Day 71 Question 71:

If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?

Sometimes I just want to slow down.  I am at a stage in my life where I truly have acceptance and love for the person that I am.  It has taken me a LONG time to get here but now that I am here I am never leaving.  I embrace change…I actually love change because it allows you to step outside of your comfort zone and really grow.  I believe change is necessary in order for people to keep learning and thriving.

When it comes to change I believe we should hold onto our morals and values and all of those things that make us who we are.  I have been raised to be polite and have grown to be compassionate and those are two things I will never ever change about myself.  Change runs along the lines of conquering fears and wanting to practice different lifestyles.  Since I was little I have been overcome with nervousness.  I can’t pinpoint when this began or where it even stems from…I don’t really think that is important because that is the past…the past is an illusion.  To this day I still feel a nervous tension in me from time to time (it has subsided A LOT) since I started practicing meditation regularly.  A lot of this nervousness comes from always pushing myself 25 steps ahead.  The thing I want to and will change about myself is giving myself the clearance to just slow down.  I am not on the go 24 hours a day 7 days a week but sometimes my mind is.  I have this creativity that surges through my body and I get bazillions of ideas that come to me.  I want to do this and I want to do that and start this project or start that project or go here or go there.  Creativity is a beautiful thing but it must be something that comes naturally…it should never be forced.  I am the type of person that wants to get everything done quickly.  I don’t know why I am that way.  Procrastination has never been a concept in my life…if anything I would get projects done far in advance.  The problem though is that I have not let my creative juices flow naturally…and when I don’t allow myself that then my work suffers.  I live my life as if everything is on a timeline and I am slowly started to accept that not EVERYTHING needs to be on a timeline.  Reading The Power of Now  by Eckhart Tolle made me open my eyes and realize how important it is to embrace the NOW because that is all there is.  Even with this blog I sometimes catch myself thinking that I have to get it posted by a certain time everyday…I literally will have a whole conversation in my head in which I will say, “Well most people will log into Facebook at some point mid-afternoon and people are used to you posting at that time already.  Plus you will either be working at night or going to the gym after work and you will need to go home and shower and by the time you are done that I am sure you won’t want to write anything and if you don’t write anything then your blog won’t be what you said it was going to be (a question answered every day for 365 days).”  I started meditating because this is the kind of thinking that my mind would do.  I was focusing on the “What If”  all of the time.

I have been getting better with this.  Like I said, meditation has brought a sense of calm and ease within me and I know the more I practice, it will get better and better.  I have always been a results driven person.  I was always looking for an end-point.  What I am focusing on changing is no longer looking for the end point (i.e. finding my happiness, looking for love, etc.) but instead enjoying the journey because the journey is the actual answer.  When we are accustomed to being a certain way (from childhood) it is next to impossible to just flip a switch and change everything in one day.  Change is a process and it is something that you must really want.  I have found my happiness because I am slowly stopping the search for answers in everything.  Not everything in life needs and answer.  I do not need to know why everyone else do the things they do.  The change I want to make is in my perception so I am able to look at life from a different angle.  Instead of questioning people’s actions I want to accept them and work with their differences.  I cannot force others to change in order to make them fit my needs and I would not want someone to do that to me.  It may drive me nuts sometimes when I encounter people that are completely different from myself and do things in a manner in which I believe may be wrong but I am choosing to start seeing these things as opportunities to learn more about myself and more about the diversity of the world.

A lot of people in the world do not accept or embrace change.  We, as people, tend to get used to certain patterns and become monotonous because we are comfortable being a certain way.  I am not saying there is anything wrong with that.  What is most important is that people are living their lives in happiness.  I believe that if a person questions their happiness then that might be a sign that there is a need for change.  Change is not evil.  Change is not something that anyone should force you into.  Change could be something miniscule or something gigantic.  We all want to change something about ourselves.  I would find it hard to believe that there is one person on this planet that would not want to change one thing about themselves….whether it be physical, mental, emotional, educational, etc.  Yes,  I think it is VITAL to embrace who we are…”flaws” and all.  I am just curious to see what people would say if they were asked what they would change about themselves and why they want to change those things.  :0)