Day 112 Question 112:

What is something you have accomplished that you never thought you would?

I love those moments in your life when you are able to smile to yourself knowing you have done something good….a moment of feeling proud of yourself.  In the past those moments came few and far between because I gave myself no credit and constantly belittled myself.  I could do something amazing and instead of patting myself on the back and appreciating my accomplishments I would say, “I should have done this or I should have done that.”  Nothing was ever good enough because I was living by someone else’s rules…I don’t even know who’s rules they were but they certainly weren’t mine.

Today is a different day.  The last 6 months have been completely different.  I decided on a whim (unsure of where it exactly it came from) to make my life my own and to appreciate even the smallest of accomplishments I made/make.  Just today I went to the grocery store and when I parked my car there was a lady next to me that was about to push the cart back up to the store before she left.  I grabbed the cart and told her I would be happy to take it for her.  I didn’t need to do that.  In the past I probably would have just turned my head the other way and just went about my business.  This very small gesture made me proud of the person that I have become.  I was able to help someone else that didn’t even ask.

I have made mistakes just like everyone else in this life but I have also made big comebacks.  This may sound like some super cheese but the one thing that I have accomplished that I never thought I would was to love myself.  For the first time in my life I love everything about me…I love my imperfect body and my imperfect teeth.  I love my awkwardness and my ability to giggle in uncomfortable situations.  I truly love everything about myself because it makes me this unique creature and I have learned that my outer appearance has nothing to do with who I am.  I have this want and desire to emit happiness and kindness because it is what I feel.  I love myself because even though I may screw up, I know that my intentions are always good.  I know that when I love….I love until it hurts and I want the people that I love to never have to experience pain or heartbreak…I know it is inevitable that they will but in my heart I know that if I could take it away I would.

Loving yourself seems like such a simple concept and in most people’s eyes it wouldn’t really be considered an accomplishment but if you were to ask people all over the world if they truly loved themselves I think you would hear the word NO a lot more than you would expect.  I have many accomplishments under my belt…I have lost 65+ lbs and have maintained and continue to lose weight, I quit drinking to be healthy (no drinks in 18 months), I have planned youth service projects and have been featured on the local news and in newspapers, I have met various state representatives and fought for the rights of children and youth.  These are amazing accomplishments of mine and I am proud of myself for what I have done but they hold no comparison to loving the person that I am to this very day.  There is no feeling that could compare to being able to no longer believe life would be better if I was thinner or smarter or had more money.  Nothing is better than seeing the beauty in everyday and seeing how you are part of the value of that beauty.

My words may sound corny to some but I have encountered so many people (young and old) that have no sense of self-worth.  Too many people in this world do not believe in themselves because they have not been reminded enough times of their youth.  In order to truly believe something, in a lot of situations, you need to have it repeated over and over again.  If someone is told over and over again that they are worthless or need to lose weight or they will never amount to much….they are going to believe it.  I am so happy that I have lost weight and I am finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin but my weight whether it is 140, 180 or 250 is never going to define me and the lower the number goes on the scale does not equal happiness.  It took me from about 6^th grade to just about 7 months ago to realize that.  The happiness I am experiencing is not from the weight loss….it is from the pride I have in myself for pushing through the hardest times and choosing a lifestyle that I knew would be much healthier for me.  The happiness is a feeling…it is not the goal itself.

A couple of months ago I revisited some of my past writings and there was a trend.  I was constantly writing in a state of misery.  I was writing about how much I loathed myself and how much life was unfair and how ugly I was and how fat I was and so on and so forth.  The words spewed nothing but negativity and I couldn’t even believe that was me.  I started this blog and was determined to serve as an outlet for inspiration and motivation.  Not all of my entries are happy go lucky and some of the topics can be downright sad but the message is always clear….I want to inspire people to love themselves and to be able to look at themselves and see goodness and see beauty and see hope.  This world can be an ugly place if we allow it to be but we are lucky enough to have the choice to shape our own paths.  After 32 years, I was sick of hating myself and blaming myself for everything and blaming society and everything else in the world for my depressive state.  I was done and over with that and once I came to that decision….happiness and determination were the only choice.  If I wanted something I was going to get it….even if it was going to come with blood, sweat and tears.  There is nothing better than working so hard at something….to the point of absolute exhaustion….and seeing an end result that can bring you to tears.  Most of my friends in my daily life and those on Facebook know I am a positive affirmation/motivational junkie.  I will have people post positive quotes on my wall and I have even been asked for words on advice on weight loss or how to get out of a funk.  I don’t have all of the answers for everyone but I am always willing to give a helping hand….because in the past I have needed a helping hand and I know in the future I will need one again.  Anyhooooo, a friend of mine posted something on my wall today because she knew it was something that would inspire me….and that it did.  I chose to post it below in hopes that it inspires you too.  I hope you are able to look at this video and remember it during the times when you think that things are impossible….nothing is impossible if you don’t want it to be.  To my readers, I want you to know how much I appreciate you.  I read comments that you leave me and your insights and kind words have meant more to me than you even know…I have needed you all in my life and I feel truly lucky that you are here now (even if it is in just the virtual sense).  I hope you all love yourselves because you are all beautiful people all in your unique and wonderful ways!  I send you all of the love I can to fill your hearts!  Thank you again for being a part of this wonderful journey of mine called life! :0)