It's a New Day…

Day 188 Question 188:

What movie have you seen that made a great impact on you?

This movie is entirely in subtitles but it is so beautiful and so worth watching…highly recommended!

Day 187 Question 187:

Who is your favorite actress?

I LOVE HER!!!

Day 186 Question 186:

What scares you?

Honestly, the direction that the world is headed terrifies me.  I do not live every day in fear by any means but with how many tragedies we see unfold every day all over the country…hell all over the world…there is a sense of nervousness that can take over to even go out anywhere anymore.  The news is constantly filled of stories of women being raped or children being kidnapped or even worse mass shootings in public venues.  I believe the mental health of being around the world is deteriorating and there is no specific cause for that.  I believe there are an abundances of causes…stress, bullying, anger, loss, neglect, etc.  I always want to know what is going through the mind of someone when the commit a horrific crime.  What drives them to want to harm or even kill others???  Is it something that could have been prevented?  In the mass shooting at Virginia Tech a few years back, after doing a little bit of research about the gunman, it was obvious that this was a young man with issues.  This is a crime that could have been prevented.  This young man had all of the warning signs of someone that had great potential to just snap and that is exactly what he did and it cost the lives of several innocent victims.

If you have turned on the radio or TV (if you live in the United States) today, there is no doubt that you have heard about the mass shooting at a midnight showing of Batman: The Dark Knight Rises in Aurora, Colorado.  A 24 year old man entered the theatre through an Emergency Exit about 20-30 minutes into the movie.  He donned a bulletproof vest and a gas mask.  He threw some a canister that emitted tear gas then just proceeded to open fire.  By the way media sources and witnesses are speaking, he was shooting at random.  By the end of this tragedy, 12 completely innocent victims lost their lives and 50 more were injured (some minor while others were critical).  Several news stories have stated that this was indefinitely a planned shooting and they believe that guns were stashed in the theater prior to this showing.  The gunman told authorities that his car had explosives in it (which none were found) and that his apartment was booby trapped with explosives (causing authorities to have to take very cautious measures of searching the place before entering).  No motive has yet to be released.  What could his motive possibly be???  I cannot wrap my brain around the entire incident.  What could possibly be going on in the head of a 24 year old young man that would think it is ok or right to kill innocent people like that??  Did he have a bad home life?  Was he abused in any way?  Was he bullied as a kid and did he have built up anger and resistance?  Was he suffering from any mental disorders?  Did the media and the hype of this movie play a part on his decision to go on this shooting spree?  Does he feel any regret or remorse?  Did he have any fear before entering the theatre?  Were there warning signs that this young man could have done destructive things or harmed others?  These are all questions that keep running rampant through my head and over time some of them may be answered while others may remain a mystery.

The United States is a country that is known for being Free.  That is the reason why so many people come here.  I find our freedom to be lessening as time passes.  Our freedom is being lost due to fear.  I could be completely wrong, but I would guess that the sales for this movie this weekend will drastically decrease in sales (from what was expected) because people are now fearing even stepping foot into a theater.  The actions of one could potentially spawn others to do crazy and drastic things…we see copycats all of the time.  My freedom being taken away (even unintentionally) terrifies me.  The idea of closing myself in because we see more and more of a prevalence of violence and rage makes me sad.  I will not stop living life because I do believe everything happens for a reason but I do not believe that people should have to be constantly looking over their shoulders or live with a burning feel in their stomachs that is brought on by anxiety.  People should NEVER have to live in a state of fear but with the rates of violence increasing everyday more and more people are.  My question is: what is the solution?  Are we headed for even more chaos and destruction in the world of violence and senseless killers?  Have we been doing enough to avoid these types of situations?  All of these questions can be answered but all of the answers are going to be strictly a matter of opinion.  There is no one solution for all.  I have opinions of why our country is deteriorating….greed, selfishness, media, stress, technology boom.  Are we moving at too rapid of a pace and people are just creating chaos with all of the new tools they have to play with?  Where do we draw the line?

