Day 83 Question 83:
What do adults bully?
First off I want to say Happy Easter to all of my readers. I am not a highly religious person but I love to have these days with my parents…dying Easter eggs and enjoying endless hours of conversation. My day did not start out at all the way that I was planning. I was planning on getting up, writing my blog entry, finishing off some school work and head to my parents for a nice relaxing day. My plan got completely derailed when I received an email from my real estate agent/property manager.
Let me give you a little back information. I live in a condo community in which I am renting. My roommate and I go through a real estate company to rent our unit. The condo is owned by an older couple and to make their lives easier they decided to go through a realtor so that person could deal with any outsourcing for repair work. I have lived in this condo for 2 ½ years and I have seen this woman (real estate agent) maybe 3 times. This woman is the DEVIL. If you do not think the devil exists you are wrong….she does and she is my “landlord”. Everytime we have an issue at the condo and need something repaired I will email her and she will send someone to fix it. After it is repaired, like clockwork she will send a nasty email telling me she cannot believe the way that we live and how everything that is broken is our fault. This woman is a complete bully. She has passed so much judgment on me and has insulted my character a great deal of times. I received another one of these emails this morning (we just got our garbage disposal fixed) and I lost it. I am not a confrontational person and I strive to be civil but today is Easter Sunday and this woman went ahead accusing me yet again of (in her own words) living below what she thinks we should live. Our house is not sparkling clean (considering we both work 60+ hours a week) but we are by no means disgusting pigs the way this woman has insinuated more than once. And again, we rent and have paid a security deposit (to cover cleaning and damages if needed) and this woman has felt the need over and over again to tell us that the way we live is not up to her standards.
I did not want to stoop to her level of being a bully but I had enough and I believe she needed to hear what I had to say. This woman NEVER does walk throughs at our condos, never tells us when gate passes or gym passes have changed (we live in a gated community and usually find this out when we roll up to the gate and are unable to get into our own development). Our lease was up in November and we had decided to go month to month (she approved and said we would have to give her 2 months notice if we decide to leave). She has never drafted a current lease stating that we are month to month and we have signed nothing. My roommate has been living with me for a year and a half and the first time he EVER saw her was 14 months in and she came to “help” with our electrical problem. He snapped at my roommate about how the carpets were dirty (which we had rug cleaners scheduled to come in 2 days later) and there are marks on the wall (due to it being painted with flat paint). My roommate finally told her she had to leave and of course an hour later I receive and email telling me about how we live being unacceptable (again by no means are we pigs) and how we need to do this and do that. Today was my last straw. Bullying (no matter what age) is wrong and no one deserves to be treated like that. I was not going to be her victim and bow down to her. I called her this morning very heated and her first words in a pissy voice were, “Diane, can we talk Monday?” I very heatedly returned by saying, “You send me this nasty email on Easter Sunday, no we will talk about it now.” I proceeded to tell her that she was a bully and I was done taking it from her. In the midst of the “conversation” she hung up on me. The woman could dish the mean insults all day long but she surely cannot take it when someone points out all of her flaws. This woman even gets her hair done at the same salon that I do and the women working there absolutely detest her. They say that she is extremely rude and will constantly question their skills and their trade in general. If she is sooooo unhappy with their work, why does she go there. She goes there because she enjoys being a bully. This woman enjoys trying to find victims to treat like this because I believe in her sick, twisted world it makes her feel better about herself.
I wish I knew why people were bullies. I am sure there are an array of reasons and I think one of the main reasons is the desire for power for some people. I believe some people prey on the people they believe to be weak and I think that is sick! Maybe I should not have responded as I did but I was over being treated in a way in which my character and person were being insulted. It just was not right…especially by someone that DOES NOT do her job. Anyhow, I apologize for the long rant but I hate when people bully….I don’t care what age they are. It has become an epidemic and some people have this sense of entitlement and they believe it is ok to treat others like this. IT IS NOT!!!! I would never treat someone like that because I was raised to treat people with kindness and I have learned to used tact and discretion. I do not mind if someone is stern with me but when my character is insulted or I am told how I need to live then I have a problem.
I again apologize for this content on what is supposed to be a joyful day. With my meditation I have been able to ease my emotions quite quickly but this morning I was set off and it took me a little while to come down from my anxiety of the situation. I just don’t function like that and I think our country/the world are in a great state of despair because of too many people acting in this sort of way. Treating others like they are animals or like they are below you in status is not right. Speaking to someone in a belittling manner is not right. Insulting someone is not right. Disrespecting someone based on their appearance, gender, sexual orientation, etc. is not right. I had had enough this morning with this woman. This was the last time I was going to be bullied by her. I did not insult her character and my goal was not an eye for an eye. My goal was to tell her that I deserved much more respect as a tenant than she was giving me and I would not condone being insulted every single time I would contact her in regards to something being fixed. I never went outside of the argument and threw out any insults regarding her character because I know better than that.
I am now done with my rant…it was just one of those days that a lot of unnecessary chaos occurred…unfortunately they are inevitable to happen from time to time. I just wasn’t expecting it to happen on Easter Sunday (btw in one of her return emails part of her response was: Well I sure hope you never get a letter from the IRS on Christmas Eve). So more or less she was telling me I was stupid that I cared about it being Easter….and really???? Why on earth would I get a letter from the IRS on Christmas Eve? This lady is off her rocker. Ha Ha Ha. On this end I am just going to send positive energy in hopes that she starts to treat people better. I am going to be thankful that I do not treat people in that respect. After this is written and posted I am going to let it go and move on.
