It's a New Day…

Day 159 Question 159:

What do you want to say to all of your readers?

Today is an amazingly beautiful day!  I don’t want anyone to waste it inside (hopefully it is beautiful for most of my readers).  Take this time to be with your friends and your family and enjoy nature.  I wanted to make this brief so you would have less of a reason to be stuck behind a computer screen.  I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for your opinions, your kind words and your support.  It is such a beautiful thing that NEVER is taken for granted.  Have the most beautiful Saturday!!!

Day 158 Question 158:

As a society, how do we reduce the amount of bullying the seems to be occurring more and more often?

A recent news story caught my attention and in mere moments I had a wide array of emotions rushing through my body.  I am going to attach the 2 videos that have streamed across the Internet for those of you that have not heard about this story or seen the videos.  The first video (in my opinion) is hard to watch.  This video shows a 68 year old woman being verbally abused on a school bus by middle school aged kids.  I was absolutely appalled and all that kept flashing through my mind was my mother.  What if that was my mother sitting there having young kids call her atrocious names and bully her while she sat there doing her job as a bus monitor.  This video disgraced me in all forms of the word and sadly I would be willing to bet that these kids will get a slap on the hand.  Their mothers and fathers will defend them up and down because we have grown to become a nation of entitlement and placing the blame on others.  I do not have children and I am VERY unsure if I want them but if I did or do, I would NEVER allow that type of behavior to occur.  I am not saying that we need to raise our children military style but I am beginning to feel that all rules and regulations and teaching of common respect have gone out the window.  If that was my child (any of them taking part in this bullying), he/she would be yanked out of school that day and would be home-schooled for at least 1 year and in his/her free time, he/she would be volunteering at nursing homes and in the community and a public apology would occur immediately.  Bullying of that form (in any form for that matter) should NEVER occur and the thought of a child bullying an adult like that makes me absolutely sick.  Is respect becoming a thing of the past?  Are kids being coddled and spoiled so much that they believe it is ok to treat another person like that?  Honestly, I am so sick of reading stories about bullying.  Who is teaching these kids that they are better than anyone and that treating people as if they were garbage is ok?  Who is teaching these kids that the world owes them a favor?  Why are schools continually failing us by not taking proper disciplinary actions in cases such as this?  Is it due to laziness?  Is it due to too much paperwork?  Is it due to politics?  If we continue with that sort of mentality, I fear what this country is going to be like in 10 more years.

I am the type of person that tries to put a positive spin on everything if at all possible but I am also human and sometimes I get angry.  This story made me absolutely livid.  I do not blame all kids.  There are massive amounts of great kids out there that are role models and leaders but there are FAR TOO MANY that are growing up to be selfish brats.  Sorry to say it but it is true.  I am a nanny currently and I have so much respect for the people I work for.  They love their children so very much but they also show them limits.  They do not allow their children to run their households.  They would NEVER allow their children (when they get older) to talk to adults with such disrespect.  They are the type of parents that play the roles that parents are meant to play…the authoritarian figure that guides them through life.  Prior to this job, I had different jobs where it was the complete opposite.  I watched parents give into every single one of their child’s temper tantrums and meltdowns.  I watched parents cram candy in their mouths just so they wouldn’t bother them anymore.  I watched parents (over and over again) blame the teacher (for whatever it might be that day).  Oh no, their kid could not have possibly done any wrong.  I watched parents display despicable behavior right in front of their children.  I cannot wrap my brain around how a parent could do any of these things.  I am not a parent but I know how I function as a human being.  If I were to become pregnant, I would become a changed person.  From that day on, life would no longer be about me.  My job would be to protect and do what is best for my child/children.  It is inevitable that all parents will make mistakes but there are certain things (in my opinion) that are common sense.  At a young age I would start teaching my children respect and about what it means to be compassionate and empathetic.  I would enforce rules and teach them about giving back.  I understand that sometimes it is necessary to go into survival mode when a child is absolutely freaking out but how have we gotten to the point of our children getting on a bus and harassing a grown woman?  Why are we constantly competing to be better than everyone else?  Remember, if you are reading this, I am NOT speaking for all parents and for all kids…I am merely voicing my opinion on an issue that is becoming a bigger and bigger problem as time passes.  Is this becoming a bigger problem because of the technology boom?  Is this becoming a bigger problem because in most households both parents are working?  I really wish I had these answers and I wish I had a solution.  The solution comes individually though….the solution comes only through all of our choices.  This videos show that there are some people out there that had made some REALLY POOR CHOICES (both children and parents).  I couldn’t even watch a majority of the video because I started to have that sinking feeling in my chest and I couldn’t help but think, “What if that was my mother?  What would I do?”

Honestly, I don’t have any answer to the question posed above.  It simply comes down to the choices that people make and if parents do not step up to the plate (as well as communities and schools-because I strongly feel that it takes a village to raise a child) then we will never see any improvement when it comes to this issue.  In fact, we will see the statistics of these incidents shoot through the roof.  I am not a parents (and these are just my thoughts and opinions) but we need to love and guide our children but we need to stop allowing them to control the household and the classroom (or anywhere else for that matter).  We need to teach them about respect and common decency and we need to teach them to see the world outside of themselves….we ALL need to stop being selfish.  What changed my life is the realization that everyone else in this world has walked a different path.  I have no idea how anyone else really feels or where they have come from.  It is unfair for me to just assume and make blind judgments.  Just this morning I went to get coffee at my usual gas station and there was a couple sitting outside with a sign that said: TRYING TO GET HOME AND VERY HUNGRY!  They could have been drug addicts (who knows) but in that moment I got out of my car and handed them $5.  While handing it to them I said, “When you make it back home you need to do something for me.  I want you to do a good deed for someone else.”  I think they were both shocked at my gesture and they smiled really big.  They told me more than once that they definitely would.  Whether or not they would or whether or not they spent the money on booze of drugs, I will never know…it was a kind gesture in a moment that I felt drawn to do.  I felt drawn to do it because I thought, “What if that was someone I knew?  What if that was me?”  We can never know where someone truly comes from so being compassionate and empathetic (in my opinion) is the best path to take because anger and disrespect and violence will never solve anything.

