Day 61 Question 61:
Can people change?
It’s St. Patrick’s Day! No booze for this young lady. I saw a friend last night at the restaurant where I work and she asked if I was still on the no drinking think and when I did the math I realized it has been 16 months since I have drank. I will rock out a non-alcoholic beer every once in a while but it has been a loooong time since any alcohol (besides the teeny weeny bit in the O’Douls) has been inside my body. It is pretty wild. I honestly can’t really see going back to drinking (no I was not an alcoholic-haha) because I have seen life in a different way and I like this way better. Hindsight really is 20/20 because for me I saw that drinking really had no advantages. I would always end up with a “want to shoot myself in the face” hangover and on some occasions I would just get emotional or feel depressed the day after drinking. For me it really was a depressant that took a hold of me. In 16 months I have not had to suffer through the 24+ hour hangover or have to make those phone calls apologizing for my stupid actions. I never had to ask others what my dumb ass did because I drank too much. I was completely capable to drinking in moderation or just having 1 or 2 in a social setting but I just decided I wanted a challenge and just get rid of it all together. My original goal was to quit for 4-5 months and once I met that goal I figured why start now????
I refer to this part of my life because with the question of whether people can change I would have to say yes. I believe we are built in certain ways and change can be extremely difficult at times but it is completely possible. Change can only be accomplished though if that is what you truly want. Real change is not something that can be faked. You can’t just try to convince yourself that you are changed because that is what you want. I have aspects of my life that I am still trying to figure out how to change. I know I just have to take the bull by the horns and do it but I have this stubborn part of me that can’t let go of things.
This morning my mom called me just to chat (take note I had worked 16+ hours yesterday). Within minutes of the conversation we were at each other’s throats. We are both complete Sensitive Sally’s and although we love each other more than words could even express we are both hard headed and do not always know how to respond or react to each other. I must reiterate how much I love my mom. I think she is the greatest woman on earth but I believe I am holding in some resentment and some animosity toward her. I hold these things inside of me because I have not completely accepted myself in all areas yet. My mom has made comments about my weight, my hair, my style, etc. throughout the years and in the past yes sometimes it was just hurtful. I know that was not her intention but at the time she didn’t realize how much it bothered me. Nowadays she knows so she tries to steer clear of saying anything that she knows might hurt my feelings. I know this but I am still very sensitive and even though she doesn’t always say certain things I assume she is thinking them. I get caught up in her words and I read into things too much sometimes. I HAVE to change this about myself and I believe I can, I just have to figure out how. How do you erase 20+ years of something you have felt and stressed about? I get anxious and defensive with my mother about a lot of what she says because in a lot of cases I know that what she is saying is right. She just may not always have the best delivery (that might be something she needs to work on). I loathed my body growing up and even though I don’t absolutely love it now but I accept it and embrace it as best as I can and it gets easier everyday. I knew I had to change or my path would be completely self-destructive. I look back at my life and I see that if I would have continued with certain patterns that life would have been nothing but one disappointment and heartbreak after another.
Yes, people can change if that is what they want in life. I will say it again like I said it a million times (and a lot of people disagree but it is one thing I know I am 100% right about). How you feel is your choice. If you want to be happy that is your choice. If you want to be unhappy that is your choice. If you want to be angry that is your choice. Is it really fair to blame anyone or anything else for YOUR feelings? If you answered yes then you might need take a look at your circumstances and see how many times you have blamed someone else for how YOU are feeling. There is nothing wrong with feeling sadness or anger when circumstances bring that on but those are YOUR feelings….they are nothing that you can place blame on someone or something else for. Once I realized this I saw my life change in a very drastic way. I looked back and saw the many times I placed blames on people, places or things for how I felt. I let something or someone else control me and in my opinion that is not how life should work.
Everything here is strictly my opinion and my opinions are based on my life experiences. For the first time in a really long time I feel a true happiness….not a fake, forced one. I hated fighting with my mom this morning and I cried and I felt sad and angry but I accepted that they were MY emotions and I could not place blame on her anymore for how I felt. It makes me happy that I have become that type of person. I gives me a feeling of peace and calm in my life that I have so desperately needed.
