Day 161 Question 161:
What intimidates you?
Ugh intimidation. I hate the thought of being intimidated but (in my opinion) it is just one of those natural things in life. At some point we are all intimidated by something or someone. Some of us are intimidated by man things or many people. My intimidations have lessened over time because of the strength I have built over time. I am no longer intimidated by the woman with the better body than me or the woman I might think if better looking than me. Those things are just superficial and exterior. They don’t define us as people…once I realized and accepted that, those intimidations ceased.
My biggest intimidation though is people that are aggressive and (in my own words) outspoken. I am not saying that these are negative qualities by any means. Let me explain… The people I am speaking of are the ones that can speak their mind at any time. They express all of their emotions with ease and portray confidence in what they say and feel. These are the people that will express their opinions and feel confident in what they say and do not care whether or not they offend anyone…because they feel as strongly as they do. I admire these qualities (sometimes) but I am also intimidated by these qualities.
Don’t get me wrong…I can hold my own. I can speak my mind and state my opinions. I have just always been the person to tread lightly and consider other’s feelings before voicing my opinions…no matter how passionate I feel about something. From a young age I was always taught to not be aggressive. I don’t blame my parents…they didn’t want me to be a bully. I understood where they were coming from. It is such a tricky thing to teach a child. There is this find line between being aggressive to get what you want and being abrasive and rude. A lot of people fall into the latter. I still struggle with this and when I come in contact with people that are able to speak their minds with such ease and say whatever they want when they want, I can become completely intimidated. I feel like I am not conveying my point clearly…hmmmmm.
I am a woman with a lot of book smarts and a lot of “street” smarts. I believe I flow well in day to day life and I work hard and I am able to get the results I am looking for. I can sell myself in interviews and I can speak very passionately about certain topics. I, however, have this shyness inside of me. I HATE HATE HATE the thought and idea of offending people…even if it is a perfect stranger. I am constantly thinking in my mind whether or not I have been guilty of the same thing I would be pointing fingers at someone else for. I question myself a lot when it comes to expressing my thoughts because I know with some things I have not learned all there is to learn. I cannot tell someone they are wrong because I don’t feel like that is my right. I have made many mistakes in the past by talking about people (yes behind their backs) and I have lost friends by doing this (yes, it was my fault). I expressed my thoughts with a third party instead of the party at hand. I know this is wrong (trust me I know). I just never know how people are going to react. I always want to keep the peace…even if I don’t necessary agree with what others say and do. I have a fear of losing people in my life so I just keep my thoughts to myself. I am very uncomfortable with confrontation. I witness people all of the time that are the complete opposite. They will say and do what they want when they want.
This is one area in which I am still searching for that happy medium. I would like to be more aggressive in certain ways but I do not want to be aggressive to the point of being unlikeable or unapproachable. I hate to feel intimidated by people…especially people that (in my opinion) are very negative and selfish. There is another fine line between being there for others and being there for yourself. I know there are times when I destroy myself by not speaking my mind and by not standing up for myself. This blog has helped in a big way…even though there have been times I have even felt intimidated here (by people that live FAR away from me…which is crazy). It is a given that some people will not like me or will not like what I think or say…it is one of those things that sometimes I have a hard time accepting. I have difficulty dealing with someone that expresses their dislike for me, my thoughts or my actions. I have such a strong desire to be liked and I have this passion inside me for good so when someone says something negative on my behalf I feel completely lost…completely intimidated.
I am constantly working on me. I know I should not feel intimidated. It is one of those things that I think takes time to change and to work on. I am working on finding my voice and working on accepting what is. There will be people, no matter what, that just aren’t going to like me. It is a hard thing to accept but it cannot control me. Intimidation is just simply letting my ego take charge and now that I am aware of that….I am working toward stopping that. To my readers, have you ever felt this way? How did you deal with it? I am a pretty sensitive person and I have a love/hate feeling toward being that way. I love that I care so deeply for people and want to do for others before doing for myself but in the same I know I have a lot to say and to stand up for. It is really hard to jump that hurdle….maybe I just need a push….maybe I just need some guidance. Maybe that is why I am here. Through my journey of self-improvement and self-discovery I have learned so much about who I am and there are places along the way where I have just needed to stop and ask for help….to ask for advice…to ask for a hand to help guide me to a better understanding or a clearer point of view. That is where I am now….asking you for help. :0)
This may sound odd, but occasionally I intimidate myself. As a writer, I’ll come up with my “what ifs” (plot lines/stories) and the potential success of any “what if” scares the crap out of me, because WHAT IF I can’t create anymore successful “what ifs”?
Nothing scares a writer more than a blank page and an equally blank imagination. Jus’ sayin’ …
Guilt or the pondering if we are guilty, is intimidation. Why be intimidated by your own mind?
Oh, I’m preaching to me.
I guess for many of us this is a very sensative subject! I raised a similar issue in my blog of Dec last year……..Is sarcasm really funny? The piece I wrote about was with regards to a male work colleague. Someone who found enjoyment at putting others down and imtimidating them with barrages of sarcastic and hurtful comments. Like yourself I don’t like confrontation, and the majority of the time I put up and shut up…..for fear of saying totally the wrong thing in response. I stop and question myself if I were to confront them with similar insulting or intimidating remarks….would this make me any better than them? I really don’t think so….it would only put me on the same level as them (and make me feel a sense of guilt) Over the years I have learned to compromise, and be tactful. Having been a Union Representative for over 10 yrs, this was an essential tool. However, having said that I did have a confrontation last week with this same young male colleague over his very highly opinionated, egotistical, and very harsh remarks and critiscism of others as well as of me. Suffice to say, alternative seating arrangements in my office have now been made, where upon I do not have to constantly hear his extreme opinions, which are to him are always right. He has ‘a natural flair’ to be intimidating, sarcastic and egotistical, and I do believe he finds this a strength of his own character. He is still very young, and has yet a great deal to learn, like you and I and many others have already learnt…. the art of diplomacy…….and the difference on how to share an opinion rather than have it forced upon others, in the belief that he is totally right so no one else could possibly be.
I’m intimidated by the writing world. Trying to break in is so hard and I know you need a tough skin. Thanks for the good read!
I am also intimidated by people who can speak their minds freely without minding at all what you’d think. Usually, these people are also good looking, making them doubly intimidating for me. I used to think that these people were rubbing in my face how much better they are, but now I realized that it was just a feedback, a comment, or a start of an intellectual discourse. Now, I try to level with them. When they say something that hurts me, even just a little, I say “thank you,” instead, then walk away.
Cool topic! It took me until a bad breakup and buying someone business soon after to START at 32 finally speaking up for myself. Now I just talked to my assistant about how poooor communication here has amplified that until I feel like a huge asshole often because I have to be extra assertive just to figure out what the heck people want most of the time. What inimidates me? Being in a position where someone expects me to defend my knowledge. Feeling tested. I work with other doctors who take each others knowledge at face value mainly because they like to chat socially, and chat about clinical trivia. I’m particular about socializing and I’m completely uninterested in discussing clinical stuff for “fun”, so there’s this perception that I know less, and the irritating tendency for my equals to question me minutely about even basic things as though to confirm I know from whence I speak. It’s infuriating and angering but ultimately it highlights my inability to word vomit factoids to their liking which in turn reinforces their assumptions. I avoid it like the plague. lol