Day 79 Question 79


Day 79 Question 79:

Why are you single?

Oh how I love this question…NOT REALLY!  I figured I would address this question because it has been asked of me more times than I can count.  No, I am not tooting my own horn by saying that.  I am a 33 year old fairly attractive woman so people feel the need to ask.  The other day my roommate and I were lounging around after the gym and he (he is 34 btw) was telling me about a girl he met and she is 36 years old, never been married with no kids.  He followed it up by pondering what could be wrong with her because of those facts.  I looked at him and said, “You do realize that people say the same thing about us right?”  He looked at me and just busted into laughter.  Apparently if you haven’t taken the plunge of marriage and children by a specific age then you are looked upon as a diseased creature….I mean something MUST be wrong with you.

I am single because it is my choice to be single.  Sure I would love a companion in my life but another person is never going to define me.  Having a boyfriend/being in a relationship is not going to define me.  Being married is not going to define me.  These things are not the end all be all of my existence.  Maybe I am single because I am stubborn and hard-headed ;0).  I spent many years of my life wallowing in my own self-pity.  I was too fat.  My teeth aren’t perfect.  I am not feminine enough.  I am not smart enough.  BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!  I don’t know when the turning point was but I finally got a big slap in the face and realized that my woes were just superficial.  If I was unable to see how amazing I am then how in the hell would anyone else see it.  I would be an asset to anyone’s life.  There are no if’s, and’s or but’s about it.  When I feel moments of self-doubt and self-pity I just turn on youtube videos about young girls being sold into sex slavery or women that have been disfigured by having acid thrown on their faces and I get over it pretty quickly.

I am single because I don’t want to settle.  People can tell me that I am picky all day long and my answer to that is, “why shouldn’t I be?”  If I want to potentially spend the rest of my life with someone (being married or not) shouldn’t I know for sure it is the right person.  I want someone that challenges me and someone I absolutely love to talk to….someone that makes me feel 100% comfortable.  I think when I am around men sometimes I am awkward.  I just don’t know how to be or how to act.  I don’t want to be phony and I don’t think I am but when you start having a conversation with someone and their eyes gaze in another direction and they blantantly act uninterested then I make no more effort.  I do not want to be the one on the dates that holds all of the conversations afloat.  I think when it is right with someone the conversation just comes naturally and very easily.  I have been on dates where it has taken both parties a little bit of time to warm up and the conversation started flowing easily but I have also been on dates where I would rather drive nails into my eyeballs then stay around the other person.  After 15+ years of dating it does not take long to figure out when you have met you UN-SOULMATE!

I could boast about myself and say that I am single because men are intimidated by my education or passion but I do not believe that to be the case.  Yes, I believe I can be intimidating to some people but just the same…some people can intimidate the hell out of me.  We are living in a time where dating and romance are drastically different than 40 years ago.  I think when it comes down to it I am an old soul that wants the story book romance and if that doesn’t happen then I want to still love life every single day.  I can experience different journeys all alone and love them or I can love them in the company of someone that I share my life with.  Either way I am going to choose to love life.  Love is something I cherish and I define it in a way that it should never be taken for granted to taken lightly.

I guess if anyone wants to know why I am single they can hunt up my exes and those that I have dated in the past and ask them all of the reasons I wasn’t “The One”.  While working at the restaurant last week I got to serve a table of golfers.  Of course they were all cutting up with me and hitting on me (yep, they were all married) and one of them said, “You are a cute girl with a good head on your shoulders, why are you single?”  My response was, “I don’t know but I feel sorry for all of the guys not dating me.”

This entry was posted in Blog, Blogging, Fun, Inspiration, Journal, Life, Love, Philosophy, random thoughts, Thoughts, Writing. Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to Day 79 Question 79

  1. bjrobinsonmecs707 says:

    good reading…

  2. Love your response at the end 🙂

  3. miss p says:

    I love this post…. it is so true, I wish I felt this way everyday…. I don’t want to be defined nor do I want to rush anything now that I have time.

  4. Hold out and do NOT settle. No relationship is better than a bad or worse abusive one.

  5. jensine says:

    I know exactly what you are talking about … Ia m single, not by choice but I don’t want to settle. BIG SINGLE HUG

  6. Alecia...your roommates sister. says:

    Your roommate is crazy…that is why he is single. 🙂

  7. Alessandra Gomes says:

    I can definitely identify with that question! I wish I got $1. every time someone asked me that… 😀
    I like your response at the end, as Queen of Fries also did, and like you, “I don’t want to settle.” I’m not high-maintenance and would like to re-marry if possible (I have been divorced for 10 yrs!), but I know what I am looking for, I’m not afraid of being by myself; at least I know I love, respect, and am true to myself! So I don’t worry about being single!
    By the way, another response I would give to those men that you’re serving, who were all married but flirting with you, I would say, “It’s hard to find men who don’t behave like you.” 😛

  8. rich says:

    BAM! good answer! and i bet you get hit on more often by married men than single ones. although you might not always know.

