It's a New Day…

Day 259 Question 259:

What makes you sad?

It finally caught up with me :0(

What is something recently that you found to be totally charming?

If you are tired of posed, stiff and cheesy family portraits, then take a look at these incredibly creative pictures taken by Jason Lee.

Jason who is a wedding photographer started taking photos of his two little daughters back in 2006 when his mom was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. The girls were constantly sick, with colds and coughs so he couldn’t always bring them to visit their grandmother. Jason wanted her to be able to see her granddaughters without catching their kid germs so he started a blog where his mom could see what was going on in their lives.

Most of the ideas come from his daughters – eight-year-old Kristin and five-year-old Kayla. Jason says that they are never-ending source of ideas

Day 257 Question 257:

What level of gun control is appropriate?  Should guns for the “average citizen” be legal?

In the past 10 years (and many more before that) we have read about and have been exposed to stories of citizens going into movie theaters and shooting innocent people or walking into a classroom and murdering several classmates.  We have heard of mothers shooting their innocent children and disgruntled employees shooting their current or former bosses.  I cannot even image what statistic show when it comes to gun violence in this country alone…let alone in the entire world.  With this being said, violence does not only come in one form.  So, should the government step in and ban every average Joe or Tom, Dick and Harry from owning a gun.  If not, then what should the regulations be?

The idea of violence being a necessary tool for self-protection is unfortunately a necessary evil in this country.  It is the one thing that I hate about the world….the idea that so many people (general citizens, government officials and military personnel) need to carry a weapon for their day to day survival (which sometimes does not even protect them).  Violence is one of those things in the world that I wish I could change but it is something that is bigger than me…way bigger than me.  Many people believe in order to see results then violence is the only answer….it is a mentality that cannot be changed in many.  It is one of those things that I must accept for society but would never accept for myself.  So, should your average citizen be able to carry a gun?  I believe yes but I do believe that individuals are able to obtain weapons far too easily in this country.  I realize that if someone wants a gun they will get it…even if it means purchasing it illegally or stealing it.  No matter what laws and regulations the government makes about gun control, the people are going to find a way to get guns.  Just like sex education and the value of nutrition and fitness, I believe violence and gun/weapon control should be something that the masses should be educated on.  Not everyone will listen but the tools should at least be provided and with gun control, I believe the people need to hear the cold hard facts.  The people need to hear the harsh details and descriptions about accidental shootings and cases of gruesome murders and the penalties that people are faced with.  Of course there should be regulations with gun control but for the government to ban guns for the general public entirely, they are asking for many more problems and I truly believe they would see crime rates increase drastically.  People do not like to have their choices taken from them.  People feel belittled when they are treated like lesser of people because the government believes the people are not intelligent enough to use guns with caution and safety in mind.  There will always be gun nuts out there and people that are going to resort to violence regardless of any laws or regulations.  This does not mean that the entire population should have their rights (what I believe to be a right) taken away because of the poor choices of some.  There is nothing that gets under my skin more than the blaming of a group for the mere actions of a few.  We want our population to use common sense and to treat people with respect and kindness but when the government makes them do this or does not allow them to do that, then (in my opinion), we are telling the people they are not smart enough….not smart enough to make good decisions.  This can certainly piss some people off…which in turn can lead to mass murder or shooting sprees or any other violence on a small or large scale.

I know I go on rants about the government controlling people.  I also know I do not know the ins and outs of how the government works.  Some people bark at me and tell me that we need government to keep the control and that things are how they are so I should just accept it and just shut up.  I accept it but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.  When the government makes all of these rules and laws for the people (yes, I realize some are necessary in this day and age) it says (at least to me): We do not trust you to make a good or well thought out decision on your own so we are going to make it for you.  I realize that guns are extremely dangerous and I also realize that not every average Joe needs to be carrying one around but the people should have the right.  There are (necessary) hoops to be jumped through in order to obtain a weapons license and more hoops for actually purchasing the weapon.  I believe we just have to hope that people will make the right decisions when it comes to using a weapon.  It is inevitable that some will not but that is nothing that can be controlled no matter how hard we try (by taking away their ability to buy a weapon)….criminals will find a way to buy a gun or any weapon if they have a mission in mind and if it’s not a gun it will be some other form of weapon.