Day 157 Question 157:

Why are so many women obsessed with dieting/weight?

Dieting is one of those subjects I know far too much about.  If there is a diet out there…I have tried it out.  I was always looking for a quick fix and had this inner desire to be thin. Why did I want to be thin though?  There is a big difference between being thin and being healthy.  For the majority of my life (and it still lingers within) I have been obsessed with my weight.  I know so many women that are obsessed with their weight…probably more that are obsessed than are not.  Why is that?  Why are so many women hung up on what their bodies look like?

I truly believe that the media has molded us since we were very little girls to believe that being thin equates to being beautiful.  I believe we have been taught since a very young age that men are not going to want to date or marry us if we are overweight…men desire a thin woman.  I can guarantee that this lesson was taught to every young girl out there at some time by someone during their early years.  I am not saying that these are things that EVERYONE believes but they are ideals that have been passed along throughout the years.  The media bombards us with reality television and if you were to take a look at these shows…not one person is overweight.  That is not the real world at all.  I mean come on…the United States has an obesity problem.  The media paints a picture that is not at all reality.

I speak a lot on this subject because I feel it is SUCH an important one.  Dealing with weight and body issues can lead to some very major issues in a young girl’s life.  A young girl’s perception of self and perception of what real beauty is can become very warped.  This can lead to physical harm as well as emotional deterioration.  It really can be an ugly process.  Have we become such a money hungry society that we no longer care what we are teaching to our young girls and women?

Adele is one of the most talented vocal artists of this time.  She is absolutely BEAUTIFUL in all forms of the word.  She has been told over and over again how her weight will hold her back and how she would be so much prettier if she just lost weight.  This is a woman that has won countless grammys and has a talent which others could only dream of and in the eyes of some she is still not good enough because she is not thin or doesn’t have the athletic body type.  Is there really a question of why young girls start dreading the way their bodies look at such a young age and become obsessed with dieting.  When I taught Teen Outreach Program classes, I had a separate meeting with all of the girls.  These young girls were all 12 and 13 years old.  I asked them what the biggest issues in their lives were at this current time.  I was floored to hear the number of answers regarding their weight and their body issues.  Some of these young girls had been picked on and called names because they carried a little bit of extra weight.  One girl even admitted that her mother was constantly degrading her for being a “porker”.  These girls were 12 and 13.  They have the whole world at their fingertips and they were worried about their weight and what their bodies looked like.  It broke my heart but I was able to relate.  I had been in their shoes for as long as I can remember.

As I have stated in previous posts, I believe people should take responsibility for themselves.  I believe in focusing on a healthy lifestyle.  It is not rocket science to know that being overweight is not beneficial but it does not mean that someone needs to be degraded and belittled.  People are overweight for various reasons and it is a battle to get the weight off and learn a healthy lifestyle…especially if you were not taught one at an early age.  This is where I believe the media has failed us.  Yes, it is easy for me to blame and point fingers but it disgusts me that these media companies are so obsessed with making more and more and more money that they allow young girls, young women and even boys and men to be brainwashed.  They don’t promote healthy.  They promote what is selling at the moment and unfortunately what seems to always be selling is sex, diet drugs and skimpy clothes.  All of those things revolve around the human body and as a young girl that struggled day in and day out with my body image and weight issues, I felt so alone and so defeated because I was never going to have the body to wear those kind of clothes or meet a man that would want to have a relationship with me.  The media brainwashed me to believe that what is on the outside is the most important….and it took me over 30 years and a lot of counseling and bumpy roads to finally get my head on straight to realize how very wrong that way of thinking is.

I wanted to include an article that I read that actually brought me to tears.  I love my life now.  I don’t LOVE my body but I am accepting of it and I embrace me now for who I am and not what I look like.  I understand what beauty really is now.  I am brought to tears from time to time by thinking about the person that I was and how broken I felt because I never felt good enough about myself.  I felt that the only way to get ahead in life was to be thin and because I was not I was always going to be alone.  There was so much I didn’t understand.  The idea of any young girl, woman or man feeling the same way saddens me.  I hate that this is something that has become such a focus of today’s society.  Anyhoooooooo, here is the article:

Dangerous Obsession

September 10,

By SANDY NAIMAN

Toronto Sun

For too many young girls today, you are what you don’t eat. A new Canadian study of 1,739 Ontario girls between the ages of 12 and 18 published last week in The Canadian Medical Association Journal confirms an alarming trend — 27% have “disordered eating attitudes and behaviours,” such as bingeing, self-induced vomiting and abuse of diet pills.

Consumed by their own body-consciousness, inescapable in our western “culture of thinness,” many adolescent girls won’t get into bathing suits, swim or even eat in front of boys, one 14-year-old explained recently.

“None of my friends do — you just don’t,” she says. “I don’t know why, but it’s just not done.”

This body dissatisfaction is becoming increasingly prevalent, almost a norm, in adolescence. Young women, more than men, too often grow up with a skewed self-image, a fun-house mirrored gaze, a constant sense of being observed. This picture is often mentally manipulated, just as the omnipresent idealized images of ultra-thin women in today’s media are often electronically manipulated.

“If you look at civilized society, we’ve always idealized physical beauty,” explains University of Vermont psychologist James Rosen, who has surveyed 3,000 adolescents about their bodies and eating habits.

This increase in body dissatisfaction among young women is fuelled by our cultural emphasis on physical appearance, fitness and, most of all, a lean body shape. Cosmetic surgery, on the rise in adolescents, is further evidence of this trend.

“Body dissatisfaction is a common experience today,” he notes. “Women often catalogue their body parts and focus on what they like and don’t like.”

