You know how you hear about all of these young kids experience teenage angst? Well I of course went through this time period myself but the problem is I am still going through it and I am now 28. It’s hard to explain what I mean but I will give it my best shot. Being raised in a household listening to the parental units voice their opinions left and right made me think for a very long time that this was the way I was supposed to think. I have come to realize this is just not the truth at all. Actually sometimes I go against what they say just to get a rise out of them. But anyhow back to where I was going. This angst is a feeling of still not knowing. My priorities just seem to be shuffled and I am unsure of what order they should go in. I can’t make a decision to save my life because good ole Diane must look at all aspects and weigh out all of my options and I STILL DON’T KNOW WHICH DECISION IS RIGHT. Talk about frustrating. I see myself as this person that is just lost going along with whatever happens but really has no set direction. Wait scratch that it is almost like I do not have a label like most people. I know labels sound so judgemental but lets think for a minute. When you think of your friends isn’t there one thing about them that stands out the most. For example; you could have a friend that is a kick ass lawyer and this person you love dearly but when you describe her to others she is known for her work. Do you need another example? Ok, you have a friend that for some reason still wants to be your friend even though you are single and she is married with 2 children. This friend is amazing woman but to the world she is a mother. So I will now get to my point, I have no label. There is not one thing at this moment that someone would differentiate me by. Don’t get me wrong I don’t cry about this night after night but like I have said before it is like being stuck in between a rock and a hard place. I don’t know what I want out of life. I don’t know what is most important to me. For a long time I thought marriage was what was meant for me but I have now decided this is not something I want at all. The idea of a committed relationship is fine but I honestly feel, as ridiculous as it sounds, that once the vows of marriage are taken that without knowing it people give up a part of who they are. I am 28 years old and I look at the statistics and I am sorry but how can I value a “union” that so many people have no respect for. I sound pessimistic but in all honesty I am trying to be a realist. I know that people can change and I guess I just don’t understand how you can promise to love someone for the rest of your life when you are unable to predict the future. Don’t get me wrong the idea is nice and for some people it does work but as thick skinned as I may seem to be I am really a fragile soul. I don’t want to know that I set myself up to possibly be hurt knowing the realism that is life.
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It’s a New Dawn…It’s a New Day…
For 365 days I answered a different question. I spent one year discovering myself more than I had my whole life. Every question remains on this blog and I hope that you do revisit each question starting at #1.I have decided from here on out that I am going to let the creative genius out as it comes. I do not believe in forced art...it must come natural. I am 34 years old and still discovering myself. I have moments of great peace and wellness and times of sadness and confusion that boggle my mind and exhaust my body. It is the latter that I have a hard time accepting and sometimes I need a palette to spill all of my thoughts and feelings out to make me feel better. So here I am. As readers I hope you are able to relate and I hope you enjoy the journey.
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