Day 35 Question 35:

What is something that no one can take away or change about you?

I had a good laugh yesterday.  Someone (a reader) said to me, “I love your stuff, I wish you could condense it.”  If the content is too long then do not read it.  It is almost like saying, “I like your Star Wars movie George Lucas but I have things to do so could you shorten it?”  Really?  I admit to going on long rants but my thoughts are my thoughts and I guess I was under the impression that my blog was the place in which I could spill as little or as much as I wanted to.  I had a laugh because some people have what I like to call “Foot in Mouth syndrome”.  I have been just as guilty of this from time to time.  I just find it funny when people say things that are generally insulting and have absolutely no clue.  I love the back-handed compliment of “You are such a pretty girl, you would like so much better if you just lost some weight.”  I have put my foot in my mouth a boat load of times but seriously, what woman wants to hear that?????  I at least have enough common sense to not outright insult someone to their face.

The reader that made the comment could potentially be reading this now and not like my words but I must be honest here right???  I mean it is MY blog and all.  I am sure no real harm was meant with his words but we already live in a country full of censorship.  This is my outlet in which I can express myself as I please and if I feel like going on a rant for pages and pages and pages that is my right.  I talk about what I think is important that I feel that other people would potentially want to read about, think about or give me their advice/opinions on.  In my whole life we have all been shaped, molded and conformed to meet different standards: parents, schools, work places, etc.  This is the one place I refuse to be what someone else wants me to be.  This is the place you are going to get everything completely real and raw.  I send out invites for people to read and I accept everyone graciously and great kindness.  I accept constructive criticism and I am open to a lot of different points of views.  I have changed my mind on a lot of issues because of other people’s perspectives but when I am told I would be better if I did this or did that with no backup or logical reasoning I completely close my ears and move onto something way more constructive and open-minded.  Harsh words maybe but blatant ignorance is really not my thing.  One man told me that I should have more paragraph breaks because it would make my material easier to read.  I completely respected the way he came to me and said this and am now more aware of this and will try harder to do this.  He came to me in a manner in which he explained himself (he said his old eyes sometimes couldn’t handle so much writing without breaks-hahaha-it was cute).  I don’t mean to harp about being told to condense my material but it just seems so silly to me because this is something that is completely mine and I have not twisted anyone’s arms to read it.  If people don’t like or agree with what I write I will not be offended because we are all so different.  That is what makes the world most interesting.  But being told to condense my writings is like telling me to stop being who I am.  Stop thinking so much.  That is something I am not going to do.

I guess I am venting again.  Apparently I had more built up than I realized.  Ha Ha.  I just don’t understand why some people need to make comments about things that have absolutely no affect on their lives.  We live in this society in which we get so wrapped up in things that have absolutely no affect on us.  I admit to being just as guilty.  We speak before we think.  I think I sometimes can be opposite though.  I think so much that sometimes I am afraid to speak.  I am constantly reviewing my life and thinking whether or not I am guilty of something that I may accuse someone else of.  Sometimes I am guilty and sometimes I am not.

I look for inspiration in every single day.  Sometimes inspiration finds me by jumping right in my face or by bouncing off the walls that surround me.  No one can take away my inspiration.  Right now I am watching Dead Poets Society and I am only about 20 minutes in and I have already felt inspiration.  The words Carpe Diem were spoken and I immediately started to think about Seizing the Day.  Have I done this?  I believe I have, even in days I have been completely lazy.  I am seizing the moment and embracing how I feel in it.  Some days I feel like allowing my body to be lazy.  I allow my eyes to rest and drift in and out of sleep.  I allow my body to be replenished and allow my mind to be re-energized.  Seizing the moment is not a difficult task.  It does not mean you must scale a mountain or jump from an airplane.  It means taking advantage of the moments you have by doing the things that make you the most happy.  Expressing myself is what makes me the happiest and although I felt irritation from the comment I received from a reader, it is not going to stop me from writing at whatever length I chose.  I am also not going to hold any resentment or anger toward this person because I am going to choose to believe that the words were not meant to be hurtful.  I just had to get my feelings out.  I needed to seize the day.  I needed to seize the moment.  There will be times that may be portrayed as if I am just whining and complaining.  I may be.  I believe sometimes those moments are needed because those are the things that we feel and those are the things that make us real.  We need a variety of emotions in order to understand ourselves and how the world works around us.  Without hate we could not understand love.  Without weakness we would not understand strength.  Without sadness we wouldn’t understand happiness.  At least this is what I believe.  I go on tangents in my blog because I want to share so much with my readers.  I do not want to force my opinions or beliefs down anyone’s throats, I just want to give them the opportunity to see through different lenses and take with it what they choose.