Since it is a Saturday and a Holiday I will not go on toooooo long of a rant. I want to wish my readers an amazing day and hope that you always know that the changes you want to make are completely possible….it makes take some of the hardest work you have ever had to do in your life but I know you have it in you. Have a wonderful day, enjoy the weather and always be safe!!! I send all of my love!
It's a New Day... 
Congrats on the non-drinking, I too myself used to drink and I haven’t had a alcoholic drink in over two years. I wasn’t an alcoholic, but decided since my boyfriend didn’t drink, I would give it up. I don’t miss it at all.
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I stop for a month now and again, even though I dot drink heavily at all. I always feel the benefit, health wise and financially. I feel that people rely on alcohol to be sociable and once you’re in that trap you seem to always want alcohol when socializing. However, laying off the drink trains you to be sociable without the drink and this is a great thing. You expand into yourself a lot more. People can definitely change – thanks for writing!
Savannah expects nearly a million people in town for St. Patrick’s Day…so I and my family wisely left town.
Thank you for finding the lovely video…because I change as I feel it necessary, and think for myself, by myself. Perhaps that is what an artist is, and that is what I am.
Sorry about the tiff with your Mom, but you are you, Diane, as you must be. Remain strong, and as I’ve been advising others: “Keep Going!”
Criticism from our parents when we are children stays with us long after we grow up. I am glad you are in a better place now. You are a brave and unique lady and deserve all the happiness in the world.
A BIG HUG.
Way to go on your non drinking and attitude. I am in recovery because I could not handle my addiction but have not had a drink in 21 years. No one can change you, you have to be sick and tired of the situation to change and willing to change only for yourself. Congrats to you and I only hope I can find the happiness you are experiencing for I am in search of that euphoria. And like you say it is all MY choice. Good luck and way to go.
ONE DAY AT A TIME
Michael
I’ve cut back an awful lot – again, not because I was drinking too much but because I wanted to lose weight (which I have.)
Like others, I’ve been surprised to find that I really haven’t missed it that much.
I did indulge in a Guinness today though 😀
In my opinion. This is deep! Thanks for sharing.
I have never, drank, smoked, or used drugs. I was raised by an abusive father and a mother that did her best to get 6 kids educated and out the door. i agree with you, that it is your choice if your life is unhappy. If it is, then change it. I did, and my life is much better.
I wholeheartedly agree that there is a certain ability to change. And I also agree that a person has to want the change and work on it, because it cannot happen in a day. We can’t wake up and be different people.
But, there a few points that I have respectfully disagree on. I don’t think that a person can change themselves completely. They can gradually change their actions, reactions, and attitudes. But, I don’t believe that all change is within a person’s reach. Hence, we have the serenity prayer.
I cannot change the fact that I have bipolar disorder. Which leads me to respectfully disagree that we often cannot change or help the way we feel. We can change our attitudes that might prompt some of those feelings. But, especially in light of mood disorders, it is often something that is next to impossible to get a complete hold on.
I cannot reverse an episode, but I can refrain from indulging every impulse. I have to live through it. Often, I have to know that although this isn’t entirely me, it is a part of me, and I have to own it as such. Just in the same way that I have come to terms with the way that I look, and resigned myself to the idea that I am never going to be thin. I look the way I do because of genetics. Just like I have certain disorders and physical ailments.
My son has autism. I would never want him to change for the world.
So yes, we can change certain things. But, there are some things there, despite whether they are flaws or not, that make us who we are. Trying to change them is like trying to move a mountain. It’s not going anywhere. Instead, we traverse that mountain to conquer it, and find our way around it.
Bless you for the gift of that gentle, loving and wise smile from the dear Gandhi! Such a wonderfully warm reminder that we CAN stretch and grow and BE a totally, awesomely peaceful and loving and supportive person!