I know this isn’t my typical feel good, positive entry.  Every once in a while I am struck by something that happens in the world and I must get out my thoughts.  What happened at this theatre is tragic as was Columbine and the Virginia Tech shootings (among many many more).  It scares me to think what this world may come to if we don’t stop seeing through the eyes of violence and anger.  I have never heard a truer statement more than: An eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind.  Some people may consider me naïve and ignorant but this world will never thrive or prosper in the way we hope it does if we keep resorting to violence for the answers.  I have come to learn about myself so much over time and I have been angry in the past and let irritation hold such a type grip on me.  I realized how easy it was to change all that just by asking questions and listening to why others feel and think as they do.  I remind myself about how different people are from me and that is ok…the world would not be so beautiful and diverse if we didn’t have differences.  I just believe instead of rejecting differences we should embrace them and instead of telling someone they are wrong we should offer to educate them and show them different views.  We live in a country where we are being forced what to think and I believe this is the cause of so much anger.  We should offer our knowledge and our wisdom…NOT force it.

Below are some of the articles I found that pulled at my heart strings.  I guess I just wanted to offer to others my words so they can look at themselves and their actions.  Many of you have children and those children need you more than ever.  Remember that they are people and they need guidance.  I ask that you think about those people that are so different from you and accept them instead of reject them….remember you have no idea where they are coming from….offer help before anything else…some people may not take it but at least you tried.  I ask that you just be kind.  I ask that you teach love to as many people as you can.  I ask that you stand behind your morals and values but don’t force them on anyone else.  I ask that you teach any children and young people around you respect, compassion and empathy.  I ask of you to question what is setting you back in life and what is making you angry then asking yourself what real value does anger or violence have overall?  I ask that if you feel depressed or overly stressed or overwhelmed in any way that you ask for help.  These requests may be minor and may not move mountains but they are important requests that I do believe could be passed on from person to person to person…and hopefully we could see some differences in the world.  The world does not have to be an ugly place….it is only an ugly place because we are making it that way.  The only solution I can really come up with for the majority is to change the way you think….change behaviors….realize that each and every one of us chooses what we do and say in life and we must stop thinking negatively if we want to “be the change you want to see in the world”. ~Ghandi

Mass Shooting at Colo. Movie Theater, 12 People Dead

A lone gunman dressed in riot gear burst into a movie theater in Aurora, Colo., at a midnight showing of the Batman film “The Dark Knight Rises” and methodically began shooting patrons, killing at least 12 people and injuring at least 38.

The suspect, James Holmes, 24, of Aurora, was caught by police in the parking lot of the Century 16 Movie Theaters, nine miles outside Denver, after police began receiving dozens of 911 calls at 12:39 a.m. MT. Police said the man appeared to have acted alone.

Witnesses in the movie theater said Holmes crashed into the auditorium through an emergency exit about 30 minutes into the film, set off a smoke bomb, and began shooting. Holmes stalked the aisles of the theater, shooting people at random, as panicked movie-watchers in the packed auditorium tried to escape, witnesses said.

“You just smelled smoke and you just kept hearing it, you just heard bam bam bam, non-stop. The gunman never had to reload. Shots just kept going, kept going, kept going,” one witness told ABC News.

“I’m with coworkers and we’re on the floor praying to God we don’t get shot, and the gunshots continue on and on, and when the sound finally stopped, we started to get up and people were just bleeding,” another theatergoer said.

Police said 10 victims died inside the theater, while dozens of others were taken to local hospitals, including a child as young as 6 years old.

A San Diego woman identifying herself as James Holmes’s mother spoke briefly with ABC News this morning.

She had awoken unaware of the news of the shooting and had not been contacted by authorities. She immediately expressed concern that her son may have been involved.

“You have the right person,” she said.

“I need to call the police,” she added. “I need to fly out to Colorado.”

Holmes was wearing a bullet-proof vest and riot helmet and carrying a gas mask, rifle, and handgun, when he was apprehended, according to police. Holmes mentioned having explosives stored, leading police to evacuate his entire North Aurora apartment complex and search the buildings early this morning.

