1/6/19

Today I worked out the hardest I probably have in a very long time.  I am pushing myself!  Luckily, on this adventure I am joined by my friend Jenna.  Some of you that read this will know Jenna while many others will not.  Jenna is a very fit woman with all of the right curves in all of the right places (hope that didn’t sound too weird haha).  She has the ideal body shape (at least in my opinion).  I cannot lie, when I first met Jenna and for a very long time I did have a twinge of jealousy when it came to her.  I thought to myself many times that she is every mans dream woman.  Jenna isn’t just fit she is also very pretty.  Jenna could be intimidating to many women.  She was for me when I first met her.  Jenna and I have known each other for probably over 4 years and we have become friends…I would like to think good friends.  I chose to ask Jenna for help in the gym because Jenna has worked SO hard to get to the place she is at now.  Jenna struggled with her weight and size in the past and obviously one day the lightbulb clicked and she decided to change her lifestyle.  She isn’t intimidating to me anymore because she inspires me.  She may not have ever been my size but she knows what it is like to struggle with body image.  She looks amazing for all of the work she has put in but I know she is STILL insecure about certain things.  I also know that her confidence has increased tremendously when she made the healthy changes.  She is proud of her body but she doesn’t EVER act cocky or better than other women.  Once you get to know Jenna you quickly learn that she is someone you want by your side.  While working out with me these last two days she has encouraged me and pushed me.  Several times she told me how good I was doing (and I know she genuinely meant it).    She didn’t overdo it because she knows that it is a process.  She has gone through hell to get to where she is at now.  She knows that you can’t go hardcore right out of the gate because you are more apt to fall off the wagon.  Jenna is strong.  She can workout hard at the gym.  Her regular workouts are way more intense than mine (well at least for now 😉) and she spent the last 2 days “training” me and showing me stuff on the machines and explaining things to me.  I kept thinking to myself, “I hate that her workouts the last 2 days have been weak in comparison to her usual because of me.”  I had to stop those thoughts though because I knew (because I know how Jenna is) she was loving helping me.  I had to stop the automatic habit of assuming the worst about what people are thinking about me.  She is excited for my journey and I am sure that she would feel great knowing that she was a big contributor to my current and future successes.  Jenna is amazing!  She should be duplicated for anyone looking for a workout buddy.  Actually, the world just needs more Jenna’s in the world in general (I couldn’t help myself Jenna 😉  I knew you would be reading this).  I don’t write these words to kiss Jenna’s ass and put her up on a pedestal.  I write these words to let her know she is greatly appreciated.  This may sound over the top but Jenna helped save me this pay year and a half.  I was falling hard and I was getting worried that I was not going to be able to get out of the funk.  Jenna never told me how I should feel or what I needed to do.  She just always showed me and told me about what she is doing that has made her feel better.  She has always supported me with no judgment because Jenna knows that sometimes life is just fucking hard and you just stop trying (hopefully not long term though).    I think, as people living in this crazy world, we have become uncomfortable telling people the good things about them for fear of it being misinterpreted.  But I am telling…everyone fuck that!  If there is something you like about someone tell them that.  Give people compliments and be honest with them.  Stop fearing what everyone will think.  So Jenna, I think you are awesome!  I value you so much as a person.  Thank you, not only for what you are doing to help me but for helping SO many people.  You are such a selfless person and for that I thank you.  And to all of my readers, just trust me when I say…get a good workout partner (someone you mesh well with) and you will feel an even higher level of empowered and driven.  The right workout partner will encourage you and support you.  Find that person for you if you can.  If you can’t, feel free to drop by here if you are needing words of encouragement or just someone to relate to.  I am always happy to help others with encouragement if I can.

I wasn’t quite sure where I was going to originally go with this entry.  I don’t want to bore people and just say what I did step by step at the gym.  I want people to be intrigued and interested and I want people to share their thoughts and ideas about what direction I should steer from day to day.  I want people to join me on this journey to teach me.  I want people to teach me and show me all of their healthy choices in life that make them feel their best.  But I also want people to reveal their struggles.  I want whoever reads this to know they are not on their own when it comes to struggling with the way you look and feel about yourself.  I am feeling amazing at this very moment.  I am sore from working out but it is that kind of sore that makes you feel accomplished and proud of the work you put in.  I am learning so much and I want this drive and motivation to continue.  I want people to expose me to their world when it comes to health and wellness both mentally and physically.  Share with me what you do when you feel like you are slipping or you are struggling with negative self-talk or lack of motivation.  Challenge me with things you think I should try or talk about.  I ask everyone to go gentle….I talked about this in a previous entry but in case you don’t remember, I am always way more successful when people encourage me and praise me as opposed to yelling at me and degrading me.  I believe in tough but kind.  I have a lot to talk about and I want to gain many different viewpoints.  I want my mind and body challenged.  I want to re-train my brain to stop tearing myself apart and focus on everything I am doing well.  I want to actively stop those thoughts in their tracks.  This year is the year to start living exactly how I have wanted to live and to try things I have only daydreamed about.  This is the year I become (or at least make a significant improvement) more confident.  This is the year I live for me and not for everyone else.  I will embrace and value all of the important people in my life but I will not depend on their approval for my own happiness.  It is ok to not agree on everything with people…even the people you are closest to.  Those that truly care about you wouldn’t want you to seek their approval.  They want you to live as openly and honestly (and of course happy) as possible.  I will keep learning and repeating, “Not everyone is going to like you or like certain things you do and that is ok.”  This year I want to start the voyage to being the person I have held back on becoming.  I want to live life to the fullest feeling healthy both physically and mentally.  I want this journey to help me become more open and honest and face and conquer the uncomfortable parts in life….because I know you need to experience pain to truly understand pleasure.  Everyday will not be perfect and that is ok.  I want to tell the world more about me and expose myself in a way I never have by being brutally honest.  I hope more people join me along this journey because I want to be challenged and I can only challenge myself so much.  And I do hope that I can inspire others along the way.