Day 306 Question 306:

 Where/what is heaven to you?

 I seem to always come back to the topic of creation and our purpose in this life and whether or not there is an existence of one or any God.  My roommate and I had a long discussion the other night about creation and evolution and how nothing is truly known for certain.  We spoke of people having such strong convictions and knowing there is an existence of this higher entity we call God and a place called Heaven that people go to after they die.

 I am a believer in previous lives and an afterlife.  I believe that we all live many different lives through many different time periods even if we don’t believe it.  Have you ever had that dream that felt so real to you but it was in a time and place you know nothing about?  I sometimes wonder if those are tiny pieces of a life that has already been or a life that will one day be.  The idea of Heaven in the manner in which it is presented by the majority of the population is beautiful and comforting but I (like everything else) am unsure if I believe this Heaven really exists.  I believe Heaven (if it does exist) is the place that every person has designed individually…their own place of peace and comfort.  I believe we experience Heaven in our daily lives while we are still living….we may be living in Heaven right now….we truly don’t know.  It is intriguing to think that maybe we have passed away and this is what Heaven really is and we are just unaware of it.  These are the things I think about day in and day out and sometimes these thoughts scare me (for lack of a better word) and sometimes they intrigue me so much that I want to dive into research and learn about other people’s thoughts.  I want to ask a million questions to perfect strangers and just try to see through their eyes.

 It is no secret that I am the type of person that believes in what feels natural and comfortable to me.  I am a storyteller and an artist.  I believe in painting my own picture of life and because of not knowing anything indefinitely then I can paint my own picture of what I think Heaven might possibly be.  I have never been one to see pearly gates or angels…but I do love that others have convictions so strong that they do.  Heaven is my place of peace….the place where worry and anxiety no longer exist….it is a place that not only looks beautiful but feels beautiful….a place of calm and tranquility.  Heaven can be molded by me every single day to fit my needs whether it be physically, spiritually or emotionally.  Heaven is the ultimate acceptance of oneself and what is.  When people tell me I am wrong, the more I believe in what I choose to believe in.  We all come into this world alone and depart this world alone.  We build relationships throughout all of this time and those relationships mold us but we live in one body with one mind and one soul.  I believe we are meant to continually dive deeper to find more and more of ourselves and this is why some people may view me as selfish.  If they believe that then that if their choice but I am the only thing I truly know for sure so I am what I can truly believe in.  If I want to believe that God is a part of me and is the love inside of me and that Heaven is molded to my needs and others want to see what as selfish and nonsensical then so be it.  Not ever would I want to live a life that is conformed by what others tell me to think and believe.  To me, there is no natural feeling that goes along with that.

 Heaven does not need to come at a particular time in a particular place.  If there is a God (outside of what I think he may possibly be) I believe he would be proud of me for questioning all that surrounds me.  I believe the worry inside of me is a challenge not a disability that is holding me back.  If God does exist, he would not punish me for questioning him and his existence because that is what life is about (at least that is what I believe).  I am strong but sometimes doubt myself so therefore these challenges are thrown at me to prove to myself that I am capable of more than I really believe I am.  This is why I say that Heaven is not a particular place that comes only at a particular time….Heaven is those moments when you find yourself and when you succeed in times when you were sure you were going to fail or when you find peace and love in times that feel like you have been kicked down and may never be able to get back up.  Heaven is a belief that everything will be ok even when we feel defeated (whether it be physically or mentally).  Heaven is being able to see the beauty and opportunity in all that is different from everything you have ever known.