Say each of us has an artifact that defines us and is the legacy of our lives, what do you believe your artifact is?
This entry may be short, I apologize. I have to work today and woke with a pounding headache and I took a codeine-I get these headaches from time to time :0(. This should make for an interesting day. Fingers crossed I don’t spill anything on anyone :0). Onto the question…my artifact would have to be a mask of some form. I always picture this mask to be one from a masquerade ball. The reason I choose a mask is because it is something I have been living behind for as long as I can remember. I even had an old friend (well actually the last guy I was seeing) mention this to me and I couldn’t help but see the truth in it. I do not want to say I am a fake person. I have true, genuine caring feelings for others and my goal is always to bring happiness to others lives. I desire to help people. The problem is that I tend to forget about myself. I have lived this sort of double life. The person on the outside is not always the same person as on the inside. This charade can be quite exhausting. I am starting to learn more about this though and starting to live differently now because living behind a mask all of the time is no way to live and deep down that is not the person I truly am. I have a voice that I believe needs to be heard. I have an insane amount of love to give. I know it may sound so corny, but when I am with people sometimes I just take a moment (in whatever the situation may be) and just step back and look. I feel the moment as opposed to thinking about it. It makes me feel alive because I am able to feel and see where other people are coming from. It gives me an opportunity to appreciate other people and see that there is so much more than my own life.
Last night I went to see 3 of my girl friends that live together. We decided to do a girls night and make dinner. These are 3 girls that I have met in the last 6 months (give or take) and we have really only hung out a few times (and it had always been in group situations). I can say I had such a blast. While I was there I felt like I learned so much about these girls and without knowing it they taught me so much. Each one of them are such unique individuals and they all have amazing hearts. I admit that I was nervous before going over because it has been a while since I have had girl friends in my life and sometimes I just don’t know what to talk about. It was so easy and I felt completely comfortable. We were all sitting around the table and we talked for hours. At one moment I took a chance and just sat back and felt the moment. I thought about the lives these girls lead and how welcoming they were. I felt like I didn’t need the mask.