The highly-anticipated third installment of the Batman triology opened to packed auditoriums around the country at midnight showings on Friday morning, and features a villain named Bane who wears a bulletproof vest and gas mask. Trailers for the movie show explosions at public events including a football game. Though many moviegoers dressed in costume to attend the opening night screening, police have made no statements about any connection between the gunman’s motives and the movie.

Aurora Theater Shooting Is Deadliest In U.S. Since Virginia Tech

Last night’s tragic shooting at the midnight premiere of “The Dark Knight Rises” in Aurora, Colorado was the largest mass shooting in the U.S. since the massacre at Virginia Tech in 2007, which killed 32 people and wounded 15 others. 12 people were killed and at least 38 injured Thursday night at the Aurora movie theater, just a few miles away from Columbine, Colorado, the site of the school shooting in 1999. There are about 20 mass shootings every year in the U.S. The Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence lists hundreds of mass shootings since 2005. The Aurora shooting suspect, 24-year-old James Holmes, has been arrested.

Day 185 Question 185:

Do you believe in fairytales?

 Yes, I know this is a silly question.  I found the picture above online and thought it was pretty fitting to me and funny as well.  Here I am, this independent woman who has been single way longer than not.  I admit that I do believe in fairytales but my fairytale is a little bit different than those that we all read about in children’s books.  My fairytale does not necessarily involve meeting Prince Charming, falling in love and living happily ever after.  I mean…that would be nice and all but I also live in the real world too.  Prince Charming is nonexistent….well so is Princess Charming :0).  I feel like if you burp or fart (which we all do) then the whole “charming” thing goes straight out the window.

 I love the idea of life being a fairytale.  For some it might be something that is unrealistic and people just holding out for things that are hopeless but I love the idea of having a whimsical dream.  I believe it is our dreams that give us hope.  Fairytales can be designed however we want them to be.  My Prince Charming will not be riding a white horse and will not be tall, extremely handsome and rich (well I wouldn’t mind tall and handsome ;0).  My Prince Charming will come into my life if the time serves to be right and he will love me at my high points and love me the same during my low points.  My Prince Charming will never use my “weaknesses” or “flaws” against me or call me dramatic or psycho because, like many men believe, “all women are”.  As super cheesy as it sounds, I believe fairytales come true when you find love of yourself.  This allows others to love you just as much….you reap what you sow.  Fairytales are what you want them to be…hence why they are called tales…you get to write your own story.

 Fairytales do not need to revolve around a handsome, rich prince or a young woman longing for love.  Fairytales can be the stories of those going above and beyond to make others happy…at least that is what I believe.  It is not the materials but the effort behind the gesture.  If you know me in any way you know that I like to write my own script in life.  You know that I do not follow the norms and I do not believe everything that is said just because the majority does.  People can tell me I am wrong when it comes to believing in what a fairytale really is and that is fine but I am still going to choose to believe that fairytales are what you want them to be.  I am not a damsel in distress but I still believe that my life has been a happy journey and will have a very happy ending.  I mean, isn’t a fairytale all about the happy ending (in theory of course)????

Day 183 Question 183:

Do Diets Work? What does it take to accept and love oneself to the fullest?

People may read the question and not quite see how they go hand in hand.  Last night I watched a documentary called America the Beautiful 2: The Thin Ammendments.  Yes, I know it is shocking to here I watched a documentary…hahaha.  The documentary dealt with so many issues in regard to body image and health and whether or not diets really do work.  The entire film enlightened me in so many ways but it also tugged at my heart strings because so many things hit so close to home.  It is not an easy thing to admit but I am obsessed with my body and the way I look.  I try to block it from my mind but it seems to creep its way back in at different times throughout every single day.  Don’t get me wrong, my mind and body are in a much stronger and healthier place than they ever have been but the problem has not gone away…I don’t believe it ever will.