“I like some aspects of my body, but I think I’m fat,” says Dana Lyons, 17, a Toronto OAC student, who is 5-foot-7 and weighs 119 lbs. “I don’t think my stomach is skinny enough, or my thighs,” she says. “And my feet are gross. But I like my wrists and arms because they’re skinny.”

Lyons (not her real name) wears a size 2 and admits, “I’m self-conscious about my body, frequently, but not all the time. It depends on the day.” “We all grow up looking at other women’s bodies,” says Joan Crisler, a psychologist at Connecticut College in New London.

“Women have always been on display — in museums, where there are far more studies of female bodies undressed, and in movies, where there are constantly more naked women than men.”

‘PERCEPTUAL PROBLEM’

Young girls, growing up faster than ever before, are picking up on this ubiquitous trend to thinness.

“It’s a perceptual problem, striving to reach an ideal,” says Crisler. “The whole point of an ideal is that you never get there. If too many people approximate that ideal, it will change.

“We start to think about ourselves as others see us, rather than how we experience ourselves,” she says. “No wonder women lose their voices in adolescence. They’re so focused on the outer, they’re afraid to express the inner.”

Weaned on Sesame Street and reading Seventeen from the ages of 10 or 11, adolescent girls “are tuned into the subliminal and superliminal messages of the media (which is) everywhere today,” says Michael Levine, a psychologist and media activist with a 15-year-old daughter at Kenyon College in Ohio.

Here are the “in-your-face” messages they absorb: Beauty is a woman’s principal project in life. Slenderness is crucial for success and goodness. Image is really substance. Women are naturally self-conscious and anxious about, and bound up with, their bodies. Fat is a transparent sign of personal responsibility for weakness, failure and helplessness.

A willing and winning woman can transform and renew herself through the technology of fashion, dieting and rigorous exercise.

“They tend to set up a conditioning that facilitates negative body imaging and a strange relationship with one’s body,” Levine states. “If you want a recipe for the loss of who you are as a person, focus on boys, mirrors, size and scales.”

Linda Smolak, a psychology professor specializing in media literacy at Kenyon College, explains that young people don’t fully understand how manipulative the media is. “Once they do, you get them angry. Then the media are only part of the problem. Activating them is another.”

Smolak encourages girls to write letters to companies about unrealistic images, and though it’s not clear whether this helps their body image, it makes them feel less helpless.

“Though it doesn’t help them give up dieting,” she admits, “these campaigns can help change advertising.”

Imagine how young Canadian girls will feel watching Global TV’s new Survivor-style series Search For The Supermodel, aimed specifically at a diminishing teenage viewership, says Loren Mawhinney, Global’s VP of Canadian production.

“The concept has proven itself (with last season’s enormously popular Popstars and a successful Australian pilot of Supermodel) and we’re picking up on a commercial trend because it’s our job to generate audience,” says Mawhinney, who has a 12-year-old daughter.

We’re not choosing a supermodel, we’re following the Ford Model Agency process in choosing a supermodel, getting to know a group of 16- to 21-year-old gawky girls in heels.”

When Global launched its new prime-time line-up in June, Mawhinney said, “The appeal of the show is in the backstage gossip, the in-fighting that goes on behind the scenes. There are heroes and anti-heroes, like in Survivor.”

In a Toronto Sun interview, she added, “We’ll hate this one and root for that one. It will be an eight-part docu-soap about the making of a model. It’s not about body image.”

ALL ABOUT IMAGE

But unlike Popstars, which demanded a certain degree of talent from its competitors, isn’t Supermodel all about image?

Michael Geddes, Supermodel and Popstars producer, is convinced the show will “debunk the mythology around modelling and be entertaining and enlightening.

“If issues of body image or anorexia come up, I’m sure the Ford Agency will deal with it,” he says. “It’s about dreams coming true, not a runway show. It will travel home with these girls. But we don’t know how it will unfold. It’s a reality show … edited reality.”

People forget there are many ways to see the same program, says Kristen Harrison, a communications professor at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor where she specializes in body image, media and adolescents. “What’s gripping, reality-based TV entertainment for adults may have a different impact on younger audiences. We have evidence that by virtue of a person being on TV, they’re automatically idealized,” she says. “There’s absolutely no doubt and there’s lots of evidence to support the fact that exposure to ideal body images has negative effects on adolescent girls’ satisfaction with their own bodies and their emotions.”

Furthermore, most adolescent girls and college women don’t realize that photos of models in magazines are touched up and that their bodies are modified, says University of South Florida psychologist J. Kevin Thompson, a specialist in body image, media influences and risk factors.

“They compare their appearance and suffer because it’s not a valid comparison,” he says. “Only one in 200 women look like the average-size model, and the average size is an anorexic size at 5-foot-9 or 5-foot-10 and 105 or 110 lb.”

This obsession with body image starts very early with media advertising, he says. “It’s conceived to make people feel so unhappy, they’ll go out and buy cosmetics, clothes, diet plans and foods.

If we were happy with the way we looked, we wouldn’t have the angst to drive us to spend all this money.”

‘I DON’T LIKE MY … ‘ Body-conscious girls become body-conscious women.

“There isn’t a woman in the world who’s 100% happy with the way she looks,” says graphic designer Elayne Freeman, 50.

Petite (barely 5 feet), she recently curtailed her carbohydrate consumption to lose a few unwanted pounds.

“We’re so hypercritical. I don’t dislike my body and I would be happier if I was three or four inches taller, but I can’t control that and I’ve reconciled myself to it. “I do care about the way I feel. When I’m in good shape, it’s integral to the way I feel, so I run regularly — for head-control, not weight-control. Mind and body go together.”

Adolescents aren’t emotionally equipped to cast such mature perspectives on their perceived physical imperfections. Instead, they resort to unhealthy eating behaviours.

“There are three main causes of this widespread normal body dissatisfaction — parents, peers and media,” says psychologist J. Kevin Thompson. “Young women internalize pressures from all three groups, though until the age of 15, parents are more influential.”

