upon himself to work on your sushi order much slower (and get to it when he felt like  it) just to piss you off.  What he wasn’t seeing was that by doing this the customer was getting upset because of the wait time on their food which in turn could lead to loss of their business in the future which also could mean negative word of mouth around the community which in turn could lead to even more loss of business.  He never saw it like that though because he was only thinking of himself.

Some people have no idea of how their attitudes affect others.  I am not trying to go on a big bitch fest myself and point fingers and play the blame game…I do understand some people have bad days and sometimes it is hard to just set your mood on the back burner.  It becomes difficult though when you work with one or two people that have bad days every single day.  My advice to anyone (including myself) is to start bringing awareness to your actions and your moods.  I believe it is unfair to bring everyone around you down just because your life is not peaches and cream every day.  I apologize for this rant.  The person that I had to work with just bothered me yesterday (as much as I tried to control it) and I needed to speak out about it.  I don’t care who anyone is…common decency is not a difficult thing.  I know life can be hard sometimes but negativity 24 hours a day gets really old and if life is soooooo bad then make some changes.  It really is that simple.  My big piece of advice to this person would to maybe get help for his/her drinking problem….maybe then money wouldn’t be such an issue….health problems wouldn’t be such an issue and mental health issues wouldn’t be such an issue.  It really isn’t rocket science.  Life is a beautiful thing to be enjoyed if you let it happen that way.  If you choose not to then my advice is to keep your shitty mood to yourself and don’t make everyone else suffer in the process!

With that big rant I want to send all of my readers big hugs and big smiles.  Being positive is what I strive for and I would not want my last words to be negative.  I send a lot lot lot of love :0)

Day 121 Question 121:

What are you scared of?

I try to avoid fear as much as I can but it is inevitable to have things you are scared of in life.  If you feared something as a child you do not suddenly flip a switch and make it go away.  Since childhood (as early as I can remember) I experienced anxiety.  I don’t know where it came from and I don’t know why it started at such a young age.  It took me a looooonnnggg time to really get in control of it.

I have fears and I have things I am scared of.  Some things are small and superficial and some things I still need to face and continue to try conquering.  I have a silly fear of raccoons and I cannot tell you where this fear came from.  In my mind I just picture one crossing my path and leaping up into my face and just clawing and biting and eventually eating my face off.  You are welcome for the vivid description.  In the neighborhood where I nanny there is a raccoon that lives in a tree and from time to time it will wander up and down the tree and meander across the road (during the day…which I found interesting since raccoons are nocturnal).  So, of course this beast has made an appearance twice while I was out taking the girls for a stroll.  Someone told me to be careful of raccoons that you see during the day because that can be an indication of them being rabid.  I have no idea of whether or not this is really true but you can imagine how quickly my ass was hauling down the road to get back to the house when I spotted the four legged monster.  The chances of being attacked by a raccoon are probably 1 in 5,967,432…but the idea of them still sends shivers up my spine.

I experience much bigger fears though…the biggest fear is having another “nervous breakdown”.  In 1997ish, I was diagnosed with panic disorder because I went through a very serious episode in which I was experiencing severe anxiety that I could not get ahold of.  I, literally, thought I was going crazy.  I was put on medication and after about 2 weeks I started feeling “normal” again and life went on.  I have had 3 episodes like this in my life.  I will have minor anxiety attacks here and there (usually right around my period when my hormones are raging) but I have not had one of these major attacks in over 5 years.  I have changed my lifestyle, given up all drinking, meditate twice daily, and write as a form of therapy every single day.  I stay in contact with a lot of people (friends, family, coworkers) and I have even sought therapy when I felt like my life was getting to the point of overwhelming.  My life is in an AMAZING place and I am experiencing a happiness that I don’t know if I have ever experienced before.  With all of this being said though, there is still this tiny lingering piece of me that fears that at any moment my mind and body will just collapse and I will go back into that panic state….that state that is so so very scary.  To this day I still have trouble driving long distances for fear of having an anxiety attack in heavy traffic and not being able to get out or get to somewhere “safe”.  I even have nervous bladder due to it…no I do not pee my pants or anything-hahahaha….but my bladder will go into overdrive sometimes when I am feeling this nervousness.  My mother was the person that has always helped me out of this hole of despair and fear.  She has experienced this herself and even at a young age, she checked herself into a mental hospital to get help for her anxiety.  At that time, medication was not readily available and the amount of mental health issues people had were not as well known (I am sure they existed but no one knew what it was or knew how to deal with it).  Anxiety runs in our family.  My mother slept so very little to comfort me and was there for me every minute of every day until I was better.  My mother is now 72 years old and her health is good but in the back of my mind I know she is not going to live forever and I fear not having her around if this mental breakdown were to happen again.  Would I be able to get through it?  Who would I go to?  Would I do anything drastic?  I know it sounds like something huge but let me assure you that these thoughts no longer control my life.  They are there and they pass through from time to time but I believe I am being more proactive than reactive nowadays.  I have been able to shift my way of thinking and all over living and I force myself to believe and to know that I have way more strength than I sometimes believe I do.  I need to continually remind myself of all of the obstacles I have made my way through and all of the challenges I have taken on and came out successful.

