Day 67 Question 67:
What made you decide to start practicing meditation regularly?
So as most of you know I meditate twice daily. I do two twenty minute sessions and I absolutely love these 2 parts of my days. For the longest time I was curious about Meditation but I figured it would be impossible for me because my brain goes nonstop and I could sometimes be overcome with anxious and nervousness. I do Transcendental Meditation and what I love is how it embraces your thoughts. Thoughts are natural. You can’t just stop them when they come. If you try to you just end up thinking and thinking and thinking some more. When I come out of my meditative state it takes me a minute or two to get refreshed and I realize that I feel like I had escaped for 20 minutes. Thoughts came and went the entire time but I would feel so completely relaxed. It is close to what I would consider an out of body experience.
Through this meditation (sometimes it is hard to put into words the feelings I have experienced) there is so much from the past that is brought to the surface. It almost feels like old stresses escape me during this time. What I find most interesting (and I usually don’t pick up on it until after) is the things that would come to my mind while I was in the meditative state. Since starting this practice I have brought to the front of my mind experiences that I have not even thought of in several years…and these experiences were clear as day in my internal vision.
I now love the things I find humor in. I can scan Facebook and see silly pictures that make me smile and it makes me appreciate the person who posted it just that much more. It feels like we share the same sense of humor. Nowadays I feel excitement from deep within me about so many different things. I just want to keep reaching out and take advantage of as many opportunities as possible…even if they are as small as going to see a new movie or reading a book recommended by a stranger. I feel like a character in a book…the weakling of a female that turns into a strong, opinionated, life-living woman. The one that finally says to hell with living a life of suffering and despair and decides to take life by the balls and writes her own journey.
For the longest time I had this nagging feeling inside of me that something was missing from my life. I could not put my finger on exactly what it was. I was always on a search for happiness. After the last guy and I split up we tried maintaining a friendship for a little while but it ended up being a bust. We needed time apart because my feelings were still too strong and who knows where his head and heart were at. During the small period of time that we tried to be friends he sent me a link of David Lynch (movie producer) talking about consciousness and Transcendental Meditation. I was immediately drawn in and I wanted to find out more immediately. I had grown really tired of living this life filled with anxiety and constantly blaming all sorts of sources for being unfair. I was sick of viewing life in this manner. I didn’t want to be one of those angry people anymore that constantly blamed every aspect of life for all of their problems. I no longer wanted to be a comformist. I wanted to start practicing something new to see what the results could possibly be.
I look back at the relationship I was in and it is as if I was a completely different person then in comparison to who I am now. I am unsure of how I would relate to the person I was seeing nowadays. I believe that he would have had to do a lot of changing as well in order for our paths to coincide. I now realize that through my meditation practices and through my feeling of much more ease that I must separate myself from negative people as much as possible. I do not want to be around people that chronically complain because I have learned (and truly believe) that we are in control of our lives and negativity just brings on many more problems. I blamed myself, loathed myself and felt sorry for myself for so long and finally I was over it. I knew that deep inside of me was this strong, bull-headed woman that wanted to fight for an incredible, beautiful, artistic life and it was now or never. I still have moments of anxiety and everyday isn’t filled with rainbows and butterflies (I am a woman and I am hormonal-the body’s chemistry sometimes just is the deciding factor in how we feel) but life seems to have greater clarity now. Life doesn’t seem so complicated anymore.
I can sense that people would roll their eyes when they read what I write. I know some people just have to be pessimistic in order to survive. Some people thrive for drama in their lives because that is what makes them safe and secure. Some people have a lot of built up resentment and anger and the only thing they know is to reject other people. I am ok with that. I do not need to be accepted and loved by all. I share my words because (honestly) I want people to look at themselves. I want people to reflect on their lives and truly see who they are as people. I want people to determine if they are really happy in life. No, my goal is not to fix everyone in the world…come on now that is impossible. My goal is to share my experiences because I think so many people can relate.