Christine Bruce, 47, a Toronto actress and mother of two teenage girls, has always been thin, yet she admits she isn’t happy with her appearance.

“I don’t like my face,” she says. “Even if you don’t have a weight problem, you pick something else, but I try hard to be a good role model for my daughters and to deal with body-image problems openly with them, when they come up.”

If parents have their own body-image issues, “don’t obsess in front of the kids,” stresses Thompson. He has found that a mother’s level of food restriction and diet is related directly to her five-year-old daughter’s level of dieting.

CHANGING A VICIOUS CYCLE

“From an early age, girls are encouraged to view themselves as works in progress, something to be perfected — and that work will never be finished,” says Ann Kerr, program director of Toronto’s Sheena’s Place, a support centre for people affected by eating disorders.

Body dissatisfaction is a vicious cycle, but you can change it. “The more you think you look repulsive, the more you create that reality because of your attitude and expressions,” says psychologist James Rosen. “It takes mental concentration, but if you focus on the positives in your personality and practise mental control, it works.”

Here are a few ways to begin feeling better about yourself:

1. Don’t bad-mouth your body or catalogue your body parts or call them nasty names. It ruins your self-esteem. Instead of insulting yourself with phrases like “fat and ugly,” be a little more forgiving. Use words like “smooth, soft, athletic, curvaceous.” 2. Put your appearance in perspective. It’s one thing to find something wrong with your looks, but quite another to find something wrong with yourself because of your appearance. Focus on the positives. Give more air time to your attributes — your intelligence, personality, sense of humour, creativity and professional accomplishments.

3. Face a scary body image situation head on. Wear a bathing suit or shorts around the house and get used to the way you look in it.

“Women of all ages are victimizing themselves,” says Rosen. “They’re exaggerating the beauty of thinness. They may think that men are driving women to lose weight and become sex objects when, the fact is, men prefer a more fleshy, female physique.”

Day 156 Question 156:

If you were to write a letter to your parent(s) TODAY what would you say to them?

I chose this question because last night I watched a documentary called Being Elmo.  It was this amazing story of one man’s journey into the world of puppeteering.  This man fell in love with the work of Jim Henson and he fell in love with Sesame Street and The Muppets.  The entire documentary was so heart-warming because as a viewer I was able to see someone with such great passion that had the encouragement every step of the way from his parents.  His parents saw this gift that he had and instead of telling him not to “play with dolls” that pushed him to follow his passion and use his gift.  It was truly touching.  It made me start to think about my parents and all of the things I would like to say to them.  I decided to do a letter form in hopes that one day I will print it out and give them both a copy (when the time is right).  So here it goes:

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am not exactly sure where to start.  So much time has passed and we are all getting older.  I remember so many memories of my childhood like it was yesterday.  I feel so lucky to have had the childhood that I did…and that is all thanks to you.  You both showed me what wonder and curiosity was all about.  The amount of things that you have taught me is limitless.

Throughout the years I have rebelled and tested the limits way too much.  I have acted out in anger and I have treated you with such disrespect and it makes me cringe and it saddens me down to my core to think I could have ever done that.  You gave me life and you have done nothing but tried to protect me and guide me.  I know the past is the past but an apology for any and all of my ugly behaviors is long overdue…I hope you are able to accept it.

When I look at my life and the person I have become I see so much of the both of you in me.  I guess I wasn’t switched at birth like I have always thought (wink wink).  I have this extremely sensitive side and this urge to just love and want happiness for others.  I get that from you mom.  People are able to fall in love with you after only moments of meeting you.  You are easy to be around because the love and the silliness and the kindness just shines from you.  I have a part of this in me but I am unable to have it with the same ease that you do…maybe one day.  I, also have in me quite a fire.  I definitely get this from you dad.  You may be quiet and shy to some but deep down you have a greater passion than most people.  We may not always be on the same side when it comes to politics or our points of view but we both are extremely passionate about what we believe in.  Although our opinions may differ, it was you that taught me to stand up for what I believe in.  It was you that taught me to learn about the world and do things for others.  It was you that taught me to see life outside of just myself.  This has been my favorite part of the journey so far.

I wanted to write this letter to say one million plus thank you’s for everything you have done for me.  Thank you for allowing me to become the person that I have and encouraging me every step of the way.  Thank you for setting rules and boundaries even though I constantly fought them.  Thank you for being kind, loving and generous parents and teaching me to not take what I have for granted.  Thank you for teaching me humility, compassion and empathy.  Thank you for not letting me be an only child (hahahaha).  Thank you for teaching me that love comes in many forms and it is something that should never be taken for granted.  Thank you for being patient with me when I was never patient with myself or with anyone for that matter.  Thank you for lifting me up when I fell and didn’t think I would be able to get back up.  Thank you for challenging me and not always giving me the simple solution.  Thank you for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself.  Thank you for showing me the real meaning of beauty.

I could go on for pages and for days thanking you both for everything you have ever done for me and shown me throughout this wonderful life.  Not every moment has been beautiful but every moment has been an experience I have learned and grown from.  I have you, the two people that gave me life, to thank for that.  The people in your lives are so lucky (and yes I guess I am completely biased) because you are both such genuine and kind people.  You don’t see the superficial things in life or strive for material possessions…you seek out relationships.  That is such a beautiful and rare thing to find in people nowadays.  Because of this I have focused so much more on relationships and so much less on materials (even though dad might say my closet tells another story-wink wink).  In life I want to build relationships and I want to learn about humanity.  I want to hear about the journeys of others.

I should probably stop here or this will end up being the longest letter in all of time.  The main thing I wanted to tell you both is how much I love you and how truly lucky I have felt over all of these years to have you as parents.  I am not always able to express myself in vocal word because I just can’t seem to get the words out.  I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you how I feel and to say thank you for guiding me throughout life, supporting my choices and showing me what happiness is.  You are the two most important people in my life and I am so blessed and I love you more than I can even express in words.

