Day 77 Question 77:
What are some important things/people/events in your life that have shaped you into who you are to this very day?
I have been going back and forth about what to write about today. Nothing in particular is standing out in my mind. I have been thinking a lot about my life lately and how much I have changed. I have revisited my past in my mind and traveled the journey to where I am now and see that the person I once was no longer exists. I am glad about that. I never hated who I was…I believe I was always true in form at the moment. I have just found the me that I love and this is the person that I had been in search of for a very long time. This me finally slapped the old me in the face and said, “Get it together. You are not a victim. Life is what you want it to be. You have an endless amount of choices. Stop whining and feeling sorry for yourself and start living.” I needed to stop living in the past and let all of the things that happened in the past control me.
I cannot pinpoint exact when this change of mindset occurred…it has been within the last 6 months. For so long I held all of this resentment and anger toward events of my past and my actions of the past. I decided to start talking to people. I decided to start seeking out information and the knowledge of others on how they deal with their stresses and mishaps in life. I threw myself into books and into my writing. I found me! It became the situation of all or nothing. I gave myself an ultimatum. I could step outside of my comfort zone and choose to accept everything about myself…the good and the bad…OR I could just continue living in misery…feeling sorry for myself and hating the person that I am. The second was not an option.
I had enough of beating myself and questioning why things happened as they did. They were happening as they were because of my mindset. I really do believe that when you exude positivity it comes back to you tenfold. But the same occurs when you exude negativity. In a short period of time I read books that motivated me and made me take a long look at myself (The Power of Now, The Art of Happiness, Being Zen) and I started absorbing what I was reading. I made the choice to start embracing the positive in my life and seeing EVERYTHING as an opportunity…even the hard stuff. I wanted to be someone that others would want to be around because of the positivity that I give off. I started thinking about the number of people I had in my life that I could not stand being around because all they did was spew negativity and I no longer wanted to be one of those people.
It took me a long time to learn but I finally have…nothing good comes from anger, hatred, complaining, whining, etc. All is does is deteriorate your health and brainwashes you to believe that your life is terrible and will never ever get better. As I have gone on and on about in so many other entries, your life path is all of the choices that you make. If you want to bitch and moan about how awful everything is in your life that is your right but don’t make others suffer. You are the one choosing to be miserable when you could actually look at your situation in a whole different life. The victim mentality gets really old really fast in my book.
I have not always been this person and by no means whatsoever do I feel or think that I am better than anyone. I do not have all of the answers in life and I am going to screw up many more times in my life. What I do know though is that we are what we want to be in this life. Life is hard and full of obstacles and challenges and instead of giving up or just being lazy because we don’t want to do the work we should instead face the challenges and look at them as opportunities. You don’t have to prove to anyone that you can do it…prove it to yourself!
I really haven’t answered the question at hand. There are many things that have helped shaped the changes I have made in my life. The main factor was my inner desire to want better for myself and the knowing what potential I have. I was done wasting time. Honestly, the last guy I dated pushed me over the edge (not in a bad way) and I knew when it ended that I was done with the pity party and I was done with this person that was so completely lost in life. I decided that I was not going to just crawl into a hole and allow even more of me to die inside. I was going to flourish and grow. Yes, I chose to hibernate for a while and take time for just myself because that is what I knew I needed. I didn’t feel bad about it. I embraced this time to learn more about me and to love how different I am in mind, body and soul. This time allowed me to make a mental shift and see that my body does not define me, my work does not define me, the superficial things do not define me. I am this creature roaming the Earth that has more beauty than one can even imagine. A kind of beauty that is not defined by shape, color, features, etc. Instead of wallowing in self-pity I remind myself constantly that life is not defined by what other’s think, feel and see when it comes to me. The only thing that matters is what I think and I think I am quite amazing. I want EVERYONE to feel this way about themselves.
We are going to undoubtedly experience many hardships throughout our lives and with these hardships we will always have a choice in how we react to it. Remember that you are your own definition. You are not your job, your race, your gender or your religion. You are what you feel and what you want yourself to be. You are unique (yes we all are I know ;0). Happiness is a choice. Trust me when I say this.