Day 256 Question 256:

How do you handle criticism/judgment?

This may sound silly but I don’t understand how people can express their points of view vocally with so much ease.  Even through my blog I sometimes censor myself or don’t say every little thing that is going on in my head because I don’t want to offend anyone or I am just scared of the reactions of others.  I am a very sensitive person.  I have been for as long as I can remember and I have moments (usually hormonal moments) when I cannot figure out how to handle my emotions.  I question whether my feelings and thoughts are right or wrong.  Deep down I know I am going to feel what I feel regardless of what I think or whatever anyone else thinks and I think it is that that can scare me sometimes.  It makes me wonder if sometimes I am an ugly person on the inside or just completely naïve to what is going on around me.  I think the hardest part in all of this mental contemplation is that I know very few people that are similar to me.  I realize that variety is what keeps our minds strong and I love the variety.  I would also like the support and I feel like that is something that has been missing.  I would find it hard to believe that people DON’T want someone to relate to.  I haven’t related on a deeper level with anyone in quite some time and that bothers me.  I am not a complex creature (per se’) but I sometimes feel like an outsider in this huge world because I don’t know how to line up my feelings and thoughts….I continually question EVERYTHING!!

There will be times when people will start talking to me about what they think and the topic could be one in which they have no idea where I stand but they speak to me about it as if they are right and they know I would agree.  How do people speak with that kind of confidence?  How do people blatantly tell others that they are wrong?  I loathe and envy these people all at the same time.

I have spent countless hours by myself just thinking about how I truly feel….what feels completely natural to me.  I think about God a lot and it scares me that I do not have that natural connection and knowing that other people have.  I do not know if this “entity” (for lack of a better word) truly exists.  I am unable to hold onto a belief because it is something I just do not know.  It is easy for people to tell me to just believe and I could easily lie and say that I will from here on out but it would be a lie.  That is terrifying to me….it is terrifying to not have strong convictions like that because that means I have no idea what will happen to me after my time in this life is over.  Other people say they know there is a higher power and a heaven and I admire their belief…I don’t understand why I am so different.  I don’t think I am bad.  I actually think I am a very kind and giving person.  I guess I just question why I don’t believe (or am unsure) when so many people do with such ease????

As a child I would have never guessed life to be like this.  I am not upset about the life I live…it is just not the life I expected.  I have felt like an outsider since I was young (and not in a woe is me kind of way).  I vocalized very little of what I was truly feeling and I was trying to understand who I needed to be.  I watched everyone around me and I was sure I would grow up to be married and to have kids and the house and the whole nine yards.  I felt socially awkward for quite some time and struggled with my weight and I just figured I would blossom a little later in life but I would end up on the same path as everyone else.  I thought that was the way it was supposed to be.  It is not always easy being able to accept that you are different from a lot of other people.  Different is not bad…it can just be challenging when you are trying to figure out exactly where you fit in and the older you get the more you feel like you are racing against the clock to figure it out.  Yes, I overthink things and that is never going to change.  People can tell me to relax until they are blue in the face but there is no off switch to this beautiful brain inside of my head….it’s a gold mine and a menace all wrapped into one.  I have thought about piecing together parts of this blog and putting it into book form and sending it to potential publishers….I am apprehensive though in doing so because of the criticisms I know I would receive.  Criticism is inevitable and I feel completely beat down when I receive them.  I ask in complete seriousness, how do people handle criticism without letting it have a hold on them?  My confidence only holds up to a certain point because of my longing to question everything.  I am not confident enough in anything to say I know I am right.  In this moment I want to scream at the top of my lungs and say FUCK EVERYTHING!!!  My brain is completely scattered and to get my feelings and thoughts in sync feels nearly impossible.  I know it is my hormones…which is only adding fuel to the fire because I know these little chaotic mind meltdowns are going to be happening for at least 20 more years…probably more.  I think I am starting to understand why I am single…MYSTERY SOLVED (hahaha….I had to add a t least a little bit of humor in to save myself from crying like an emotional trainwreck).