Your Daughter,

Diane

Day 155 Question 155:

Should the government have a say in our diets?

It should not come as a shock to you that I think the government is WAY too involved in the lives of the American people.  It has become quite ridiculous.  I feel like we are becoming a nation being watched by Big Brother (if you don’t understand the reference I recommend reading 1984 by George Orwell).  I do not believe that the government could have a say/control our diets BUT I do believe the American people have become out of control when it comes to diet and exercise…and not in a good way.  What I do believe the government should do is educate the people and encourage the people to live a healthier lifestyle….but they should not control the people.  I believe that once a person is controlled than the result is going to be rebelling.

The news is constantly showing stories about obesity become an epidemic in this country.  I can relate to this subject very closely.  I have struggled with my weight my entire life and it took me 31 years to finally get my act together (and it is still a process).  I am the lowest weight I have been in a long time and I am still working on getting the rest of the weight off.  It is a hard road to be on but with determination I know I can do it.  I had to educate myself and I needed to push myself…I really didn’t have anyone there to guide me.  Unfortunately mean and insulting comments also gave me that push.  No one should have to endure comments like some of the one’s I received…and I am sure many other boys, girls, men and women have.  These comments pushed me to change my lifestyle….some other people end up falling in the opposite direction.

We live in a time where technology is everywhere.  We see that obesity is becoming a HUGE problem but very little is being done about it.  I truly believe that schools (starting in kindergarten and continuing every single year) need to implement lessons on the importance of healthy eating and exercise…and teach kids that there are options out there.   By options I mean healthy foods other than lettuce and just vegetables and exercises besides just running and push-ups.  Kids are losing motivation because (us) adults are allowing that to happen.  Nutrition and healthy habits need to start in the home (like most things do) but it takes an IMMENSE amount of dedication and with the hustle and bustle of everyday lives, people don’t want to take the time.  I do not have children but I know with every ounce of my being that I would not want them to have to go through the same physical and mental struggles that I did because of being overweight.  I would start them at the beginning of their lives learning the importance of health…in all aspects.

I wanted to share an article I found about the mayor of Oklahoma City.  Don’t get your panties in a bunch over the title…he doesn’t actually put the entire city on a diet by law.  He instead gives them all a challenge that they can choose to accept or decline.

Oklahoma City mayor puts city on a diet

No more fried steak? Citizens challenged to lose 1 million pounds in 2008

OKLAHOMA CITY — With a button-popping spread of cornbread, sausage and gravy, chicken fried steak and pecan pie designated as Oklahoma’s official state meal, it’s no surprise that Oklahoma City’s mayor wants to put the city on a diet.

Mick Cornett has challenged the city to shed 1 million pounds as its New Year’s resolution.

Prompted in part by his own struggle to lose weight, Cornett wants to end Oklahoma City’s dubious distinction as one of America’s fattest cities.

“The message of this obesity initiative is that we’ve got to watch what we eat,” Cornett said Thursday. “Exercise is part of it and the city is trying to change into a city that is less sprawling, has more density and is more pedestrian friendly, but you’re not really going to take on obesity unless you acknowledge that we eat too much and don’t eat the right foods.”

As part of the initiative, residents can sign up and track their weight loss on a new Web site, http://www.thiscityisgoingonadiet.com. More than 2,600 people had registered by Thursday. They’ve lost more than 300 pounds.

Besides a body mass index calculator, the site includes recipes and links to metro-area fitness centers. Plans call for expanding the site to include the opportunity to blog and network with other participants, Cornett said.

“It’s always easier if you’re doing something hard if you have other people to do it with,” he said.

Advertise | AdChoices

The mayor timed the start of the weight-loss program to the beginning of the new year, when many people begin exercise programs after holiday feasts.

Oklahoma City ranked 15th in a 2007 survey of America’s fattest cities conducted by Men’s Fitness magazine. The survey examined lifestyle factors in each city, including fast-food restaurants per capita and availability of city parks, gyms and bike paths.

“I can’t tell you exactly where you rank in our 2008 survey, but I can tell you that Oklahoma City is in the top 10,” magazine spokeswoman Jennifer Krosche said. “That’s not good.”

‘We’re spectators’

The Oklahoma Legislature designated an official state meal in 1988. The menu also includes fried okra, squash, barbecue pork, biscuits, grits, corn, strawberries and black-eyed peas.

Cornett, 49, stands about 5-foot-10 and weighs 183 pounds. He began a personal fitness initiative eight months ago when he weighed 217 pounds.

“I would like to get down to 175, so I’ve made a goal to lose 8 pounds over 8 weeks,” he said.

Carrie Snyder-Renfro, a 44-year-old teacher working out at a fitness center Thursday, said she made a resolution last month to eat healthier and exercise. While she was unaware of the mayor’s Web site, she said she would consider signing up.

“Last year I dieted and lost about 10 pounds a month for three months, but I left out a key component,” she said, huffing and puffing on an elliptical machine. “I didn’t exercise regularly. I ended up losing muscle mass instead of fat, and I ended up gaining almost all of it back.

“Now I’m making it more of a priority to put everything in balance. I have to get the eye of the tiger back.”

Cornett wants to make exercise more attractive to residents by increasing the number of bike trails and sidewalks in the sprawling city, where public transportation is minimal, most people are wedded to their cars and outdoor activities for some might be limited to watching a football game.

“In Colorado, you ski, you climb, you run … something,” said Karen Massey, community nutrition coordinator at Integris Baptist Medical Center. “In Oklahoma, we’re either involved in competitive sports or we do nothing. We’re spectators.”

