If you had an opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would your message be?
I have spent a lifetime trying to validate every one of my feelings and thoughts. I have questioned whether my thoughts and feelings were right or wrong. I have lived to believe that there are a certain set of rules to live by….a specific right way to live. I have come to learn that this is wrong. I am not always ok with my feelings and my thoughts. I do have moments of guilt for feeling less than happy. I have read enough works written by philosophical gurus to believe that happy is the only way to be. Happy is what I strive for as much as I can but it is not the outcome of every situation or every day. Human beings are these amazing creatures designed to think and feel more than we can handle sometimes. We have come to understand anger and sadness and although those emotions are not idea or beneficial….sometimes they are necessary in order to pave the way to the happiness. I can’t help but think that it is of the utmost important to accept everything we feel and think because that is our true self in the moment…whether it is pleasant or not.
I returned to this blog and answering all 365 questions over again because I realized that it was my expression and my honesty that saved me. It is what made me happy. Whether or not I would like to admit it, I have slipped since then….I am happy but not as happy as I was when I was doing what I loved every day. I stopped seeing myself and that has brought discomfort.
So, you may ask what any of this babble has to do with the question at hand….well trust me it does. The message I would give to a mass audience….hell to everyone I possibly could…is to be ok with yourself. Be ok with what you feel and what you think in the moment even if you don’t like it. Lately I have felt so rejected which in turn has made me feel so ugly and so useless. I detest that this feelings and thoughts are even a part of me but they are and I have to be honest about them if I have any intention of moving forward. My thoughts have felt so ridiculously superficial because I have spent the last few years standing on my soapbox saying that having a significant other in my life will not make me complete. I still believe those words but I also believe that no experiences are as good if they are not shared. I have come to accept my moments of loneliness and see them as opportunities to get myself back to the gym and to express myself as creatively as I so desire. A part of me does wish that I had a “special someone” (ugh I hate that term) to share myself with….to feel a level of comfort that is so rare between 2 people. What I want to tell people is to not let others dictate how you should think or feel. In my moments of loneliness I worry that others will view me as weak and needy and I want to be perceived as an Ironwoman made of great strength. Well, I am a woman…I am emotional. I have needs and wants and sometimes I desire companionship that has the potential to last a lifetime. I have learned that I cannot keep apologizing (even if it is only in my head) for being sensitive and for being worrisome. I have days in which I spend endless hours laughing and smiling and hope that I can relive those moments over and over again. I also have days where I spend time degrading myself in my own head and worry about the masses and what they think of me. I am ok with having both of those kinds of days because I am who I am and I accept it…..I accept the beauty and the gifts I have but I also accept the imperfections. It is not always easy but as the extremely overused and pretty much annoying saying goes…”It is what it is.”
I think we live in a world where the majority is not ok with themselves. I think we live in a world where we focus so much on teaching the basics (math, science, English, etc.) that some (a lot) of people are fearful of what they are feeling and thinking. We don’t share compassion or empathy with each (at least not on a regular basis) so we don’t know how to deal with each other. We don’t know how to express our anger without harm or our sadness without falling into a depression. If I were on my soapbox with the world as my audience I would tell the people to try their very best to accept themselves and to ask for help when they need it. I would tell the people to accept themselves and to not feel shame for their mistakes because it is those mistakes that make us human. I would tell the world that mistakes are made only once…the second time is a choice. As people I can’t help but believe that so many people are living behind masks because we have become afraid to express how we feel or what we think out of fear of judgment. I would tell the world to try to let go of this fear because simple expression can be a beautiful cure for the insanity known as life.