Day 136 Question 136

Day 136 Question 136:

What is the difference between confidence and arrogance?

When I got home from work last night I crawled into my bed and just started flipping the channels on TV while relaxing and getting ready to call it a night.  Nowadays, channel after channel has been taken over by some sort of reality TV.  How they can even call these shows reality is beyond me.  Majority of these people are wannabe actors and actresses that have yet to make it big.  The attitudes portrayed on these shows are to the point of disgustingly sickening.  On so many of these shows, the men and women act vulgar, arrogant, and slutty.  I started thinking about the REAL population of people out there and where the line really was between being confident and crossing into cocky.

There are many instances where it is OBVIOUS that someone is just straight cocky.  For example, all of the big toolbags on The Jersey Shore have crossed the line by about 500 miles and are beyond cocky.  They walk around with their chest swelled out and act as if they are a gift to all women.  They refer to women as grenades.  I can’t quite wrap my head around why these guys think they are better than any other guys or more worthy of all women’s attention.  I do understand that it is a TV show and I am sure a lot of it is “scripted” but I believe wholeheartedly that all of these guys were probably big cocky douchebags before they were even a consideration for this horrific “reality” show.  The girls are the same exact way.  All made of plastic and spray tans.  Sadly, one of them is reproducing which is a very very scary thought considering none of them understand the concept of fidelity.  Ok, I just went on a serious hateful rant about jersey Shore and that was not at all my intention…hahahaha.

So where is the line between confident and cocky.  Honestly, I think confidence is an ability that very few people actually are able to achieve.  IN MY OPINION, confidence is believing in oneself and standing behind your morals and values but still exude respect to all audiences.  Confidence is being able to continually face your fears and take on challenges and when they are achieved having a feeling of pride but not becoming a show off.  I believe that people who act cocky and arrogant do so because they are either self-conscious underneath and feel the need to prove themselves or they have learned it over and over again in their environments.  They have been taught at some time in their lives that they are better than people so they make sure that they let people know that they are.  It is really quite sad.

I find confidence to be one of the most appealing qualities in a person.  I am naturally drawn to a confident person.  I am drawn to a person who believes in their way and they follow it but their actions are still modest.  As soon as someone crosses over into the dark side and takes on the cocky role I am immediately turned off.

I wanted to include a couple of pieces by other people just to see what their feedback is like.  I have my opinions but I love to hear where other people draw the line between cocky and confident.  I am dying to know what you think.  :0)

Confidence Vs. Arrogance

Written by Markus Ellek

Confidence might be the strongest aphrodisiac to women, while arrogance might be the biggest turn off of love.

The line between confident and arrogance are thin and unclear to many guys.

What I find the most challenging, is to calibrate how cocky and confident I come off, because I have noted that what one girl might find incredible confident and appealing, another girl might find tremendously arrogant and repulsive.

That’s why I have written this article about how to be confident and how to calibrate your confidence.

One thing you I have noticed is that it’s actually a girls own level of confidence on any given day that determines where the line between what she will find confidently attractive and arrogantly unattractive.

You have to read her confidence level and thus adjust your cockiness towards that.

Avoid this common mistake:

Girls are drawn toward guys who are slightly more confident than themselves. If a guy is “too” confident (compared to her own level of confidence) she will find him arrogant. But if she finds him to be less confident that what she feels herself, then she will lose attraction for him.

So the real key observation here is that the more confident she is, the more confident behavior you have to display to attract her, but don’t overdo because then you will come off as arrogant.

Cocky-funniness vs. arrogance!

Many guys (including myself) have tried to appear more confident by using cocky funny lines and behavior to spice up our dates.

The thing is though – that such cocky funny behavior can become a crouch of false confidence, and if you are not careful you might end up looking like you are trying to shield your insecurities of with arrogance.

This does not mean that cocky funniness and banter can’t used to create real long-lasting attraction, my point is that in my opinion its only possible if you really are as confident as you try to appear.

How to display REAL self-esteem and confidence:

Here’s what you do:

First you have known what makes the deference between arrogance and confidence.

Arrogance is when somebody tries to come across flawless, like they are perfect in any way; an arrogant person will thus tell you about all the positive and impressing things he or she has accomplished in life. He will brag and be a show of. Other arrogant individuals think of themselves as being better than everybody else. They think that they are better looking or more intelligent, more knowledgeable, or more superior in some way. This often appears condescending to the people around them and are thus a huge turn off.

Confidence is in my opinion the quite opposite, true confidence is when somebody dares to be them self, and dares to stand by their own flaws, not being a shame or trying to hide anything about them self.

Talking about your own flaws in a confident manner is a power way to display of true confidence.

I my experience too express one of your flaws or weakness’s to another person, first of all makes you very relatable, secondly it sets you apart as a confident man, because most people tries to hide their own flaws and weakness’s, but you are doing the quite opposite, and makes you come across as VERY confident.

There is a couple of pitfalls here: when you tell somebody about a flaw of your you have to do it in a confident tone of voice and with confident body language.

NOTE: Talking about your own flaws only displays confidence if it’s done in a non self deprecating way, this means that when you talk about one of your weaknesses you have to end it on a high note. You have to tell the other person that there is light at the end of the tunnel, that you believe it going to turn out positive.

Cocky or Confident?

What’s the difference between cockiness and confidence and the reality to both?

In society today, as a whole, an extremely controversial issue is a person being confident in oneself or being ultimately cocky. Most say cockiness is a trait of an arrogant person which is a negative attribute to a person; on the other hand, confidence is looked upon being keen, which seems to be a positive attribute to society. Stating this, how can one be confident without a miniscule of cockiness?

There is an astronomic difference between cocky and confident. Cocky is bold, brash and brazen with a dose of sassy and saucy. There is self confidence hidden greatly under the behavior but it manifests itself rudely most of the time. Cockiness is the first thing a person can see; the way you walk, talk and promote oneself all proves the cockiness level of one being.

Self confidence is confidence in oneself and in one’s physical and mental powers and abilities. It’s being secure and having assurance in oneself. Self confidence is what makes people liked by others. It’s classy. Cockiness is simply unattractive.

When we look at many athletes, we only see their cocky side — their swagger, the sly smirks on their faces, revealing arrogance and pride. What we often do not comprehend is that’s just a misguided mask of “real” self-confidence without a place to rest. A more important trait for an athlete is possessing true confidence, when oneself knows for certain his abilities and strengths and how to fully utilize them. Confidence is needed by every athlete to fully rise to the top in his sport.

As entrepreneurs and business people, confidence is absolutely essential to the success of the business. For example, a Mac computer vs. PC is a constant battle that fills much publicity in America today. Both are extremely confident in one to constantly downgrade one another for the better of their self. However, this confidence is needed to stay aboard the fight for the customer.

Everyone needs confidence in oneself. However first we must know who we are, what we are capable of and what talents we have to successfully execute our tasks.  We should seek to improve our weak points and develop into a better, more balanced, enriched person. Ultimately being cocky turns people off. Being confident attracts people to us. One can never be too confident, however, be careful, because a cocky person is never good.

Day 135 Question 135

Day 135 Question 135:

What are your thoughts on alcohol/substance abuse?

I chose this question today because yesterday on the radio and all over the news was coverage of a story out of Miami.  The story was about a man eating the face of another man right on the side of a major highway.  Some people speculate that this is a zombie apocalypse.  My opinion is that this was a very bad drug trip that took a very gruesome turn.  Both men were homeless men and at this point there are no major details about who they were or whether the attacker was under the influence in some way or another.  I wanted to include a news article I found in case some people had not read or heard about this absolutely insane incident.  I warn you though that the details are gruesome.

Police shoot naked cannibal during zombie attack in Miami

On Saturday afternoon around 2 p.m. in Miami, Florida, a police officer was forced to shoot and kill a naked man who was eating the face of another man. The story that follows involves mutilation, cannibalism, and death and may be disturbing to some readers.