No, I do not believe the government should control of regulate what we eat and how we live our lives.  We do not need our hands held for every little thing we do.  I have faith in the human population and believe we have enough competent adults in this world that can make smart decisions.  Just because you have been overweight or are overweight does not mean that change is impossible.  The government should encourage and challenge but never control.  Schools should INSIST on teaching kids at a very young age the importance of a healthy diet and exercise.  Again, not control but encouragement.  We would see a huge decline in medical care costs as well as tax payers money being spent on various treatments that come the end of the day would not be necessary if someone practiced a healthy lifestyle.  By no means am I preaching because for a very long time I was obese (I hate that word but it is the truth and I can’t hide behind a lie).   Because of this obesity I was on the verge of being diabetic and I had mildly high cholesterol.  Along with these health concerns, my emotional state was complete chaos.  I dreaded putting on any clothes or even looking at myself in the mirror.  I was mad at myself for allowing myself to get to the weight that I had.  I didn’t give up though.  I charged forward and decided to take control.  I dedicated time to reading health articles and healthy dieting.  I wanted a lifestyle change…not a quick fix.  I have now maintained my weight (well actually I am still losing weight) for the last 2 years and my physical and mental state of being is better than it has ever been.  I would encourage ANYONE to start a new healthy lifestyle today….start educating yourself and start practicing different healthy techniques one by one.  Find your niche in the fitness world and create delicious menus that are not overwhelmed with fat grams and calories.  Trust me…if I can do it then anyone can do it…and I would help anyone I possibly could throughout the journey.  :0)

Day 154 Question 154:

Is child behavior better or worse than it was years ago?

I found a website filled with controversial topics…you know I love to push the envelope if I can. ;0)  This was one topic that stood out to me.  A lot of people have mentioned to me that I really don’t have any say on the topic because I am not a parent but I would highly disagree.  I have been a full time nanny for over 2 years now and prior to that I worked in the Early Childhood Development field.  I have had excessive training and I have been around and worked with children for as long as I can remember.  I have been very significant part of a lot of children’s lives…regardless of whether or not I gave birth to them.

I expect to get backlash after I post this entry.  My answer to the question is yes.  I do believe that child behavior is worse than it was years ago.  I DO NOT speak for all children but I do speak for a lot (in my experiences).  I work at a restaurant as many of you know and there is nothing more that grinds my nerves than parents allowing their children to run around like wild monkeys.  The restaurant that I work at is not considered “high-class” but it is still a nice restaurant.  I have seen parents sitting with their children blatantly ignoring them as they throw food all over the floor.  One child was even throwing food onto the (occupied) table behind them and the parents just kept on with their conversation.  Not only is that rude but it is just plain ignorant.

Again, I am not speaking for all children and all parents, but I do believe that a majority of behavioral issues that are occurring more and more with children these days is due to a lack of parenting.  We have become a society that is overwhelmed with every form of technology imaginable.  Many parents are allowing the television or computer raise their child/children.  About 2 years ago I worked with a group of 7^th and 8^th graders and I was shocked at the way that these kids talked to adults.  I would stand in front of them and they would continue their conversations with each other as if I didn’t exist.  It was nothing but pure disrespect.  As I stood in front of them I remember (more than once) thinking about how my mother would have my ass if I EVER treated any adult the way these kids were treating me.  I, hands down, believe that a class needs to be implemented in ALL schools that focuses on respect and humility (respect for adults and well as respect for fellow peers).  There are so many things to blame for the way that children are acting these days (AGAIN, not all children).

I have seen parents try to be friends with their children and in my opinion that is the worst thing a parent could do (especially at a young age).  When a parent befriends their child, all authority on their behalf is lost.  Parents are not meant to be friends.  They can be kind and have a great time with their children but they should not be their friend.  They have and will continue to have enough friends throughout their lives.  I know parenting can be extremely difficult (yes, I know this even though I am not a parent).  I believe times are extremely different because we are living in a society where in most households both parents have to work in order to make ends meet.  Due to this fact, children are spending less and less time with their parents.  I am not pointing fingers and calling anyone out as being a bad parent because of this…I understand that nowadays it is necessary.  I just believe this can sometimes cause behavioral issues for a child (dependent on their circumstance).

I could be very blunt in this entry but I believe in respecting people.  I love children so much.  I love to see the curiosity in their eyes and watch them grow and learn.  I love how innocent they are.  I detest to watch a child disrespect a parent/adult (hitting them or talking back).  Those things are learned behaviors and I think ALL adults have a responsibility to act as role models when children are around.  I used to teach a Life Skills class and my students were all older (17-30).  These were all women that were studying to take the GED exam and each one of them had a child/children.  There was one mother in particular that I had a great issue with.  I was discussing with them how their children are like sponges and they will repeat everything you say and do.  I was telling them how their behaviors are going to be dependent on the parents behaviors.  I asked the class one day if any of them swore in front of their children.  A few of the girls hung their heads in shame and admitted that they had and knew that it was wrong.  This one girl said, “I don’t swear in front of my children. I swear at my children.”  I stood there in absolute disgust as she sat there as proud as could be.  The next day I was in the child development room where her 3 year old son was and after dropping some books on the floor he yelled out, “GODAMMIT”.  His mother laughed.  She thought her son swearing in front of adults and other children was funny.  I told her outright that she disgusted me and that she was in for a world of problems because if she kept up with that behavior that her son would be in the principal’s office all of the time.  This was a woman that had no business being a mother and it broke my heart knowing how her children were going to be raised.  I tried for a very long time to work with her and to teach her effective parenting methods and life skills but she just didn’t care.  Her wants and needs came first and she was not going to change her behaviors on account of her children.  It absolutely broke my heart.

I know that some people choose not to have children (I don’t think I want any of my own) and a lot of people believe that they have no obligation to act in any certain way when children are around.  In my opinion, it is just common respect and common sense to refrain from doing foolish things (drinking in excess or cussing).  My former roommate was dating this guy and he had a birthday party (pool party).  There were a ton of people there…many young children included.  Majority of the guys got shit-faced and decided to climb up on the roof and jump into the pool.  What kind of example are they setting for all of the children?  When those children decide to pull the same stunt and one of them ends up in the hospital, are they going to take the blame for modeling those behaviors?  I know I have no right to tell someone how to raise their children but there are things (in my opinion) that are just common sense.