Fears can be BIG and fears can be small.  Fears are something that allow us to be in the moment.  It is our own internal powers that allow us to let the fears control us or we can control the fears.  I have things I don’t like (spiders, snakes, clowns, etc) but I would not consider them “fears” as much as things I hope I don’t have to encounter.  The idea of being abducted and tortured is something that makes my skin crawl but the chances of it happening are slim (because let’s face it I am a ninja and no one would really want to f**k with me…hahaha) so therefore it would not really be a fear of mine.  Fears are something that we allow to control us.  I don’t say that negatively because fear is something that has become natural to all of us.  We fear things for all kinds of reasons.  We are able to understand ourselves a little bit better through our fears.

So I am dying to know…WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF????

Day 120 Question 120:

Do you believe in the death penalty?

 I expect to get a lot of commentary on this subject.  I chose this topic because I watched a documentary last night called Into the Abyss.  The documentary was about two boys that murdered three people when they were 18 years old.  In 2010 they were 28 years old and one was scheduled to be executed on July 10, 2010.  These two boys murdered 3 people and their motive for these actions was to steal cars.  Three innocent people lost their lives just so these 2 boys could joy ride in stolen sports cars.  I found it funny (funny is probably not the best word) that in the documentary both boys were being interviewed from jail and both claim innocence and point the fingers at each other.  The scene of all crimes shows that they were both blatantly guilty of several crimes.  Both boys had been in and out of jail several times prior to this.  One of the boys fathers had been in prison for 10+ years at this point and he was given a 40 year sentence for murder.  The whole scene was very saddening.  These boys stood no chance in society because violence and crime were what they knew while growing up.

Do I believe in the death penalty though???  I have to say I do not.  I do not believe that killing someone as punishment to show them that killing someone is wrong is the right method of doing things.  Trust me I understand that my feelings could completely change if it was someone that I loved very much or if I had a child that was harmed, molested or murdered.  From this moment right here, right now though, I just don’t see it as a fit punishment.  The government is committing just as much of a crime as the perpetrator.  I don’t understand what is being solved or what justice is really served.  I know a lot of people would argue with me about the cost of keeping an inmate in prison that would most likely not have any sort of chance for rehabilitation.  I, personally, cannot condone that argument.  No matter what, a human life is being taken and I do not believe ANYONE should be allowed to kill another human being…even if the other human being is a complete monster.  Two wrongs do not make a right.  I do, however, believe that this country needs to get off their ass and stop making these jails a fun factory for prisoners.  When I was in high school, out class visited the local prison, and during the tour we witnessed inmates playing basketball, playing foosball, hanging out cutting up with each other.  If someone commits a crime then they need to be punished…close them away in a cell with nothing offered to them.  Extremely violent offenders should be in a room with 4 dingy walls and a mattress on the floor (I suppose a toilet and sink should be provided too).  I believe that rehabilitation should always be strived for and counseling/therapy should be very intensive but outside of this time, a prisoner should have absolutely no perks…in my opinion they really should not even be allowed books.   I would rather see an inmate die from insanity from sitting alone in a room of just four walls then being executed at the hands of the government.  Execution, in my opinion, is just too easy of an escape route….I would say that it is too easy of a way for the government to save money but let’s face it, how long does an inmate sit on death row…..a very long time….and in that time the cost is going to keep going up and up and up.

Our government and judicial system in this country is extremely screwed up.  I watched the movie The Ides of March the other day and it brought a new perspective to me in regards to government.  I am unsure if there is any politician that can be truly trusted….or law enforcement official or judicial official for that matter.  I have learned that money talks and it is sad but so many of these people can be easily paid off no matter what the circumstance is.  I watched another documentary a week ago about a woman who was in jail for 27 years for being involved with her husband’s murder.  Her husband forced her into prostitution and he beat her severely for several years.  He stalked her when she tried to leave and threatened her life regularly.  She had a “friend” take care of the matter.  She didn’t want him killed but she wanted him roughed up.  She was served with a life sentence.  In the state of California, with the details of this crime, this woman should have never severed more than 6 years.  Instead the government officials kept her there and hid court documentation that could have freed her.  People were paid off and others just didn’t want to deal with the extra paperwork so they just kept denying her parole.  It was outrageous the amount of illegal actions were taking place.  Can you imagine the cost of keeping this woman in prison for 21 years longer than she was supposed to actually be there.  It absolutely disgusted me.