It is very difficult to overcome regretting past choices. Your posting is inspiring.
“you are your own definition” i love it
I just spent the weekend with 2 friends–one who is bubbly and upbeat, the other glum and morose. It was amazing to see the positive energy that Grace exerted on Jane. I hadn’t seen J so energized in the 10 years that I’ve known her. And now I’m even more determined to focus on the things I do good rather than the things I’m not good at. I wan’t to feel like you do–that I am amazing. Thanks for the timely advice.
I couldn’t agree with you more. I have friends that are immersed in past hurts, perceived slights, and events long since put to bed. If you wake up with all that baggage you’re going to carry a heavy load through the day.
beauty that is not defined by shape, color, features, … yes I think that happiness is something that too little people value, and I am aware that you can’t be happy all day everyday, but you can have happy moments
Absolutely agree. Life is a series of choice and we need to own our choices. It empowers us. It is a lesson best taught to children. They become happy when they realize that they have the choice to react in a positive way or melt down in each situation. 😀
Great blog! I would have to say what’s changed me most was the birth of my three children and being on dialysis. They’ve had individual challenges. I have grown through them both.
“I could step outside of my comfort zone and choose to accept everything about myself…the good and the bad…OR I could just continue living in misery…feeling sorry for myself and hating the person that I am. The second was not an option.”
I believe this is the answer, accepting everything about self. There’s no way to love self without acceptance. Good for you. Sounds like you are on an excellent path.
in my teens and 20’s, i fought with my father constantly as my mother tried to ease the anger. i wanted to move out, but i felt she needed me there because it seemed he would be fighting with her if not with me, so i was kind of keeping the anger away from her. once my mother died, it was time for me to go because there was no way me and my father would have not killed each other.
Of all your wonderful posts here, this one has blessed me and uplifted and freed me the most. I have read this John Lennon quote several times recently and appreciate how very appropriate it is to this particular post. Bless you this Holy Week–and all of yours and all in your loving memory!
I am so glad that you enjoyed this post. I suffered for quite sometime and decided to take control and couldn’t be happier that I did :0)
Wonderful steps forward, we all must be our own best friends.
Wonderful! When I learned that my anger was really only hurting me and that the other person had probably never given me another thought, I felt rejuvenated. Letting go of bad emotions isn’t always easy, but it is healing.
I’ve only recently subscribed to your blog but have loved reading your daily questions and answers. Funny that you should write about mindset and how it has shaped your journey because just today, I was provided access to an audiobook version of Carol Dweck’s Mindset:The New Psychology of Success. So I’ve been listening to it all day while working (great way to be productive for the man AND mindful for me!) The ideas within are far from new but she writes from a scientific standpoint with tests, trials and case studies to back up the idea that Fixed vs. Growth minset beliefs form very different results.
Anyway, I’ve come to realize that often times we are able to preach the Growth mindset to others and help them on their paths even though deep down we are still trying to convince ourselves. Each time a problem presents itself, there is a great battle internally even though we see with our own eyes “results” of living positively.
The tough part for me is recognizing that I have believed something to be “fixed”, knowing this belief needs to and can be changed yet am unable to flip the switch within me. Another struggle is determining whether I want to flip this switch or merely trying to prove a point, either to myself or another.
Anyway this is all a part of learning about and bettering myself and it is very nice to be able to read about your success in changing your way in thinking.
Wonderfully inspiring, Diane! Thank you!
“Happiness is a choice”
I agree wholeheartedly! Our lives are all made up of choices and I think you hit the nail right on the head with this one. So many people view happiness as a destination but they neglect to pay attention to the journey! That’s where the fun is! 🙂 Thank you for your post.
Diane – I just love this site. I look forward to reading your posts every day and have been inspired, fascinated, interested by them all. Fantastic stuff!!
Yay I love to hear that :0) Thank you so much Sally!