Day 152 Question 152:

What was the last experience that made you a stronger person?

Experiences form who we are.  I have so much in my past that has gotten me to the place I am right now at this very moment.  So what is the last experience that proved my strength???  My last “relationship” changed me completely.  I dated a guy from August to October and in that short period of time I fell hard for him.  Our conversations were never boring and I felt more comfortable with him than I had felt with anyone in a very long time.  I had confused wants with needs.  I won’t say the time was wasted…it was a learning experience.  I had repeated the same mistake of falling for someone emotionally unavailable that was never going to be able to give me what I needed…he was never going to love me in a way I believe I deserved to be loved.  I was constantly having this battle between my heart and my head and deep down I knew that him and I would not work but I stuck with it…maybe because I had been alone (well single) for so long and I got the itch of getting older and thinking I needed a man in my life.

When all was said and done with this “situation” I felt broken but after days (ok maybe weeks) of tears and self-questioning, I decided my life needed a HUGE change.  I needed a HUGE change.  I picked myself up off of the floor and with determination I dove into books (books with positive, motivational and inspirational messages), I started calling people I had been neglecting and spending time with more girl friends, I started working out regularly again (which has done wonders for both my mind and body)….I gave off feeling horrible every single day.  I missed parts of what we had but there was far too much stress and struggles and in my opinion, the beginning of a relationship should never be like that….hell, in my opinion, an entire relationship should never be like that if it is real, natural, simple love.  I learned so much about me after all was said and done and I grew tired of being the girl that never had a voice…I never wanted to rock the boat in fear of being left.  If someone is going to leave me for stating my opinions, wants and needs then I will make sure I roll the red carpet to the door for them and tell them to not let it hit them on the ass on the way out.  I didn’t become a bitch at all…I still try not to rock the boat…but I have grown and started voicing my needs and wants and have not allowed myself to be molded.  I love how strong I have become.