Day 337 Question 337:

What does prayer mean to you?

When I think of prayer my initial instinct is to picture kneeling at a pew at some church spouting off everything that I want to be different to some man in the sky.  I do not say this with any disrespect because I have changed so much and although I do not believe in organized religion or any religion specifically I do still believe in prayer.  Life it this thing so much bigger than us and I cannot help but wonder what is out there….how we were created….what is it that makes us what we are???  The more I see and the more I experience, the more I understand how and why people have the convictions that they do.  We have seen great tragedy this past year with the lives of many innocent people taken in the blink of an eye.  I have this great respect for the people that HAVE to believe in a higher power…the people that truly believe that when life is taken from a loved one that they enter into something serene and peaceful.  I do not feel a connection to the God that I have heard so much about in day to day society but I do feel a connection that drives me to believe that there is something bigger than us….something that drives us to be better people and do better (at least a lot of us….not all of us).  Prayer to me is not asking for everything we want changed but instead …talking to a power outside of ourselves and admitting our faults and trying as best as we can to always do better.  Prayer is wanting for others before wanting for ourselves.  Right now I pray that the families and friends of the children and adults killed in this senseless attack are able to one day find peace….I pray that their pain does not overwhelm their lives.  I pray that although the time was too short that they always remember and carry on the spirits of their beautiful babies and speak of them in a way that will bring much happiness instead of unbearable grief.  I have felt grief before and I fear feeling it again but I know it is inevitable.  I fear the death of my parents and I am sure at that time I will pray in selfishness for the pain to go away….but I also believe that many others will pray for me which will eventually ease the pain as time goes by.  Prayer, no matter what a person’s beliefs are, is such a powerful thing because it is this simple act that can bring people together…..people that would never come together under any other circumstances.

While walking out of the gym today I felt this surge of energy throughout my body and I knew that my endorphins were kicking into overdrive.  As every day passes I become more aware of life around me and I find myself furthering myself from the superficial and materialistic and finding no interest in what once seemed important.  This is my life and I get to choose each and everything in it.  I don’t know if there is real truth in anything but as time passes I do know and believe that I have to believe what I want to believe….I have to form my own convictions.  I have pushed away God and religion and church and although I have no desire in attending church and I still believe in a strong separation of church in state….I want MY God in my life and I want MY belief in prayer in my life.  I believe that there is something out there that keeps me going somehow some way and it is much bigger than me.  As I grow older what I feel becomes more important than what I think and I am thankful that what I feel drives me to want to do for others…even if it as simple as offering my words when needed.