It has been a hot minute since I have thrown my thoughts out into cyber space.  I have been up to my eyeballs in new job stuff and working an abundance of hours and spending as much time at the gym as I can get in that when I do have a little bit of free time I am just spent….both physically and mentally.  I am not complaining though….I work best when I am constantly on the move and challenged in some way or another.  As much as I whine that I need down time, when I do finally get it I act like I have ants in my pants.  I am usually not one to just relax and be completely lazy (ok well once in a while I might give in but rarely am I at complete ease).

Anyhooooo, the other day I was at the gym and after doing my hour on the elliptical I decided to do an extra 25 minutes on the stationary bike.  I sat down and not long after this woman took the bike next to me.  I glanced at her knowing I had seen her there a few other times.  This woman had the worst facial plastic surgery I had ever seen and a boob job that was entirely too big for her frame.  Ok, before anyone flies off the handle, I am not throwing out insults to the world of plastic surgery, I just couldn’t get the image of this woman’s face out of my head and the reasoning behind her choice to do such drastic altering to her face and body.  I wondered if she was pleased with the results because in complete honesty, as an outsider, she was not pleasant to look at (I apologize for being so blunt but it is true).  She, literally, looked made out of plastic.  There was nothing natural about her and I could not even guess her age.  If I had to I would wager to guess that her and I were not too far off in age….I am 34.  All of the procedures aged her terribly.

My telling you this kind of goes off the beaten path of what I normally discuss (weight, health, etc.) but I just couldn’t get it out of my head.  I spent a lifetime loathing my body and my imperfect teeth and my nose that seemed just a little too big but never did I desire to go under the knife for the simple “fix”.  I understand plastic surgery to an extent.  I understand a woman with very small breasts getting modest implants but I do not understand the woman that has a body very suitable for her frame that goes and gets implants that make her look as if she has basketballs glued to her chest.  I am not insulting…I am just trying to understand what makes that appealing?  Why go to SUCH an extreme?

I wish that more women had a different perspective on beauty.  I wish women (including myself from time to time) could just strip down and see how beautiful they are….even with imperfections.  My mother always assumed I had a “type” when it came to men but never was that the case.  I have dated very attractive guys and very “average” guys.  What appeals to me most is the beauty within them….the ability to connect in a world that rarely allows that to happen.  We live in a world full of brainwashing whether we choose to believe it or not.  Every image we see  on the computer screen or the television screen impacts us and we have to put in effort to not let those images define or control us….we must be our own individual and live in a manner that feels most natural to us.  Yes, this can be hard as hell to do, but in the end it is 100% worth it!

I am asking you to read this entry with an open mind and stop yourself from making assumptions about my way of thinking or living.  I understand the need and want to look good.  If you want to rock an amazing dress and 5 inch heels and feel sexy then by all means do it.  What I am saying is to not let just your physical-self define you….don’t let everyone else define you…..do not let society define you…do not let magazine covers define what a woman should look like.  I tell you this because you are beautiful and I will guarantee that going to an extreme to meet some “beauty” requirement will not fix what is going on with your emotional self….it will not be the answer you were looking for.  Beauty is so much deeper than so many girls and women know.  What is on the surface is so superficial in comparison to what anyone has on the inside….the true person that they are.  We all have been one a certain journey and it is that journey that makes us beautiful….not the clothes we wear or the number on a scale.  I truly believe that what women (and people in general) need is to have a moment to learn and feel what they are MOST comfortable with….find what does define them.  We live in a society of sheep that move in herds because the media and our peers and even our families are telling us that is how we have to live and how we have to look while we live that life.  I started this blog over a year ago because I learned that writing is what makes me beautiful….it is the most honest me.  I have found my happiness and I refuse to ever let it go again….or allow anyone to be a puppeteer and control my happiness or my anything for that matter.  I have chosen to change my body in a manner that is natural….through healthier eating and exercise.  I could take the easy route and get fat sucked out of every part of my body that I hate but I KNOW that the feeling of accomplishment would not even compare to reaching my goal on my own.  I guess I wrote this entry to remind women (yes, I guess I am focusing on women) that everyone’s goal should be to be healthy but never will you hear me say “I want to be skinny” because first off that is just not going to happen and secondly being healthy has much better rewards.

I may sound repetitive and redundant and I do not care because I know there are women (actually women and men and young girls and boys) that need to hear these words because no one else is saying it to them.  I was a young girl that loathed her body from as young as I can even remember and at 34 years old I am over that….I am done with the struggle and the exhaustion of worrying about how I am perceived.  I have flaws and imperfections and it is those things that make me human and if I am going to be judged based on those things then it is the other person’s character that is questionable…not mine.  I share these words in hopes for young girls and women to reread them when they need this reminder….to see themselves in a light that is defined by no one else.  I shared the images above and below to allow you to define what you think is beautiful….I would be surprised to hear anyone say the after picture.  We have these bodies that are our temples and they should be treated with the utmost respect because that is where we live (and trust me sometimes I disrespect my body).  To alter our bodies so drastically for the sake of “beauty” and “fame” should never be an option and in my opinion this “epidemic” needs to end!