Day 233 Question 233:

What is your stance on politics/politicians?

I sometimes question whether or not I am living life all wrong.  I sometimes wonder why I am constantly plagued with nervousness.  I question myself and sometimes I doubt the things I do and I say.  I have never been a person with extremely strong convictions or the type of person to say what is on my mind whether or not it hurts someone’s feelings.  Life is not simple by any means.  There are so many things to figure out and I have figured out that for many years I was trying to fit a mold…I was trying to be what other people wanted me to be.  It dawned on me how unnatural that was and how I could no longer do that.  It sounds like it should be an easy transition but it is not.  Accepting oneself fully is not always an easy task.  I get angry sometimes and sometimes my words hurt me and other’s words hurt me.  I sometimes have no idea how to react or to respond to situations.  I am the outsider in my family in that I do not think or act like anyone in it.  That does not mean that I do not love the people in my family and that does not mean that they don’t love me….there is just difficulty in being part of a family where it feels like no one is able to relate.  What feels so very natural to me is striving for people to come together as opposed to being driven apart.  I absolutely detest what our government has become and I feel that family values have been sinking at a rapid pace.  I tend to be very liberal while the rest of my family is very conservative.  I don’t think they are wrong for being conservative just as much as I don’t think I am right for being more liberal.  This is so hard to explain.  I am a dreamer.  I am a person to question everything because I am unable to see set answers and certainty in anything.  I just want to dig deeper and I want to see as many sides to every single story and issue that I possibly can.  Yesterday I was talking to my dad about war and how I can’t wrap my brain around how we have become such a violent world in which killing is so acceptable and even expected.  I don’t understand how people can take other’s lives with such ease.  I told him I don’t think that war and battle is the solution…it is just instigating bigger problems.  I even said that as naïve as this might sound, that I am unsure if there is a God or a higher power but a part of me believes that if there is that he has given us all of these different issues and challenges to see how we respond and we have failed as a population.  Instead of working together and learning from each other and loving each other for our differences we have become divided.  We have chose to fight each other because of our differences instead of looking for solutions that could benefit all parties.  My dad told me (and I know he wasn’t trying to be mean), that sometimes you just have to use common sense.  He was basically implying that my thoughts were just a pipe dream and we are already in this state of war and have been for so long that I need to just accept it.  That breaks my heart.  I have a hard time accepting that I live in a world that is continuing to become more violent…a world where people only look out for themselves.

The last couple of days have been challenging because I have been hormonal.  When I am hormonal (oh the joys of womanhood) my emotions go into overdrive, my sensitive level is peaked to the extreme and my thoughts come nonstop.  My mom had me watch the clip of Clint Eastwood at the Republican National Convention yesterday and by the time the loooong 12 minutes were over I wanted to slam my head against the table.  She wanted me to watch the clip of Mitt Romney’s son next.  I told her no thank you.  She looked at me and said, “You don’t care.  Your generation just doesn’t care about any of this stuff.”  My mom is my everything but those words were like a stab to the heart.  I care about everything….I feel like sometimes I care far too much.  Of course this triggered an argument because somehow my mom knows exactly when to pull the trigger when I am hormonal.  I didn’t want to watch the video because I find politicians at this time to be absolutely disgraceful.  The way that they can point fingers at everyone else for their wrongdoing and throw slander all through the media makes me absolutely sick to my stomach.  Politics has become (well I am sure it has always been) so corrupt.  I didn’t want to watch another clip of someone just saying what a shitbag Obama is…just the same way I wouldn’t want to hear Obama talking about Romney being a useless pile of shit.  I have a hard time believing anything that politicians say anymore because politics has become such a competition and a game.  There is so much he said she said and no taking ownership of mistakes.  Mitt Romney can say that this country belongs to the people but does it really?  Does every person in this country have equal rights?  I think we know the answer to that.

Call me naïve if you wish but my feelings are what they are.  I do not know every aspect of politics that there is.  I am not well versed on all of the issues.  What I do know is that it is sickening to see grown men bash each other in the media in front of millions of viewers and these are the people that are supposed to be our leaders, our mentors our role models.  Political parties don’t even try to work together to come up with some solutions….they instead just try harder to point out what the other party is doing wrong.  I don’t have the solution to anything I have talked about.  I wish I did but we have evolved into this and I am not sure if there will be a change….at least not a change in which people come together instead of further apart.  What I choose is to do my part wherever I can.  I choose to show love and teach love.  I choose to ask questions as to why people think and do as they do….not out of judgment but out of pure, genuine interest.  I choose to help whenever and however I can.  I am not the perfect person by any means of the word.  I go back and forth with my thoughts and feelings all of the time but I try my hardest to see life outside of just myself and honestly (as unbelievable as it may be to some) there is nothing I want more than to do for others.  If I could do for others over myself each and every single day I would….I would because there is nothing more rewarding.

I wish I could explain myself better but what I feel is sometimes impossible to put into words.  Having the passion that I do is sometimes unexplainable….it is my true self.  The person I sought out for so long.