Day 362 Question 362:

 What comes next?

 Yes, I realize this question is vague.  This blog project has only 3 more days left and everyone keeps asking me if I am going to continue.  The thought has crossed my mind but I am unsure of where my writing will take me exactly.  I have accomplished a big goal that I never thought I would and now is the time to set up another challenge for myself.  I thought about going back and starting over answering all of the same questions once the year was over to see how much I have changed and how much I have remained the same.  I don’t think that is the route I am going to take though.  I want to do it but I want to give myself more time than just one year to reintroduce myself to all of these questions.  I want to take the time to re-read everything I have written to reflect on my life over the past 365 and in a way re-live the journey.

I jokingly told my boss this morning that I have had an ongoing homework assignment for the past year.  I say that but I have loved every minute of starting and almost finishing this project.  I discovered how much I really do love writing and how I never want to abandon it for long periods of time again.  It is my form of therapy.  I think the route I am going to take for my next writing adventure is the journey toward the rest of my weight loss.  I will probably write weekly as opposed to daily (or maybe more than weekly if the urge comes).  My mind thinks nonstop about my body and my weight and my eating habits and how much exercise I am getting…or not getting.  I will admit completely that it is my mental state that is very unhealthy when it comes to health, eating right and exercising.  I obsess day in and day out over food or about what exercise I need to do or whether or not I am getting enough exercise or why the weight isn’t coming off or how to gain more motivation.  I honestly don’t know how to live a healthy life without obsessing….and yes I know how messed up that is.  I know what my downfalls are and those downfalls bother me and I even have a hard time talking about them.  I know I need to rewire my brain in order to be healthy.  I am a late night eater and although I know how bad that is for me I still do it.  I eat too late and I think about food nonstop without even truly knowing whether or not I am really hungry.

So, I think for my next project I will document everything…especially my thoughts.  I want to be completely honest in a public venue because I need help and I need to see for myself everything I am thinking and know that I need to change.  I have lost quite a bit of weight and I know beauty comes in all shapes and sizes but I am not comfortable in my own skin right now and I know I won’t be until I get down to my goal weight.  So, I am thinking for my next project I will document EVERYTHING…my weight, my measurements, my eating habits, my binges, my obsessive thoughts, my questions, my goals….EVERYTHING!!!  I need help and I am not afraid to ask for it from my readers because I know some have gone through the same struggles (and may want to join me on this journey) and others have mastered a healthy lifestyle and may be able to provide advice and words of encouragement (because Lord knows I need it).  I know that when I am eating healthier and exercising regularly I feel better but sometimes I just fall into a slump.  I believe that if I hold myself accountable by documenting everything then I will HAVE to stop making excuses…..and will get the tough love that I need.  Any suggestions for content or strategies are more than welcome….actually they are encouraged! :0)