Day 105 Question 105:
Should gays be able to marry? Adopt children?
I have written a lot of entries with the subject being homosexuality and their rights. It is a subject I feel very passionately about and it is a subject that is constantly getting nationwide media attention. I have to answer this question straight out….ABSOLUTELY YES!!! This is a discussion I have had with my dad quite a few times and we do not agree on this subject. It is actually quite weird to me the way my dad thinks about it. About a week ago we were having dinner and the subject came up. We bantered back and forth and I know my dad gets flustered with my way of thinking sometimes….i.e. I don’t think marriage is the solution and just because 2 people have children does not mean they should have to get married. Well anyhow, my dad has no problem with people being gay (even though I know he would not love it if I were to come home and say I am…he would accept me though) but he does not believe that they should be able to get married. He believes that civil unions are fine for them but that marriage is meant for a man or a woman. I asked him, “According to who? The Bible? God?” He kind of sat there caught up in his words because like me, my dad is agnostic. He does not get wrapped up in religion and he stands pretty much on the same ground as I do. I pointed this out to him and he still just said it is meant for a man or a woman. It confused me how he was following the “rules” of the Bible (which in my opinion can and has been lost in translation for several years) but he is not at all a religious person. He believes that MAYBE there is some sort of higher power but there is not a God that he prays to or a church that he attends. Just like me he focuses on bettering himself and does not look to any higher power for guidance. I let him have his beliefs and we moved onto another subject. This topic still sat with me for a while though.
The day I was talking to my parents I told them that right now in my life I am really starting to feel balanced and I am starting to really understand who I am as a person. I know more about where I stand on the issues. The reason I know these things now is because I feel them. I know I know that sounds weird but I explained it to my parents by telling them that when I make decisions I go by what the feeling inside of me is telling me. My decisions though are strictly right for me….they may not be the right decisions for everyone. In every part of my being I feel that people are born gay. One of my dearest friends in the world is a gay male and one day I asked him outright if he believes that he was born gay and his answer was, “Without a doubt!” He told me that he knew that this was not something that was a choice for him….there was nothing that influenced him to “become gay”. He said he knew from when he was very young that he was attracted to boys. With how cruel this world is, I don’t believe that anyone would really choose to be gay.
With this being MY blog I HAVE to be completely honest in how I feel. What I feel makes up who I am. The way I feel brings me to a natural state of being….a place of absolute truth and genuineness. I believe in gay marriage and gay adoption because I believe all people on this earth deserve to be treated equal. We have the Constitution and all of this laws and regulations that state that this country represents freedom and equality but in truth it really does not. This country is made up of people picking and choosing what we can believe and what we can practice. No matter what the majority always rules. My very dear friend that I mentioned above is one of the best people I have ever met in my 33 years of life. This man would give the shirt of his back to a random stranger if he felt that they were in need. He has a kindness and a sincerity that draws people to him. I have told him time and time again that I wish more people in the world could be like him. He is positive, hilarious, intelligent and caring. I adore him with everything in me and even though he is 8 years younger than me, I look up to him. I admire all of his qualities and his strengths and I strive to be like him because he (in my eyes) continues to grow and becomes more and more successful as a person each and every time I see him. With all of this being said, I am disgusted that he is unable to have the same opportunities for marriage and potentially children that I do. This is a man that (hands down) would treat his partner with respect and love until death did them part. He would put straight couples to shame because he understands what it means to love someone and to treat them right. He should not be stripped of the joy of marriage simply because he chooses a partner of the same gender. Not allowing 2 people that are deeply in love to get married or potentially adopt children is just IGNORANT.
I shy away from religion so much for a variety of reasons. I find religion to have so many barriers and so many rules and limitations. I, myself, am a person that will accept people no matter what their race, creed, gender, status or sexual orientation is. Of course I have judged people and I will do it again many times before I die but I have never hated someone based on who they are or believed someone should be stripped of the same rights and priveledges that I have simply because we are two “different” people. I find that many religions tend to do this. I once passed by a church a few months back on my way to my parents. On the sign outside it read :GAY MARRIAGE MAY BE LEGAL IN VERMONT BUT IT IS STILL ILLEGAL IN THE BIBLE! I had to turn around and pass by it again to make sure I read it right. My idea of the church while I was growing up was a place of safety and security. The church was supposed to be this place where ANYONE could go and be welcome and receive no judgment. In becoming an adult I have found this to be a complete fantasy. I know I am stepping on some toes with these words and I know not all churches are like this….but I am having a hard time getting this bad taste out of my mouth.