The officer…approached and saw that the naked man was actually chewing the other man’s head, according to witnesses. The officer ordered the naked man to back away, and when he continued the assault, the officer shot him.

The attacker continued to eat the man, despite being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing. Witnesses said they heard at least a half dozen shots.

Neither the slain attacker nor the victim has been identified. CBS Miami later updated the public with the following gruesome statement:

Armando Aguilar, who heads the local chapter of the Fraternal Order of Police, said he has spoken with the officer who responded. Aguilar said the officer saw what the man was doing, and ordered him to stop. He said the man growled at the officer, and then returned to his meal.

Aguilar said the man ate his victim’s nose and eyeballs.

The officer then used his service weapon and shot the man, Aguilar said, but the gunshot had no effect.

Other sources confirmed that the man refused to obey, and continued his attack. Aguilar said the officer had no choice but to keep shooting until the attacker was dead.

Investigators sharing limited details about the confrontation, saying only that the two men were fighting and the officers felt they had no choice but to take deadly force.”

“With the attacker dead, lying nude on the pavement, officers and paramedics were able to get to his victim and rush him to Jackson Memorial Hospital. Police sources say the man had virtually no face and was unrecognizable.

Despite the horrific and tragic nature of the case, bloggers, zombiephiles, and zombie news sites almost immediately picked up on the story as a real-life case of a zombie attack. Zombie news site Zombie Zone News has followed the story in order to document those aspects of the event that could link it to a widespread zombie outbreak.

While the attack is of course no laughing matter, that hasn’t stopped zombiephiles from speculating. The facts are these:

  1. A man was eating the flesh of another person.
  2. That man did not respond to verbal orders or react to      being shot.
  3. That man snarled at the police officer who intervened      in the attack.

As the saying goes: If it eats flesh like a zombie, snarls like a zombie, and doesn’t react to outside stimuli like a zombie…

In a statement issued by Miami police, authorities have speculated that the attacker was suffering from “cocaine psychosis,” which often makes sufferers exhibit crazed behavior and to feel intense heat, causing them to remove their clothing. Another theory is that the attacker was being affected by a new drug known as “Bad LSD.”

Authorities are also referring to the officer who intervened as a hero for saving the victim’s life. At this time there is no new information on the victim’s condition.

Ok, so mind you, I chose an article that focused a lot on whether or not the attacker was a “zombie”.  I never rule anything out because in my opinion, anything is possible BUT I do believe this to be a really bad acid or PCP trip or the man was just straight up psychotic.

If the man was on drugs, it shows what horrid things can happen while being under the influence.  Trust me I am no angel.  I have partaken in my fair share of drinking in the past and I was your typical college stoner.  I never took it past those things though.  I am far too much of a nervous, worrisome person and the last thing I would need is to have a freak out while on drugs.  I had a friend in college that actually took acid one night while his parents were to be out of town until the next day.  So, he drops acid around 8:00pm and starts enjoying his trip.  Unfortunately everything ended up turning on him really quick.  His parents decided not to stay overnight wherever they were and appeared back home around 11:30pm.  My friend had gone to his room to try to avoid them but immediately he started panicking and his trip turned really ugly.  I am unsure of the exact details but his parents had to rush him to the hospital and for over 60 seconds he flat lined…yes, he was dead for over a minute.  The doctors revived him and he spent a couple of days in the hospital and due to this episode, he was checked into a rehabilitation center (not by his choice).  I remember talking to him years after the episode happened and he still could remember exactly the fear and the panic that he felt.  He said it was absolutely, without a doubt one of the most terrifying experiences of his whole life.  That was his rock bottom and from that day on he gave everything up.  He may have a drink on occasion but drugs were no longer an option.

I hate that something like that had to happen to my friend and I hate that he hit rock bottom but I am so glad that his rock bottom was it for him.  He learned his lesson and he went nowhere but up from there.  He improved his life drastically and moved forward.  My ex-boyfriend has hit what I believe to be rock bottom and he still has yet to change his ways.  After my ex and I broke up, his mom and I remained friends.  We would have dinner on occasion and just chat about things that were going on in our lives.  She always felt that I was the best thing that could have happened to her son but he was just in a bad place and alcohol was controlling his life.  She wished we could have been together but she knew the relationship was nothing but toxic.  This relationship made me fall into deep debt and very deep depression.  This relationship changed my life and although it was awful and painful and excruciating, I am glad it happened.  I needed it to happen in order to get to the place I am now.  That was my rock bottom and thankfully I came out on the other side.  My ex however has not and I hate to even write these words but if he does not change his ways, I do not believe he will make it to 40 years old (he just turned 30 in January).  About a year and a half ago I had dinner with my ex’s mom and she told me that her son (my ex) had been in the hospital for a week.  She hadn’t told anyone any details but she wanted me to know.  He had been at work (bartending-which was the last job he needed to be doing) and he started throwing up violently and he could not stop.  He left work and went home (he lived with his mom) and continued to throw up.  She gave him stuff to settle his stomach but nothing was helping.  She finally decided to bring him to the emergency room and shortly after being admitted, he was diagnosed with pancreatitis (a normal person’s levels in their pancreas is about 70, his was 9,000).  The doctor even told his mother that the next 24 hours would be critical and he was unsure whether or not he would make it.  He did make it and he spent the next 7 days in the hospital.  Over the seven days, my ex detoxed and it was a very horrific scene (I was not there thankfully-at this time we were not speaking).  While in the hospital room he had severe hallucinations and thought he was in a bar.  He was propositioning nurses sexually and asking them to bring him drinks.  He looked at his mother and thought that she was a waitress.  He didn’t know who she was.  Throughout the course of seven days he pulled out at least 4 IV’s which left blood splattered all over his room and a guard needed to be outside of his room on a 24 hour basis because he started to get violent and very angry.  He threatened his mother and even got right up in her face before a guard had to pull him away from her.  He started to get better and his pancreas levels had decreased significantly.  After seven days he was due to be released from the hospital.  The doctor came in to talk to him and his mother about follow up appointments.  My exes mom asked the doctor his he thought her son needed to be checked into a rehabilitation facility.  The doctor told her no.  They left the hospital and he stayed sober for one day.  The following day he went on a total bender and from that day on I had to separate myself completely from the entire situation.  Everything about the situation was unhealthy and I could no longer be witness to it or be a punching bag for someone that was constantly under the influence of alcohol or drugs.  It is impossible to help someone that has absolutely no desire to help themselves.  I hate that because my purpose in life is to help people but sometimes you need to take a step back.  I needed to take a step back in this situation.

Alcohol and drug abuse can do ugly things to a person.  I dated two alcoholics (yes that would be my fault because it was my choice) and both times I found that I, myself, would drink too much.  If I couldn’t fix them then why not join them.  It was usually easier to get along with both of them when we were both three sheets to the wind.  I didn’t have the drinking problems that they did but I knew I was on the verge and I needed to jump ship if I didn’t want to end up in a deep, dark place.  I quick drinking 18 months ago and at that time both of these people had been out of my life for a significant amount of time.  I quit drinking to become physically healthy and to just not have to deal with hangovers or the day after depression.  The thought of these two people have ran through my head over and over again though and I am beyond thankful that I have come out on the other side.  I cannot imagine what life would be like if a substance controlled me like that.

I could tell a million stories on this topic and some could include my mishaps and troublesome ways and others could include events I have witnessed.  Either way, alcohol and substance use is one of those things that I believe is only meant for the strong minded.  It is something that could turn ugly really fast and a lot of people believe that they can control it when in fact they cannot.  I do not criticize people for socially drinking and if someone were to smoke pot on occasion (as long as it isn’t all day everyday) I really could care less.  It is when someone has to rely on a substance to function.  There are a couple of people that I know that I so desperately want to ask when the last day was that they DIDN’T have a drink.  I already know that neither of them would be able to answer that question because it was that long ago.  It is truly sad what these substances can do to people.