Being a Sensitive Sally can be such a buzzkill sometimes.  I have wondered whether or not it was a sign of weakness or not and I think it can go both ways.  It just depends on how extreme the sensitivity goes.  As I have aged I have become less overtaken by harsh criticisms and I have dealt with things in a different manner.  I guess I am still working on that whole balance thing.  I get lost sometimes figuring out what it all means and who am I supposed to make happy.  I know the ultimate person I am meant to make happy is myself but there are others in line that hold great importance.  I have been taught by all of these varying figures in my life and it is difficult to just sit back and say fuck you to everything they have taught me.  Whose ideas and thoughts and knowledge are truly right and who are we supposed to listen to?  This is why criticism can be so difficult for me.  I feel these certain things within me and people try to tell me I am wrong or try to argue their point in hopes that they can sway me to believe what they believe.  I have this non-stop curiosity and when I am criticized or judged from my way of thinking or acting…it cuts like a knife.  People say to be yourself but when you are you are questioned and doubted and looked down on by some.  Yes, I believe in the expression: Stand up for what you believe in even if it means standing alone….but one person can only be alone for so long before the loneliness sets in.  Into the Wild is one of my favorite books and films of all time because this young man lived so freely and did not conform to what society and everyone wanted him to be but upon his last living days he wrote that no experience is as good if it is not shared.  Learning about the life of this young man changed my life and my way of thinking.  This change came naturally….it felt natural…it was not forced, I just felt a connection to his continual curiosity and longing for individuality over life among the masses.  Life among the masses has a lot of benefits but in the same, for those of us with great curiosity about what it could be like to not be “controlled” by government and societal pressure (and I fall victim to giving in myself), it can be quite exhausting.  For those of us with these kinds of curious minds, we are knowledgeable but we are unable to stop asking why.  We are unable to grasp why certain things are the way that they are…..we are unable to connect to certain things.  I don’t know if I am making any sense at all to anyone right now but it is what I am feeling in this moment so here are my words poured onto paper.  :0)

Day 255 Question 255:

Are we slaves to money?

I have written in the past about whether or not money is the root of all evil.  I came to learn from many readers that I had the expression wrong and it is the love of money that is the root of all evil.  I don’t know if I believe it is the root of ALL evil but yes, I do believe that the population of the world has become slaves to money.  It is money that makes the world go around (in a matter of speaking of course).  I think about the many issues we have in the world and when you dissect different problems you find that money is at the root….not always but an awful lot.

I think about my life and I think about its purpose.  What is my ultimate goal?  I always return to the answer being happiness but then I start to think about what it is that would bring the happiness.  I am not a materialistic person and I have never been the person that needed to wear major labels or purchase brand name everything (not that I am judging those that do).  I live a comfortable life…I work hard and I come home to a nice condo (nothing outrageous but definitely nice).  I enjoy being able to go out to dinner with friends or buys things on occasion for myself or others.  I love doing for others whenever I can….just this morning I donated money to an old high school friend for her Heart Walk and raising money for more research (she is 35 and had a heart attack just 3 years ago).  I just wanted to help because I was able to.  I then wonder what my life would be like if I had none of that.  What if I was financially poor?  Would I still be able to enjoy happiness in the same way that I enjoy it now.  I know it sounds superficial but I do wonder about it.  I don’t believe I depend on money but I do enjoy the comfort it provides.

