I want a lover that wants to share words with me written on paper. I want notes left for me with simple messages of love….with messages of comfort. I have this idea of love that to so many seems so unrealistic. Romance has died for most people but my heart can’t let go of the feeling that there is something….someone beautiful out there for me….someone that wants to leave notes for me to find letting me know that their heart feels the same way mine does. I am one person on the surface but someone so completely different within. I used to believe the surface was my mask but it really just is a part of me. I unveil my mask to those that I grow comfortable with…sometimes this ends in great pain but other times I learn more about the many degrees of love. I am a person that loves hard…..I love so hard sometimes it hurts. I feel every emotion with great intensity and I never stop questioning why. There is a reason and I don’t know if I will ever find it. It is this complexity within me that I have yet to truly share with someone because I am terrified. Emotions can so easily be misconstrued and my sensitivity and anxiety could easily be seen as dramatic and chaotic. I cannot help the battles I fight in my head and sometimes I grow exhausted always trying to push them to the side. My battles are part of who I am and I want a love that sees those battles and knows that those battles are fueled by passion and not self-absorption. Every feeling I have is fueled with passion because I have this never-ending desire to learn and to experience everything I possibly can until my last dying breath. I know so very little of what this world is all about and it drives me and maddens me all at the same time. I am inspired by everything and it makes me feel like a character in a book wandering to find all of the answers…..knowing some things have no answers.
I want to fall in love. I want to feel someone fall in love with me. I want to let go of all of the wants and wishes and live this life of love that overwhelms my entire being. I don’t want to live in just one moment….I want to live an entire lifetime with someone. I want to be understood and wanted in a way that I have never felt. I want to share my words and my thoughts knowing that they are understood and that they are valued. The real me is not on the surface and I know that is so cliché to even say but with me there is such truth to it.