I pass by blogs everyday of people that are overwhelmed with stress, sadness, despair and self-loathing. It is obvious these people are screaming in silence and they just want to figure out the answers and they have no idea how. The only real answer is that there isn’t one. We all determine our own path and we make our own choices. It is our choice to believe what we want to believe. I want to tell people that it is ok to not follow the crowd or mold yourself to what society thinks you should be. Happiness is not a destination. Happiness is the journey. I have said that many times before and I will say it many times again. Life can be a struggle when you are trying to figure yourself out. There are days when you may feel like you are being pulled in too many directions to even count and you have no idea which direction is the right one. Everyone may be telling you that one direction is the right way but your gut and your heart feel that another direction is. People may not like that I say this but listen to what your gut is telling you. What you are feeling is true because you are connecting with a deeper level of consciousness. This is a deeper part of you that knows what is right for you. It may feel weird and out of the norm because you are going against the grain of society but trust me…once you stop resisting you will start living. Life really and truly does start when you step outside of your comfort zone.
Do you know what it feels like to be sitting in a coffee shop alone watching strangers and feeling a sense of happiness because you are able to experience all of these lives around you? Do you know what it feels like to want happiness for complete strangers? Do you know what it feels like to fight for what you believe in and not want to beat yourself up about it (because someone/society is telling you that it is wrong)? Do you know what it feels like to look in the mirror and feel absolutely beautiful and it has nothing to do with your physical appearance? Do you know what it is like to love yourself because you are able to grab onto all of your values and your gifts that you have to offer to the world and embrace them? I hope you are able to answer yes to these questions because everyone should be able to experience and feel these things. In my opinion this is what living really should be.
I started to meditate so I could start living MY life instead of everyone else’s. I started writing this blog so that I could get everything I needed to out of me because sometimes I struggle in vocal word. I started sharing my thoughts with complete strangers (and even friends and family) so that they could experience something outside of everything that they know. I am not a saint or someone looking for a medal or some type of humanitarian award but in complete and true honesty I want people to be able to love themselves. I want people to be able to read my words and to be able to say screw what everyone else thinks about me and say, “I am talented, beautiful, artistic, smart, determined, passionate, kind, caring…” Life is not meant to be lived so everyone conforms. I believe that we would have so many less hate crimes and wars if people were more accepting of themselves and loved themselves and accepted others for their differences but I realize we are a long long long way from that. My words in this blog are written in hopes to inspire. Step outside of your comfort zone…not tomorrow…not next week…NOW!!! Ask yourself why you “hate” anything or anyone you do then follow it up by asking what benefits come from this hate. Ask yourself what benefits come from loathing the way you look or feel about yourself. Do something so different than you normally would do just to prove to yourself (just yourself-not to anyone else) that you can do it. Maybe I am demanding a lot of people and maybe people will ridicule me and tell me that I am living some sort of fantasy life but I am not going to stop…not today…not next week…not next year. I will be spouting off this same message for the rest of my life….who knows maybe I will even be spouting it off in the life after that too. ;0)
Meditation has changed me. Meditation has made me fall in love with life and has allowed more and more stresses to escape my body. I share this with you in hopes that you are able to enjoy your journey called life as much as I have. I promise you that it is possible to change your path if that is what you truly want…and it doesn’t have to be as hard as you think it is going to be. I understand that there is apprehension and nervousness but you really do not need to be scared because what you are capable of is so unlimited. Whoever you are reading this….YOU ARE A GIFT IN THIS WORLD. You have way more to offer than you even have any idea about in this very moment. Take this time right here right now and choose to love who you are. The last thing I am asking is for you to just trust me in this. Check out this link to a College based on Counsciousness in Iowa. http://www.mum.edu/index.html and the Trascendental Meditation website is www.tm.org if you are interested in checking it out. :0) And this Sunday on The Oprah channel at 9:00pm she will be doing a special on TM and will be visiting the University in Iowa. :0)
My last words to you are….Love Yourself Always!