Day 134 Question 134

Day 134 Question 134:

What is a challenge you plan on facing?

What a great weekend I had.  I was able to spend this holiday weekend with family and I took the time to remember what the holiday was all about.  I have focused a lot lately on not taking life for granted…to appreciate my friends and family and to offer them support and encouragement when they need it.  I have seen a huge change in myself as have others…my mother told me she noticed a lot less anger in me and other friends have noticed how relaxed I have become.  I was so high strung and always stressed out.  I was always tearing myself apart and letting every little thing get to me.  I still have a day here and there that life might get the best of me but I no longer let it control me.  I just let the moment pass and move on.

This big change in my life really began when I grabbed my life by the balls and decided there was no longer going to be a pity party.  I chose a healthy lifestyle and the meditation that I practice every day has given me this sense of calm and peace.  I no longer hold onto anger and irritation.  Don’t get me wrong, they still occur but they disappear so fast.  They no longer exhaust me and hold a power over me.  Since this huge change in my life I have given myself challenge after challenge.  Some challenges have been small while others have been much larger.  The goals that I have set for myself are realistic goals…I have learned to start slowly.  I never used to…I used to set about 500 goals at once and want everything to happen fast and I would either quit or would find myself disappointed because I couldn’t accomplish something.  I now enjoy the process and the journey of reaching a goal.

So, last night I was hanging out with a girl friend and out of nowhere she asked me if I would do a 5k with her sometime in the next few months (probably sometime in the early Fall).  I kind of stumbled when answering because I didn’t expect her to ask me that.  I told her that I was not a runner at all but I definitely would not shut out the idea.  The more I started to think about it the more I started seeing the challenge and well…I LOVE A CHALLENGE!!!  I knew that if I started “training” for a 5k and were to get myself running (even if I am not a fast runner) and completed the race that I would feel beyond proud.  I don’t always believe in myself the way that I should and that is what these challenges are about.  I don’t do things to prove myself to others.  I do things to prove to myself that I am capable and I am stronger than I sometimes believe I am.

I look at who I was 2+ years ago and who I am now.  I was a 30 year old woman that hated her body and to be honest I was just lazy.  I got myself stuck in this depressive rut and I let everything tear me down….I allowed it to happen.  By NO MEANS do I believe that looks are the most important thing.  I am now almost 70 lbs. lighter and I workout 4-5 days a week.  I still have cheat days and my eating habits aren’t perfect but I am so much healthier.  I didn’t want to be a person anymore that dreaded looking in the mirror.  I didn’t want to feel so uncomfortable in my own skin.  I did not want to continually hate myself knowing that I got myself to that point.  It became a matter of do or die…almost literally.  I am not the girly girl type but I am not a tomboy either.  I am just the type that likes to dress comfortably and go with what I like at that time.  That might be a flowy maxi dress or it might just be capris with a tank top and flip flops.  I have never been one to really go over the top because it doesn’t fit my personality.  Image and looks have never been as important as being known for my brains and my abilities.  BUT I am still a woman and I still wanted to feel pretty in a sense and I wanted to be healthy.  My body will never be “perfect” but for the first time I am ok with that.  I know where I have come from and I know how hard I have worked.  The stretch marks and the cellulite I may still have have never and will never define me.  What became important to me was being healthy.  I didn’t want to keep dreading going to the doctor and standing on the scale and then having to hear a lecture about why I needed to lose weight.  I knew that I needed to lose weight and I was just being ignorant at the time.  I didn’t need to lose weight to meet some image molded by society.  I needed to lose weight to be healthier and since I have lost weight I have become unbelievably healthier both physically and mentally.  I have learned that my body is not who I am and will never define who I am but it is my machine and I need to constantly make sure to maintain this machine so it doesn’t break down or die too early.

So with all of this in mind I texted my friend shortly after she left to count me in for a 5K.  I knew it was the challenge that I needed.  I write this blog for a wide variety of audiences and I hope that some young women tune in from time to time…maybe even youth and teens (and if not maybe their parents may mention it to them).  I think about young people all of the time…especially young girls.  We live in this society that has completely lost focus of who the individual is and now we only focus on what he/she looks like.  Image has been portrayed in the media in such a warped way and it absolutely breaks my heart to think about the young girls out there that look at themselves in the mirror (at the ages of 12 and 13) and hate their bodies.  They hate what they look like.  They hate that they are flat chested for that they have curly hair instead of straight hair.  I was one of those young girls but the pressure was not nearly as bad when I was young as it is now.  I have walked down the hallways of middle and high schools in the last couple of years and the remarks that I would hear kids make about images and what is important just made me sick.  I wish I could talk to every young girl in the world and tell them how beautiful they are.  I want to tell them that beauty has nothing to do with how they look on the outside and the first step to happiness is loving yourself (it may sound corny to some but the truth to it is larger than life).  I can be somewhere by myself and just sit and people watch and I tend to watch the young girls and women to see how they dress, how they act and how they react to certain things.  Young girls and women are so different and so much more bold than when I was young.  Life in general is so much different now than it was then.  Even when I see women that expose their bodies too much (at least I believe it to be too much) or act in a manner that is not very (self) respectful, I am still able to see the beauty they have within.  Every woman is beautiful no matter their size, shape, color, age, etc.  Being a woman, I absolutely love my gender.  I love being a woman and I love being a strong, powerful woman…I love being a beautiful woman.  I challenge all women (actually all people) out there to start loving themselves today and to not stop.  I may not be able to talk to every girl or woman in the world but to those that will listen, I know I do not have all of the answers, but I do believe you to be beautiful and I hope you believe yourself to be beautiful.

I have been faced with a challenge and although I admit to being scared and I have doubts of my ability, I am choosing to accept this challenge.  I will keep everyone updated on my progress and what I ask of you is for support and encouragement every once in a while and know that I would be more than happy to do the same for you if and when you ever need it.  Find a challenge and go for it…I believe in you! ;0)

Day 133 Question 133

Day 133 Question 133:

To whom would you like to give thanks?

The date is May 28, 2012 and we celebrate Memorial Day.  All days should honor those that put on a uniform and fight for our freedom but there is great love to celebrate on this day.  I wanted to take the time to thank those people young and old, men and women that have chosen to enter the military field and dedicate their lives for the protection and freedom of this country.  I am unsure if there is a more honorable job that someone could take on…especially those that make it a life-long career.

I wanted to include some tributes to show how much I admire and thank the people that have risked their lives for the freedom of all people that walk on this land.



Day 132 Question 132

Day 132 Question 132:

What does it mean to be a friend?

Yesterday was such a great day.  My good friend May and my roommate’s birthday fell really close together so we decided to have a small pool party/barbeque.  It couldn’t have turned out more perfect.  The crowd arrived about 4:00 (people had to work during the day) and we talked and laughed.  We grilled and enjoyed the not so cold temperature of the pool.

Some of these friends I have had for quite some time and some have just came into my life fairly recently.  This group of people has shown me what friendship is all about.  All of them have different personalities and different strengths and being around all of them is inspiring and motivating.  This to me is what it is to be a friend.  I had to weed out different people throughout my life and I realized that I could no longer surround myself with people that were constantly negative.  None of these people are like that.  Yes, they may have a bad day here and there but they don’t carry the load with them all of the time and bring everyone else down in the process.  We support each other, we listen to each other and we encourage each other.  We may not be able to spend the time we would like to with each other because of all of our responsibilities and obligations but we still know that we will always be there for each other.

A friend is someone that can make you laugh when you so desperately want to cry.  A friend is someone that will listen to you when you know you need to be heard.  A friend is someone that will never make you question who you are.  I chose this question today because I feel so lucky to have the friends that I do.  It is Memorial weekend and we have so many young men and women fighting for our freedom that do not get to be with their friends and family right now.  I am so lucky to be able to be with mine.

