Day 335 Question 335:

What is something you find unfair?

I would rather die from someone hating my way of thinking….my belief that we need to love one another than to ever inflict violence on another human being.  I refuse to ever live through anger….to ever act violently out of anger. All day yesterday I felt completely empty.  My grandmother died on Christmas morning almost 20 years ago and since then I have disliked Christmas….I have never felt the spirit of it until this year.  I felt excited this year to be spending it with my parents in my home and to spend time with my dear friends.  That excitement has been lost because the lives of 20 innocent and beautiful young children have been taken.  I struggle right now to be able to look forward to something that I have had so many years to celebrate when these small, innocent children deserve to experience the magic of this holiday and they will no longer have that chance.  I cannot imagine being a parent of one of these murdered children and having to look at the presents that were already bought knowing that their child will never get to enjoy them….never again being able to see the excitement in their little innocent eyes.  I may not be a parent but I know undoubtedly that it is the hardest job there is.  Some of these children had siblings and their parents know that they have to keep it together as best they can for the living children.  I cannot imagine how difficult and both physically and mentally destroying that could be.  I hurt for these people because it is simply not fair.  I stood in front of the television watching scenes of terror flash across the screen and a tear fell from my eye and all I kept thinking is how I would want to protect those children as best I could even though they weren’t mine.  I would protect a child I had never even met in order to give that child many more years of life and many more years of much deserves experiences and adventures.  I am a nanny for twin girls that are almost 2 years old.  These little girls have amazing parents and I never get tied up in wishing they were mine and I always explain the difference between who I am and who their mommy is.  Their mother should always be their hero….I only hope that I might fall in the top five of people that have made an impact on their lives.  These children have changed my life and even though there is no blood line between us I know I would completely break if anything were to happen to either of them.  I would throw myself in front of a train if that meant they were able to live….I would do anything I could to take away their pain.  Childhood is the only time when a human being can truly be innocent and that innocence is the most beautiful thing in the world.  There is nothing more powerful than watching a human being grow and see the wonder in their eyes and have no knowledge or understanding of the mass chaos that is the world that they live in.  To a child the world is there playground and NO CHILD should be stripped of this beautiful innocence EVER!!!

Tomorrow is guaranteed to no one!  This past year I have thought so much about my parents knowing that their time here will only last for so long (not to be morbid).  I feel like a part of me will die when the day comes that I have to say goodbye.  I truly do not know how I will function or if I will be able to function.  A part of me fears completely breaking down and not being able to ever get back up again.  My mother is the person that has always given me hope.  She is the person that I go to when I need a shoulder to cry on or simply just feel like talking.  It has become a habit to call my mom just to say hey….even if I have nothing to talk about.  I know the pain will be horrendous but I also know that I will have had a good 35+ years to be with her….to love her with everything that I have.  These children that had their lives stolen no longer have that.  These children have been cheated and I ache for them and I ache thinking about the pain that their parents must be feeling at this very moment.  These children did not die in an accident or because of medical reasons….these children died in an act of violence that had absolutely nothing to do with them.  I cannot imagine holding onto that thought for the rest of my life.

A friend of mine posted a tweet she found and I found it so fitting: I’m not worried that the “world is supposed to end in a few days”. I am worried that it’s going to continue the way it is.

We, as human beings, need to regroup and remember that there is nothing more valuable than human life.  We need to stop being a society that is reactive and start being proactive.  We need to stop being victims and feel sorry for ourselves and start being leaders and prove that nothing is going to break us.  We need to rebuild humankind and be the country that we are meant to be.  I really do not want to look back in 20 years and see us on the same path….that would be what I would find most unfair because that would prove that we all just gave up….I refuse to give up and if I must I will be an army of 1.  I will always stand up for what I believe in even if it means standing alone!