Day 182 Question 182:
What is something/some things that would make you lose complete respect for someone?
I am a pretty open-minded person when it comes to many topics. I TRY to see the good in people and give them the benefit of the doubt when I can. However, there is one thing that will make me lose ALL respect for someone and that is bad parenting. Now, I realize I am not a parent and I realize as a parent sometimes you have to go into survival mode (i.e. giving in to your kids screaming for something to get them to be quiet in a store). Parenting does not come with a manual and of course every situation is different.
What absolutely burns me is parents that seem to not change at all when they have children. I have witnessed FAR TOO MANY parents that go out night after night partying while leaving their children with babysitters or even worse the child’s grandparents (which I can’t wrap my brain around why they would agree to this). I am not a parent but I can’t help but think that the moment I found out that I was pregnant that my entire life would change because from that moment on I would responsible for another human life. I completely understand that even parents need freedom from time to time and they should be allowed to have fun sometimes but some people take it to extremes and I just can’t understand how that happens. Parents are the main role models for their children. At young ages, no matter what, children are going to look to you for answers and to figure out the rights and wrongs in life. Maybe I am naïve or ignorant in some ways but I just don’t understand how a parent can believe his/her life is more important than his/her child and still just do whatever they want whenever they want with no concern for the child (that is just me though). I have met so many men in passing and in the dating world that have children that hardly ever see them and they don’t seem phased by it. I can’t understand that in any way whatsoever. A part of you is out there in the world and so many people seem so unaffected by that. If you take the chance of sleeping with someone then you know that there is a possibility of a pregnancy being a result….take responsibility. Parenthood should change people for the better but unfortunately we see that in many cases it does not. I have no respect for deadbeat parents. I believe they are ruining their children…they are relying on everyone else to raise them and that is SO unfair to the child. I am beyond lucky to have grown up with two extremely loving and supportive parents. It absolutely breaks my heart to see children that are treated like they are non-existent or not at all important….to see parents scream at their children endlessly instead of explaining to them why their actions are wrong.
I could go on and on telling stories of incidences of bad parenting that I have witnessed. I was a Parent Educator for a couple of year and the amount of children I wish I could have taken home to care for was endless. Children are these little innocent people that deserve a fair shot and I am sickened by the number of people in this world that are parents that have no business being parents. I believe it must be a psychological thing and I know I am different from a lot of people. I strongly believe in change and continually bettering myself….and if I were to have a child I would work even harder to change for the better continually because life is no longer just about me. Again, some people might think that I really don’t have a say on this topic whatsoever because I am not a parent but that is their opinion. My opinion is that if I have to be in the same room with horrible parents then I do have a say. If I am affected in any way whatsoever because of ignorant or poor parenting then my opinions certainly do matter. Selfishness will make me lose all respect for you as well. Even as a single person I realize that life is not all about me….life is about giving back whenever and wherever I can. I am a role model and an example no matter if I choose to be or not.
I look at children and I love their innocence and I love the look they get when they are so eager to learn and to just be talked to. I love their ability to love so naturally with no questions asked. Childhood is over at the blink of an eye and this is the time that children should truly be able to cherish. ALL parents should show their children unconditional love day in and day out so they are able to pass it on to those around them. Children should not have to question themselves because of their parents….they should not have to live in fear….they should not be confused about the difference between right and wrong (in a very general sense I mean). For all of the parents out there that seem to have better things to do than raise their children, I ask you what it feels like to be so selfish?
It's a New Day... 
Not everyone is meant to be a parent. Just because we can doesn’t mean we should.
Having children should be a privilege and not a right. Children don’t ask to be born, so I think it’s important to ask ourselves if we should have children, not when should we…
Dianne, I love you, but I am curious: How will this opinion influence you when you get those deadbeat parents as therapy clients?
–Aggie
I am planning on going into the Human Services field..not counseling directly. My goal is to be a Program Coordinator for an organization and the goal would be to either prevent these behaviors or help eliminate them….get to the heart of the issue. Obviously, I would never do it in an accusatory manner but I do believe in truth and in your face learning….sometimes I need that myself. I have worked with deadbeat parents previously and some of them I had a positive impact and some I did not…some just chose not to care no matter what. I did the best I could do and just kept helping anywhere I could. :0)
I was in one of those therapy programs that essentially viewed every client as a hero/ine. My partner, Cougina, in his work with people, can be very gentle or absolutely in people’s faces, depending on the person. It seems that what we have confidence in works. Love your blog.
Hi Diane,
As a teacher, I perceive so much bad parent that it’s hard to fathom. Parenting is hard work (I’m not yet a parent myself) but it seems to me that so many adults aren’t willing to put in the time and critical thinking/planning to make their own lives, and their kids’ lives, easier.
I think it is good piece and honestly expresses the concern of many people of all parental or non parental status’s. However I would say that in my experience and opinion there are more good parents than bad. Of course that being said perfection is not a requirement for good parenting. Every parent makes mistakes and some more than others. There is also the many and complex issues of the world in which we now live to calculate into the formula of rising a child. There are million and one things that all go into raising a child and guiding a household and a family. I for one know from personal experience that circumstances can get get very complicated very quickly.. In closing I would say that in my opinion 99% percent of all parents love the children and are honestly trying despite of all the negativity etc..to raise their kids in the most loving and responsible way they can. The other 1% exist and unfortunately breed but bad parenting does not always equate with with bad children and eventual bad adults, it may be harder for those kids to grow up into decent adults but it is done all the time. Thankfully your parents or lack of them do not totally determine whom you will be when you have reached the age of adulthood and beyond. Some of the best people I know have come from some very bad places. …:.) It is really all up to us and the choices we make in this journey called life..Have a wonderful day and I wish you the best..:>)
Reblogged this on Don Lucuis' Chronicle and commented:
I will have to say what I call “blatant” rudeness and cruelty. People who harm others (physically or mentally) for no reason and, in knowing they are harming others, care nothing for them or their feelings.
intentionally wanting to hurt someone else, either physically or emotionally. littering. profanity in front of kids.
You actually hit on something that used to be my #1 concern before I decided to get married. I used to go out of my way to meet/talk/interview all the bad moms…lol
I will agree with you that there are people in the world who are bad parents. And you’re right, when you have children your priorities do and should change…the focus being on the child. I have to disagree with you though on leaving children with their grandparents. We believe that “it takes a village to raise a family.” A “village of family.” Relationships and ties with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, bring knowledge of family history, family dynamics, it creates security, trust, loyalty. We are very close to our children and grandchildren, our grandchildren are here every weekend and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Not because their parents are out partying but because our grandchildren truly do love coming to Papa and grandma’s house. Perhaps we’re the exception and not the norm….but our grandchildren are healthy, happy and have a sense of family and security. I take pride in that every day….any day.
Oh I agree 100% with that. I believe that a child should be swarmed with family if that is possible. I just don’t understand the grandparents that agree to more or less raise a child just so the parents can go out and party.
Bad parenting does not mean bad children…see Barack Obama.
My current peeve is parents ignoring children to devote attention to communication devices.
Ugh, bad parents. Blugh! I’ve recently realize I’ve lost respect for coworkers who’ve adapted to the toxic nature of the culture where I work, rather than pushing to do the right thing even if it won’t win them brownie points. Saudi has a system of “wasta” (influence) wherein it deeply matters who you know and who you cultivate, but not whether your or their actions are productive…so long as you have that wasta. Its disgusting to me. A bit like the western men here who huff and dismiss our female comments about not being able to drive. They should aggressively defend our rights, as north American men they should, but instead they grow comfy in their own good fortune, and imply that we should get over our frustrations. No. Respect.