To all of my readers, if you have sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. serving in any branch of the military…I want to thank them for everything that they do.  If they are serving overseas and are away from their friends and families, I wish them a safe return as soon as possible.  I believe it is so important to not take for granted all that we have…especially when others are fighting for us every single day.  :0)

Day 131 Question 131

Day 131 Question 131:

What is a hero?

Instead of telling you I just wanted to show you :0)

Ordinary people honored as true heroes

Heroism no longer has the distinction it once did. Athletes are called heroes for tossing a ball through a hoop. Philanthropists are called heroes for signing a check.

On Wednesday, a group of real heroes — people who over the last year put their lives on the line for others they never knew — got their due at the annual American Red Cross Heroes of Mid-Fairfield County Breakfast at the Trumbull Marriott.

Among those honored was Bridgeport City Councilman Angel dePara, who on June 30, 2007, dashed into a burning tenement on Stillman Street to save an elderly woman and a young girl, and returned to the flames to save another man in his 20s. He returned a third time to make sure no one was left behind.

“I still run into him sporadically,” dePara said of the man he led to safety. “I was walking down the street a few weeks after it happened and I hear this guy call out, ‘Hey hero!’ — it turned out to be him.”

He also said that the elderly woman didn’t seem too eager to be rescued. “She thought that I was going to kidnap them or something. I literally had to drag them out.”

Another of the Heroes was Fairfield police Officer James Pauciello, who on Feb. 1, 2007, rescued a 13-year-old girl trying to take her own life by standing on the train tracks. He pulled her to safety just as a 100-mph Acela Express train was bearing down on her. As the train rushed by a few feet away, he had to fight her struggles to throw herself under its wheels. Hero honors also went to Lee Cooper, of Westport, who while vacationing in Palm Beach, Fla., over last Memorial Day weekend, rescued a 12-year-old girl and an older man who got caught in the ocean’s riptide.

“When I got out there, I realized that I could only save one at a time,” he said. “The man said, ‘Well, what about me?’ but I told him, ‘Hey she’s a girl, I have to get her first. But I promise, I’ll come back to get you.’ ” Cooper kept that promise. One of the Red Cross heroes saved a life with her voice.

On July 29, K.C. Duffy, of West Haven, an emergency medical dispatcher with the Southwestern Regional Communications Center in Bridgeport, talked a man through helping his wife deliver their baby. Twenty minutes later, his wife gave birth to a 6-pound, 2-ounce, 19-inch boy. Eleven emergency responders, a radio dispatcher from Fairfield and an American Medical Response ambulance crew were given hero awards for saving the life of bow hunter Neil Champagne, who suffered a heart attack while sitting in his tree blind platform 25 feet up.

“I owe you all venison dinners,” Champagne told his rescuers.

Trumbull lifeguards Cody Hutchinson and Matt Cellini were honored for a rescue July 11, 2007, of a young girl who was pulled, nearly lifeless, from the bottom of the town’s Beaches Pool.

After two minutes that must have seemed like an eternity, the girl coughed up pool water and began crying.

Also receiving the award were Trumbull police Officers Douglas Smith and Jay Leos, who responded to the scene of a horrific accident on the Merritt Parkway on Jan. 26, 2007, in which a Subaru split in two after striking a tree.

The driver, a young woman, is believed to have suffered among the worst injuries ever suffered in a Trumbull car crash and survived.

The two Trumbull rescues prompted Trumbull First Selectman Raymond Baldwin, the ceremony emcee, to remark: “After hearing these stories, it sounds like Trumbull’s a very dangerous place to live.”

Bridgeport Firefighters Eric Levine, John Prusak and Frank McNellis received an award for saving a woman on March 7, 2007, from a burning home, which involved setting up a 28-foot ladder to reach a second-floor porch roof, and another 14-foot ladder to access a third-floor window.

The woman, who was unconscious, had to be revived on the porch roof before she could be brought to the ground.

Also honored were Stratford sisters Caitlin and Rebecca Simon, who collected more than 1,000 Beanie Babies to send to soldiers in Iraq so they could be given to children in that war-torn nation.

The sisters also sold bookmarks to purchase defibrillators for the town of Stratford.

The students of Monroe’s Chalk Hill School were honored for a variety of charitable endeavors, such as organizing a coat drive, collecting food for the hungry, and collecting Halloween costumes for needy children.

Also, George Ciaccio, of Wilton, was cited for spearheading Wilton Commons, a reduced-cost housing complex for the elderly with 77 one- and two-bedroom apartments. It will be completed in 2010.

Day 130 Question 130

Day 130 Question 130:

Is there really a difference between right and wrong?

Is there a difference between right and wrong? If so, then who makes the rules? Government?  Our parents?  People of a higher social or financial status?  Teachers?  Police? Science?  Evolution?  Creationism?  If you have read any of my blog you already know I am this highly independent thinker that just does not want to be molded by anyone (not saying I never am…I just go back and forth with a lot of things because there are sooooo many things to consider).  I question EVERYTHING.  People can tell me something until they are blue in the face but in a lot of situations I still question the validity of some things.

I believe that nothing is 100% true unless I have personally experienced it….hence my skepticism on Christianity. I go with what I feel….I admire those that have convictions and believe in God but for me there is no connection because there has been no personal experience with God.  I shy away from politics because I believe politicians are trying to mold people to think their way…some may and some may not…but who decides which way is right and which is wrong?  Some political leaders were raised Christian and believe strongly in the bible so they truly believe abortion is wrong and gay relationships and marriage is wrong while others may not have a religious background and may be more liberal thinking.  How can one person decide what is best for the majority?  It seems quite unfair.  We do not embrace our individuality and our differences but instead we try to mold people to us….it is almost the natural way of people sometimes (myself included)…I have tried to persuade people to take on my point of view.  Is that right?  Is that wrong?  I keep going back over and over again thinking about how I do not understand how we can ever speak for the whole.  Like I said, how does the President determine what is right for the entire nation?  How does Bill O’Reilly sit on the couch of The View and say that Muslims were responsible for 9/11….it was a few that were responsible…how can he blame an entire population?  Why do some people clump ALL black people together and assume they are all thugs?  Why do some black people have resentment toward ALL white people because of slavery when it was not the fault of ALL white people.  We tend to blame all for the actions of some.  Is that fair?  Is that right?  Is that wrong?

I believe we are all pulled to believe what we feel is right and we all have our own paths that feel natural to us but we live in this society that does not allow us to be who were are 100% openly and honestly because we have soooooo many guidelines to follow and soooooo many people telling us what is right and what is wrong?  I do understand that there are some things such as murder, child molestation, spousal abuse, hate crimes, etc. that in my opinion are unquestionably wrong but there are other things such as gay marriage/rights, abortion, child rearing, education, etc. where are I cannot wrap my brain around how people can determine what is right and what is wrong for the whole.  Every household is so very different.  Every person feels love in their own capacity and every parent wants to do what they believe is best for their child.  Where is the line drawn of where other people are able to determine what is right and wrong for the individual, for the family, for the cultural group or for the gender?

My dad keeps popping into my head.  I love my dad with everything in me but there is a lot I don’t say because I know he will get frustrated, he will shake his head and he will tell me I am wrong….as I have done the same thing to him before.  My father is agnostic just like I am but he does not believe gays should be married.  He believes marriage is meant to be a union between a man and a woman.  I disagree and believe that marriage is supposed to be a union between two people that love each other.  Which of us is right and which of us is wrong?  People could swarm this blog entry with answers and tell me that the bible says this or the government says that but why is it that certain people have the power to be right?  Is it because of their political status or social status or financial status?  My dad believes that democrats are allowing the government to control us.  Maybe he is right.  I believe that regardless of politics we are all controlled.  We are all swayed by someone else’s thinking.  If someone is going to continually tell me that I am wrong, I am going to continually ask why?  Eventually someone is going to run out of answers and personally I have learned that the existence of right and wrong is man-made.  I believe as an entire world we have built so many guidelines and so many rules and we have become so detailed and descriptive and politically correct that we are no longer living as human beings but instead living as robots.  We are following the lead of certain people…and these people are constantly changing.  My dad is Republican and I am undecided of my political stance…I tend to saw more toward the left.  I admit to being terrified to saying those words to my father because on so many occasions I have heart him rant about how horrible the democrats are.  I am avoiding telling him this because I already know the heated debate we will get into about who is right and wrong on the issues when in my head I believe neither of us is right or wrong.  Government has taken too much control of us as people no matter what political party we follow.