  9. 1stjoeyanna says:

    Good for you! Another statement you could use is’ I define myself.’ Some people need to get thier heads out of their a$$es, like that guy you had the unfortunate greeting from! 🙂

  10. Michael S. Osborn says:

    I’m 55 and have never been married. Also have never had a significant other. There are many reasons for this. And, no, I am not gay, Mom. But to make a long story short: the reason is the wrong choices that I have made in life. And perhaps just being shy and having a fear of rejection.

  11. timzauto says:

    Hey ..nice , You have given me words to think about …I have always rushed in ..about time I was loving everyday

  12. brendamarroy says:

    I love that you are in no hurry to do what people think you are supposed to do. I also think your comment at the end is priceless.

  13. Teresa Cleveland Wendel says:

    This is my favorite so far of all the questions you’ve answered. I feel sorry for all the guys not dating you too :o)

  14. OperationJA says:

    Society has this unspoken expiry date of when one should get married… and if you’re not by that date, you’re considered old mouldy cheese that was left in the kitchen drawl a month ago.
    I’m sure there are many people that can relate to this as they passby your website (I for one know where you’re coming from and that sourness from being asked that question time and time again, feels more like that twinge in your shoulders after a Sunday afternoon nap…) but don’t give up faith in others just because it has not happened. I am sure you will meet the knife to your fork, the thread to your needle… (etc. hope you get my drift) if you keep being yourself~

  15. Anastasia says:

    Great post and agree with all your reasons. I have a few of my own but just the question of why I’m single ticks me off so much that I don’t want to get into it or Ill ruin my weekend, lol.. Great read!

  16. granbee says:

    My precious daughter-in-law was single until she married my son almost six years ago. She is now about to be 41 (I think!) and the mother of two children! She is very attractive, super smart, and has a huge heart and great sense of humour. Single for years was very good for her own personal growth–as I am sure it is for you!

  17. Cheryl says:

    why does society feel the need to impart on others their ideals, their concepts and their beliefs, whatever they may be. Its like being pregnant, total strangers feel they have a right to rub or talk to your belly and ask all manner of personal questions. I realize most of it is simple curiosity but come on people mind your own business. I come from a family where marriage was optional; I had one Uncle who never married, nope not gay, and another who didnt marry until he was in his 50’s. I have 2 older sisters, both un married (one has never married) and another sister who has been married twice. I have people who ask ME why my sisters aren’t married. Seriously rude.
    Anyway, I believe single is for some and marriage is for some. I don’t even like people who tell single gals to ‘hold on, be patient, your knight will come’ blah blah blah. Like marriage is the end all be all of everything. The prize you get. Trust me it’s work! I should know, I ‘ve done it twice LOL.
    Great post!

  18. Great post! It’s so true that whether or not you chose to be in a relationship or marriage is not a reflection on a fault or strength. I am married because 25 years ago that was the norm. After a few years of dating, you married and began your “grown up” existence. I am so happy to now see fewer young adults rush into marriage because they think it’s time to start the next phase following school.

  19. reeyah says:

    Thanks for this. I was beginning to think I’m wrong for being picky myself. 🙂

  20. I love the dog pic, for a minute I thought i recognized him/her.
    Just thought I’d tellya I appreciated you stopping by, you probably figured I check out your blog, see the dog and be “hooked”. Well the weather seems pretty nice here, maybe I’ll hang out awhile if you don’t mind.
    I don’t blog much, just when I find somethng to bang on this keyboard about. I’m a bit non-fiction “bit’n” lately. read’n and writ’n lyrical essay and prose.
    Ok, that be about it.
    I think I’ll ask my question now. (I just get one …. right?)
    Who took the dog’s picture … great shot!!!
    Well, bye for now!!

    *I stole you dog’s picture, I’m show it to my dog and tell’m … see, he’s not the coolest pup in the pool anymore!!

  21. danitacahill says:

    Thanks for following my photography blog!
    And I think you’re wise not to settle.

  22. YAY you! I could’ve written this. When I was 35 I was convinced I was going to be single for the rest of my life, and perfectly happy that way. I had a full life, tons of great people around me, endless interesting things to do, and no big worries of any kind. What I ended up discovering late that year was that The guy for me was a 45 year old man who had the same attitude and that our getting together became incredibly easy because we were both so content with who we were and what we had in life that finding each other was simply the nicest possible surprise enhancement for it. And I’m quite convinced that we would both have remained very happily single had we never found each other–it was just a fabulous bonus that we did. People who think only couples are complete human beings are quite simply fools, and missing the point. You are a lucky lady and with your self-knowledge and joie de vivre, you will live a happy life whether it’s with a partner or solo!

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