I will always live a happy life and try my hardest to focus on the positive.  I will do what I need to do to achieve peace and achieve many more good days than bad but I cannot lie and say that I have lost faith in many people and aspects of this country.  I hate that I believe that honesty and truly caring about your country and your people is a thing of the past.  I hate that we live in a “Me Me Me” society and we have become extremely lazy.  I do not believe in the death penalty because it solves nothing.  When you execute someone, you allow them to win (at least that is what I think).

I ask you to remember that this is strictly MY opinion.  I am sure people will tell me I am wrong or debate me which is completely fine.  I understand that my feelings could change if I were to have a family member killed or if I had child and found out he/she was molested.  My first animal instinct might be to kill them with my own hands…I could never know unless that situation were to arise.  In this moment though, I do not believe that the death penalty is an appropriate form of punishment.  Honestly, I do not think that our men should have killed Bin Laden (yes pause for gasp).  I would must rather have him suffering in a highly violent prison amongst United States prisoners (that loathe him) than just point blank shoot him and kill him.  The extremists that followed his lead believed in suicide missions (i.e., 9/11 plane hijackers).  In my opinion, killing him meant nothing.  I don’t know the circumstances and it may have been “self-defense” but if it wasn’t, I do not believe justice was served.  Killing him was just too easy.

My father would probably shake his head in disgust that I think this way….but I do.  I go with what my heart tells me….and punishing someone by killing them is never ever ever ever the right answer.  We strive for peace but we kill people every day….that just doesn’t add up to me.  This country needs to learn to prioritize but in my lifetime I doubt that will ever happen.  I now await the criticisms….please don’t go too hard on me ;0)

Whoah this is sooooo weird.  I just opened up my Yahoo email and this was the cover story (a little ironic maybe???):

Wrong man was executed in Texas, probe says

He was the spitting image of the killer, had the same first name and was near the scene of the crime at the fateful hour: Carlos DeLuna paid the ultimate price and was executed in place of someone else in Texas in 1989, a report out Tuesday found.

Even “all the relatives of both Carloses mistook them,” and DeLuna was sentenced to death and executed based only on eyewitness accounts despite a range of signs he was not a guilty man, said law professor James Liebman.

Liebman and five of his students at Columbia School of Law spent almost five years poring over details of a case that he says is “emblematic” of legal system failure.

DeLuna, 27, was put to death after “a very incomplete investigation. No question that the investigation is a failure,” Liebman said.

The report’s authors found “numerous missteps, missed clues and missed opportunities that let authorities prosecute Carlos DeLuna for the crime of murder, despite evidence not only that he did not commit the crime but that another individual, Carlos Hernandez, did,” the 780-page investigation found.

The report, entitled “Los Tocayos Carlos: Anatomy of a Wrongful Execution,” traces the facts surrounding the February 1983 murder of Wanda Lopez, a single mother who was stabbed in the gas station where she worked in a quiet corner of the Texas coastal city of Corpus Christi.

“Everything went wrong in this case,” Liebman said.

That night Lopez called police for help twice to protect her from an individual with a switchblade.

“They could have saved her, they said ‘we made this arrest immediately’ to overcome the embarrassment,” Liebman said.

Forty minutes after the crime Carlos DeLuna was arrested not far from the gas station.

He was identified by only one eyewitness who saw a Hispanic male running from the gas station. But DeLuna had just shaved and was wearing a white dress shirt — unlike the killer, who an eyewitness said had a mustache and was wearing a grey flannel shirt.

Even though witnesses accounts were contradictory — the killer was seen fleeing towards the north, while DeLuna was caught in the east — DeLuna was arrested.

“I didn’t do it, but I know who did,” DeLuna said at the time, saying that he saw Carlos Hernandez entering the service station.

DeLuna said he ran from police because he was on parole and had been drinking.

Hernandez, known for using a blade in his attacks, was later jailed for murdering a woman with the same knife. But in the trial, the lead prosecutor told the jury that Hernandez was nothing but a “phantom” of DeLuna’s imagination.

DeLuna’s budget attorney even said that it was probable that Carlos Hernandez never existed.

However in 1986 a local newspaper published a photograph of Hernandez in an article on the DeLuna case, Liebman said.

Following hasty trial DeLuna was executed by lethal injection in 1989.

Up to the day he died in prison of cirrhosis of the liver, Hernandez repeatedly admitted to murdering Wanda Lopez, Liebman said.

“Unfortunately, the flaws in the system that wrongfully convicted and executed DeLuna — faulty eyewitness testimony, shoddy legal representation and prosecutorial misconduct — continue to send innocent men to their death today,” read a statement that accompanies the report.