I wanted to be completely honest here.  I believe I have a good heart and I strive to always do the right thing (I don’t always succeed but I try like hell).  I think money has made society very ugly and I have realized that I am part of that society.  I wonder if life would be a lot different if I grew up with very little….would I appreciate life differently?  Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate life in an extreme way now and I do not take what I have for granted, I just wonder if I would appreciate the little things in life more or if I would have resentment for not having what others have.

Money can do terrible things to people.  It is this simple object that holds such power…an object with no feelings…just a simple object.  I have watched both extremes of the power that money holds over people.  I have walked into homes that should have been torn down nearly a decade ago…homes that people were living in and raising children in.  I have listened to some of these people talk and have this great appreciation for life even though they had so very little.  Their lives revolved around family and love and that is what mattered the most.  I have also listened to some of these people scream about how unfair it was that others lived with so much and they had so little….they resented the people working hard for their money….they felt entitled to have the same things without having to do the same work.  I have also seen people use their financial status as a power symbol and bark orders at others simply because they felt as if they were better than everyone else because of the amount of money in their pockets.  It really doesn’t matter how little or how much money you have….it has this power to do evil things to people.  Would life still exist without money?  It may be a naïve question but why do we need money to survive?  Why was money invented one day to “solve” the world’s problems?  It seems to be that it has done quite the opposite.

These are strictly my words here.  I may say them but I also admit that I am one of those people that chases the good ole American dollar.  If I lived off the grid and foraged my own food and lived off the land….well let’s face it I would have a nervous breakdown.  Nature would chew me right up and spit me out.  I am a sucker for new gadgets and gizmos just like anyone else and it does kind of sadden me to say that.  I have been swayed and I cannot seem to get out of the grip of monetary power.

Day 254 Question 254:

Can a “Friends with Benefits” relationship really work out in the long run?

Oh the age old question of whether people can successfully pull off the “friends with benefits” relationship or not.  Hands down the answer to this question is no.  Debate me if you choose  but I undoubtedly believe that at some point during all of the sexual escapades taking part between two “friends” at least one party is going to start growing those “more than friends” feelings….and as much as I hate to say it, it will probably be the girl.  The concept seems simple enough…I mean you have a great friend of the opposite sex and you are currently not getting laid and you really don’t want to be in a relationship right now so why not just have your cake and eat it too.  I mean you have the benefit of a great friend and also the benefit of getting your sexual needs met.  It seems like it should be that easy but it is not….I can only speak from a girls point of view here.  I truly believe that if a girl is willing to get naked with a guy friend and take on all of these sexual escapades then she had been attracted to him previously….she had thought in her mind what it would be like to date him or be in a relationship with him.  I do not have any guy friends that I consider great friends (and strictly friends only) that I would even consider getting naked with.  The attraction is just not there and let’s face it…girls are emotional creatures longing for a connection of some form.  Please don’t take my words as implying that women are weak by any means….I am just stating the natural way of most women.  We long for connections in all of our relationships and to jump into the intimacy pool…well then we must have been feeling an attraction that goes beyond just that of friendship.  I cannot speak for all women but I would guess that a majority would agree with me (even if they really didn’t want to).  A woman’s sensitivity (in my opinion) is a part of her beauty.  A woman wanting the fairytale romance as opposed to the wham bam and I am out is part of her charm.  Remember, I am strictly speaking for women being that I am one….I have absolutely no idea how guys think or what they want…hence why I am forever single.