We are now living in a society where people have no idea what it means to be beautiful.  It is unfortunate but we live in a society in which a majority of us learn that beauty equates to being thin.  Success comes with being thin.  People are only going to take you serious or be attracted to you if you are thin.  I am not saying this is right and I am not saying these are the thoughts of ALL but there is a lot of truth behind what I say.  We are becoming lost as a society because so many people are focusing on being thin as opposed to being healthy…both men and women alike.  The concept of beauty has become so warped because it has become an external thing.  I have always viewed beauty as something that comes within….that is just me though.  Remember, these are my thoughts and opinions….I am not throwing out these words stating I am absolutely right.  I guess watching this documentary brought me to a place that really made me evaluate how I truly feel about myself.  I do love so many things about me.  I love my passion and my drive.  I love my eagerness to keep learning and the creativity that runs throughout my veins every single day.  I love the friends in my life and the blessing of having an incredible family.  I love that I am able to be compassionate and empathetic at the same time because I realize the world is much bigger outside of myself.  With all of this love still comes this nonstop evaluation of my body and the way I look.  As much as I want to love myself regardless of the imperfections in my body, I have a very hard time being able to do so.  I can relate to people with anorexia and bulimia because there is always something inside of you that makes you obsessed with food (whether it is in a negative way or not) and how it is going to affect your body.  I am an extremely strong person and the hurdles I have overcome are gigantic but this is a hurdle I have struggled with since I was a very young girl and I still feel like I am trying to paw my way to get over it but I keep slipping.  Something seems to always set me back and I know that I am the one that chooses my path but it does not make it easy to live in a world full of media images that seem to brainwash us into believing what “real” beauty is and to live in a society where men seem to want the “hot” girl and by ‘hot” I mean the girl with the rockin body (no not all men….I admit that to be a generalized statement).

There is such a divide between being thing and being healthy but as a society we are unable to see it (a lot of us not all of us).  In this documentary, several members/employees of the National Health Department decided to lower the national BMI number.  In case you didn’t know, BMI stands for Body Mass Index and according to this scale, most people should fall into a 25% range in order to be considered healthy.  This number went from 28% to 25% because of a vote done by these members of the Health Department.  What was most interesting about this, is that 4 (if not more) were also board members for the giant diet chain known as Weight Watchers.  Do you not see the conflict of interest there?  Do you think that there vote to lower the BMI rate had anything to do with the eagerness to make more sales for Weight Watchers.  According to the government standard, Tom Cruise, Sylvester Stallone, and Mel Gibson are technically obese. So are sluggers Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds, boxer Mike Tyson, quarterback Donovan McNabb, and wrestling superstar The Rock. And if politics is your thing, it turns out that California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger—a bodybuilding legend—is obese, too.  What kind of message is this sending?????