In schools there are guidelines.  There are rules and there are regulations and that is understandable.  But when are there enough rules?  When are there too few?  I worked as the Education Manager for a nonprofit in a small, poverty-stricken area.  I would work with teens and talk to them about all sorts of issues…my program’s goal was to reach out to teens and help them through all of the issues they face.  We all know what teens face…self-esteem issues, sexual pressure, popularity pressure/status, etc.  I talked about a great deal of issues but there was always someone limiting me.  There was always someone telling me that I could not talk about this or talk about that.  My mouth was sewn shut on so many occasions because I needed to make sure I was being politically correct at all times.  Meanwhile these young girls and boys are learning only half (if not less) about what the world is really like.  By stating that certain things are right and certain things are wrong…we limit ourselves….we limit the future generations.  I was not allowed to discuss contraception with students because the county in which I resided supported abstinence only education.  The county spoke for me….I had no choice.  I believe kids these days need to learn about contraception because teen pregnancy is becoming an epidemic and that is terrifying.  I believe it should (hands down) be taught at home first…but realistically we know that does not happen so I believe someone needs to give them the information in order for them to make a well-informed decision.  We think we are protecting them when in truth (in my opinion) we are doing more harm than good).

This blog is titled In My Opinion because I KNOW that people will not always agree with me and there is absolutely nothing conclusive about my answers.  I may go on rants but I will NEVER tell people they are wrong.  What power or proof do I have to tell people they are wrong?  In the same though…I cannot tell them they are right either.  I came into this world as one person and I will leave this life as one person.  I may have similarities to others but I will never ever know if what we experience is exactly the same so I feel that the concepts of right and wrong are almost impossible to measure.  Every person on this earth has a different experience and different thoughts and feelings for their own reasons.  Again, call me a dreamer if you wish but it is how I feel and I can no longer abandon how I feel.  I want to live through what I feel as opposed to allowing my ego control me.  Once I do that I know I have given up all of my power.

As usual, you know I want to know your opinions and thoughts.  I have included below a video that Ellen Degeneres had posted on her Facebook page (as many of you know I loooove Ellen).  I, personally, am not a big fan of Obama.  I just have this gut questioning gut feeling about him…BUT I love everything about what he has done for the LGBT community (even if it is just for votes).  I believe ALL people should be free and the idea of separate but equal is absolutely ridiculous.  Thank you again for taking the time to ready my long-winded thoughts. :0)

Day 129 Question 129

Day 129 Question 129:

Does the American Dream still exist? What does it consist of?

There was a day awhile back that I started thinking about the American Dream.  I think I heard the expression used in passing and being the philosopher that I am, I started wondering whether there is the possibility of there really being an American Dream.  Because of love to go into full blown nerd mode I of course started researching what the American Dream is known to be.  I found various definitions but it was this that seemed to mesh them all into one and have the closest similarities in them all:

The term “American Dream” is used in a number of ways, but essentially the American Dream is an idea which suggests that all people can succeed through hard work, and that all people have the potential to live happy, successful lives. Many people have expanded upon or refined the definition of the American Dream, and this concept has also been subject to a fair amount of criticism. Many people believe that the structure of American society belies the idealistic goal of the American Dream, pointing to examples of inequality rooted in class, race, and ethnic origin which suggest that the American Dream is not attainable for all.

Like so many other things I believe that the American Dream is something that must be defined individually and not for the whole.  I believe in life we all strive for success but we all define success so differently.  For me success does not equal money.  Success is having dreams and working hard to try to achieve them.  Success is having way more happy days than sad or miserable ones.  When we think about the American Dream we can put a very generic definition on it that a lot of people would automatically think of: growing up, going to college, obtaining a good job, getting married, having 2.5 children, and living in a house with a white picket fence with a tire swing in the front yard….ok maybe I exaggerated a little bit there ;0)  The American Dream has been thought of for so many years as living this perfect life when in truth perfection is something that cannot exist for everyone as a whole because people see perfection so differently.  If people desire to have all of those things that I mentioned above and they are able to achieve them then in my opinion they have achieved THEIR American Dream.  I, on the other hand, do not desire those things.  I dream of being a strong part of a women’s right organization and making a big dent in the world to try to make a difference in women’s lives.  I desire to have my voice heard and my words printed on paper, binded in a book cover and sitting on shelves for people to read.  My American Dream is to create art in various forms, to meet as many people as I possibly can and to continually face my fears….my American Dream is to prove to myself that I can do ANYTHING I truly want….no matter how hard it may seem.

What I have noticed (again just in my experience) is that the United States has become a very money/material driven country.  It could be very easy for someone to equate success with money which in turn could allow them to believe that they are living the America Dream.  I, personally, do not believe that money and material items will ever equate to living a dream because they are things that can be taken from you in the blink of an eye.  They are things that bring you momentary happiness…I would find it hard to believe anyone experiences lifelong happiness brought on strictly by material items…..remember, this is STRICTLY my opinion.

I found an interesting article that I wanted to share that I felt summarized any points.  I will not say whether I agree with any or all of it.  I just wanted to share.  My American Dream is for everyone to experience more happiness than sadness and more love than pain in the years that they have on this earth.  It is cheesy and just that simple.

What is the American Dream to you?

What is the American Dream?: Dueling dualities in the American tradition

By Gus Speth

Throughout our history, there have been alternative, competing visions of the “good life” in America. The story of how these competing visions played out in our history is prologue to an important question: What is the American Dream and what is its future?

The issue came up in the early Republic, offspring of the ambiguity in Jefferson’s declaration that we have an unalienable right to “the pursuit of happiness.” Darrin McMahon in his admirable book, Happiness: A History, will be our guide here. McMahon locates the origins of the “right to happiness” in the Enlightenment. “Does not everyone have a right to happiness?’ asked …  the entry on that subject in the French encyclopedia edited by Denis Diderot. Judged by the standards of the preceding millennium and a half, the question was extraordinary: a right to happiness? And yet it was posed rhetorically, in full confidence of the nodding assent of enlightened minds.” It was in 1776, the year of the Declaration of Independence, that Jeremy Bentham would write his famous principle of utility: “It is the greatest happiness of the greatest number that is the measure of right and wrong.”

Thus, when Thomas Jefferson drafted the Declaration in June of that memorable year, the words “the pursuit of happiness” came naturally to him, and the language sailed through the debates of June and July without dissent. McMahon believes this lack of controversy stemmed in part from the fact that the “pursuit of happiness” phrase brought together ambiguously two very different notions: the idea from John Locke and Jeremy Bentham that happiness was the pursuit of personal pleasure and the older Stoic idea that happiness derived from active devotion to the public good and from civic virtue, which have little to do with personal pleasure.

“The ‘pursuit of happiness,’” McMahon writes, “was launched in different, and potentially conflicting, directions from the start, with private pleasure and public welfare coexisting in the same phrase. For Jefferson, so quintessentially in this respect a man of the Enlightenment, the coexistence was not a problem.” But Jefferson’s formula almost immediately lost its double meaning in practice, McMahon notes, and the right of citizens to pursue their personal interests and joy won out. This victory was confirmed by waves of
immigrants to America’s shores, for whom America was truly the land of opportunity. “To pursue happiness in such a land was quite rightly to pursue prosperity, to pursue pleasure, to pursue wealth.”