I say these words easily seeing that I am in my early (almost mid) 30’s.  I am sure I would have spoken differently in my 20’s.  My late teens and twenties were all fun and games and talk about being in denial of my feelings and my wants and needs.  Friends with benefits, fuck buddies or one night stands are ultimately unfulfilling.  Sure, you may get the momentary orgasmic pleasure but once it is over you are back to being by yourself.  I absolutely love my independence but the idea of being with someone sexually that has no desire to know anything about me except for what is found in my nether regions and to simply use it for his own benefit alone has absolutely no appeal to me.  I admit that my former track record is not exactly appealing (not horrible but it does show that I made some pretty poor decisions in the past).  There was not one time when I gave into momentary weakness that I did not feel lower than low afterwards.  All I could think was what little self-respect I had and how I was still all alone….my momentary weakness gave me no long term gains….quite the opposite actually.  I am a pretty girl.  I do not say this with arrogance in mind but I could easily get a man to sleep with me.  I have not kissed a guy in almost a year let alone been intimate with one.  I have realized that the reason for this is because I have finally learned the value of self-respect.  I know what I want and what I need and there is no compromise anymore.  I have learned that everything in life is a choice and if I want to feel sad or depressed or lonely then that is my choice….why would I willingly do something knowing that the outcome would be these negative emotions????  It seems pretty silly to me.

As a majority of you know, I am not a church-goer and I question religion and the Bible all of the time.  I respect anyone and everyone that believes sex should only come with marriage.  I do not believe this way because I do not necessarily believe the same way a majority of people do.  I believe sex should come with love….I never understood that for the longest time.  I have rushed too many times in the past and what an ugly feeling that followed.  I have learned that our bodies and our minds are something to be cherished and appreciated….not something to be used for momentary physical pleasure.   Call me a prude if you wish but I now value love more than only momentary satisfaction.  I would rather spend time being celibate by myself than sacrificing my own happiness for a momentary pleasure that I think I might need in a mere moment.

This entry is not meant to insult anyone that may feel different from how I feel….I am simply expressing for myself…my beliefs and my feelings.  I have been the girl that felt the need to throw herself at guys because I thought that was the only way to get noticed.  I thought that is what all guys wanted….well after so many years and after so many relationships to nowhere, I learned that I was completely wrong.  If I meet a guy and he starts talking about sex with me within the first day or two, I head for the door.  I have had guys try to manipulate me by making me feel bad and telling me that by putting out initial restrictions that I am not letting things happen naturally (implying giving it up on the first date).  Well then I will allow them to believe that and I will choose to keep my self-respect intact.  I have worked in Early Childhood Development for several years and I can pick up on manipulation from about 10 miles away….if a guy tries to make me feeling guilty for setting limits for myself then that is his problem not mine….and he might need to evaluate for himself how much self-respect he really has.  Yes, it goes both ways!!!  I may not be in love but I know what love is and I know in a heartbeat that EVERYONE would choose this over simple, momentary physical satisfaction.  I say this with confidence because real love never ends and can you only imagine what a euphoric feeling that must be….AND you get the physical pleasure as well.  Some people that I know could read this and would probably fall off their chairs because this girl sitting here now writing these words is not the same girl from merely 4-5 years ago….and certainly not the same girl from my college years.  Life slapped with in the face quite recently and the silly games came to an end….my happiness was the only goal and I was no longer going to lie to myself…I was no longer going to sacrifice my wants and needs.  I had to be honest with myself about what I was truly feeling and when I finally did this and actually ACCEPTED this…my whole life opened up.  I stopped living to please everyone else and started living for me…now don’t get that wrong, I love doing for others more than anything but I do not live according to their expectations.  There is a big difference.

I started this blog in order to continually find myself but also in hopes that I could inspire at least one other person (if not more) to start their journey.  I have watched so many young girls hide who they are and waste their talents simply to impress a boy.  I have watched them expose their bodies and compromise their bodies to try to find “love”.  I don’t care what age anyone is…I think we all need to be reminded of our beauty.  Our beauty does not come from the outside….it is the strength we hold inside….the self-respect we have for ourselves.  Maybe I am getting preachy but I truly do not believe any young girl (tween/teen) should be exposing her body or “getting it on”….she needs to understand that those things do not make her mature or beautiful or popular.  At those young ages, no one can really understand the long term consequences of becoming physical with someone before you are ready.  Hell, at 33 I am still struggling to accept my body and learning about what my true wants and needs are.