This blog entry is not meant to be a big bitchfest and I am not a hater toward skinny women.  Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.  I have no plenty of thin women that have hated their bodies or have been insecure because of “flaws”.  I guess I just believe we are living in a society where it is becoming harder and harder to love oneself no matter what you look like.  We are living in a society where diet products are being pushed at us around every corner.  The pharmaceutical world is insane which makes me question the morality of doctors and how honest they are really.  If you can’t trust a licensed, medical professional then who can you trust???  In this documentary, the film-maker is a large man.  He is tall and yes it is obvious he is overweight.  He is completely aware of this.  He is (I would guess) in his mid to late 50’s…maybe a little older.  He goes to visit a doctor after not seeing one in many years to get a full check-up/physical.  He gets many tests done to find that he has high blood pressure and a condition that has made his heartbeat irregular.  The doctor told him that the ONLY way to fix these problems would be to go on a blood thinner and a blood pressure medication.  The medications had a side effect of erectile dysfunction which made this a very unappealing option to this man. Over the course of 2 months, he checked out various diet methods and saw nutritionist and trainers.  He tried the raw vegan diet, weight watchers, juice fasts, etc.  All of these “diets” made him lose weight then immediately put it back on and then some.  The ONLY thing that worked was eating healthier and in moderation and adding more physical activity to his daily routines (neither of these things being excessive).  He did not give up everything and he did not make DRASTIC changes.  Two months after his initial visit with the doctor he returned for a follow-up.  All of the same tests were performed to find that his blood pressure decreased to 118/55 and he no longer had the irregular heartbeat.  Remember, the doctor told him the ONLY way to fix either of these problems would be medication.  Does it not frighten you to think about how many pills are being pushed on people day in and day out just to make a quick buck when the simple solution is to make slight changes in eating and exercise habits.  Now don’t get me wrong…I know it is not that easy for EVERYONE…but in this documentary it is stated more than once that there is “No money in prevention” which says to me that drug companies and diet fad companies are almost intentionally TRYING to make people fat just to make money….if that isn’t twisted then I don’t know what is.  I think there has been so much of my life that has been consumed by these things that it is really hard to just flip the switch and just embrace me for me…imperfections and all.  It is hard to look in the mirror and accept 100% what my body looks like (without making a bunch of criticisms in my head).  It is hard to date because in the back of my mind I am thinking about what the other person is thinking about my body.  It gets very exhausting after a while.  I had one ex-boyfriend (he was an alcoholic and I should have never been with him-hindsight is 20/20) that started a fight with me and said, “You are just pissed because I don’t want to fuck your fat ass anymore.”  He later told me that I could speak to him again when I lost 70 or 80lbs.  Another guy several years back asked me if I ever considered gastric bypass surgery (I was heavy but not that heavy).  The last guy I dated (and mind you when we dated I was already 65lbs lighter than I was a year ago) said that he could see becoming obsessed with me if I reached the goal weight that I was always talking about.  Every single one of these things did damage to me.  Every comment that anyone made throughout my life about my weight broke me just a little bit.  Until now I never believed I was beautiful
because of all of these things and I never felt like I was good enough.  I realize that none of these guys were the right ones for me but regardless of that…words hurt….no matter who they come from!  When a person is constantly having a self-degrading battle in their own head about their weight and then they are insulted or reminded by someone else about it, it just is a huge blog to your self-esteem.  You lose that sense of anything being worth it anymore because you feel as if society is telling you that you will never measure up.

This is the first time in my life that I have lost weight in a healthy manner and kept the weight off for a significant amount of time.  I would like to lose about 30 more pounds but I am not doing anything extreme to do that.  I am healthy now and will continue to strive to be even healthier.  I won’t lie and say that it hasn’t been a struggle.  Every single day it has been a struggle.  I feel like one of the lucky ones though because I have strengthened my mental state over time.  I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone and I have refused to give up.  I have MADE myself stop loathing myself and every single day I remind myself of all of the things that make me valuable to this world.  Not every day is wonderful and some days I fall into that funk that makes me just want to stop trying but I won’t….I CAN’T!  There are many people in this world though that don’t have this same strength (not to brag at all) because society around them is telling them that they have no chance to succeed and they will never change…unless you do something extreme.  When you hear something enough times you start to believe it…trust me!  This is not a “Woe is Me” situation….this is truth….this is what I have felt throughout many years of my life and I know the struggles that some other people in the world go through are WAY worse than mine.  I write these words to remind people that beauty if not about the outer package.  I write this to the people (whether skinny or heavy) that have struggled with their bodies to tell them that whether I know them or not, I KNOW that they are beautiful!  The reason I want to go into the Human Services field is because the thought of others experiencing emotional pain and feeling unworthy breaks my heart.  I want to offer my words to others and hopefully help them change the way they see themselves.  I believe EVERYONE has the potential for success if they just have the right frame of mind.

If you get a chance to check out the documentary I definitely recommend it….it is an eye-opener for sure.

Day 182 Question 182:

What is something/some things that would make you lose complete respect for someone?

I am a pretty open-minded person when it comes to many topics.  I TRY to see the good in people and give them the benefit of the doubt when I can.  However, there is one thing that will make me lose ALL respect for someone and that is bad parenting.  Now, I realize I am not a parent and I realize as a parent sometimes you have to go into survival mode (i.e. giving in to your kids screaming for something to get them to be quiet in a store).  Parenting does not come with a manual and of course every situation is different.

