Day 79 Question 79:

Why are you single?

Oh how I love this question…NOT REALLY!  I figured I would address this question because it has been asked of me more times than I can count.  No, I am not tooting my own horn by saying that.  I am a 33 year old fairly attractive woman so people feel the need to ask.  The other day my roommate and I were lounging around after the gym and he (he is 34 btw) was telling me about a girl he met and she is 36 years old, never been married with no kids.  He followed it up by pondering what could be wrong with her because of those facts.  I looked at him and said, “You do realize that people say the same thing about us right?”  He looked at me and just busted into laughter.  Apparently if you haven’t taken the plunge of marriage and children by a specific age then you are looked upon as a diseased creature….I mean something MUST be wrong with you.

I am single because it is my choice to be single.  Sure I would love a companion in my life but another person is never going to define me.  Having a boyfriend/being in a relationship is not going to define me.  Being married is not going to define me.  These things are not the end all be all of my existence.  Maybe I am single because I am stubborn and hard-headed ;0).  I spent many years of my life wallowing in my own self-pity.  I was too fat.  My teeth aren’t perfect.  I am not feminine enough.  I am not smart enough.  BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!  I don’t know when the turning point was but I finally got a big slap in the face and realized that my woes were just superficial.  If I was unable to see how amazing I am then how in the hell would anyone else see it.  I would be an asset to anyone’s life.  There are no if’s, and’s or but’s about it.  When I feel moments of self-doubt and self-pity I just turn on youtube videos about young girls being sold into sex slavery or women that have been disfigured by having acid thrown on their faces and I get over it pretty quickly.

I am single because I don’t want to settle.  People can tell me that I am picky all day long and my answer to that is, “why shouldn’t I be?”  If I want to potentially spend the rest of my life with someone (being married or not) shouldn’t I know for sure it is the right person.  I want someone that challenges me and someone I absolutely love to talk to….someone that makes me feel 100% comfortable.  I think when I am around men sometimes I am awkward.  I just don’t know how to be or how to act.  I don’t want to be phony and I don’t think I am but when you start having a conversation with someone and their eyes gaze in another direction and they blantantly act uninterested then I make no more effort.  I do not want to be the one on the dates that holds all of the conversations afloat.  I think when it is right with someone the conversation just comes naturally and very easily.  I have been on dates where it has taken both parties a little bit of time to warm up and the conversation started flowing easily but I have also been on dates where I would rather drive nails into my eyeballs then stay around the other person.  After 15+ years of dating it does not take long to figure out when you have met you UN-SOULMATE!

I could boast about myself and say that I am single because men are intimidated by my education or passion but I do not believe that to be the case.  Yes, I believe I can be intimidating to some people but just the same…some people can intimidate the hell out of me.  We are living in a time where dating and romance are drastically different than 40 years ago.  I think when it comes down to it I am an old soul that wants the story book romance and if that doesn’t happen then I want to still love life every single day.  I can experience different journeys all alone and love them or I can love them in the company of someone that I share my life with.  Either way I am going to choose to love life.  Love is something I cherish and I define it in a way that it should never be taken for granted to taken lightly.

I guess if anyone wants to know why I am single they can hunt up my exes and those that I have dated in the past and ask them all of the reasons I wasn’t “The One”.  While working at the restaurant last week I got to serve a table of golfers.  Of course they were all cutting up with me and hitting on me (yep, they were all married) and one of them said, “You are a cute girl with a good head on your shoulders, why are you single?”  My response was, “I don’t know but I feel sorry for all of the guys not dating me.”