I speak only in my opinion but I truly people that in theory the concept of friends with benefits is nice but in truth it will only lead to a bad place.  I would be willing to bet that a majority of friendships would eventually end once those boundaries were crossed.

Day 253 Question 253:

Should students be required to take physical education classes?

When I think back to my years as a student from kindergarten through my senior year, I can picture to dread of having to go to gym class.  I did not mind so much in elementary school because there seemed to be a lot less pressure and just a lot of fun physical activity.  Boy did that change when I got into middle school.  For me personally, my gym teachers from 6^th grade on were like drill sergeants that expected every student to excel at every sport.  I don’t have any memories of a gym teacher that made physical education fun or rewarding.  I always felt like they constantly barked orders and just exhibited a hatred of having to do their job day after day.  I never had a desire to go to gym class…in fact I hated it.  There were certain activities (sports) that I was ok (or maybe even good at) but there was others that I absolutely struggled with.  I have never been a strong runner and when the time of year fell upon us when we had to run track I absolutely dreaded it.  We were required to run a mile in 15 minutes and if we didn’t we would have to do it again during the next class (and as many after that until we did it in 15 minutes).  In my school days teachers never seemed to find out about physical limitations or possible health problems.  I can’t explain it but my body (and still to this current day) just doesn’t move fast when it comes to running.  I have been running more as of recently (and have less than a month until my first 5k) but I run at my own pace….what I am comfortable with and what I know my body can handle.  These gym teachers were pushing us without even asking how we were feeling…because they assumed that those of us that struggled with just lazy or just a bunch of whiners.

Now don’t let my experience make you think that I don’t think that physical education should be taught in schools.  I absolutely do think it should.  I believe the methods need to be changed though (maybe they have but with all of the budget cuts and such I highly doubt they have).  I know you will find those teachers phys. Ed. Teachers every once in a while that are quite inspirational but they seem to be a dime a dozen nowadays.  Physical education has become a requirement that kids absolutely dread because they are pushed to do activities and meet requirements but they are not learning in the process.  I believe that physical education should include extensive education about nutrition and health and should held children, youth and adolescents learn more about how their body works.  Kids should not just be pushed to do 50 layups then just call it a day or forced to run a mile in a specific time but not learn the value and importance of exercise.  In the United States, childhood obesity is becoming a HUGE problem…some may even call it an epidemic.  It took me until about the age of 25 or so to realize the importance of health….I was sick of being fat and I had to educate myself.  The schools have this great tool….these knowledgeable (well hopefully they are knowledgeable) gym teachers that can educate students on reading food labels and practicing a healthy lifestyle as well as getting them excited about physical fitness.  Not every kid is going to excel in every sport….some may excel in none…..but there are still tactics that can be used that can get them excited about working out (and working out does not have to be a mundane routine).  Schools have this great tool that could pave the way for children to be healthier both mentally and physically but unfortunately it is failing.

I believe teachers are miracle workers (a lot…unfortunately not all).  I truly think it takes such a special person to be a mentor to young children.  Many people wouldn’t put gym teachers in the same category as those teachers that educate from a classroom all day.  That could not be further from the truth.  Gym teachers are those that have great knowledge about the human body and athletics and the benefits of healthy nutrition and exercise.  These are the people that have the ability to shape young minds and show them how to live a healthy life.  These are the people that could guide children to exercise regularly and could even potentially prevent the onset of depression or anxiety because of this regular physical activity.  These are the people that could motivate children to push themselves just that much further to reach their goals.