 What absolutely burns me is parents that seem to not change at all when they have children.  I have witnessed FAR TOO MANY parents that go out night after night partying while leaving their children with babysitters or even worse the child’s grandparents (which I can’t wrap my brain around why they would agree to this).  I am not a parent but I can’t help but think that the moment I found out that I was pregnant that my entire life would change because from that moment on I would responsible for another human life.  I completely understand that even parents need freedom from time to time and they should be allowed to have fun sometimes but some people take it to extremes and I just can’t understand how that happens.  Parents are the main role models for their children.  At young ages, no matter what, children are going to look to you for answers and to figure out the rights and wrongs in life.  Maybe I am naïve or ignorant in some ways but I just don’t understand how a parent can believe his/her life is more important than his/her child and still just do whatever they want whenever they want with no concern for the child (that is just me though).  I have met so many men in passing and in the dating world that have children that hardly ever see them and they don’t seem phased by it.  I can’t understand that in any way whatsoever.  A part of you is out there in the world and so many people seem so unaffected by that.  If you take the chance of sleeping with someone then you know that there is a possibility of a pregnancy being a result….take responsibility.  Parenthood should change people for the better but unfortunately we see that in many cases it does not.  I have no respect for deadbeat parents.  I believe they are ruining their children…they are relying on everyone else to raise them and that is SO unfair to the child.  I am beyond lucky to have grown up with two extremely loving and supportive parents.  It absolutely breaks my heart to see children that are treated like they are non-existent or not at all important….to see parents scream at their children endlessly instead of explaining to them why their actions are wrong.

 I could go on and on telling stories of incidences of bad parenting that I have witnessed.  I was a Parent Educator for a couple of year and the amount of children I wish I could have taken home to care for was endless.  Children are these little innocent people that deserve a fair shot and I am sickened by the number of people in this world that are parents that have no business being parents.  I believe it must be a psychological thing and I know I am different from a lot of people.  I strongly believe in change and continually bettering myself….and if I were to have a child I would work even harder to change for the better continually because life is no longer just about me.  Again, some people might think that I really don’t have a say on this topic whatsoever because I am not a parent but that is their opinion.  My opinion is that if I have to be in the same room with horrible parents then I do have a say.  If I am affected in any way whatsoever because of ignorant or poor parenting then my opinions certainly do matter.  Selfishness will make me lose all respect for you as well.  Even as a single person I realize that life is not all about me….life is about giving back whenever and wherever I can.  I am a role model and an example no matter if I choose to be or not.

 I look at children and I love their innocence and I love the look they get when they are so eager to learn and to just be talked to.  I love their ability to love so naturally with no questions asked.  Childhood is over at the blink of an eye and this is the time that children should truly be able to cherish.  ALL parents should show their children unconditional love day in and day out so they are able to pass it on to those around them.  Children should not have to question themselves because of their parents….they should not have to live in fear….they should not be confused about the difference between right and wrong (in a very general sense I mean).  For all of the parents out there that seem to have better things to do than raise their children, I ask you what it feels like to be so selfish?

Day 181 Question 181:

Do you believe that you get back what you put out (The Secret)?

My life completely changed when I decided to change.  For many years I spent time loathing the way I looked and felt like I wasn’t good enough.  During this time I experienced depression and anger and there were times even I didn’t want to be around myself.  One day I did a complete turn-around and said “SCREW THIS” and I learned that everything in life is a choice.  From that moment on I chose happiness.  The happiness came more and more as I exposed myself to more positive things in my life.  Instead of degrading myself and hating minor aspects of myself, I embraced all of the beauty that I held within me.  Everyday I have reminded myself in some way or another of how good of a person I am and how valuable I really am.  Once I changed my state of mind and practiced exposing myself to the good as opposed to all of the bad, everything changed.

Below are just some different quotes that have reminded me of what is truly important in life…happiness being #1.  I wanted to share these because I know so many people go around everyday living in a state of unhappiness.  I wanted to remind each and every one of you how beautiful you are and I wanted to (virtually) grab you by the shoulders and look you in the eye and tell you to stop tearing yourself apart…stop believing you aren’t good enough, aren’t pretty enough, aren’t smart enough, or aren’t worthy enough….because you are LYING to yourself.  Don’t choose unhappiness.  Every one of us on this earth are beautiful creatures with something completely unique.  If you don’t love yourself you don’t allow others to love you either.  EVERYONE deserves to be loved.