I have an incredible love for words.  I love the way they sound and what they mean and how they make me feel.  Words are what make me feel comfortable because they are what I can put down on paper and I can describe things in a way that can make them seem so alive in that very moment.  I can make the words sparkle in a way that vocal word could never give them justice.  I try to write in a way that is open for interpretation.  I state my opinions but I allow others the opportunity to think….to see themselves and see what they really believe in.  That is why I go on the rants that I do.  My love for words makes them pour out of me and sometimes I do not want to stop.  My love of words and piecing them together into thoughts and paragraphs and stories is my deepest love.  It is what makes me feel complete.

I think it is complete bullshit that there is so many things in society or so many people that try to take our identities away.  I think it is bullshit that so many people don’t know who they truly are because of rules, regulations, laws, media, upbringing, schooling, etc.  I don’t blame people for not knowing who they are because that is just the nature of the beast.  I may not like the way society molds us but in the same I don’t really have a solution.  I do think the world would be way more chaotic if we didn’t have rules and regulations of some form but I also think we have tightened the reins of humanity so much that people are almost not allowed to have an identity or stand up for what they believe in…and a lot of the time if people do they are ridiculed and criticized….they are made the outcast.  Sometimes I feel like a complete outcast.  Sometimes I feel like the awkward kid and the weirdo that everyone is pointing at.  I feel this way because some things in society and in life just don’t seem natural to me.  I think I am a fairly pretty girl but dressing to impress (expensive clothing, dresses, heels, etc.) has never felt right to me.  It has never felt like my character.  Some other women feel like it is and I completely respect that.  I don’t feel comfortable following certain dating rules and do’s and don’ts in order to get a guy to like me.  I don’t feel comfortable with things that the media tells us.  If you are following my blog regularly you know this about me already.  I have watched The Biggest Loser and I could not be more happy for the people on the show to see the huge improvements they have made when it comes to their health.  The problem that I have is the unrealistic approach the show/trainers take.  These people lose an insane amount of weight in a very short period of time.  They workout 7 days a week for hours on end.  They do challenges that include scaling walls, bootcamp routines, etc.  Yes, I realize this is for entertainment value, but this is not real life.  How they actually call it reality TV is beyond me.  It is such a false impression.  Staying healthy and fit is a lifestyle in which is watch what you eat and you exercise regularly.  This show takes everything to the extreme and in my opinion that is not natural and it doesn’t give people the right message.  I can’t conform to these types of things.  Yes, some people need that push, and some people need that push a lot harder than others, but it is important to be realistic as well.  Trying to mold someone is only going to have a short-term outcome.  I believe in letting people find their way by exposing them to things that are within their reach.  I know I know…TV would not be so entertaining if that happened.  I guess I am just a fighter in this sense.  I like to argue and push the envelope because for myself I have to draw the line as to where I will allow myself to be conformed.  I have to put a stop to it somewhere.  I have to seize the day and be who I am to the best of my ability.  I will put my foot in my mouth more than once and I am sure I will offend people (unintentionally) along the way.  I will be misunderstood and disliked and that is ok but no one is going to take this outlet from me.  The choice is YOURS whether or not to keep reading or to state your opinions or likes or dislikes but the choice is MINE as to what I feel and what I want to say whether it be in 10 words or 10,000 words.