I tip my hat to ALL teachers that can go to their schools every single day and fall more and more in love with their jobs.  The people that feel truly blessed to be given the opportunity to shape young minds and voluntarily be their mentors.  Unfortunately, we have far too many teachers in the entire system that have completely given up.  We have become a nation that is becoming lazier and lazier by the day and will only fight for so long.  I may not be a parent but children today and children of the future need us to fight for them every minute of every day.  There is NO excuse for children to be lazy….they are only lazy because we are allowing them to be lazy.  I am far from perfect and when I was young I did not get excited about anything when it was health or fitness related.  I was never excited about it because no one was ever showing me that there was anything to be excited about.  I now know at the age of 33 how much I love exercise and how much I love learning about health and practicing a much healthier lifestyle.  I still eat things that I probably shouldn’t and I will slack from time to time but I have changed my life drastically because I learned all of the benefits.  No child should look in the mirror and hate their body and dread going to gym class because other students are going to make fun of him/her or the teacher is going to push him/her to do exercises that are very difficult that he/she does not feel comfortable with.  Gym teachers have this great opportunity to take on self-images issues head-on and teach children to love their bodies….to treat their bodies like a temple.  I guess I just see things having the possibility of being so different and maybe I think too much into things but I have seen first-hand many young girls talk about loathing the way they look and so much could be prevented if we were to just teach kids at a young age to practice a healthy lifestyle not only physically but also mentally.

Day 252 Question 252:

What is the best quality you’ve inherited from either of your parents?

Both of my parents are amazing.  They both have admirable qualities that people could only wish they that could hold.  If I were to pick only one thing though that I have inherited it would be compassion learned from my mother.  My mother loves everyone without question and treats people with such kindness.  She does not see race, gender, creed, sexual orientation, etc.  She sees people for who they are not what they are.  My mother has this way about her in which she can make people feel comfortable within moments of meeting her and it is obvious just by watching, people truly enjoy being around her.  My parents are 72 and 74 and they have a very active social life and a great group of people they call friends in their lives.  It makes me so happy to see them as active as they are and share their experiences with others their age (or close to their age).  I have sat back and watched people interact with my mom and it is as if people are naturally drawn to her.  People want to be around her because she is so positive and so upbeat and so genuinely kind.  I believe I have inherited some of this from my mother.  I do not believe I have everything she does but I hope to by the time I reach her age.  My mother treats people with kindness with such ease because she truly believes there is no other way to treat people.  Some people could look at my mother and think she is just happily ignorant but that is not the case at all.  My mom knows her surroundings and is very aware of what is going on in the world but she does not give herself the choice to be negative or live in a hateful, spiteful way.  The only thing that is natural to her is goodness and what a beautiful quality that is for someone to have.  I admire my mother (even when she drives me absolutely crazy) because I know who she truly is as a person and if I could be half that person when I reach her age I know I would die happy. :0)

Day 251 Question 251:

What is your idea of a true love story?

Day 250 Question 250:

If you could change something in the world what would it be?

Lately my writing has been quite heavy.  I have touched on some pretty serious topics and the tone is not always one which brings smiles to people’s faces.  Honestly, with an election looming and politics stirring among every media source it was inevitable to happen.  This has been the year where I have truly learned where I stand and I truly believe that the political system is disgusting and has become nothing but a corrupt power trip from some big-headed “know-it- alls”.  Yes, that is a bold and probably harsh statement but I have watched politics go straight down the toilet over the years.  Politics and government is no longer about the people….they can preach it all day long but all it truly is is a popularity contest.  I am not saying that every politician is a self-centered ass but I do believe many have THEIR best interests at heart over the best interest of the American people.  I am not a fan of either candidate now running (obviously I speak of Romney and Obama) because they both convey themselves to be completely pompous and both have done nothing but point fingers at the other…placing blame and pointing out everything the other is doing wrong.  Mitt Romney spoke of 47% of the population having a victim mentality….well obviously so does he when he has to get on his soapbox and talk about how Obama hurt his feelings (in a matter of speaking).  I find the whole political scenario to be absolutely gross and I ache for the society now living in this country that has to be exposed to the circus we call government.  I guess I just can’t wrap my brain how we have come to such an ugly place?  I don’t understand how a country called the UNITED Stated can be so divided amongst it’s people and the politicians worsen it by spewing hatred toward their opponents.  Honestly, I do not want to have children because I do not want to expose them to this.  I cringe at the thought of my children growing up in a world where two grown adults argue to try to win power….to CONTROL and entire country.  Politicians should be the biggest role models in the world but instead they are overgrown children fighting for a title.  It truly saddens me.