Day 180 Question 180:

What did you do today?

Day 179 Question 179:

What is sentimental to you?  When you look back later in life what will you remember the most?

 Yesterday was one of those days that will be locked into my memory bank.  My previous entry mentioned a dear friend of mine that was leaving the country to move back to Guatemala (his home land).  He received devastating news the night before last and knew immediately he had to return to his family.  The restaurant staff where we all work feared that the drug cartel had hurt or worse, killed his family.  Very luckily, this was not the case.  There was still very sad news.  My friend has now lived in the United States for almost five years.  He has been away from his family this entire time and his family included a wife, 3 children, a mother and a whole lot of brothers and sisters.  His young daughter (10 years old) called him the night before last and asked if her daddy could come home to see mommy before she leaves to be with the angels.  My friend’s wife has been battling with a heart condition for quite some time.  The condition was regulated with medications and everything seemed to be working well until she took a turn for the worst and a few days ago her body started to shut down.  She became paralyzed and was lying in bed having chronic nose bleeds.  The doctor’s gave her about 3 days to live….she is only 29 years old (give or take a year or two-I am not 100% sure).  My friend was completely heart-broken and all of us around him experienced the same pain.  This person is not only our friend…he has become family to all of us.  We all felt broken-hearted to lose this piece of our family and we all ached knowing the sadness he is experiencing.

 Last night, all of the staff of the restaurant (even those that had not been working yesterday) came together for one last time to bid our dead friend farewell.  He left this morning around 6am and should be arriving in Guatemala to be with his family sometime this afternoon.  I made sure to take the time to go down to the restaurant to see him.  We gathered together as the big family that we all are and took a whole bunch of pictures together….this was a moment I will not forget because all of those things in life that we all take for granted were lost in that moment.  My manager surprised our friend with a digital camera and told him to take lots and lots of pictures and to celebrate his life and his family in Guatemala.  My friend shed tears the entire night which make my heart sink but I knew he needed to leave to be with his family…the family that he has known his entire life.  When it came time for me to say goodbye, we stood in the bar area of the restaurant and I wrapped my arms around him tight.  I told him I would miss him so very much and that the restaurant would not be the same without him but I was so happy that he was able to be with his family….he had been missing them terribly.  I held his face in my hands as he cried and in his thick Mexican accent he told me I was his family.  I held back the tears as hard as it was.  I told him he was my family too but right now he needed to be with his real family.  I told him I would always be his friend and wanted to stay in contact for as long as we possibly can.  I thanked him for teaching me so much about his native country and for showing me how to open my eyes to a much bigger world outside of just my own.  He was a teacher for me and he didn’t even know it.  I became more aware of myself because of knowing him….I learned a lot about what is truly important…and what is truly important (to me) is learning about and loving everyone around you.  This world is such a big place and for a long time I closed myself into a big little box and lived in a very blind and ignorant way….my friend showed me what the love of family is like and how beautiful a country that has so little can really be…he showed me the value of friendship.

 I hope to see my friend again in the future if that is at all possible.  For now, I am left with a sentimental feeling in my heart.  I hope his sadness is only short-lived and he has the love and support of his biological family the same way he did from his second family at the restaurant.

 I chose this topic today because I have been thinking so much about the relationships in my life and how much my desire to give back is getting stronger and stronger the older that I get.  I spent time with my mom yesterday and every time I am around here I appreciate her just a little bit more.  I believe she feels the same about me.  She was talking about all of her friends that my dad and her play Bingo and cards with and I asked her who her best friend is and she turned to me and said, “You!”  She meant it to.  My mom and I have this very special bond and as I have grown into an adult she has become my best friend too.  I have such great admiration for her because of how selfless she is and watching her be that way just makes me want to be that way.  I believe I have been given enough in my life and now is my time to give back.  The times I get to spend with these people that I love so dearly are the sentimental moments I know I will hold onto for life.  They are the moments and the people that matter the most.