It saddens me that we live in this world that is so far from being equal. I have decided to practice meditation and become heavily involved in the human services field because I want to be a part of the solution and not part of the problem. I may be only one voice but I want my voice to represent equality and love and drive to make this world just a little bit kinder. I am not saying everyone has to love everyone or understand everyone…it comes down to acceptance. You may believe that homosexuality is a “sin” but in truth all of us are sinners in some way or another. If no one is being harmed then just accept people. If you encounter gay people and they are doing nothing to hurt you, offend you or harm you then why not accept them….maybe even potentially befriend them….why not go out of your comfort zone and pride yourself on accepting even more people into your life and hope that you AND them live a long life of happiness and goodness. To me, it is that simple. People are people….happiness is the goal for all. Ignorance is the problem that is not allowing this goal to become a reality.
Again, I must state that my words are never meant to offend. I speak solely from my own feelings and my thoughts. I do not believe religion to be a bad thing at all. I actually admire those for having faith in their beliefs. It is something that (at least at this time in my life) is just not the right fit. What I am trying to do here is just express to people as a whole that we are all the same…we are all people….we all have air in our lungs and thoughts in our heads. Our differences should not drive us apart, they should bring us together. If we allowed ourselves to jump into the melting pot then we would be able to learn and to understand so much more than we ever have. I love to think about people asking questions just to learn about who someone else is and where they come from. I am well known for me super duper inquisitive…the amount of questions I ask could even potentially annoy people. I will always respect people if it gets to that point but it will not change my curiosity and my desire to know more about the world around me and the paths that others have walked. I hope these words have made you think….think about who you are and what you represent as a person. I have when you think about who you are, you are able to see kindness, compassion and empathy because it is these things that have the potential to make the world an even more beautiful place.
I wanted to just add a little sidenote here at the end. I don’t know if any of you have ever watched Modern Family or not. If you have not, please check it out somehow (you can find it on www.hulu.com). There is a gay couple (Cameron and Mitchell) that adopt a baby from Vietnam. The way their story is portrayed is awesome because the focus is strongly on them being a gay couple but just generally being a couple. It shows their ups and downs and their comedic twists and how well they work as two people. Their relationship is so strong and when you watch it (at least for me) you tend to forget that they are a gay couple. Regardless of that, it is a super awesome show and everyone should watch every single episode :0)
Great post! I totally support your thoughts, and I hope by continuing the discussion, we will build tolerance and understanding.
Diane – Am not sure how I got on your list and I have to confess, I have not read most of your posts. For some reason, today I did and agree with you that gays should be allowed to marry and adopt children. I’m 70, an avowed heterosexual with a wife of 41+ years and two grown children. Like your father, I’m agnostic and only reference God to make other people more comfortable. And as it happened, at some point in my youth, the question “should I start chasing men or women” never entered my mind. It just happened that I responded sexually to women. But I have no doubt that for others, it happened differently and has done so for millenia. Visit my blog and website sometime. tonykendzior.com
It amazes me that Christians (or those that call themselves by that name) will hate on anyone. That was not Christ’s message. As Gandhi once said, “I like Christianity, but I don’t like Christians.” People have twisted the messge of the Bible and made something like “sanctuary” a thing of the past. Each person was made in the image of God (if you believe that way) so each person should be loved like you profess to love God. I hope that your opinion, your blog, and those around you will continue this conversation so that we can continue to build a foundation of understanding and love between everyone – no matter race, religion, sexual orientation or color. We are all human. We all deserve to be loved by everyone else.
I disagree with the premise of the argument as marriage now effects things like taxes and health insurance, so the whole idea that it’s a “religious institution” is flawed. Still, I see how we have to at least consider everyone’s beliefs. Maybe a compromise would be the government giving everyone (gay or straight) “Certificates of Union” or something and then churches can “marry” people (not that the government can force a church to marry anybody they don’t want to now, but I guess the terminology is important to some people).
I’ve pondered this question “off and on” for a very long time. And I’m sure my answer may only suit me. “If a person can find another in the world to love them back, and to treat them gentle and with respect. Why shouldn’t a child be able to share that same love and respect; whether the parents be of color (white, black, yellow, red, or interratial), (gay or lesbian), as long as there is a quality of life given and recieved. Who am I to say ….NO?
I don’t believe Gays should have the right to marriage, civil union fine be it. Marriage is between man and woman, it is a sin, yes, we are all sinners, I do believe in the bible, I don’t hate gays, but I don’t embrace what they believe in, dosen’t make me a hater.
