Day 307 Question 307:

If you were to write a letter to your ex what would it say?

First and foremost….this may be ugly and mean and just plain ridiculous.  I find it necessary to get it out though because last night I was working at the restaurant and I walked up to a 5 top table getting ready to start with their drink order and when I looked up from my pad of paper there sat my ex-boyfriend.  I have not seen this person in over 3 years and in one tiny moment all emotions rushed through my body and I felt anxiety overwhelm me.  The moment felt surreal and I made a break as fast as I could and I told my coworker that he had to take the table or I would have a full blown panic attack.  This entire wave of emotions completely took over my body and I returned to the worst time in my life and it was so overwhelming….I could not believe that one person could bring on such intense emotions that I thought were pretty much gone.  This person was an abuser…never physically but instead verbally and emotionally….I have said many times over that I wish he would have hit me because that would have been less painful.  I take full responsibility for staying with a person so vile and so hateful but that does not mean I am not allowed to feel anger and resentment toward him.  This person found pleasure in stripping my happiness away layer by layer and degrading me to a point that by the time it was all over I had completely lost who I was….I was shattered.  So here it goes….yes this letter is public but I am sure his eyes will never read these words and if they did I do not care.  Ok here it goes:

Dear Life Ruiner,

There is so much I could say to you but I will keep it simple.  You completely broke me.  You tore me apart in every moment we spent together.  I blame myself for staying with you through it all but what it comes down to is that you are a bad person and I feel very sorry for you.  I can’t wrap my brain around how a person could insult and treat someone as badly as you treated me.  By the time everything was finally over I no longer knew who I was….I was completely dead inside.  You are the reason that I have lost trust in majority of men and will push them out of my life before I even learn about them.  You are the reason that I have cringed thinking about what I look like.  I have had to completely rebuild my life because of you and I do not hate you…I instead feel so very sorry for you.   I would like to say that I hope you get your life together and find a place that brings you peace but to be honest I don’t care what happens to you.  Unless I happen to run into you, you do not exist.  I will leave you with these final words: GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU RAGING ALCOHOLIC THAT STILL LIVES AT HOME WITH HIS MOMMY AND CANNOT HOLD A JOB!!!!  YOU ARE A PIECE OF SHIT!!

~Diane