Day 153 Question 153:

Who are the most important people in your life?

I decided that today I wanted to dedicate this entry to the people in my love that I love the most…especially to my father.  Today is Father’s Day and I am truly lucky to have the father that I do.  I wanted to share pictures of the two of us along with the other people in my life that have made me who I am.  :0)

Day 152 Question 152:

What was the last experience that made you a stronger person?

Experiences form who we are.  I have so much in my past that has gotten me to the place I am right now at this very moment.  So what is the last experience that proved my strength???  My last “relationship” changed me completely.  I dated a guy from August to October and in that short period of time I fell hard for him.  Our conversations were never boring and I felt more comfortable with him than I had felt with anyone in a very long time.  I had confused wants with needs.  I won’t say the time was wasted…it was a learning experience.  I had repeated the same mistake of falling for someone emotionally unavailable that was never going to be able to give me what I needed…he was never going to love me in a way I believe I deserved to be loved.  I was constantly having this battle between my heart and my head and deep down I knew that him and I would not work but I stuck with it…maybe because I had been alone (well single) for so long and I got the itch of getting older and thinking I needed a man in my life.

When all was said and done with this “situation” I felt broken but after days (ok maybe weeks) of tears and self-questioning, I decided my life needed a HUGE change.  I needed a HUGE change.  I picked myself up off of the floor and with determination I dove into books (books with positive, motivational and inspirational messages), I started calling people I had been neglecting and spending time with more girl friends, I started working out regularly again (which has done wonders for both my mind and body)….I gave off feeling horrible every single day.  I missed parts of what we had but there was far too much stress and struggles and in my opinion, the beginning of a relationship should never be like that….hell, in my opinion, an entire relationship should never be like that if it is real, natural, simple love.  I learned so much about me after all was said and done and I grew tired of being the girl that never had a voice…I never wanted to rock the boat in fear of being left.  If someone is going to leave me for stating my opinions, wants and needs then I will make sure I roll the red carpet to the door for them and tell them to not let it hit them on the ass on the way out.  I didn’t become a bitch at all…I still try not to rock the boat…but I have grown and started voicing my needs and wants and have not allowed myself to be molded.  I love how strong I have become.

Day 151 Question 151:

What are some things you are unable to understand?

I have come to realize that in life there are some things I just won’t ever understand.  I won’t truly understand them because I have no first-hand experience with them.  I started thinking about this question yesterday because I had been having a conversation with a friend.  She was telling me about her family.  Her parents are divorced and she has no “full blood” siblings but she has 4 half brothers and sisters.  She is 28 years old and she has a half sister that is 6 years old.  Her parents have been divorced for quite a few years and both remarried and both are now divorced from those people.  She told me that she has seen them both take part in the dating scene and she has met different people throughout her life.  By no means am I judging this, I can’t quite understand (or I guess the better word would be relate) it because my parents have been married for 43 years.  I have only known living in a household with married parents and having a biological sister.  I am absolutely fascinated when I hear people talk about their families (especially those that come from homes where parents are divorced).  I am fascinated because I wonder what affect it has on people.  Again, I am not judging, I am just stating how it is a subject unrelatable to me.

Day in and day out I asked the question WHY???  There are a million things I don’t understand.  I don’t understand why people do certain things the way they do or why things work the way they do.  I pretty much don’t understand anything that does not come to me first-hand or through personal experience.  Last night I (nervously) watched a documentary called Deliver Us From Evil.  I will give you the plot summary momentarily.  As many of you know, religion is one of those subjects that I question so much about.  There is so much I don’t understand and there is so much I am trying to expose myself to in order to decide what I believe in and what I don’t.  Watching or reading anything regarding religion in any form usually gives me a nervous feeling.  I admit lacking a connection to a specific religion right now in my life and I lack a connection to a belief in God (knowing indefinetly of his existence at one time).  I question the morals and values of the church and am always trying to find what I believe is right in my life.  I have so much respect for others convictions and beliefs…I do, however, know it is difficult for some people to respect mine considering none of my beliefs and values are set in stone.  I question everything….I question all “truths” because without first-hand experience I am really unsure of what truths there really are in the world.  Before anyone gets offended or has the urge to fly off the handle at me…I ask you to remember these words are strictly spoken from my point of view….at this moment in my life.  I am a creature of constant change and I will do the favor of accepting and respecting you as you are and ask kindly for you to do the same for me.  Comments and thoughts are always welcome but rude criticism (in my opinion) is not necessary.

Anyhow, I kind of veered off there for a minute.  Ok, here is the plot of the documentary that I watched (Deliver Us From Evil):

This unsettling Oscar-nominated documentary from filmmaker Amy Berg investigates the life of 30-year pedophile Father Oliver O’Grady and exposes the corruption inside the Catholic Church that allowed him to abuse countless children. Victims’ stories and a disturbing interview with O’Grady offer a view into the troubled mind of the spiritual leader who moved from parish to parish gaining trust … all the while betraying so many.

