Day 124 Question 124:

What was your WORST roommate experience like?

So while going through a list of things to possibly blog about today my friend up in NY sent me a text and said that I should write about most annoying thing a coworker does/has done.  Her followup text said, “For example, mine smells like cat piss and her favorite thing to talk about is her pets…circa 1986”.  I thought I was going to pee my pants right there.  I am definitely going to write about the topic but it totally made my brain go into overdrive and I started thinking about the worst roommate experience I ever had and I KNEW I had to clobber this topic today because let’s just say I have a lot to say and hopefully it will bring some comedy to your life as well as some thankfulness that you do not know this crazy lunatic that I am about to tell you about.

In 2007 (at least I think it was 2007), I had been living with a guy (just a friend) and he ended up getting a job in Atlanta so he was going to be moving out.  I had 2 girl friends that were actually thinking about getting a place (one’s lease was up and one wanted to move out of her mom’s house) so we decided to rent a place all together.  I was really excited.  These girls had become pretty good friends of mine and the place that we moved into was absolutely beautiful.  It was a brand new, never lived in 3 bedroom townhouse with a garage and the rent was unbeatable.  Well, the nightmare did not take long to begin.  We had discussed moving in and I rented a Uhaul (which ended up costing me the national debt) and a few guy friends of mine agreed to help move us in free of cost.  I did buy them beer and pizza as a thank you…because what guy doesn’t love beer and pizza????  So, as the day was progressing we were getting stuff moved in slowly but surely.  I was in the Uhaul with my new roommate (the horrible evil one) and her boyfriend was driving.  Out of nowhere she looked at me and said, “I hope you guys are ready for what a bitch I can be.”  BIGGEST UNDERSTATEMENT ANYONE HAS EVER MADE ABOUT THEMSELVES IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!!!  I kind of just took a deep breath, laughed it off and moved on.  I wasn’t going to get worked up about a comment that I was sure was a joke (WHICH WASN’T A JOKE AT ALL).  So the boys moved in an assload of furniture (remember this is 3 girls living together-you can only imagine the amount of crap accumulated between all of us-these guys were saints for not running in the other direction when we asked them to help).  We were on about hour 7 of moving and my roommate (again, yes the evil one) was out with her boyfriend in the Uhaul getting more stuff.  The other guys decided to take a break and just sit down and have a beer and relax for a few minutes.  I couldn’t blame them at all.  Well about 2 minutes after they sat down this girl came in and she started yelling at them to start getting more shit and they told us they would help and why were they sitting on their asses.  I stood there in disbelief and I knew I was screwed from that point on because I had signed a 1 year lease to live in this place with this crazy psychopath for a year.  When she left I apologized profusely to the guys and thankfully they didn’t tell us to go fuck ourselves and move our own stuff.

Well we got all of our stuff moved in and worked on getting organized.  This new roommate asked if she could have the master bedroom and bathroom downstairs because she had cats.  My other roommate and I weren’t picky.  We were both happy to each have rooms and we actually preferred being upstairs.  We kind of made the assumption she wanted to master bedroom and bath so she could keep her cats litter box in there.  Do you know where she kept the litter box????  IN THE DINING ROOM!!!  Yes, she kept it where we ate every single day.  She said there was no convenient place in her room for it.

As I sit here typing this I can fear the fire coming off of my fingertips from typing so fast because there is so much I could mention.  I kept my cool and because I am uncomfortable with confrontation I kept the peace and just went on with everything normally.  Her and I got along at first but it did not take long for the friction to begin.  The other roommate was so quiet and kept to herself a lot that she never really had to deal with anything.  The psycho and I though both have big personalities and it didn’t take long for these personalities to clash.  She wanted everything in the townhouse her way.  She acted like the place was hers and my other roommate and I lived under her…like we were her tenets.  Funny, but I recall all 3 of us paying the same amount of rent every month.  Excuse me, I think she may have paid $10 more per month for having the master bedroom and bath….nope not 1 cent for her disgusting cats though (which we technically weren’t supposed to have).