It is in this jettisoning of the civic virtue concept of happiness in favor of the self-gratification side that McMahon finds the link between the pursuit of happiness and the rise of American capitalism in the nineteenth and twentieth centuries. Happiness, he writes, “continued to entice with attractive force, providing a justification for work and sacrifice, a basis for meaning and hope that only loomed larger on the horizon of Western democracies.” “If economic growth was now a secular religion,” McMahon observes, “the pursuit of happiness remained its central creed, with greater opportunities than ever before to pursue pleasure in comfort and things.” Max Weber saw this transformation first hand. “Material goods,” he observed in The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism, “have gained an increasing and finally an inexorable power over the lives of men as at no previous period in history.”

The story of the pursuit of happiness in America is thus a story of its close alliance with capitalism and consumerism. But in recent years, many researchers have begun to see this relationship as one of misplaced allegiance. Has the pursuit of happiness through growth in material abundance and possessions actually brought Americans happiness? That is a question more for science than for philosophy, and the good news is that social scientists have in fact recently turned abundantly to the subject. A new field, positive psychology, the study of happiness and subjective well-being, has been invented, and there is now even a professional Journal of Happiness Studies.

Imagine, if you will, two very different alternatives for affluent societies. In one, economic growth, prosperity and affluence bring steadily increasing human happiness, well-being and satisfaction. In a second, prosperity and happiness are not correlated, and, indeed, prosperity, beyond a certain point, is associated with the growth of important social pathologies. Which scenario provides a closer fit to reality?

What the social scientists in this new field are telling us is of fundamental importance. Two of the leaders in the field, Ed Diener and Martin Seligman, carried out a review of the now-voluminous literature on well-being in their 2004 article, “Beyond Money: Toward an Economy of Well-Being.” In what follows, I will draw upon this article and other research.

The overall concept that is gaining acceptance among researchers is “subjective well being,” i.e., a person’s own opinion of his or her well being. Subjects in surveys are frequently asked, on a scale of one to 10, how satisfied are you with your life? Most well-being surveys today ask individuals how happy or satisfied they are with their lives in general, how satisfied they are in particular contexts (e.g., work, marriage), or how much they trust others, and so on.

A good place to begin is with the studies that compare levels of happiness and life satisfaction among nations at different stages of economic development. They find that the citizens of wealthier countries do report higher levels of life satisfaction, although the correlation is rather poor and is even poorer when factors such as quality of government are statistically controlled. Moreover, this positive relationship between national well-being and national per capita income virtually disappears when one looks only at countries with GDP per capita over $10,000 per year. In short, once a country achieves a moderate level of income, further growth does not significantly improve perceived well-being.

Diener and Seligman report that peoples with the highest well-being are not those in the richest countries but those who live where political institutions are effective and human rights protected, where corruption is low, and mutual trust high.

Even more challenging to the idea that well-being increases with higher incomes is extensive time series data showing that throughout almost the entire post-World War II period, as incomes skyrocketed in the United States and other advanced economies, reported life satisfaction and happiness levels stagnated or even declined slightly.

But that is not all. Diener and Seligman note that, “Even more disparity [between income and well-being] shows up when ill-being measures are considered. For instance, depression rates have increased 10-fold over the same 50-year period, and rates of anxiety are also rising … [T]he average American child in the 1980s reported greater anxiety than the average child receiving psychiatric treatment in the 1950s. There is [also] a decreasing level of social connectedness in society, as evidenced by declining levels of trust in other people and in governmental institutions.” Numerous studies also stress that nothing is more devastating to well-being than losing one’s job and unemployment.

Instead of income, Diener and Seligman stress the importance of personal relationships to happiness: “The quality of people’s social relationships is crucial to their well-being. People need supportive, positive relationships and social belonging to sustain well-being … [T]he need to belong, to have close and long-term social relationships, is a fundamental human need … People need social bonds in committed relationships, not simply interactions with strangers, to experience well-being.”

In short, what the social scientists are telling us is that as of today, in Ed Diener’s words, “materialism is toxic for happiness.” Whether t

he pursuit of happiness through evermore possessions succeeded earlier in our history, it no longer does.

Norton Garfinkle traces another dueling duality in the American tradition, one reflected in the title of his helpful book, The American Dream vs. the Gospel of Wealth. Although the phrase “the American Dream” entered the language thanks to James Truslow Adams and his 1931 book, The Epic of America, Garfinkle argues that the force of the concept, if not the phrase, derives from President Lincoln.  ”More than any other president,” Garfinkle believes, “Lincoln is the father of the American Dream that all Americans should have the opportunity through hard work to build a comfortable middle class life. For Lincoln, liberty meant above all the right of individuals to the fruits of their own labor, seen as a path to prosperity. ‘To [secure] to each laborer the whole product of his labor, or as nearly as possible,’ he wrote, ‘is a most worthy object of any good government.’”

“The universal promise of opportunity,” Garfinkle writes, “was for Lincoln the philosophical core of America: it was the essence of the American system. ‘Without the Constitution and the Union,’ he wrote, ‘we could not have attained … our great prosperity.’ But the Constitution and the Union were not the ‘primary cause’ of America, Lincoln believed. ‘There is something,’ he continued, ‘back of these, entwining itself more closely about the human heart … This is the just and generous and prosperous system which opens the way to all, gives hope to all, and consequent energy and progress and improvement of condition to all.’ This was, for Lincoln, the American Dream, the raison d’être of America, and the unique contribution of America to world history.”

Although Garfinkle does not bring it out, I believe James Truslow Adams’ vision of the American Dream is at least as compelling as that of Lincoln. Adams used the phrase, “the American dream,” to refer, not to getting rich or even especially to a secure, middle class lifestyle, though that was part of it, but primarily to something finer and more important: “It is not a dream of motor cars and high wages merely, but a dream of a social order in which each man and each woman shall be able to attain to the fullest stature of which they are innately capable, and be recognized by others for what they are, regardless of the fortuitous circumstances of birth or position.” That American Dream is well worth carrying with us into the future.

The competing vision, the Gospel of Wealth, found its origins in the Gilded Age. In his 1889 book, The Gospel of Wealth, Andrew Carnegie espoused a widely held philosophy that drew on Social Darwinism and, though less crudely expressed, has many adherents today. To Carnegie, the depressed conditions of late 19th century American workers and the limited opportunities they faced were prices to be paid for the abundance economic progress made possible. Carnegie was brutally honest in his views: “The price which society pays for the law of competition, like the price it pays for cheap comforts and luxuries, is also great; but the advantages of this law are also greater still than its cost — for it is to this law that we owe our wonderful material development, which brings improved conditions in its train. But, whether the law be benign or not, … it is here, we cannot evade it; no substitutes for it have been found; and while the law may be sometimes hard for the individual, it is best for the race, because it insures the survival of the fittest in every department. We accept and welcome, therefore, as conditions to which we must accommodate ourselves, great inequality of environment; the concentration of business, industrial and commercial, in the hands of a few; and the law of competition between these, as being not only beneficial, but essential to the future progress of the race. Having accepted these, it follows that there must be great scope for the exercise of special ability in the merchant and in the manufacturer who has to conduct affairs upon a great scale. That this talent for organization and management is rare among men is proved by the fact that it invariably secures enormous rewards for its possessor.”

Garfinkle recounts the many ways Carnegie’s Gospel stood Lincoln’s vision on its head: “Whereas in Lincoln’s America, the underlying principle of economic life was widely shared equality of opportunity, based on the ideals set forth in the Declaration of Independence, in Carnegie’s America the watchword was inequality and the concentration of wealth and resource in the hands of the few. Whereas in Lincoln’s America, government was to take an active role in clearing the path for ordinary people to get ahead, in Carnegie’s America, the government was to step aside and let the laws of economics run their course. Whereas in Lincoln’s America, the laborer had a right to the fruits of his labor, in Carnegie’s America the fruits went disproportionately to the business owner and investor as the fittest. Whereas in Lincoln’s America, the desire was to help all Americans fulfill the dream of the self-made man, in Carnegie’s America, it was the rare exception, the man of unusual talent that was to be supported.”