This description does not give justice to the details portrayed in this documentary.  This documentary sickened me down to my core.  I have always viewed the church (no matter what my beliefs have been) to be a place of safety for EVERYONE.  The church was always a symbol of security and a place where people could seek peace and help when needed.    This man (Father O’Grady) molested dozens and dozens of young children throughout his priesthood.  The most sickening thing about this, is that other staff members of the church, higher up bishops and clergy-man and even the pope knew what had occurred because he admitted his wrongdoings and instead of removing him from the church, he was moved to another church…and when it happened yet again, he was moved to another church.  Interviews were done with the many clergymen that knew the actions that took place and it was obvious that these men were lying.  The stumbled over their words when asked about their knowledge of the situation and why this man kept being moved to other churches where children were a large part of the congregation.  This man molested children for over 10 years and when he finally was jailed he served only 6 years and was released and deported back to Ireland.  At this current time this man is walking the streets of Ireland and he is not required by any laws to seek counseling or treatment (he received treatment after his actions were first discovered but it only continued for a short period of time).  It is hard for me to get into a lot of details because of the betrayal I feel from both the church, the judicial system and the government.  Innocent young children had so much of their lives stripped away from them and no one protected them.  Families were destroyed and parents felt completely broken because they have the wool pulled over their eyes.  This man was someone they opened their homes up to because they trusted him…he was a man of God…and behind closed door he took advantage of their children.  He ruined more lives than I can count on 2 hands and it never needed to continue….it could have been stopped and it wasn’t.  I can’t stop shaking my head and asking WHY?????  I know people get angry when I say things like this, but it put another nail in the coffin for me regarding religion and the church.  I, for so long (even though I never really attended church regularly), looked at church as a place of beauty and a place of safety.  There was a lot I have never understood about religion but I have seen churches and clergyman become so corrupt and I have seen the church turn into a business as opposed to a place of worship.  This documentary broke a little piece of me because although I am unsure of my beliefs I always looked at religion and church in a positive light….I am unable to do so as much anymore.  It is quite saddening.

I started researching pedophilia because I didn’t know whether or not it was considered a mental illness.  According to several websites it is.  My next question was whether this was something that could be “cured”???  Again, several websites said yes…it can be “cured” through counseling and sometimes medication (medication that can alleviate sexual urges).  I am just unsure if I really buy that.  I do feel bad for some people that suffer from this mental illness…it is so strange and so unnatural.  I cannot imagine what that is like.  It is another thing I do not understand.  I do not understand having any sort of sexual urges toward young children.  In the documentary this priest stated that he felt no attraction toward men and women and only felt sexual attraction toward both young boys and girls.  His youngest victim was 9 months old.  It baffles me that someone could be wired in a manner like this…another thing that is quite sad.  I would like to say that by the end of this documentary that this man was rehabilitated.  I believe in his mind he thinks he is….but his lack of sincerity did not allow me to believe it.  There was no remorse in his voice when he spoke.  He even laughed here and there.  I believe someone who was TRULY sorry for their actions would be filled with all kinds of emotions and would be seeking an excessive amount of help in hopes of getting better.  Honestly, I don’t think this man was seeing his wrongdoings.  On the streets of Ireland a convicted pedophile walks free.  In the catholic churches (actually in many churches…actually in many areas of the world) so many people are turning a blind eye to these kinds of wrongdoings and our government and judicial system and all of those that are supposed to protect us are continually failing us.  Jerry Sandusky sits on trial with endless counts of child molestation and child endangerment against him and it pains me to think that because of his “status” he will just receive a slap on the hand and in no time he will be walking free as well.  I may be unsure if I want children myself but with every part of my being I believe that children deserve to be protected.  I believe the harshest sentences need to go to those people that harm, abuse or murder children.  These are tiny little people with no defenses.

Like I said, there is so much I don’t understand.  My mind is constantly asking why because of things I witness every day.  My blog is not written to offend anyone…I just have to be honest about what I am feeling.  I believe this is a form of cleansing for me.  It allows me a better understanding of myself.

Day 150 Question 150:

Do you have regrets?

Throughout like a majority of us have muttered the words, “I regret doing that” or “I regret not doing that.”  They are words that have become part of our common language.  As they say, hindsight is 20/20.  We all wish we could have done something differently at some time or another but the past is the past.  Of course there are times when I daydream of what life would be like if I had taken this path or that path.  But, do I regret, no I can’t say that I do.  Even through the hardest and most painful times, I came out learning something.  I dug a little deeper into myself and I pushed my limits just a little bit farther.

I have learned a lot in this life and I believe I was one of those late bloomers.  It took a lot of falling down and stupid mistakes and decisions for me to get my priorities in line.  I don’t know how other people experience life…obviously.  I can only make assumptions based on what I see.  There are some people that I think regret so many things and they are allowing those regrets to control their lives.  I have been there…I know what that feels like.  I just wonder if there are some people that are never able to see how regret serves no purpose.  Ever action in life comes with a lesson.  We are all human beings that are going to make mistakes at one time or another…some larger than others.  Regret just feels so negative.  It feels like this “emotion”(for lack of a better word) holds onto some people and they are unable to get out of its grip.  What benefit is there to regret?

I have been asked many times in my life under random circumstances whether I would change things in my life if I was able to go back.  Honestly, I don’t think I would.  If you would have asked me this question a year ago I probably would have said, “where do I sign up???” but I believe I am supposed to be at this place in life.  Why would I change the rules…just because I could???  I don’t believe that is the way life is supposed to work…just because we can/could doesn’t mean we should.  At a very young age I started struggling with weight and for more years than I can even remember I HATED my body and I fluctuated in weight…up and down and up and down.  It may sound silly to some but I believe I needed to have those fluctuations and that challenge of poor self-image to make me appreciate myself more.  I am now 33 years old and I am very healthy.  I have a little bit more weight I would like to lose but I have come to terms with my body and my weight and I have learned such a great deal about what it means to push yourself and to educate yourself on healthy habits….both mentally and physically.  My struggle with my weight made me grow in so many different parts of my life.  I could say that I wished that I started a healthier lifestyle earlier in life but that is not possible…the past is the past.  I don’t regret my unhealthy choices (I am thankful of course that I did not have major health issues) because I have learned so many lessons in life and luckily I have come out on the other side…I am a beautiful woman.  I no longer cringe at the sight of my “imperfect legs” or the stretch marks due to my weight fluctuations.  I look at these things as marks of my journey.  I don’t want to go back to an unhealthy lifestyle and I truly believe I won’t.

Regret is a word I will no longer allow in my vocabulary.  It serves no purpose because the past cannot be changed.  All we have is this moment RIGHT NOW!!  Regretting is only time being wasted! :0)