Diane — Thanks for venting. Having been with my partner for the past 27-years and, with a son from my previous marriage (before I met my Partner), you’ve convinced me to write my primer on what scripture actually says in the original languages on the subject. Having been born and raised in the evangelical world, I spent several years of my Masters program headed for the ministry. I feel an obligation to share what I learned in my own walk. I have no flaming sword of justice on this (no pun intended), but I am so sick and tired of being marginalized for reasons that don’t live in fact. The challenge of coming from my Truth will be sharing (as Christ did) in a way that prompts many who carry his name to reconsider that perhaps, there is no gray area in the Golden Rule. Speaking of Ghandi he was another one who knew that, in the end, Evil (or honest lack of information) has never, ever, won a permanent victory. Stay tuned. Thanks for moving me into gear. Dan
everyone has rght to live there life as they want 🙂
Nice sign! I agree with what you wrote, too. I wish more people could see the issue like that. Too much of politics is spent trying to control what other people can and can’t do based on their personal beliefs.
You do yourself a dis-service by claiming that you are only stating “what you feel,” as your argument is clear, rational, and thoughtfully stated. I also happen to agree with you. 🙂
Love doesn’t belong to a particular religion, creed, method of government, or gender-orientation. It shouldn’t be regulated by any of the above, either, as long as it is between consenting adults who acknowledge the responsibilities and accept the consequences of a legal and emotional alliance.
BTW I adore your header image of the Labrador!
awesome post Diane! 🙂
For a woman that claims to be a Christian, I highly doubt you know what marriage vows are and consist of… I saw what you did to you husband last year.
Quite simply wow! This has to be your best post yet! You are an amazing person.
I am a heterosexual man married for 21years and, like you, have many gay friends. I am a Christian and would never seek to apply my views on another. I have no idea what God thinks of gay marriage and I frankly do not care, it is not my concern. All that is my concern is that I treat all people with respect and offer my friendship no matter who they are. I leave the judging to the judge! I have a friend who is gay and also a Christian and he is one the best people I know in this world, I strive to be more like him.
May your God bless you Dianne, for such a truly awesome view on life, You made my day a little brighter (it is grey pouring with rain outside!) with this post
Well you are going to make me cry with your kind words :0) Thank you so much for your response. I have a lot of love to give and never want it to have limitations :0) I hope you have a wonderful day!
Of course they should…. Having been exposed to countless numbers of people and families whos behavior shows they have no business reproducing or pair bonding until they pull their heads out of stupidville and become better humans, I’d say two mature, educated adults in love and ready to raise a kid are the least of the worlds problems.
It always amazes me when people argue against gay marriage based on:
1. Love because over 50% of heterosexual marriages end in divorce and domestic violence is so prevalent in our society.
2. Procreation because then the many marriages in which heterosexual couples cannot or chose not to have children should also be annulled.
3. God’s will because God created everyone in his image, and he created homosexual men and women so God must not have a problem with homosexuality.
It seems ridiculous that my partner and I cannot get married because I’m a transgender man (I was born female so the Australian government recognises me as female despite my living as a man). It means that I am a second-class citizen in my own country.
Besides, what ever happened to the separation of Church and State?
Even though my church, the United Methodst Church, does not support marriage except between one man and one woman, I do support civil unions between committed gay persons; and I very much support adoption by such couples. I also support adoption by single adults, as well. So many abandoned and abused and starving children in the world need good families.
You are such a beautiful person. I have great respect for you because you live a life of balance. YOu love your church but you also respect the views of other. People like you are what give me hope everyday:)
Diane — If you’ll remember, your post prompted me to move and develop a blog topic of ‘what the bible says…”? It’s done. I posted last night. Would very much like to hear your feedback once you have a spare moment or two (ha!) to digest my thoughts on the subject. Thanks again for your role as a jump-starter. Not many people have done that for me recently. Rock on. I remain glad you’re on the Planet. Dan
I will absoutely check it out Dan :0) Thank you so much for the compliment….that has completely warmed my heart. You are so very kind :0)
Hi Dan, I just wanted to let you know that I bookmarked your blog and I plan to start reading it this evening after work. I was planning on starting over this weekend but I cannot fib…laziness got the best of me :0) I am really looking forward to reading your thoughts :0)
Thanks Diane. While the essay is a little longer than most my offerings, there was a lot to cover…especially when it got to talking about actual translations and context of useage. Enough for now. Response has been really gratifying. But you gave me the idea, so hearing your thoughts is of particular interest to me. Later. Peace out. Dan
Wow Diane your Blog kicks ass, better than some others multiple habitual bloggers that I have seen. You know the one people who start blogs for a day or so and forget about them. I know of one person in particular that is like that.
Thanks for the good work,