Since the Reagan Revolution, of course, the Gospel of Wealth has returned with a vengeance. Income and wealth have been reconcentrated in the hands of the few at levels not seen since 1928, American wages have flatlined for several decades, the once-proud American middle class is fading fast, and government action to improve the prospects of average Americans is widely disparaged. Indeed, government has pursued policies leading to the dramatic decline in both union membership and good American jobs. In a sample of its 20 peer OECD countries, the United States today has the lowest social mobility, the greatest income inequality, and the most poverty.

A third historical duality in envisioning America is that between an American lifestyle that revolves around consumption and one that embraces plain and simple living. In her important book, The Consumers’ Republic, Lizabeth Cohen traces the rise of mass consumption in America to policies adopted after World War II: “Americans after World War II saw their nation as the model for the world of a society committed to mass consumption and what were assumed to be its far-reaching benefits. Mass consumption did not only deliver wonderful things for purchase — the televisions, air conditioners, and computers that have transformed American life over the last half century. It also dictated the most central dimensions of postwar society, including the political economy (the way public policy and the mass consumption economy mutually reinforced each other), as well as the political culture (how political practice and American values, attitudes, and behaviors tied to mass consumption became intertwined).”

However, Cohen also documents that, whatever its blessings, American consumerism has had profound and unintended consequences on broader issues of social justice and democracy. She notes that “the Consumers’ Republic did not unfold quite as policymakers intended … the Consumers’ Republic’s dependence on unregulated private markets wove inequalities deep into the fabric of prosperity, thereby allowing, intentionally or not, the search for profits and the exigencies of the market to prevail over higher goals. Often the outcome dramatically diverged from the stated objective to use mass markets to create a more egalitarian and democratic American society … [T]he deeply entrenched convictions prevailing in the Consumers’ Republic that a dynamic, private, mass consumption marketplace could float all boats and that a growing economy made reslicing the economic pie unnecessary predisposed Americans against more redistributive actions …

“Most ironic perhaps, the confidence that a prospering mass consumption economy could foster democracy would over time contribute to a decline in t

he most traditional, and one could argue most critical, form of political participation — voting — as more commercialized political salesmanship replaced rank-and-file mobilization through parties.”

The creation of the Consumers’ Republic represented the triumph of one vision of American life and purpose. But there has been a competing vision, what historian David Shi calls the tradition of “plain living and high thinking,” a tradition that began with the Puritans and the Quakers. In his book, The Simple Life, Shi sees in American history a “perpetual tension … between the ideal of enlightened self-restraint and the allure of unfettered prosperity. From colonial days, the mythic image of America as a spiritual commonwealth and a republic of virtue has survived alongside the more tantalizing view of the nation as an engine of economic opportunities, a festival of unfettered individualism, and a cornucopia of consumer delights.”

“The concept [of the simple life] arrived with the first settlers, and it has remained an enduring — and elusive — ideal … Its primary attributes include a hostility toward luxury and a suspicion of riches, a reverence for nature and a preference for rural over urban ways of life and work, a desire for personal self-reliance through frugality and diligence, a nostalgia for the past, a commitment to conscientious rather than conspicuous consumption, a privileging of contemplation and creativity, an aesthetic preference for the plain and functional, and a sense of both religious and ecological responsibility for the just uses of the world’s resources.”

In the end, these three dueling dualities in the American tradition — competing over the meaning of happiness, the path to prosperity, the centrality of consumerism — tell much the same story: the vision of an America where the pursuit of happiness is sought in the growth of civic virtue and in devotion to the public good, where the American dream is steadily realized as the average American achieves his or her human potential and the benefits of economic activity are widely shared, and where the virtues of simple living, self-reliance and reverence for nature predominate, that vision has not prevailed and has instead been overpowered by the rise of commercialism, consumerism, and a particularly ruthless variety of winner-take-all capitalism.

These American traditions may not have prevailed to date, but they are not dead. They await us, and indeed they are today being awakened across this great land. New ways of living and working, sharing and caring are emerging across America. They beckon us with a new American Dream, one rebuilt from the best of the old, drawing on the best of who we were and are and can be.

There is an America beyond despair, and it is fueling these developments. Ask a parent, ask yourself, what America would you like for your grandchildren and their children, and the odds are good that in the reply, the outpouring of hope, a new America unfolds.

Day 128 Question 128

Day 128 Question 128:

What do you admit to being ignorant about?

For a long time I was unsure whether or not the phrase “Ignorance is Bliss” was really true.  I wasn’t sure if I believed it or whether the words were just complete fluff.  How can ignorance possibly be bliss.  It finally dawned on me one day…like being struck in the head with an anvil…that ignorance absolutely is bliss.  How many ignorant people have you encountered in your life that will admit that they are ignorant….that can admit that they are ignorant and are happy about being ignorant.  I am sure very few are.  Therefore they are living in a state of bliss unaware of their ignorance…happy with their way of thinking and their actions in life.  Ignorance is a wide open concept though….it is almost one of those things that can only be defined by each individual person.  I, personally, see ignorance as people that openly hurt people and having no remorse or people that choose to stop learning…especially this day and age.  Ignorance is choosing to close yourself into a box and not let in any other points of views and opinions other than your own.  We sometimes choose to be ignorant to avoid pain and heartache though…which can be understandable.  Many people choose not to watch the news because they are tired of hearing about all of the awful things in the world…violence, murders, war, etc….this could be considered happily ignorant.  People choose not to see the bad…and I can understand that.  Either way you look at it, yes ignorance is bliss.

Have I ever been ignorant?  Of course I have.  Everyone has at some time in their life.  It is one of those things though that you tend not to see until afterwards….hindsight is 20/20 right????  I believe we learn very early on as children the concept of manipulation.  Some people become masters of manipulation well into their adult years.  Manipulation and ignorance go hand in hand if you were to ask me.  Trust me, I am not pointing fingers just outward….I have pointed my fingers right in my own direction.  I have manipulated several times throughout my life and that is nothing to be proud of but I am an honest woman and I promised you I would spill all of my beans in this blog.  I have been ignorant far too many times than I would like to admit.  I have treated people poorly that I know didn’t deserve it.  I have knowingly taken advantage of people and there is nothing right about that.  I have known what the right thing to do was and still chose a different direction.  Yes I have been ignorant.  I would like to think that I have come leaps and bounds and have made a lot more wise and beneficial decisions in these past couple of years….hell in these last few months.  I believe I am not quite so ignorant nowadays….at least I don’t think so….maybe that is why I feel so blissful (wink wink).

I started this entry with something in particular in mind.  I chose this topic because today I realized I have been ignorant about something.  For school we are working through a chapter in my case studies book that focuses on counseling individuals with disabilities/special needs.  I have no problem in the world with people that have disabilities/special needs….it is not their fault for whatever “problems” they may have.  My ignorance came from being able to see them as (for lack of a better word) complete people.  In a heartbeat I would speak to someone or have a conversation/spend time with someone that was disabled or had special needs but in the back of my mind and in my heart I would have a sense of sorrow.  I would feel that it was unfair that this person does not have a “normal” life.  This is an ignorant way of thinking because these people might LOVE life.  They may not even see their disability and they may live in a manner that exceeds my expectations.  I hang my head in saying that in many cases I would look at these people with pity because it seemed to me that they were dealt and unfair hand.  I do realize that some people’s handicaps and disabilities are worse than others but I am uneducated when it comes to knowing what people experience when they have certain disabilities and handicaps.  I instead chose to believe that they must be unhappy and always feel at a disadvantage.  I detest when people have a victim mentality and here I have been for so long making these people victims when they are not even making themselves victims.