I hope all of my readers had a wonderful day. I hope you were able to be with your families and I hope the weather was cooperative. I send you so much love and so much positive energy!
You have every right to stick up for yourself! Good for you!
Sorry your day was ruined by such of a ridiculous and thoughtless person… Your right we need not sink to a level such as this, I do hope you salvaged your day , and enjoyed a nice meal…
People are bullies because of low self esteem and anger issues…to put it simply…and many do not even realize they are bullies…
it’s easier to bully than to be nice. being nice creates an obligation to always be nice. being an annoying bully allows them to feel tough. it also creates adversity and distance so that you’ll never have any closeness. they don’t know how to function with closeness. some people bully because they expect to be bullied so they want to go first in order to feel that they’ve “won.” but they didn’t win anything except distance from a friend. or potential friends.
Thanks for stopping by my blog, I was always taught that standing up to a bully is best, it is difficult but unless we stand up to them they will never stop.
Good for you!
I think there is a lot of pent up rage on our planet. I’m sorry for your frustration. I agree that many people do not know when they are bullying, and many do not know when they’re being bullied. Both equally sad.
That was an excellent post today. I really enjoyed it very much. Thanks for sharing your writing.
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I have long been against bullying for reasons I don’t care to get into. I have no tolerance for it. I find that the older I get, the less patience I have for being called names, for being belittled, intimidated or otherwise embarrassed for the sake of someone else’s little power trips. I even got myself fired from a job I detested because my managers were absolute bullies who thought I was there to be stepped on. How wrong they were.
This economy has only encouraged bullying and the despair that comes from it. I hope to read more posts and have more discussions with others regarding this issue. I firmly believe in treating others with respect, but I will not be walked-all-over just to please someone else. Life is too short for that.
Like you, I detest bullies.
They normally crumble when they get it back.
Sit down and write back to her.
Don’t get personal but put it clearly that you will no longer put up with her insinuations.
Then copy it to the owner.
Wow. When it’s time to move, give a 30-day notice (the law is on your side there, esp. w/a month-to-month) and make sure you do a walk-through with that woman before you move out. Study the tenant’s rights in your state. None of this helps with the present bullying but, hopefully, you can protect yourself and your deposit when you move out.
I would also suggest you take pictures. It never hurts to show the way you left it. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by… btw… now I have another place to come hang out and read.
An adult who behaves in this way (like Lil’ Mouse’s second employer) Do so because the people around them are too “nice” and allow such behavior to continue…It is not being rude, or “re-bulying” to ask to be treated with respect, or at least without open hostility…good luck…given her position and tenure she is probably used to protracted conflicts with tenants…It might be easier to move but if f you are committed to staying (or are determined to put this woman in her place)…document document document, and stay factual, leave emotion out of it, let her rail and use personal attacks, as hard as it is take the high road….good luck I think yer gonna need it…oh and remember sticking up for yourself is not bullying
Diane – Two bits…first, thanks for your LIKE and secondly, as to bullying; I think I’ve met your landlord’s relatives (ha!). You keeping an eye on ‘positive energy’ tells me you’re on the right track. Keep on keepin on…I’ll be reading what you write.
It sounds scary to have a bullying landlord who you don’t have a written agreement with regarding your month-to-month.
It sounds to me like this woman has anger issues and has high expectations when it comes to her own living conditions so she expects others to live up to the same conditions. This reminds me a little bit about a speaker who came to a social work class of mine. She worked for Child Protective Services and was telling us about the kinds of work they do and the kinds of homes they go to. She said that some workers base their beliefs on “unacceptable living conditions” on their own standards for how a home should be kept. It sounds like this woman is doing the same thing. She should come to my house on an average day, she’d probably have a heart attack! Haha.
I think you handled the situation appropriately. Good for you for not retaliating and for being the adult!
Good for you for sticking up for yourself! If you are paying the rent, the landlord has no right to comment on how you live. As long as there is a security deposit, any problems should be taken care of by that. Peace. 🙂
I always come back to the same old question. (Shake your head when you say this) Why do people treat each other so badly?
It confounds me.
Your “landlord” obviously has issues. The question is why she has to share those issues with everyone else!
wow another great topic. It was freaky to see your topic after a work event that happened 2 days ago. I spent the evening and morning shower pondering whether I’m the bully my conscience says I *could* be *a little* or if I’m unfairly judged by people who earn censure but look for unrelated reasons why *they* shouldn’t ever receive it from *me* (rank being oh so overwhelmingly important here). I think some (some, not most) bullying is the perception of the “bullied” and not entirely realistic. True bullies are so obvious/insidious that they’re an entirely different breed.
Diane, thank you for addressing this adult bullying issue! I recently had someone (a member of my own church!) come to me and ask for forgiveness for bullying me for years! I am 65 years old–and got bullied in my own church family! There is a real estate agent in this town where I live (female) that I have heard younger friends complaining about bullying them! A really terrible problem–and one that should NOT be enabled by us!