My words are harsh and very unusual for my tone when it comes to blog.  I do not know either of these men personally.   I would hope they are both good father and husbands and overall good men.  I only speak on outside appearances that I have witnessed.  Neither of them have proven (in my opinion) to be honorable or stand-up men when it comes to working toward the greater good of this country.  I won’t say that about them though….there are several politicians out there that should hang their heads in shame for their actions.  I guess I am a cynic because I don’t know what to believe anymore.  You may listen to a speech by a candidate and be absolutely blown away and within 24 hours a past speech has been leaked where the candidate has preached the complete opposite.  How much is being said to win votes and how much is being sad that is actually true?  I am not stating that I am a better person but I am also not running for President of the United States.

It is so weird for me to even write about this because for so long I never took interest in politics.  I stayed “happily ignorant”.  In the past 2 years I started to open my eyes and watch what was going on around me and who the “power players” were making major decisions in this country.  I did not like what I was seeing so I started tuning in more and doing my research.  I do not know where all of the politicians stand on the issues and there is a lot I do not understand (especially when it comes to foreign affairs) but I know about many of the issues that are very close to me.  I guess I just want the kind of world that is most likely not possible.  I truly am a dreamer and my dream world will never be a reality.  I want a world of people experience more happiness than sadness and a world where people chose to learn from differences instead of hate because of them.  I want a world where people are accepting.  I realize we need polar opposites….we need to experience the bad to understand the good but we are experiencing far too much bad.  Although my words may seem cynical my feelings are not.  On a daily basis I experience and inner peace that I wish others could experience….I wish I could pass this feeling on.  Yes, mine has come from my meditations but there is so much more to it.  My inner peace comes from having the ability to accept what is.  I don’t like the way the government is but I accept it because I have to….and I choose to live my life according to what makes me the happiest.  I do not function in an angry, cynical manner every day.  Many people have even told me that my words on paper are so different from how I act in person.  I just tell them that my thoughts do not control my actions….I believe that anger serves absolutely no purpose.  I would rather spend my life trying to make others smile and make their days just a little bit better by joking with them and treating them with kindness than acting out of anger and resentment.

What I know in this life is I do not want to be controlled.  I know it is inevitable that the government is going to control some things but I do not ever want to live in this life feeling like my thoughts and actions are being controlled.  I am a die-hard independent and that is what I love.  I love having my own ideas and opinions and I do not want to feel as if someone is forcing me to think like they do.  I am the nanny of beautiful 1 ½ year old twin girls and I believe they deserve the opportunity to experience freedom of thought and freedom of expression.  I have watched them grow and I would hate the thought of someone molding them according to a specific plan instead of allowing them to grow into the beautiful individuals they are.  Human beings are not robots that are meant to be programmed and I think over time we are getting closer and closer to life being that way.

I really have not answered the question at hand because I do not have a specific answer.  I, of course, would change the way government functions but I do not know how I would do that or what the best of doing that would be.  I have big dreams for myself and the population of the world as a whole and if I could get on a platform and shout endlessly telling people to love instead of hate and believe instead of be skeptical and take ownership instead of place blame I would.  I would try to change the world through peace (as hippie as that may sound to some) because what this world has been trying so far is just not working….we will never solve violence with violence.  If I could get the people of the world to truly believe that….that would be my change.  All of the people in this world are innately good but some do not know it or believe it so they choose to act out with violence and anger.  I believe the world would be a very different place if people were to dive into their consciousness and find their beautiful self….find their inner peace.  Nothing in life is simple but so much in life is worth the hard work that needs to be put in.