Day 109 Question 109:
What habit are you having a hard time breaking?
I can’t quite put my finger on what I want to write about today. I am actually quite tired. I have spent the week accomplishing a lot and exerting a lot of physical energy and my body is just in rest. I would love for my mind to be in rest mode too but that is just not who I am.
The habit of constantly planning and making to do lists and planning about a million years ahead is something that no matter how hard I try I just cannot seem to break. I may ease my body for a little bit but I just cannot let my mind go and enjoy the laziness and the simplicity. The meditations are a HUGE help but my desire for more knowledge and wanting to be a part of a million projects sometimes just catches up with me. At this current time I am researching Spanish lessons (Rosetta Stone, Pimsleur method) because I would really like to start learning a second language. I am researching for my unit 5 paper that is due on Sunday May 13th (I will have this done in advance because I am not at all a procrastinator nowadays). I am planning times to workout this weekend and what workouts I want to do. I am beyond happy in life and I love my enthusiasm and drive and I honestly feel like I have a great balance. I am in a healthy place both mentally and physically. I just need to force myself to sometimes just slow down…everyone needs a break in life. I just have the worst habit of feeling guilty when I decide to be lazy…because in my head there is always something productive I could be doing. I could be cleaning. I could be working ahead on assignments. I could be researching organizations and sending out resumes/portfolios. I could be researching topics for upcoming blog entries. I could be watching documentaries on subjects that interest me. I could be reading. I could be grocery shopping.
This life has been flying by and I have such a desire to absorb as much as I possibly can. I know in order to do this that I need to give my body and mind proper rest and if that requires a lazy day or two then I should do that. Why is it that I am unable to give myself that permission? Does anyone else have the same problem? How do you deal with it? I pretty much know my answer but I just can’t seem to step out of this comfort zone….I can’t seem to overcome the guilt I feel when I am not being productive. I have quite smoking (10 yrs ago-cold turkey), I stopped drinking (18 months ago), I have lost 65lbs and continue to go strong, I workout 4-5 times a week and I have changed my lifestyle drastically. I meditate twice a day which has given me a lot more energy both physically and creatively (it has also alleviated so much of my anxiety and nervousness). I have changed my entire lifestyle for what I believe is the better and the healthier. Why am I unable to just slow down? I am almost starting to think that I am repressing something that I just am unable to pull forward.
This entry answered a question but I decided to write it to ask for advice. If you ever experience this, how do you handle it? How do you think I should handle it?? I would love any words of wisdom (as I am always looking for words of wisdom). Happiness has found me but I don’t want to wear myself out when I should be taking time to just rest. Thank you for any and all advice :0)