Today, just by reading a short chapter in my school book, I had a bright light shining right in my face.  I was so ignorant when it came to knowing anything about individuals with disabilities/handicaps.  Before I would have written the words disabled individuals but by reading what I did, I realized that when you describe someone in that manner it is as if you are giving them a title that is the main thing about them…they are only there disability/handicap.  There could not be anything farther from the truth.  I should know better and today I got a wake up call….which I am thankful for.  There is a young girl that goes to my gym (I would guess her to be 18 or 19) that is wheelchair bound (I believe she has cerebral palsy).  This girl rocks out at the gym at least 4 days a week and to watch her get around is awesome…pulling herself on and off of pieces of equipment.  She has this great energy and this great rapport with the staff and members at the gym.  This girl is so much more than her handicap.  She just happens to have something different than most people…and I am sure she does not want it talked about in every conversation she has…I mean would you want someone to constantly be bringing up your “faults” all of the time???  I have had body image issues for years upon years…it is the last thing I want to talk about.  It is all the same and it was this school unit that needed to give me that big realization slap in the face.

I believe ignorance is inevitable.  It is one of those things that I hope people eventually come to grips with and change when necessary.  Ignorance may be blissful to the individual but it can be really damaging to the majority.  I may be completely off base when it comes to really understanding what ignorance…but honestly I don’t really understand the definitions of many things.  There are too many things that cannot be defined to a population….they must be defined individually.  I believe ignorance is one of those things.  My question to my readers (because I want to know and to learn from you) is: what is ignorance in your eyes?  Are you ignorant or have you been throughout your life?  Have you changed due to these ignorances?

I wanted to take this opportunity (which I try to as often as possible) to say thank you again to my readers.  I am unsure if many of you are aware but you have been my mentors and my teachers since I have begun on this journey.  You have given me strength and given me drive to push myself farther than I ever thought possible.  You have opened up your hearts and your “virtual homes” to teach me about a world outside of just my own….you have taught me a lot about this big beautiful world.  I cannot thank you enough.

Day 127 Question 127

Day 127 Question 127:

What is something(s) that many people don’t know about you?

I hope that one day someone can say I am the best thing that ever happened to them.  I just watched this movie called A Little Bit of Heaven starring Kate Hudson.  This girl right here was a big ball baby….I am talking about huge crocodile tears and a super attractive oozing nose.  It really was an amazing movie and it was one that hit home a lot.  I love those moves that make you feel so much…not just think but actually feel.

The premise of this movie is a young woman (Kate Hudson) is diagnosed with colon cancer (stage 4) and we watch her journey through her illness and there is this beautiful dialogue of all of the relationships she has with people in her life.  I, of course, started to think about my life and all of the people in it.  I am very blessed for the people I have in my life and there are some that are so special and I hope to hold onto until my last dying breath.  I do wish that my family was bigger and closer like other people’s families so I could have more people to know and more people to love.  That is just one of those things that happens in life…my country is spread around the country and many of us do not know each other.

In the movie, Kate Hudson’s character falls in love while she is dying.  She says to the man that he is the best thing that has ever happened to her.  I couldn’t help but think that if the day were to come where someone were to come into my life that they would feel the same about me.  I did feel a twinge of sadness and loneliness because when it comes to men and dating and relationships and the whole nine…it just seems to be the same thing repeated over and over again.  I keep meeting the same guy that puts in no effort or has nothing interesting to say.  I meet the guy that never makes me feel like I am enough.  In this aspect of my life I gave up.  I put forth my efforts into different areas of life because I started to feel like maybe this was an area that really wasn’t supposed to be significant in my life.  Don’t get me wrong…I love my life.  I love how driven I am.  I love my family and I love my friends.  I love that I push myself to the limit in so many ways.  I love that I have dreams and goals and I try to achieve them as opposed to just talk to them.  I love that I never want to stop learning.  I love that I care about people so deeply and want their lives to be happy because in turn that makes me happy.  I love that by writing those words that tears swelled up in my eyes because I knew I meant what I wrote.  I do sometimes slip into fairytale mode and wish someone would see beyond the mask that I sometimes hide behind.  I am guarded only in this area and I wish someone would take the time to chip away the layers and see the beautiful woman that lives behind this mask.  Maybe I want to much and maybe I overthink it but is it wrong to want someone that aches to hear your next word?  Is it wrong to want someone that I could talk to nonstop for hours and hours and hours?  Is it wrong to want to feel like someone’s everything (in a matter of speaking of course)?  I have never felt these things and I have ran far away from people because my instincts have told me that they would never be able to provide these things to me.  I don’t want to compromise what my heart truly wants.  So, even though I have these moments every once in a great while when I wish I had that person to share my life with, I would rather be alone than spend it with someone that I never felt like I could be my complete and true self with.

I wasn’t sure what direction I was going to go when I started typing.  I guess it’s just one of those things when the thoughts came rushing in and they just came right off of the tips of my fingers.  In this movie the relationships that this young girl has with people are so meaningful and you are able to learn about how different they all are but how they are all so very important.  Those are the best relationships in the world.  While watching the movie and seeing the scenes between her and her mother (Kate Hudson and Kathy Bates) I, of course thought about the relationship I have with my mom and how that relationship is probably my favorite out of all.  We can drive each other crazy but we love each other more than anything in the world and my mother is the person that makes me feel alive…she has always let me know that everything is going to be ok no matter what.  I took her and my dad out for dinner about 2 weeks ago to celebrate my dad’s birthday and Mother’s Day.  While we sat at the table my mother was talking about all of her friends that she sees at cards or has over to the house and I asked her who her best friend was and without expecting it at all she said, “You!”  We both laughed a lot but in my heart I knew she meant it.  I have a sister that is also very close to both of us and my mother would take a bullet for her in a minute if needed…I just think my mom protects me because it is just me.  I think a part of her feels that need to protect me because I don’t have a husband or a family and she doesn’t want me to feel pain all by myself.  She wants to be that person there for me because she knows I don’t have anyone else to fall back on.  She definitely doesn’t choose me over my sister…she just knows the deep emotion that I experience and she knows that it isn’t always easy to experience that all alone.  My mom has saved my life…she will continue to save my life until the end of time.  When we left the restaurant that night I put my arm around her (which is always cute because I am 5’8 and she is 4’11) and we walked through the parking lot just joking around and being silly.  There will be times that I do that but my mom will pull away a little bit because I think sometimes she thinks that affection like that makes me feel uncomfortable.  I am not always able to say what I want to my mom but she knows that I love her so very much and even through all of the struggles and all of the chaos that I brought into her life at different times that I am beyond thankful for everything she has ever done for me, ever taught me and ever given to me (not material-wise).  I may sometimes struggle with saying I am sorry or admitting I am wrong but she knows when I am…she doesn’t need the words.  Our relationship goes so far beyond the words we could speak.

I am not sure how I come off to many people.  Sometimes on the surface I think I portray this tough exterior and I use humor a lot to bring other people happiness but inside I really am a softie.  My heart and my soul is filled with so much love and romance and the aching to give my thoughts and my opinions to other people.  I have made many mistakes throughout my life that I cannot take back but in my heart I do apologize to the people that I have hurt…I have learned a lot about myself through carelessly hurting others.  I am glad that I have been able to learn from my mistakes and try to work on myself more and more all of the time as opposed to allowing the person I used to be to keep controlling my life.  I don’t even know the person I was anymore…it feels like she is far far away.  She is almost like a figment of my imagination.  I know she existed but it almost feels like she was a completely different person…there is no way that person was me.  This person right here, right now is me.  I don’t hate the person I was because without her I would not be where I am today…I would not be able to face my fears and find out how strong I really am.

Life is this journey that is constantly sending us on various paths of self-discovery.  This movie that I watched stirred all kinds of emotions in me (being hormonal may have played a part too ;0).  I knew I had to get my thoughts onto paper (virtual paper that is)…for no reason in particular…just to know that one day I can revisit them and see the person I once was and hopefully love how far I have come from even now.