Day 307 Question 307:
If you were to write a letter to your ex what would it say?
First and foremost….this may be ugly and mean and just plain ridiculous. I find it necessary to get it out though because last night I was working at the restaurant and I walked up to a 5 top table getting ready to start with their drink order and when I looked up from my pad of paper there sat my ex-boyfriend. I have not seen this person in over 3 years and in one tiny moment all emotions rushed through my body and I felt anxiety overwhelm me. The moment felt surreal and I made a break as fast as I could and I told my coworker that he had to take the table or I would have a full blown panic attack. This entire wave of emotions completely took over my body and I returned to the worst time in my life and it was so overwhelming….I could not believe that one person could bring on such intense emotions that I thought were pretty much gone. This person was an abuser…never physically but instead verbally and emotionally….I have said many times over that I wish he would have hit me because that would have been less painful. I take full responsibility for staying with a person so vile and so hateful but that does not mean I am not allowed to feel anger and resentment toward him. This person found pleasure in stripping my happiness away layer by layer and degrading me to a point that by the time it was all over I had completely lost who I was….I was shattered. So here it goes….yes this letter is public but I am sure his eyes will never read these words and if they did I do not care. Ok here it goes:
Dear Life Ruiner,
There is so much I could say to you but I will keep it simple. You completely broke me. You tore me apart in every moment we spent together. I blame myself for staying with you through it all but what it comes down to is that you are a bad person and I feel very sorry for you. I can’t wrap my brain around how a person could insult and treat someone as badly as you treated me. By the time everything was finally over I no longer knew who I was….I was completely dead inside. You are the reason that I have lost trust in majority of men and will push them out of my life before I even learn about them. You are the reason that I have cringed thinking about what I look like. I have had to completely rebuild my life because of you and I do not hate you…I instead feel so very sorry for you. I would like to say that I hope you get your life together and find a place that brings you peace but to be honest I don’t care what happens to you. Unless I happen to run into you, you do not exist. I will leave you with these final words: GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU RAGING ALCOHOLIC THAT STILL LIVES AT HOME WITH HIS MOMMY AND CANNOT HOLD A JOB!!!! YOU ARE A PIECE OF SHIT!!
Bravo, bravo. Keep on keeping on.
feel better? Hopefully you do. Diane, I don’t know you personally, I don’t even live in the same country as you but you inspire me daily. Your struggles, your bravery, your quest for the higher meaning in what you do. We all encounter people who need to feel better about themselves by making everyone around them feel smaller. I am happy that you made the wise choice in the end. Thank you for inspiring all of us daily. and keep the knowledge that we all think your pretty awesome or we wouldn’t be following your blog 🙂
Oh do I ever relate!