I finally got really tired of the cat’s litter box  being in the dining room because nothing is more disgusting than sitting there eating (or doing anything for that matter) and getting a whiff of fresh cat shit up your nose.  It was just rude and disgusting.  So, this crazy lunatic, took it upon herself to buy a $300 self-cleaning litter box.  Guess where she put it?  IN THE GUEST BATHROOM!!  Yes, the bathroom that was used regularly by us and our guests.  It had an attachment that had to be hooked onto the toilet.  There was cat litter EVERYWHERE.  ANNNNDDDDD, to top it off the cats were so scared of it at first that they refused to use it so they peed and pooped on the floor instead.  I woke up one morning and went downstairs to get water and I put my foot on the bottom step and felt something mushy underneath my foot….I bet you can guess what it was….a big pile of steaming cat poo!!!  I was ready to open the doors and let the cats just run away then take my feet and smear them all over her expensive comforter on her bed.  I refrained though.  Our psycho roommate was a nurse so a lot of the time she would work midnight shifts and sleep during the day.  She would leave her door open so the cats would come in and out and then she would yell at us for being too loud.  HELLLLOOOOO IT IS 2:00 IN THE AFTERNOON AND YOU HAVE A DOOR!!!  One morning it was about 6:00am and I was woken up suddenly by this horrific smell.  I got out of bed and opened my door and at the same moment my other roommate did the same thing.  We stood in the hallway wondering what that absolutely disgusting smell was.  We meandered through the townhouse trying to locate it and after about 45 minutes of looking around we realized that it was the self-cleaning litter box.  The thing malfunctioned in some way and the poop was in the motor.  Yes, the smell was burning cat poop.   By this point I was finished.  I took the thing out of the bathroom and set it in the garage and left her a note telling her she needed to get this situation taken care of.

This girl took being a bitch to a WHOLE different level.  Our laundry room was in the kitchen downstairs.  A lot of the time I would do my laundry and if there was something I didn’t want to dry I would hang it in there to dry since I didn’t have anywhere else to put it.  One day I went to get something out of the laundry room to find that all of my clothes that I had just hung up that morning were gone.  She took them and hung them up in my teeny tiny closet…crammed in between all of my clean dry clothes in there.  Let me remind you…she had the master bedroom with a HUGE walk in closet but she felt it necessary to move my wet clothes and put them in between my dry clothes in my closet so she was able to hang up her hospital scrubs in the laundry room.  In my mind I was plotting her demise.  This was a girl that would take inventory of every little food or drink item that she had.  There was one day when I didn’t feel well and I needed to get some liquids in me.  In one of the bottom cupboards she had a 48 pack of vitamin water.  I took one…thinking share and share alike.  Also, when I took one, there were easily 35+ more left.  That night while laying on the couch feeling like absolute shit, she turns to me in a snarky voice and says, “Did you take one of my vitamin waters, you know those are expensive.”  Seriously, she HAD to have counted them….and mind you…we lived there for a year and by the time we all moved out there were still at least 10-15 left.  She was having a cow over 1 vitamin water.  I told her I would pay her for it just so I didn’t have to listen to her anymore.

This girl had came from living with her mother where she had these 2 cats.  Upon living in our townhouse, our other roommate developed a serious allergy to the cats and on a daily basis her entire body would break out into severe hives.  She was constantly sick for a year.  Instead of bringing the cats back to her mom’s house, she told my other roommate to just take Benadryl and she would be fine.  She said she couldn’t live without her cats.  Instead she would rather have my other roommate die from an allergic reaction because she was a crazy cat lady!  I don’t hate cats by any means but this girl certainly put a bad taste in my mouth about them.

By no means am I the perfect roommate.  I can be messy from time to time and I am sure I have done things to overstep boundaries but this girl was a complete nutbag and a total bitch.  I feel sorry for the man that ends up with her because he will be marrying his mommy…not a wife.  I could go on and on for days about the craziness of this person and thankfully she moved out of the area so there is no chance of running into her.  I would love to hear any of your similar tails about roommates from hell :0)  I have my fingers crossed they were nowhere near as bad as mine.